SOMETHING BORROWED, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 53 min )

where:  UA  EMERY  BAY  STADIUM  10  in  Emeryville,  CA
when:  Wednesday,  May  11th,  2011
show:  7:50 p.m.
costs:  $10.75 Ticket + $5.00 Carquinez Bridge Toll = $15.75
auditorium:  6
seat:  5th row, 12 column

synopsis/overview:   A life-long close friendship between two women, Rachel and Darcy ( Ginnifer Goodwin and  Kate Hudson ), is tested when spur-of-the-moment sexual flings override their better sense of  judgment.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) The surprise; 2.) Soul-mates; 3.) "You're not old, you're just a lawyer"; 4.) "You need a hug, buddy"; 5.) Crush; 6.) "I'm thinking more like 'one stop'"; 7.) 'Phone calls; 8.) Torts; 9.) Mascara; 10.) DBCD; 11.) Truth or dare; 12.) You're 30, you can't afford to be picky"; 13.) Hamptons; 14.) "Little gremlin"; 15.) Shark/chipmunk; 16.) "'Really digging the ambiance of  this house"; 17.) "I'm gay"; 18.) "I wasn't that drunk"; 19.) "There are no 'third wheels'"; 20.) "How come you never told me in law school"; 21.) Kiss; 22.) 'Phone message; 23.) Legalize Gay; 24.) Dirty dancing; 25.) "It's hard to see you with her"; 26.) "I'm impressed, actually"; 27.) Wedding vows; 28.) "I just didn't think that someone like you could like someone like me"; 29.) The parents; 30.) "I meant it"; 31.) "When did you become one of  the women"; 32.) "I associate you now with failure"; 33.) House-hunting; 34.) The living room dance; 35.) "You wouldn't want anyone to hurt me, right"; 36.) Second thoughts"; 37.) "I don't get how you let her win all the time"; 38.) "Sharing secrets now"; 39.) "I'm the only asshole here who gives a shit about you"; 40.) "No, he guessed"; 41.) "Just decide"; 42.) "I just wanted to make sure you're okay"; 43.) "I shouldn't have left"; 44.) 'Phone call; 45.) "I want to be someone's first choice"; 46.) "I cant hear the 'Daddy-hits-me-but-I-love-him' anymore"; 47.) The news; 48.) "Extremely powerful connection"; 49.) "It's crazy how things work out sometimes, huh"; 50.) "I hate you"; 51.) "I bought him that shirt"; and 52.) Bonus Scene during the Ending Credits.

favorite scene:  I liked the dancing-in-the-apartment scene.

audience reaction:  The women in the audience liked this.

recommendation:  This is definitely a Chick Flick film for fans of  such a genre!

spoiler alert!  In an early scene, a female character asked a male character, "Why won't you marry me?"  And the male character answered,  "Because I love you too much."  But in a much later scene, said male character would have jumped at the chance to marry the still-pining female character had she posed the same question to him once more.  I know that New Yorkers have a "tradition" of  sleeping on the roof in the hot summer months.  But ... they had their rooftop bed ( ? ) surrounded by lights as they  "humped" themselves to sleep, seeming  oblivious to the fact that they had neighbors with telescopes and camcorders at the ready to witness such a sexual spectacle!  Such a "sexcapade" could have landed them on the Internet for "posterity" and, once rumors spread, would have  possibly landed them in trouble, too,  with an understandably angry and much chagrined  Darcy.  Why couldn't Dex ( Colin Egglesfield ) hear Darcy when she was just two or three feet away from the 'phone?  So, Rachel lets Darcy win all of  the time--what kind of  an attitude is that for a lawyer?  I hope that Rachel is never appointed as my defense lawyer in court, should such a need arise--heaven forbid!  And Dex is too indecisive a character to be a lawyer, also!  ( Hah! only in the movies .... )  "I want to be someone's first choice" implies that  a relationship borne of  such a choice will just be  transitory, at best!  She should have said, "I want to be someone's one-and-only choice."  Dang!  I can't believe that I'm actually advising a lawyer!  When Rachel met Darcy for the last time at the street corner, Darcy had just come around from the side where Dex was shown sitting on a park bench.  So ... did Darcy and Dex have an encounter before the "frenemies" met?

fyi:  My condominium complex has walls that are "paper thin".  Sometime ago, shortly after I had moved-in,  I was awakened early in the morning hours by the sound of  my downstairs neighbors having sex.  She was moaning--then giggling!  Moaning, then giggling.  This went on and on ....  That   probably was some crazy, serious-business "french tickler" that he was using on her!  It was as if  I was a blind person "watching" a porno movie.  Of course, I couldn't sleep after that!  ( You know ... )  Since they awakened me, the least that they could have done for me was to invite me down for a three-way--how inconsiderate of  them!  Some people, I swear!

word of  advice:  Go for it!

tidbits:  I went to Hector's place in Oakland to have one of  his sons, Ismael,  show me how to enable pop-ups on my blogsite.  I'm guessing that this is the reason why I don't have ads posted on my blogsite yet.

