SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 53 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when: Sunday, August 15th, 2010
show: 1:50 p.m.
costs: $7.50 Ticket + $5.00 Kid's Pack + $6.38 # 2 Meal at the Plaza Drive Wendy's ( & a side salad w/ ranch dressing & light lemonade ) = $18.88
auditorium: 2
seat: 4th row, 9th column

synopsis: Scott Pilgrim ( Michael Cera ), the bass guitarist for a rock band, ever-looking for that one girl, finally finds her in the roller-skating guise of Ramona Flowers ( Mary Elizabeth Winstead ). But, the problem is that she comes with excess baggage in the form of seven evil exes. And each and everyone of them is out to get Scott!

noteworthy scenes: 1.) High school date; 2.) Rehearsal; 3.) Arcade; 4.) Goodwill's Thrift Store; 5.) Record store; 6.) Party; 7.) "He's not even conscious"; 8.) E-mail; 9.) Package delivery; 10.) Playground; 11.) "One night stand"; 12.) Awkward; 13.) First fight; 14.) Break-up; 15.) Stunt team; 16.) Grind; 17.) "L" word; 18.) "He just left"; 19.) Coffee shop; 20.) "I've gotta pee on her"; 21.) "Punched the highlight out of her hair"; 22.) Vegan; 23.) Vegan Police; 24.) "I'd just like to live"; 25.) "Back of the knee"; 26.) Amp vs. amp; 27.) "I'm in lesbian with you"; 28.) "Turn off the light"; 29.) Hot cocoa; 30.) Shoe lace; 31.) Game over; 32.) Self respect; 33.) "Seven years in my digestive tract"; and 34.) Try again.

audience reaction: The audience totally enjoyed this movie.

recommendation: I liked this nonsensical movie. If you're into video games, go see this movie.

spoiler alert! Right off the bat, my nagging question is, If the evil exes don't want any rival suitors vying with them for Ramona's heart, why didn't they already try and kill each other in the first place? And am I to understand that falling in love with Ramona or being jealous/envious of her makes one attain super martial arts powers? I thought that they would get frost-bitten when they held the chains as they sat on the playground swings. With all the loose change littering the smooth floor, I really thought that the combatants would slip and slide on them. Why didn't Scott turn into token coins? I really think that Knives Chau ( Ellen Wong ) will make for a better choice for Scott--after the "waiting period" is over, of course.

fyi: I have this co-worker who, after he graduated from high school, dated high school girls so that he could go to his former high school's senior prom for the next four or five years in a row until he met someone with whom he fell in love and eventually got married to. We used to tease him about that.

I have a confession to make: Although I liked this movie, some of the scenes just "went over my head" because I truly don't know any arcade game. Yes, I'm a video game virgin. I've never played such games--'don't see any point to it at all--and never will. And That is the end of that! Thank you.

word of advice: Don't be a heart-breaker.

tidbits: On my way to the theatre, there on the off-ramp, I saw the ran-over body of a poor little orange tabby kitten! It obviously was an abandoned kitten since there are no residential areas for about a mile all around that spot in the road. I'm a cat person, so it broke my heart to have to see that.

After the movie, I really wanted to go to Burger King, but I try and avoid the two Burger Kings in Vallejo ( bad experiences at both establishments ). And the next two closest ones are in Benicia. But either one is too far of a distance just to go have a bite to eat. So, I decided to just eat at Wendy's just across the street from the theatre.

THE EXPENDABLES, R ( 1 hr & 43 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when: Friday, August 13th, 2010
show: 9:10 p.m.
costs: $10.00 Ticket + $4.50 20 oz. Orange Fanta = $14.50
auditorium: 3
seat: 3rd row, 6th column

synopsis: Barney Ross ( Sylvester Stallone ) is given a mission to go to the South American island country of Vilena to overthrow its dictator, General Gaza ( David Zayas ). Along with his pal, Lee Christmas ( Jason Statham ), and their local guerrilla contact, Sandra ( Giselle Itie ), they scope out the place. But they abandon their mission once it is compromised. But not one to leave a mission undone or leave a comrade behind, Barney will need to solicit the help of his old mercenary crew to finish the job.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Pirated ship; 2.) Hostage rescue; 3.) Girlfriend trouble; 4.) Charlotte's web; 5.) Executions; 6.) Church; 7.) "What's wrong with this picture"; 8.) Buddha/Pest; 9.) Confrontation; 10.) Chase; 11.) Strafe; 12.) Lovers' quarrel; 13.) Rogue ex-CIA agent, James Munroe ( Eric Roberts ); 14.) Basketball court; 15.) Bosnia memory; 16.) Water torture; 17.) "I work harder"; 18.) Ambush; 19.) Happy feet; 20.) Low clearance; 21.) Loyal warriors; 22.) Prison cell; 23.) American disease; 24.) Battle; 25.) "Call it a tie"; 26.) "Truthfully ..."; and 27.) Back together again.

