THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE, PG-13 ( 2 hr & 4 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when: Friday, July 2nd, 2010
show: 2:00 p.m.
costs: $7.50 Ticket + $4.50 medium Diet/Zero ( w/ Barq's & Cherry flavors ) Coke + $1.00 2.25 oz. Emerald Trail Mix ( bought at CVS Drugstore & smuggled-in ) = $1.00 1.2 oz. Jack Link's All American Beef & Cheese ( bought at CVS Drugstore & smuggled-in ) = $14.00
auditorium: 2
seat: 2nd row, 8ht column

2nd time:

where: EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 & I-MAX in Fairfield, CA
when: Tuesday, July 6th, 2010 ( Tuesday is "$1.00 for-a-small-popcorn day" with a movie-watcher card )
show: 10:00 a.m.
costs: $17.50 I-Max ticket + $1.00 small Popcorn + $0.00 small Zero Coke ( free coupon reward on my movie-watcher card ) + $7.99 lunch at Fresh Choice Restaurant ( CSAA discount ) ( + $1.00 Tip ) = $27.49
auditorium: 12, with the I-Max screen
seat: 6th row, 11th column

synopsis: Bella Swan ( Kristen Stewart ) is torn between her love for Edward Cullen ( Robert Pattinson ) and her very close friendship with Jacob Black ( Taylor Lautner ). But that is probably the least of her worries as an old foe, Victoria ( Bryce Dallas Howard ), has returned with her "newborn" army of the undead to exact vengeance on her and the Cullens.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) First victim; 2.) Marriage proposal; 3.) 4 o'clock on the dot; 4.) Bella's truck; 5.) School cafeteria; 6.) Tracking situations in Seattle; 7.) Two airline tickets; 8.) Quilt; 9.) Chase; 10.) Jacob; 11.) New pack member; 12.) Imprinting; 13.) Intruder; 14.) Protection detail; 15.) "I'm Switzerland"; 16.) Changing of the guard; 17.) Jacob waiting for Bella; 18.) Council meeting; 19.) Tribe's history; 20.) "Newborns"; 21.) Flesh, blood and warmth; 22.) Bad ass; 23.) Vampire bride; 24.) Feeding frenzy; 25.) Graduation; 26.) Party; 27.) Uneasy alliance; 28.) Training; 29.) Emmett's ( Kellan Lutz ) story; 30.) Victoria; 31.) Alibi; 32.) Father/daughter talk; 33.) Negotiate conditions; 34.) Mother's ring; 35.) Plan for the Cullen clan; 36.) Scent trail; 37.) "Submarine" newborns; 38.) "Hotter than you"; 39.) "Stay!"; 40.) The fight; 41.) Victoria and Riley ( Xavier Samuel ); 42.) Bella's blood; 43.) The Volturis; and 44.) Bullet-proof.

audience reaction: The audience ( I mean, the chicks ) gave this "Chick Flick" an "Hands Clapper" ending at the Century cinema. But the audience at the Edwards cinema, rather few in number, was more restrained and didn't give it an "Hands Clapper" ending.

recommendation: If you're a "Chick Flick" fan, this movie is definitely for you. I think that my eardrums got pierced from all that squealing going on around me during certain scenes of the movie at the Century cinema. I would go so far as to say that this is better than the first two installments--but not by much, as I'm about to explain.