Hector got a silver 1991 Honda Accord with a "salvage title".  He's gonna have a mechanic check it out on Friday before he can have it smogged and registered.  Then, we'll take it for a spin.

Hector's other son, Ernesto, finally introduced me to Two-Face's mom, Mercedes.  I was surprised at the friendliness of the mother pit-bull.  Mercedes is such a friendly pit-bull that she puts in question the bad reputation that the media and the general public have of  such a breed.  And Ismael also had a pit-bull, Guero, who was also very friendly.

I never had the Creole dish, Dirty Rice, before.  So, I made Dirty Rice from a package for everyone at dinner time.  I told them that after I make the Dirty Rice, I was gonna wash it in soap and water before serving it to everybody so it wouldn't be dirty anymore!  Yeah, I know that it was a stupid joke, but I had to tell it.  Everybody liked the Dirty Rice, even Tiger, the kitten.

I wanted to buy some snack and a drink at the theatre's concessions counter.  But there was such a long line, and I had just eaten dinner.  So, I just decided to skip it.

The auditorium crowd was mostly female.  Yes, this movie is definitely a Chick Flick.  I'm sure I stuck-out like a sore thumb!  Lord, the things that I do for my readers ....

On the way home, I swung by a store at the Hilltop Mall in Richmond, CA, to buy some toilet paper, and a new leather belt because a canvas  belt that I used for my casual pants simply couldn't hold it  up properly.  I know that it's in vogue nowadays to wear pants practically down to the knees and expose the boxer shorts.  But, it's a very stupidly-retarded "fashion" statement--and the thinking man Cine-Man is not that kind of  a guy.

If  Hollywood can get some rap artists to wear suspenders, that might get the boxer-shorts-exposing retards to do likewise.  And that will be the end of  this fashion abomination!  God, help us ....

Special announcement:  I would like to take this time to say, Thank You and Welcome, to my readers in these countries:

Greece and Kuwait

Thank you, once again.  Please keep on reading my weekly updates.  And don't forget to tell your friends, and everyone else who you know, about my movie blogsite.

JUMPING THE BROOM, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 48 min )

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Monday, May 9th, 2011
show:  9:00 p.m.
costs:  $9.75 Ticket + $6.49 # 12 meal ( w/ a small drink of  Minute Made Lite Lemonade, Hi-C Orange Lava Burst and Minute Made Strawberry Passion--another one of  Cine-Man's special  blends  ) @ MacDonald's Restaurant in the Target Shopping Center before the movie = $16.24
auditorium:  13
seat:  5th row, 7th column

synopsis/overview:  High society's "modern trend"  and a middle class's "old tradition" clash when two families from entirely different backgrounds come together for a weekend wedding at Martha's Vineyard.  And before you know it, old secrets and unfounded fears arise to spoil the planned nuptials.

miscasts:   Based on the facial resemblance, the mother should have played the part of  the aunt and vice versa.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) Promise; 2.) Accident; 3.) Proposal; 4.) "'Haven't met them yet"; 5.) Post office; 6.) "You have to tell her or I will"; 7.) The vow of  celibacy; 8.) The talk with the minister; 9.) Ferry; 10.) Mocha/Milk Chocolate; 11.) "I'm a hugger"; 12.) "Last minute"; 13.) "Stop touching me"; 14.) Bidets; 15.) "Say, 'Pictures"'; 16.) Chicken; 17.) "We need to talk"; 18.) Hermaphrodite; 19.) Oysters; 20.) The prayer; 21.) "Cultural necessity"; 22.) "Sexual Healing"; 23.) Fight; 24.) "Leave the cleave"; 25.) "Money didn't change me, it changed you"; 26.) "What exactly is broke"; 27.) "Cougar"; 28.) Bachelor party; 29.) Kitchen; 30.) "Pinky swear"; 31.) Mother/daughter talk; 32.) Pomegranate; 33.) Touch football; 34.) Pediatrician; 35.) "You don't even know who your parents are"; 36.) "There's no more 'private' here"; 37.) "Look at what you've done"; 38.) "Pray that Jason ( Laz Alonso ) gets that girl back"; 39.) "Not caring for you everyday was my greatest failure"; 40.) "It's our mess"; 41.) The "I'm sorry" card; 42.) Wedding; 43.) Kiss; 44.) "Not all secrets are bad"; and 45.) Dance.