audience reaction: The audience enjoyed this.

recommendation: I liked this, too. But, in my opinion, the climactic battle in the last RAMBO movie is much better than the climactic battle in this one.

spoiler alert! Why did the pirates not post look-outs to watch the ship's perimeter? You would think that some of those bullets would ricochet down in the ship's cargo bay. Why did the soldiers just stand around when they were getting strafed? If Munroe is an ex-CIA agent and, therefore, acting independently of "The Agency" then he has very little muscle ( read: small private army ) to intimidate General Gaza and his considerably larger army, one would think. When The Expendables stepped out the door and had the spotlights blind them, why didn't the soldiers shoot at them? In the knock-down, drag-out, rough-and-tumble, no-holds-barred, fight-to-the-death between Toll Road ( Randy Couture ) and Paine ( "Stone Cold" Steve Austin ), Toll's jungle hat never came off or became askew. Why didn't Paine not roll around on the ground to put out the fire?

fyi: In Sylvester Stallone's movie, DEMOLITION MAN ( 1993 ), he awakens from suspended animation to find out that Arnold Schwarzenegger is the President of the United States. Meanwhile, Maria Shriver is still trying to pass a bill that would allow foreign born citizens to run for the Presidency. Does Sly know something that we don't know?

Also, in DEMOLITION MAN, the role of the leading lady is played by Sandra Bullock. And in this movie, THE EXPENDABLES, the leading lady goes by the character name of, Sandra. 'Makes me wonder ....

word of advice: Don't betray your comrades-in-arms.

tidbits: In the scene wherein the general's men are shown with painted faces, someone towards the back of the auditorium yelled, "Shut the f_ck-up!" at a noisy patron, which made some of us in the audience laugh.

Sylvester, "Sly", Stallone doesn't look good with a beard in this movie. It, coupled with the hint of eyeliner put on him, makes him look comical and effeminate.

VAMPIRES SUCK, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 28 min )

1st time

where: MOVIE2K.COM
when: Wednesday, August 11th, 2010
show: 11:00 p.m.
costs: $0.00 Download
auditorium: My living room
seat: My swivel chair

2nd time

where: AMC BAY STREET 16 in Emeryville, CA
when: Wednesday ( Free Small Popcorn on a Movie Rewards Card Day ), August 18th, 2010
show: 7:55 p.m.
costs: $11.00 Ticket + $1.00 medium upgrade on a free small popcorn + $4.75 medium Zero Coke + $5.00 Carquinez Bridge Toll = $21.75
auditorium: 10
seat: 5th row, 10th column

synopsis: In this spoof of the THE TWILIGHT SAGA's first two installments, Becca ( Jenn Proske ) finds herself as the new girl in town and as the object of desire by a pair of guys who are members of two otherworldly rival factions. Events come to a head at the senior prom.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Saint Salvatore Day Festival; 2.) Roadside attack; 3.) Dad's comment [ 'Makes one think .... ]; 4.) Town of Sporks [ Now, why didn't I think of this first! ]; 5.) Becca's room [ Funny one. ]; 6.) Becca, Jacob ( Chris Riggi ) and their fathers; 7.) New school; 8.) Cafeteria; 9.) Classroom; 10.) Boat shed; 11.) Parking lot; 12.) "Like my little gay brother"; 13.) Self-defense tips [ Hilarious. ]; 14.) Dreaming; 15.) Blood drive [ Here's another one that I should have thought of first! ]; 16.) Plan for the prom; 17.) In the woods with Edward ( Matt Lanter ); 18.) Making-out; 19.) Immigrants; 20.) Sullens' birthday surprise for Becca; 21.) Chinese food; 22.) Segway; 23.) Buffy, the vampire slayer [ Nice touch. ]; 24.) Venom; 25.) Pining for Edward; 26.)Bull-horn [ Funny. ]; 27.) Hanging out with Jennifer; 28.) Bar Mitzvah; 29.) Bike ride; 30.) Teats [ This scene actually makes sense! ]; 31.) Chihuahua [ Cute one! ]; 32.) The pack; 33.) Autograph; 34.) "Girl as freaky as me"; 35.) The contract [ Yeah, really! ]; 36.) Misinterpreted bad news; 37.) Race against time; 38.) At the prom; 39.) Wrinkly old butt; 40.) Dance; 41.) New prom king & queen; 42.) Xs mark the spot; 43.) Surprise ending [ Heh, heh, heh .... ]; and 44.) Bonus scene at the start of the Ending Credits.

audience reaction: N/A--It was just me, myself and I watching this movie.