spoiler alert! When Victoria threw Riley against the wall, that might have been enough to kill him instantly through blunt-force trauma. ( I want the medical consultant's job! ) When Edward sensed the scent of the intruder and hurried up to Bella's bedroom, it should have been cause for concern on the part of Bella's father, Charlie ( Billy Burke ), but he didn't go sticking his nose in to find out what was going on. In his confrontation with Edward, Jacob said, "I could care less what you need." Wrong! What he should have said was, "I couldn't care less ...." "I couldn't care less" is the proper term and it is the same way as saying, "I don't give a damn!" Or, in other words, it is at the rock-bottom of one's "Care Less" list and has last priority/importance. But, "I could care less" means that Jacob hadn't reached rock-bottom yet. ( I want the script-writer's job--or script-girl's [ boy, in my case ] job!) In the feeding frenzy scene, with the Volturis looking down at, the same exact scene was shown twice! ( I want the scene editor's job! ) Instead of getting "googly-eyed" and being a "cuddly-pooh", Jacob should have spent more time paying attention to the sparring matches to spare his ribs from unwanted breaks. Why did Bella stop at "Stay!"? I would have added, "Sit!" "Behave!" and "Good Dog." Why didn't Victoria smell the werewolf's scent? The werewolf got Riley by his left upper arm and shoulder but his left hand got bitten-off, instead! Why didn't Riley finish-off the werewolf? Edward couldn't have pushed down the pine tree at all, even with his super-human strength. Why? In Physics, I learned about Force and Leverage involving the use of a Lever and Fulcrum. You cannot move a lever ( the pine tree's trunk, in this example ) if you're too close to the fulcrum ( the roots, in this example ). It would have made more sense had he jumped up and hit the tree to knock Victoria down. But, since they made it so that the tree fell over, then Edward should have lost his balance and fallen down along with the tree when the roots snapped and lost their anchorage. I didn't hear any loud snapping sound, and I didn't see any exposed root at all! ( I want the sound editor's job and the camera man's job! ) In the "Oldies" versus the "Newbies" fight, I didn't notice anything special about the newborns; in fact, none of them had a chance against the Cullens. ( I want the fight choreographer's job! ) If you're gonna build a " newborn" army and stack the odds on your side, "recruit" street thugs, gang members, bikers, football players, basketball players, and soldiers on shore leave, etc. Don't pick hoboes, preppies, delicate females and "runts of the litter". ( I want the book writer's job! ) Don't tell me that the Volturis can't pick-up the scent of the werewolves! ( I want the director's job! ) In the Ending Credits, there is a typo: Assistant Location Manger: Jason Jollier. ( I want the proof reader's job, too! )

One last thought: Why do vampires choose to have a mate for eternal life? After all, they cannot procreate--if you haven't noticed it yet, the newborns in this movie are not exactly milk-sucking vampires. I say, forget mating for life and just have an all-out orgy, instead!

fyi: I got the hots for Alice Cullen ( Ashley Greene ) and Victoria ( Bryce Dallas Howard ). Either one is better-looking than Bella ( Kristen Stewart ). ( And no pimples on either one--Yes! )

I had my left arm in a sling once due to a motor scooter accident. And I can tell you this: Having an arm in a sling is the best way to get your armpit super-stinky! Ha, ha, ha.

This movie is less about "Teen Angst" and more about "Teen Acne"! If you remember my review for NEW MOON, in it I make the comment that even vampires and werewolves are not safe from teen acne. But, in this sequel, the human Bella takes the cake because even with a thick layer of "face paste" spackled on her, I could still see all of her pimples. Here's a job for Edward: Suck-out the zits off your girlfriend's pimply face! Didn't anybody tell Kristen Stewart anything about the acne medication, Proactiv ...?

word of advice: If I were Bella, I'd wait until my acne problem is over before I decide to turn into a vampire--nothing is worse in the afterlife than a forever-for-all-of-eternity acne. L.O.L.

If you're a movie director who's shooting a film in which the main characters are teenagers, don't use high resolution I-Max as all that clarity may prove too distracting in close-up shots in which the audience cannot help but count all the pimples on a character's face!

tidbits: I picked-up four hours at another store on my day off before going to the show. On my way to the theatre, I got some gas and lottery tickets at the Chevron gas station on Couch Street and Redwood Avenue. Then, I went to Bank of America on Sonoma Boulevard to make a deposit. Then I drove to the Chase Bank on Admiral Callahan Lane to make another deposit. And I thought about going to the MacDonald's Restaurant nearby for a bite to eat. But it was almost 2:00 o'clock. So I went to CVS Drugstore, instead, to buy some snacks to smuggle-in to the theatre with me.

2nd tidbits: I just found out today that no matter what time of day or night it is, the price for an I-Max show is the same, whether or not it is in 3-D.

Now that the werewolves are friends with the Cullens, they can have Dr. Carlisle Cullen ( Peter Facinelli ) hook them up with some Rabies and Distemper shots! Oh, and a "flea bath", too, while they're at it. Ha, ha, ha.

After the movie and before having lunch at Fresh Choice Restaurant, I picked-up the three copies of the book that I had ordered at Barnes & Noble. I paid $27.64 for all three. Then, after lunch, I went to The Embroidery Factory in Benicia, CA, to approve the final design on a jacket that I'm having custom-embroidered.

I wanted to finish this movie review last night, but my computer was acting-up. I called my friend, Hector, today ( Wednesday ) and asked him if either his computer or his son's, Ismael, computer was acting-up, too. He said, no. And Ismael told him to tell me to turn my computer off and start it again to reboot it. It worked! I guess this old dog can still learn new tricks!

'Just a thought: Instead of "Jacob Black", it would have been more fun had they chosen to have Jack Black, instead! The "newborn" vampires would just die laughing.