audience reaction:  The half-a-dozen or so people in the audience were somewhat entertained by this movie.

recommendation:  If  you're into formulaic wedding movies given a new spin, consider seeing this movie.

spoiler alert!  How did Sabrina ( Paula Patton ) get from owning an Audi to downsizing--literally--to a Mini Cooper?  As they walked on the sidewalk by the park, after the concert, a couple ( conscious of  what was happening, i.e. a film shoot ) deliberately stayed in the background so that they wouldn't "walk into the frame".  Chewing gum, using a cellphone and "closing shop" at the start of  a transaction to engage in personal talk ... very unprofessional--fire the bitch!  But, wait! she's a postal clerk on the verge of  "going postal" ( what with her "Anger Management Class" situation ).  Firing her might be a bad idea:  She might fire back--with a gun--like how some postal employees were known for;  hence, the term, "Going Postal."  In all the years that I've gone up to a post office counter, I've never seen a post office clerk's name tag with a "Mrs." ( or "Mr." ) designation on it.  The Sweet Potato Pie came out of  the oven with its fluted edge perfectly baked; but the only way for  that to happen was if  she used a Pie Crust Edge Shield, which she obviously didn't.  And the pie was so perfectly made that the pie filling didn't even touch the pie's fluted edge.  But ... in a later scene at the Watson's residence, the pie that they ate had the fluted edge coated with pie filling.  Wasn't the older woman a married woman, too?  So they could speak French--big deal!  For all we know, they could just  be  transplants from Louisiana!  The musicians didn't accompany her when she sang, "Sexual Healing."  Which begs the question, did she sing Karaoke-style?  Pediatrician ...?  Come on, that "pediatrician" bit was quite a stretch just to squeeze-out a few laughs.  Loretta Devine's last movie, MADEA'S BIG HAPPY FAMILY,  has  the same subplot, but different gender.  I know that they were all family, but did they have to stand around during that personal argument?   Talk about being too damn nosy.  I would have walked away from that personal argument because it would have been the polite thing to do.  But, I guess, rich or poor, neither family knew how to exhibit such a polite consideration for others.  Somebody's got to pay that taxi driver  since  he ain't goin' nowhere without gettin' paid first!  'Cause gas ain't cheap, you know.  A mean-tempered mother ( about to go "postal" ) and an obnoxious, self-serving cousin--hell, no!  ain't no way I'm marrying into that kind of  a family.

fyi:  Honestly, I only went to see this because of  Paula Patton and Meagan Good--a good enough reason by any man's standards.  Yeah ....

This movie should have been released just before Valentine's Day.

Should I ever get married, my wedding song would most likely be, "Sad To Belong To Someone Else."  Ha, ha, ha. ( Did I already mention this in an earlier blog? )

word of advice:  "... A man leaves his father and  mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."  ( New International Version.  Old Testament of  the Bible, Genesis 2:24 )

There's no excuse for intentional rudeness!

tidbits:  Earlier in the day, I watched a made-for-TV movie on movie2k.to, ALMIGHTY THOR.  It is so lame.  It doesn't even hold a candle to the Big Screen version, THOR.

While I was eating my burger at MacDonald's, one of  the employees, a white kid, was talking to his co-worker, an Hispanic older lady.  He said that tall people die early because their  hearts have to work harder against gravity.  And he said that  Asians live longer  because they're shorter.

I wanted to cut-in and say that the reason why Asians live longer is because they seldom eat artery-clogging fast-foods like burgers and fries, which, by the way, I was eating at that moment.  But, I would have looked foolish.  So, I just kept to myself.  And that burger was delicious!  Yummy, yummy for my tummy!  'Not to worry, folks.  I always take a Lecithin capsule after eating a high-fat, high cholesterol meal to keep my blood vessels smooth and clog-free.


Special Announcement:  I would like to say, Thank You and Welcome, to my readers in these countries:

Croatia and Namibia


Thank you, once again.  Please keep on reading my weekly updates.  And don't forget to tell your friends, and everyone else who you know, about my movie blogsite.