2nd audience reaction: The audience was genuinely entertained by this movie.

recommendation: I liked how this parody film highlights the shortcomings of the first two Twilight movies, and how it added stuff which made a lot of sense, considering the supernatural aspect of the story, itself. In short, if you're not a Twilight fan, well, then, this movie is for you!

spoiler alert! They should have rushed this off to theatres before THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE came out.

fyi: The movie2k.com version is short by about 10 minutes, so I will have to watch this again on the big screen to find out if anything is shown during and after the Ending Credits. And also because I need to find out how a typical movie audience will react to this parody film.

word of advice: Life is a Bitch and it Sucks--but not in the way that you can brag about it to anyone and everyone!

tidbits: I was at my friend Hector's place earlier today. And he, his wife and I sat down to watch THE INFIDEL on movie2k.com. That was when I realized that this movie, VAMPIRES SUCK, was already uploaded on the site and ready for viewing. So I decided to see it as soon as I got home. Oh, we also watched DESPICABLE ME while I was at his place.

'Something I forgot to tell you all about movie2k.com .... First, you need to install the Mozilla Firefox web browser in your computer. Then, use the Firefox browser to search for DownloadHelper ( which is owned by Firefox, by the way ). After you find DownloadHelper, install it in your computer, too. After you've done these two things, you should be able to watch free movies on movie2k.com--provided, of course, that you have a fast Internet connection.

2nd tidbits: I was at my friend Hector's place earlier in the day because I needed his son, Ismael, to help me print out my e-mail correspondence with an out-of-state company that sent me a duplicate order of something which I ordered, and never sent me a return postage with a tracking number so that I could send the duplicate order back to them. Instead, they just kept sending me a bill month after month. And I'll be damned if I pay for anyone's mistake! They've now hired the services of a collection agency to try and get me to pay-up on something which I didn't order. But I have e-mail proof that they acknowledged their error and promised to send me a return postage with a tracking number. And I also have my checking account statement from my bank which shows that I paid for what I had ordered. With my proofs, I will send a letter to the company president, the collection agency, the Better Business Bureau, and maybe even to Consumer Affairs and both State Attorneys General. If the company's customer service treats me, an 8-year plus customer in good standing, like this then I no longer wish to do business with said company. ( If you must know, the company is none other than Nightingale-Conant. )

We also watched ONG BAK 3 on movie2k.com. I saw ONG BAK 2 last year in Berkeley, California. He died in part 2! So, I don't know how and why he came back from the dead! And it didn't help matters much that the English subtitles were poorly written. They should have hired the services of Cine-Man to do the subtitles for them.

During the preview for PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 2, some girls in the audience sounded scared. Hmph! women ....

MIDDLE MEN, R ( 1 hr & 51 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when: Monday, August 9th, 2010
show: 5:05 p.m.
costs: $7.50 Ticket + $4.00 small Diet/Zero ( w/ Barq's & Cherry flavors ) Coke + $1.00 2.23 oz. Emerald Trail Mix, Tropical Blend ( bought at CVS Drugstore and smuggled-in ) + $1.00 1.2 oz. Jack Link's All American Beef & Cheese ( also bought at CVS blah, blah, blah ... ) = $13.50
auditorium: 10
seat: 4th row, 8th column

synopsis: The "based on a true story" movie about the "founding fathers" of Internet Porn.

Jack Harris ( Luke Wilson ), a "problem solver", goes to L.A. to help out a friend. Before he knows it, he helps to deliver Internet Porn to the rest of the world. At first convinced that he can handle the business end of porn without any negative effect on his family life, he soon realizes that he is in way over his head as his life descends down the slimy trail of sleaze porn.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Porn montage; 2.) Pepper; 3.) NASA; 4.) Veterinary office; 5.) Problem solver; 6.) Building permit; 7.) 15 minutes; 8.) Subscribers; 9.) Bells and whistles; 10.) Fresh stuff; 11.) Russian mob; 12.) Video; 13.) Server; 14.) Other problem; 15.) Legal advice; 16.) Sites with nondescript names; 17.) Dead Russian; 18.) Flashback; 19.) Internet billing service; 20.) Stand-off; 21.) Two million dollar check; 22.) New building; 23.) Bigger egos; 24.) AVN Awards, 2003; 25.) Rich and somebody's bitch; 26.) Old familiar face; 27.) Secret deal; 28.) Oldest story in the book; 29.) Addiction to money, sex and power; 30.) Post-orgasm silence; 31.) Race track; 32.) The lawyer; 33.) Chump change; 34.) Terrorist fans; 35.) Illegal porn; 36.) Kinky terrorists; 37.) "They simply forgot"; 38.) Problem son; 39.) Billing record; 40.) Bad news; 41.) Orgy house; 42.) The break-up; 43.) Government warning; 44.) Father/son talk; 45.) Contract back-date; 46.) Correctional facility; and 47.) Reconciliation.