THE LAST AIRBENDER, PG ( 1 hr & 43 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when: Thursday, July 1st, 2010
show: 10:20 p.m.
costs: $6.50 Ticket + $4.00 small Diet/Zero ( w/ Cherry Flavor ) Coke + $3.07 bulk Chocolate Candies ( assorted ) = $13.57
auditorium: 14
seat: 5th row, 4th column

synopsis: An air-bending avatar, Aang ( Noah Ringer ), is awakened from his 100-year dormant slumber as the Fire Nation wages a war against the other elemental nations of Air, Water and Earth, to rid them of their benders. But Aang, with the help of the last water-bender of the Southern Water tribe, Katara ( Nicola Peltz ), learns that he has the power to control all four elements. Together, and with the help of Katara's brother, Sokka ( Jackson Rathbone ), they set out to restore balance among the nations.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Sphere; 2.) Unwelcome visitors at the Southern Water tribe's village; 3.) Responsibility; 4.) Floating creature; 5.) Pass the tests; 6.) Glider; 7.) Suspended animation; 8.) Dragon spirit's lair; 9.) Sparring; 10.) Prisoners; 11.) Revolt; 12.) Sacred scroll; 13.) Sacrifice; 14.) Banishment; 15.) Previous incarnations; 16.) Betrayed; 17.) Rescue; 18.) Report; 19.) Sabotage; 20.) Volunteer; 21.) "Eliminate the Spirits"; 22.) "Spiritual place to meditate"; 23.) Invading ships; 24.) Ice man; 25.) Yin/Yang; 26.) "No love without sacrifice"; 27.) Refusal; 28.) Water wall; and 29.) The acceptance.

audience reaction: The audience gave it a brief "Hands Clapper" ending.

recommendation: This is okay for fans of the animated TV series or anyone who's into Martial Arts and/or Fantasy/Adventure films. The SFX are good, but the story could have been better.

spoiler alert! The Southern Water tribe lived in ice & snow country. So, based on what I learned in Physical Anthropology, all the people should have been short, stocky, big-headed and have fat deposits around their eyes ( The "Eskimo" look which is also seen in the peoples of Siberia and Greenland ) as anatomical/evolutionary adaptations to living in a place with a sub-zero temperature weather. So, what's up with the tall and skinny round-eyed white people? ( 'Must have been adopted by the tribe and made into honorary members. ) The name, Aang, is mispronounced as, "Ung". When Aang ran out of the room, he did so without his staff in hand. But, later on, he was in possession of the staff. A glider like that is not big enough to hold his weight and make him glide through the air. How did Aang's Lemur-Bat pet manage to live for so long when all the other ones of its own species supposedly became extinct? When they went up to the Northern Water tribe's princess, whose back was to the camera, her hair was fashioned into something that unmistakably resembled a beautifully circumcised P ... E ... N... I ... S--no kidding! L.O.L. You don't believe me? Well, take a closer look for yourself--just don't get poked in the eye doing so. Ha, ha, ha. Only a spirit can eliminate another spirit. Aang asked about a spiritual place that he could go to to meditate. But I'm sure that the dungeon where he was kept hanging in shackles by his wrists was no spiritual place, yet he was able to meditate and communicate with the dragon spirit with no problem whatsoever. All those water-benders gathered around to watch the invading ships approach, but it never occurred to them to pool their ability together and send the ships to a watery grave. Why were the Fire Nation's warships outfitted with flame-throwing cannons for, when there were a bunch of fire-benders on-board ship? In the time that it takes any bender to do his/her fancy hand/arm movements to load-up for a super-sized elemental shot, he/she could have already been shot half-a-dozen times with arrows by a lone archer ( mind you ). The bow and arrow is a weapon that is suspiciously under-utilized in this movie! Gee, I wonder why .... I guess the benders don't know anything about Chemistry and Physics; otherwise, they'd know that fire cannot form in the absence of air. In other words, all an air-bender has to do to neutralize a fire-bender is to remove the air around the enemy, i.e. create a vacuum. If I were an air-bender and a fire-bender was fixing to shoot a flame at me, I'd simply turn around, drop my pants and "break wind" to torch the poor, hapless S.O.B. into a crispy well-doneness--now that's turning the tables on someone! Ha, ha, ha.

fyi: If you remember the preview for this movie about a year ago, you'll notice that a scene was omitted: It's the one wherein a bunch of ships are catapulting flaming projectiles at a temple on top of a cliff. I was hoping that they'd have this scene in the movie 'cause I was itching to point out the implausibility of such an assault ( the physics is all wrong about the angle, distance and the trajectory of the catapulted projectiles ). Hey, Director M. Night Shyamalan, hire my services as a consultant next time!