THOR 3-D, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 54 min )

where:  MOVIE2K.TO via STREAM2K on my laptop
when:  Tuesday, May 3rd, 2011
show:  10:30 a.m.
costs:  $0.00 stream
auditorium:  My living room
seat:  My swivel chair

2nd time


where:  EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 & I-MAX in Fairfield, CA
when:  Friday, May 6th, 2011
show:  12:01 a.m.
costs:  $17.50 Ticket + $0.00 small Popcorn (  Free on Movie Watcher Rewards Card ) + $4.75 small Zero Sprite + $1.00 3.1 oz Fudge Brownie Cookie Dough Bites ( bought at the Dollar Tree Store and smuggled-in ) =  $23.25
auditorium:   12, with the I-Max screen
seat:  3rd row, 6th column

synopsis/overview:  On the day that Thor ( Chris Hemsworth )  is to be crowned the successor to his father's throne, some of the Asgardians' enemies, the Frost Giants, violate the treaty by breaking into the palace to try to steal their confiscated power source.   Thor  launches an attack on the Frost Giants, bringing both worlds of  the Nine Realms on the brink of  yet another war.  When his father, Odin ( Anthony Hopkins ), learns of  the retaliation, he strips Thor of  his powers and banishes him to Earth.  Without his superhuman powers, Thor is but a mere   mortal man at a crucial time when the traitor back on his home planet of  Asgard is plotting  his untimely demise.



noteworthy scenes:  1.) "I think that was legally your fault"; 2.) Frost Giants vs. Asgardians; 3.) "Beacon of  hope"; 4.) "A wise king never seeks out war.  But ... he must always be ready for it"; 5.) Intruders; 6.) "This was supposed to be my day of  triumph"; 7.) Retaliatory strike; 8.) "You're an old man and a fool"; 9.) Cast-out; 10.) CPR; 11.) Tazer; 11.) "You're no match for the mighty---"; 12.) Crater; 13.) Wormhole; 14.) "I just lost my  most important piece of  evidence"; 15.) "I'm so sorry.  I swear, I'm not doing this on purpose"; 16.)  The immovable hammer; 17.) "For a crazy homeless person, he's pretty good"; 18.)  "I told him"; 19.) "Master of magic"; 20.) "Innocent child"; 21.) The diner; 22.) The middle of  the road; 23.)  The appropriated records"; 24.) "You can bring your urgent matter to me ... your king"; 25.) The pet store; 26.) "You think me strange"; 27.) "There's always a purpose to everything your father does"; 28.) Crash site; 29.) Breach; 30.) "You're big.  I've fought bigger"; 31.)Failed attempt; 32.) Book; 33.) Bad news; 34.) "He's got a visitor"; 35.) Bar; 36.) "So, you're the one who showed us the way"; 37.) "You're sworn to obey me now"; 38.) Drunk; 39.) Campfire talk; 40.) "Don't mistake my appetite for apathy"; 41.) "I'm bound by honor to my king"; 42.) "Destroy everything"; 43.) "Zena, Jackie Chan and Robin Hood"; 44.) "And I need no longer to obey you"; 45.) "Is that one of  Stark's"; 46.) Street fight; 47.) "Don't worry my friends, I have a plan"; 48.) "It's over"; 49.) "Worthy"; 50.)  "So, this is how you normally look"; 51.) The alliance condition; 52.)  "Welcome to Asgard"; 53.) "We need you now"; 54.)  King's chamber; 55.) "To prove to father that I'm a worthy son"; 56.) "If you destroy the bridge, you'll never see her again"; 57.)  "I could have done it, father"; 58.) "It's gone"; 59.) "There will never be a wiser king than you,  or a better father"; 60.) "There is always hope"; 61.) "She searches for you"; and 62.) Bonus Scene after the Ending Credits.

favorite scenes:  I liked the smashing-the-cup-on-the-floor scene.

I liked the pet store scene.

I liked the "Is that another one of  Stark's?" scene.

audience reaction:  N/A.  I was by my lonesome ....

2nd audience reaction:  The audience--there were about a hundred of them, myself  included--liked this movie.  But only one gave it a "Hands Clapper" ending.  I guess the rest of  us were just too sleepy to care.

recommendation:  I liked this movie.  Go see it if  you're a fan of  Marvel Comic Book superheroes.