audience reaction: There were just a few people in the audience--all men. And it seemed like I was the only one getting the jokes and enjoying myself---Hey! not in that way.

recommendation: Although informative and of special interest to those who want to know the history of Internet Porn, this is strictly a rental, the way porn ought to be.

spoiler alert! This is supposedly "based on a true story" so it's hard to tell fact from fiction. With that in mind, first, I wouldn't go into a partnership with mobsters. Second, I wouldn't go into a partnership with people strung-out on drugs ( because they have to "feed" that habit ). Third, I wouldn't hire the services of a lawyer who's under government investigation. Fourth, I would never get myself into a relationship with a porn star/prostitute. And, fifth, I wouldn't throw money around like there's no tomorrow. I don't know if the "dead Russian mobster and the dead lawyer situations" are true or not. But, more than likely, they aren't; otherwise, they wouldn't be included in the movie for all the world to see ( just think about the repercussions, legal and otherwise ).

fyi: I love how the government figured-out how to track down terrorists!

I remember back in 1995 when I was working as a dental lab technician and all the guys at work, it seemed, were getting caught-up in the Internet craze. A couple of them even brought their laptop user's manual to read during break periods--and they were thick books! Mind you, this was back when everything was plain ol' "Dial-Up" service. And you could use your TV set as a monitor ( Can a TV set still be used in such a way today? ). At one point, one of my co-workers told me that, to get on the Internet, you had to wait about half an hour for your computer to load-up--and you'd better hope and pray that nobody will call you on the telephone or you'd have to start all over again! Ah ... the good old days.

There's all this talk about Illegal Porn on the Internet. But you have to ask yourself this: Why don't Google, Yahoo and all the others delete such stuff and report the scumbags to the authorities? The answer is, It's all there for a reason--IT'S A TRAP!!!!!!!

word of advice: Don't buy internet porn! Otherwise, you'd become the unwitting/ unwilling victim of a "victimless crime", or end up in jail, and/or suffer the same fate as the terrorists in this movie ( Ha, ha, ha )!

Money and prostitutes have one thing in common: They have no loyalty.

tidbits: My movie watching pleasure was interrupted by a dumb-ass rude idiot who talked on his cellphone sometime during the movie. If I didn't have to write down movie notes, I would have reported him to the management. Why can't Century Cinemas have a Volunteer Monitor in place like they do at Regal Cinemas?

At Regal Cinemas, any responsible adult movie-goer can choose to be a volunteer monitor and take a paging device with him/her into the auditorium. And if anything is disrupting the movie-watching experience, the monitor can alert the management right away who will then come in to address the problem.

THE OTHER GUYS, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 47 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when: Friday, August 6th, 2010
show: 12:01 a.m. ( Midnight Show )
costs: $10.00 Ticket = $10.00
auditorium: 1
seat: 5th row, 4th seat

synopsis: Two pencil-pushing NYPD detectives, Gamble and Hoitz ( Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg ), investigating a "scaffolding permit violation", stumble upon what may just be the biggest crime committed in New York City.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Car chase; 2.) Press conference; 3.) Police precinct; 4.) School of 800-pound tunas; 5.) Counseling; 6.) Desk pop; 7.) Wrecking ball; 8.) The Jump; 9.) Cop fight; 10.) Kidnap; 11.) Toyota Prius; 12.) Crime scene; 13.) Ershon's ( Steve Coogan ) lecture; 14.) Scaffolding permit; 15.) Abduction; 16.) Barefoot; 17.) Police Captain Gene Mauch's ( Michael Keaton ) office; 18.) Hot Wife, Sheila ( Eva Mendes ); 19.) Ex-girlfriend, Christinith's ( Natalie Zea ), house; 20.) Recorded message; 21.) Bar; 22.) Ballet studio; 23.) Sarcastic dancer; 24.) F.B.I.; 25.) Explosion; 26.) College pimp; 27.) Ershon's office; 28.) The bribes; 29.) Ambush; 30.) Freight train; 31.) Whistles; 32.) Dinner conversation; 33.) Dirty Mike ( Adam Mckay ) and The Boys; 34.) Drinking spree; 35.) S.E.C. office; 36.) Jumper; 37.) "Gator needs his gun ..."; 38.) Bed, Bath and Beyond; 39.) Lendl Global; 40.) The hide-out; 41.) Mother-in-Law ( Viola Harris ); 42.) High-speed chase; 43.) Classroom; 44.) Used car lot; 45.) Golf course; 46.) Wire transfer; 47.) Peacock; and 48.) Bonus scene after the Ending Credits.