At least M. Night Shyamalan got one thing right, the order in which an adept learns to manipulate the elements: First is Wind, then Water, then Earth and, lastly, Fire. This is even alluded to in its proper order in the New Testament Gospels: In the storm, Jesus Christ rebuked, first, the Winds and then the sea. He walked on Water. He showed power over the Earthen grave/tomb. And He gave the gift of the Holy Spirit through the Pentecostal Fire.

You don't need to know Tai Chi and do all sorts of fancy hand/arm movements to "bend" air. If you have read my blog for THE KARATE KID, you'll recall that, in my tidbits section, my entry for Monday implies that I can manipulate the wind. I used to do it a number of times, whenever a strong wind would blow through the neighborhood, back when I was about 11 years of age and living in G.S.I.S. Heights, Matina, Davao City, Mindanao, Philippines. The ability to stop a strong wind from blowing and then letting it blow from the opposite direction is one that I discovered quite by accident. It was all just child's play for me, literally and figuratively speaking. Interestingly enough, I discovered this ability at around the approximate time that I taught myself a style of Tai Chi by Bruce Tegner. So, is there a connection ...? I don't know. And after many years of no practice, just out of curiosity, I tried manipulating the wind again, surreptitiously, about two months ago at a park across the street from my yogi's house in Union City, CA; and I was able to do it successfully without the knowledge of the other people in the park. I wonder if my yogi psychically picked-up on it.

word of advice: Don't upset the balance/order of things.

tidbits: I was out all day. I swung by my workplace at around 9:30 p.m. to pick-up my paycheck. There was a police roadblock nearby. So I had to make a detour. Later, I arrived at the theatre with plenty of time to spare.

If you had noticed what I paid for the ticket, you would have known that I got a good discount on the price--but that was only because the box office ticket seller rung-up my purchase wrong: He entered it using a senior's discount. I don't know whether to be happy that I got a cheaper-priced movie ticket or feel offended that he would mistake me for an old fart!

GROWN UPS

Quickie review: The death of their beloved former basketball coach reunites a group of men after thirty years to reminisce, re-bond and catch up on things.

The audience enjoyed this Comedy film. I enjoyed it, too.

Here are the things that I found wrong about this movie: Thirty long damn years without keeping in touch, not even so much as a yearly Christmas card--or 'phone calls, or e-mails, even ...? How come there were no relatives of the deceased when it came time to spread the coach's ashes around? The two scenes with the "Arrow Roulette" didn't make sense if you observe the angle from which each arrow was shot: In the first scene, I would just have hidden behind a tree; and in the second scene, I would just have stood behind the spot where the shooter fired the arrow. And I can't wait to read about "Arrow Roulette" copy-cats in the news. ( Oh, boy .... ) Hey, I didn't know birds like to drink breast milk. An hot MILF like that whose solution to everything is breast milk ... my kind of woman! Ha, ha, ha. The thing with the ski boat was hard to believe.

KNIGHT AND DAY

Quickie review: A woman bumps into a super spy at the airport and is mistaken for his accomplice. She is forced to flee with him as he protects a new energy source from falling into the wrong hands.

The audience liked it. I liked this summer Action flick, too.

This movie is somewhat like the movie, KILLERS, which came out about a month ago. If I am to choose between the two, I like KILLERS a little better--but just a wee bit!

JONAH HEX

Quickie review: Not wanting to commit the war atrocities that his fellow soldiers, including his best friend, are committing, a Confederate soldier, Jonah Hex, "betrays" his own men to the Union army. His best friend's father exacts vengeance on Jonah, himself, and his young family. Having survived death, Jonah returns with some supernatural abilities and becomes the most-feared bounty hunter in the land. When he receives news that his old foe is still alive and terrorizing people while at the same time amassing weapons of mass destruction, he vows to avenge his family.

The audience seemed to enjoy it. It was good enough for me as a Western/Gunslinger film.

Here are the things that I found wrong about this movie: Those Gatling guns firing in close proximity to the horse's ears should have rendered it deaf, but it could still hear Jonah whistling at it. Back in those days when women were relegated to menial tasks and housekeeping, the pretty ones were married off to rich men quite easily while the homely-looking ones ended up working in low-paying jobs or became brothel wenches. So how did someone hot like Lila end up working in a whorehouse, and why wasn't there a long line of "Johns" outside of her bedroom door? And since this was before "safe sex" was practiced, an hot girl like her would have been quite an "hotbed" ( pun intended ) for all sorts of sexually-transmitted diseases ( STDs ). And what's up with the acid-drooling "Snake Man"? Despite its title, this movie is all about Lila. Think about it, which face would you rather be looking at? 'Nough said!