spoiler alert!  Okay, I'm admittedly confused right off  the bat!  If  Valhalla is Odin's Great Warrior Hall in Asgard where mortal human warriors go to after getting killed in combat,  where did  those Asgardian warriors go to after they were killed in combat  fighting against  their enemies, the Frost Giants?  Why didn't Odin use the hammer against the "Frosties"?  The best weapons to use against the Frost Giants would be anything that was red-hot--white-hot would even be better;  think about it ....  Once again, there were no bows and arrows used against the enemy; not even the only one that was shown!  I wanted to tell the combatants, Hey, dudes, it's like, you know, the 21st century now.  So, you guys better, uhmm,  get on with the times and,  like, seriously upgrade your stockpiles of weapons and stuff.  'Just sayin', bros ....  Why did it seem that there was not  a god/goddess in Asgard with the ability to perceive imminent danger?  Wasn't there anybody in Asgard with the supernatural ability to perform miracle healings so that their king wouldn't have to go around wearing a stupid eye-patch?  Why were there no cars passing through as they stood in the middle of  the street?  Those Feds sure could clean-out a laboratory rather  quickly--and in business attire, no less!  They have another line-of-work waiting for them when they  quit being Feds: Furniture and appliance movers--and they can call themselves the "Ex-Fed" since Fed-Ex is already taken!    It is implied at the outset that the Norse gods and goddesses have made trips to Earth.  Therefore, Thor  should have known exactly what cats, dogs and birds are.  "There's always a purpose to everything your father does"--yeah, including getting old and becoming gravely ill.  Ha, ha, ha.  Ahh ... wait a minute ... why do the Norse gods and goddesses get old, sick and die?  The two "Boiler Makers" were served-up by the bartender too quickly!  There are wild boars,  pheasants and cattle  in Asgard?  Is Asgard where such  yummy-licious  creatures go to after they get eaten  down here on Earth?  And what happens next after they get themselves eaten  in Asgard?  As yummy-licious as they are, I don't think that I'd want to subsist on a Wild Boar, Pheasant and Cattle diet for all of  eternity.  The four warriors walked 50 miles from their landing site all the way to the little town's research lab ...?  The explosion at  the gas station was not big enough.  As they were running away, a shop window exploded,  sending pieces of  safety glass--not  pieces of  sharp and jagged glass shards--at  them.  He was still in human form when he was on the receiving end of that metallic back-hand.  A back-hand powerful enough to send a human being flying across a considerable distance would also be strong enough to seriously damage said human's face, skull and brains  ( In other words, he would be dead  right-quick! ).  And that back-hand was delivered to his head, not to his body.  Therefore, the back-hand wouldn't have sent him flying far but would just have sent him falling to the ground rather quickly!  Thor flew fast to get to the teleportation  site in the desert.  So, how did Thor's warrior friends, who had to ride in a vehicle, get to the site at almost the same time as he did?  Why couldn't Thor, who could fly fast with the aid of his hammer, catch up to Loki who was just on  horseback?   When Thor flew over  the bridge then switched to walking mode it was done irrespective of  a  Law of  Physics that governs Velocity, Mass and  Inertia.  In other words, Thor's  rapid deceleration from flying to walking was too fast to be believable--had that been me, I would have tripped all over myself and tumbled around a bunch of  times; and  Loki ( Tom Hiddleston ) would have died laughing!  Loki's horny helmet sure took a long time to come  ( pun not intended ) off.  When Loki was lying down on the bridge and  Thor tried to strike him with the hammer, he blocked the strike with his halberd ( polearm ..? spear ..? ) even though a later shot showed that he couldn't even push the hammer off  his chest!  If  the hammer was too heavy for him to lift or move, then it was strong enough to crush his chest.  With both of  his sons' lives in great danger, did Odin really have enough time to put-on his armor, style his hair and comb his beard  before dashing off  to rescue them?  If I were Odin, I would have gone to try and save my sons wearing nothing but my pajamas.  Heck, sometimes I even go to sleep naked; so, if I were Odin, I might have even gone to try and save my sons' lives while still completely butt-naked!   ( Who's your daddy ...?  L.O.L. ) Since Thor is strong enough to wield the hammer, then he's many times stronger than the combined strength of  a multi-planetary  army  of  strong men--'probably even stronger than Superman, himself ( 'Sorry, DC  Comics ).  Thor's hammer, Mjolnir, was "forged in the heart of  a dying star."   Therefore, said hammer would be so super dense ( denser and heavier than the Earth's and the Moon's cores put together  )  that it would have its own gravitational field which  would wreak havoc on the Earth's and the Moon's gravitational fields as well as their individual orbits and spins!  And when that super-dense hammer impacted the Earth, it should have caused earthquakes, tsunamis and volcanic eruptions all around the world.    Thor really didn't have to do anything at all with that hammer  since its gravitational field, alone,  would sufficiently attract  everything  to it--even a particle of  light would be theoretically attracted to it.  That hammer would be like a portable Black Hole!   ( Damn!  I can be too smart for my own good at times.  Woe is me. Woe is me .... )  I take it that Thor fell to Earth on a Thursday?   'Just makes sense that he would fall to Earth on that day, a Thor's day.  Are the Norse gods/goddesses  supposed to be immortal or are they just a race of  human-like beings with super-powers and with a very long life expectancy like the Anunnakis?