audience reaction: The audience loved this parody "Buddy-Cop" Action Flick.

recommendation: I enjoyed this movie, too. Go see it if you're into Comedy and Action Films.

spoiler alert! The front of the car was hit, but I didn't see any steam shooting out from the radiator. If I were the bad guy shooter, I'd keep shooting at the windshield area because there is no way a cop can chase down a get-away car without looking through his windshield. Reckless endangerment of commuters, pedestrians and bus passengers abounded in the opening scene of this movie but at the press conference all that was mentioned was the 12 million dollars' worth of property damage! What about lawsuits? What about suspension and/or job termination? Okay, so we have a car covered in cocaine parked on top of a crime/murder victim--sounds like "Tampering with Evidence" to me! He thinks his wife is plain--is he nuts? When the SUV front-ended the Prius, the airbags didn't get activated. In the office shoot-out, all the bad guys were just standing around. With all the bullets flying around them, Gamble and Hoitz still managed to walk away unscathed. Why didn't the bad guys on stake-out not notice anything suspicious about Li'l Ol' Granny walking back and forth? How did the Prius end-up on the trailer in the used car lot? Just like Hoitz, I don't know the reason for Gamble's sex appeal. Will Ferrell plays like a "one-note" song: Monotonously boring; his approach to almost all of his comedy films is essentially the same. Granted, this movie has some laugh-out-loud scenes, but they were not all with Ferrell as the central character. He needs to broaden his comedic range.

fyi: I loved "The Jump", the Classroom and the Golf Course scenes.

Toyota should change its slogan to: " The best new cars make the worst recall cars."

People in the Philippines have been drinking citrus-flavored tea for as long as I can remember! Arnold Palmer doesn't really deserve the credit for this beverage concoction. Why don't they just call it, Flip ( the derogatory short for, Filipino ) Tea? Wait a minute, I believe that I just answered this question myself! What was I thinking ...?

word of advice: Watch the Ending Credits for the charts and notes on Ponzi Schemes and Bail-outs.

tidbits: I managed to switch schedules with someone at work so that I was able to leave at 10:30 p.m. and still have plenty of time to catch the midnight show. But not before swinging by the Burger King Restaurant at the Southampton Shopping Center in Benicia to grab a bite to eat. I ate my burger and fries right there in the darkened parking lot, along with a big piece of raw garlic ( I bought a bulb of garlic after clocking-out at work because I have an abscessed gum in the right molar area of my lower jaw and I needed something stronger than Listerine to kill the germs back in there between my cheek and teeth ). I usually can chew up to half a bulb of raw garlic whenever I am eating a lot of meat with no bad reaction whatsoever. But, tonight, even half a piece of the garlic was almost too much for me as it gave me a painful burning sensation in the affected/infected gum area and forced me to shed some tears, too! I had to "man-up" just to finish that one, single, solitary, lonely piece of garlic. Boy! that garlic sure helped to alleviate my condition--but I have until next Tuesday morning before I can be seen by my periodontist again. I hope that I can wait that long.

I swear, after I see my periodontist, I shall employ a more aggressive, pro-active approach to my oral hygiene.

newsflash! My DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS blog last Friday was posted the following day on a famous British comedian's fan club website: David Walliams News Newspage. David Walliams plays the part of the Swiss client, Mueller, in the movie. To be truthful, I never even heard of him before; and as I was watching his scenes in the movie, I was convincing myself that I was actually looking at a slimmed-down, face-lifted Val Kilmer sporting bleached-blond hair. Ha, ha, ha. Anyway, he is famous "across the pond" for his comedy show, LITTLE BRITAIN. You can watch segments of it on YouTube. HBO also has him in the American version: LITTLE BRITAIN USA, the British parody of anything and everything American. Of the British version, I like the Lou & Andy sketches. Of the American version, I like the Mark & Tom sketches. If you've never seen LITTLE BRITAIN, you've got to go to YouTube and check it out!

I should thank you, David Walliams and your fan club, for posting my blog on your website. So, my heart-felt "Thank You" goes out to you! If you are ever in need of fresh ideas for your Comedy Sketches, just let me know by following my blog so that we can e-mail each other. ( The same goes for you, too, Nicolas Cage. )