And speaking of  Loki, why was he short?  Did he suffer from some kind of  congenital disease?  The movie didn't explain it.

And why are the human warriors who get killed in battle kept in Odin's "repository" in Asgard, the Great Warrior Hall of  Valhalla?  Is it because their gaping wounds, severed limbs and decomposing bodies are not a pretty sight to look at so, therefore, they're not allowed to mingle with the Asgard denizens, especially at dances, at other social functions and at banquets?  And they can all just forget about having sexual intercourse!  Hey, that doesn't sound like a warrior's paradise at all, that sounds more like hell.  Ha, ha, ha.

fyi:  The Internet version of  this movie buffered so much that it took me almost five ( ! ) hours to watch it  in its entirety.

At my now-defunct high school, Pacific High School, in San Leandro, CA, our yearbook was called, Valhalla; and our athletes were called, Vikings.

One of  the scriptwriters of  this movie, J. Michael  Straczynski,   wrote a book on how to write scripts, The Complete Book of  Scriptwriting.  I wrote two scripts based on what I learned from his book:  One for a TV sit-com that never got produced because the show was canceled before I could even send them a copy of what I had just written; and a movie script that I personally deemed too long to translate well unto film--I'm keeping this  one "on the back burner" of  my mind until I can go back to it and write it out as a book manuscript.

word of advice:  Temper your temper.

Don't call anyone a fool!   ( Bible's New Testament,  the Gospel of  Matthew 5:22 )

tidbits:  As I searched the Internet for this movie's advanced reviews, I came across this Pun Joke, which I reworded:

The Norse Vikings were a stinky lot!  But their loved ones could easily tell them apart from each other simply by their individual characteristic smell.  One Norse in particular had a very beautiful daughter whom  he loved so dearly.  One day, the Norse Viking had to go on a raid in a far-away land.  While there, he discovered that the natives used something called "bar soap."  Finally, after many years, it was time to go  back home.  When he arrived at his village, his daughter was nowhere to  be found.  The Norse accosted one of  the locals and inquired of  him the whereabouts of  his beloved daughter.  By sheer luck, the local knew just where the now-married daughter was living.  So, he took the Norse to his daughter.  But, alas! the daughter didn't recognize him at all because he didn't stink since he had been using  bar soap all along.  Sadly, the daughter asked him to leave her alone forever.

The moral of  this story is ...:

You can lead a Norse ( 1 ) to the Daughter ( 2 ), but you cannot make the Norse Stink ( 3 )!

( 1 = Horse; 2 = Water; 3 = Drink )

And here's another joke that I found:

Question:  What is an "Asgard"?

Answer:  It is what you need to do when you're in prison!

Special Announcement:  I would like to take this time to say, Thank You and Welcome, to my readers in these two countries:

Finland and Mauritius

Thank you, once again.  Please keep on reading my weekly updates.  And don't forget to tell your friends, and everyone else who you know, about my movie blogsite.
 

PROM, PG ( 1 hr & 43 min )

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Monday, May 2nd, 2011
show:  9:45 p.m.
costs:  $9.75 Ticket + $5.00 regular Nachos + $4.00 small Diet/Zero ( w/ Barq's & Cherry flavors ) Coke + $4.76 MacDonald's Double Quarter Pounder w/ Cheese after the movie = $23.51
auditorium:  11
seat:  4th row,  8th column

synopsis/overview:  Some high school teens, mostly girls, look forward to their one special night: The Senior Prom.  And one girl in particular, the student body president, Nova ( Aimee Teegarden ), wants it to be just that way.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) "Has he asked you, yet"; 2.) "Olympics of  high school"; 3.) "That I'm consistent"; 4.) "You need to ask me"; 5.) Starry night; 6.) "There's something I need to ask"; 7.) Prom dates; 8.) Car pool; 9.) "There's nothing but garbage down there"; 10.) Webcam; 11.) Candles; 12.) Fire; 13.) The help; 14.) Helmets; 15.) "She's out there.  Find her"; 16.) "I was never here.  You never saw me"; 17.)  Invitation to a barbecue; 18.) Shop; 19.) Punk; 20.)  Scholarship interview; 21.) Girls' room; 22.) Wrong car; 23.) Chemistry class; 24.) Dude; 25.) Computer class; 26.) The overpass; 27.) Hamster; 28.) "Last night, last dance"; 29.) "Adult supervision"; 30.) The barbecue party; 31.) "You collect these things"; 32.) "We're Kranton"; 33.) "Dude, I'm sealing the deal"; 34.) The fountain; 35.) Reason for tardiness; 36.) Library; 37.) Jeep; 38.) "Maybe, we should check out how starry their night is"; 39.) "Why help me"; 40.) ""Kid's a loser"; 41.) The lie; 42.) "A lot of people are wrong about you"; 43.) "Problem solved"; 44.) "I like it better that way"; 45.) Diner; 46.) Dresses; 47.) "You're the 'One-Hit'"; 48.) The let-down in the library; 49.) Rocks; 50.) The overheard conversation; 51.) Grocery store loading dock; 52.) Change of  plans; 53.) "That's not where I live"; 54.) "I know the feeling"; 55.) "It's enough"; 56.) Fight; 57.) "I had a talk with him"; 58.) "I didn't know how to tell you"; 59.) The basement; 60.) "Hippos forever"; 61.) The prom; 62.) "So romantic"; and 63.) "When it ends, it's really just the beginning."

audience reaction:  N/A.  I was the only one in the auditorium.

recommendation:  This movie is strictly for little girls who have unrealistic Prom Night expectations and/or fantasies.

spoiler alert!  This high school must be in some alternate parallel universe.  I mean, where were the cussing, swearing, gangs, schoolyard fights, graffiti, illicit drugs, underage smoking, underage drinking, dirty dancing, unwanted teen pregnancies, teen moms, etc.?  And I don't think I even saw one bicycle or skateboard anywhere on campus--motorcycle, yes; bicycle, no.  No principal--or teacher, for that matter--can flunk or keep any student from graduating simply based on attendance and/or performance in some extra-curricular activity.  Nowadays, some senior proms are held outside of  the school campus.  They have it at hotels where the teens  can go to their  hotel rooms afterwards  to have sex and Lord-knows-what-else!  Proms  have devolved  into  an excuse for fornication and other licentious acts, and parents apparently condone it.  What's wrong with this country?  Had this movie been shown weeks ago before the actual senior proms  were held  across the country, teens would have probably booed and jeered it off  the theatres!  Did her dad apologize?  Her prom dress made her butt look big and wide! 

fyi:  It seems that I'm not the only one who thinks that Jesse ( Thomas McDonell ) looks like a young Johnny Depp.  A newspaper movie reviewer thinks the same way, too.

When I was at  WheelWorks a couple of  weeks ago for my Hyundai Accent's diagnostics, I watched a TV news segment about prom dresses.  One dress in particular was worth about $2,000.oo or more.  Can you believe that about some stupid dress that will only be worn once!  This whole "prom affair" is too commercialized, and undeservedly so.  You have to either be stupid--or a girl--to fall for something like that!  Us guys are too smart for such nonsense, which is why we go "rental" style.

I didn't go to my senior prom.  I made a lot of enemies in high school.  And I simply didn't want to find myself in a roomful of  people that I didn't get along with.  This was shortly  after the Vietnam War, a time when  the people in this country, especially the white ones, were looking for someone to vent their anger, rage and frustration on.  A someone who did not conform; and I was that  "someone."  A non-conforming "someone" from that part of the world.  And it didn't help that the most beautiful girl in class, a white brunette,  liked me!  I just kept my distance from her.  And she ended-up going to the prom with the varsity football quarterback--huh! typical ....  Anyway, less than two weeks before the prom, a  family friend, Fred, the policeman, struck me a deal:  If I could find someone to go as my prom date,  he'd pay for my rental tux.  And there was this one other girl, a blonde,  who  I liked.  I asked her about a  week before the prom if she would like to go as my date.  But she had to work as a babysitter on prom night.  And just a week's time to go hunting for a prom dress was really no time at all, according to a female classmate of  mine in whom I confided about the matter.  So, that was that!  Besides, I wouldn't have enjoyed the prom, post-Vietnam War,  what with all those predominantly white classmates of  mine all in the same room with me.

word of advice:  Real life begins after high school.

Don't leave candles unattended.

tidbits:  So, they finally got Osama Bin Laden.  They would have gotten him sooner had they heeded my advice on my blog's tidbits for  ALIENS IN THE ATTIC.  See for yourself ....

I gave one of  my Cine-Man calling cards to the concessions clerk, Antonio.  I hope that he doesn't forget to check-out my blogsite.

Special Announcement:  I would like to take this time to say, Thank You and Welcome, to my readers in ...

The Czech Republic

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DYLAN DOG: DEAD OF NIGHT, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 47 min )

where:  AMC BAY STREET 16 in Emeryville, CA
when:  Saturday, April 30th, 2011
show:  9:45 p.m.
costs:  $11.00 Ticket + $0.00 large Popcorn + $0.00 large Zero Coke + $1.50 Validated Parking Garage Fee + $5.00 Carquinez  Bridge Toll = $17.50
auditorium:  16
seat:  3rd row, 5th column

synopsis/overview:  A private investigator, Dylan Dog ( Brandon Routh ), who retired from his "specialty", solving crimes involving the undead, gets out of retirement to investigate the killing of a friend and another human by one of the undead.  What he uncovers is a crime centered around a stolen artifact that can create a war among the vampires, werewolves and zombies that  prowl around on the streets of  New Orleans.



noteworthy scenes:  1.) "You take credit cards"; 2.) "Yearning, learning and earning"; 3.) First impression; 4.) Vampire club; 5.) "Big beast, big fangs"; 6.) "Time to get back to work"; 7.) The trees; 8.) A girl; 9.) Cysnos Meat Packing Plant; 10.) "Little pig"; 11.) Pay dirt; 12.) War; 13.) An artifact; 14.) Flare; 15.) Pact; 16.) Morgue; 17.) Body shop; 18.) "Religious nut job"; 19.) Cemetery; 20.) "New beauty regimen"; 21.) Maggots; 22.) "Ghouls"; 23.) "King of  the world"; 24.) "What the hell are you"; 25.) "I look like a dead hooker"; 26.) "You shot me"; 27.) "Sleeping beast"; 28.) "They took something precious from both of  us"; 29.) "What's a # 9"; 30.)  Old friend;31.) Heart of  Belial; 32.) Dead, But Living Large support group; 33.) "Boning"; 34.) "Dum-dums"; 35.) Bigger guns; 36.) "I told you I'll be  back"; 37.) "There's the heart"; 38.) "I guess we'll never know"; 39.) "Please, don't interrupt the eulogy"; 40.) "Predictable to a fault"; 41.) Crypt; 42.) "She's not the one I'm worried about"; 43.)  "Your death is my life legacy"; 44.) "Zombie power, bitch"; 45.) "It's dying time"; 46.) "Is there something in my eye"; and 47.) "If  I  had another one right now, I'd hug you."


audience reaction:  The audience was somewhat entertained by this.  One of two guys seated behind me said to his friend at  the start of  the Ending Credits, "Let's get out of  here.  This movie is terrible."

recommendation:  This movie is not scary and is just mildly amusing.  Wait for this to come out as a Rental.

spoiler alert!   That old Volkswagen doesn't sound like one at all.  Instead, it sounds like an old jalopy from the early 20s.  If the undead refer to the humans as "Breathers" then it only means that  all of  the undead are "Non-breathers."  If  they don't breathe, then they cannot talk  since air coming-up from the lungs and through the vocal cords and manipulated by the mouth, tongue and lips is how we are able to talk.  Why would a zombie faint?  Why can Marcus ( Sam Huntington ), an undead, smell himself?  Fresh blood is needed for broken/severed limbs to heal which ... by the way,  the undead don't have anymore of.  Therefore, the spare body parts really wouldn't graft at all.  Someone has it in for Volkswagen Beetles since the only cars that got  damaged were  an old Beetle and a new Beetle.   Would you really want to have a zombie with festering facial sores cook and/or  serve you your burger and fries?  The love-making scene came across as unnaturally forced.  Why were the female vampires able to sleep through all that noisy encounter and not even get burned?  Why didn't it get completely dark in the crypt after he extinguished his cigarette lighter?  Why was he even carrying a cigarette lighter for since I don't think I even saw him light one up?  When the gold-capped tooth grew into a fang, it was still gold-capped--yeah, right ....  The vampires, werewolves and zombies were stronger than humans and could hit humans pretty hard, but Dylan only suffered from a bruised rib  even though he was thrown around, and even fell down from a considerable height twice.  I say, let the vampires, werewolves and zombies fight  each other; then, we finish-off whatever undead creatures are left!

The film was somewhat blurry on the left 1/3 side of  the screen.  Maybe there was something wrong with the digital projection or maybe there was a popcorn butter smudge on the left lens of my eyeglasses.  I don't know ....

fyi:  Back when my family lived in Matina ( both at the apartment and in G.S.I.S. Heights Subdivision ), Davao City, Mindanao, Philippines, we had about six dogs.  One of  which was mine; a medium-built ( they were all medium-built, by the way  ) male with a  colored coat  like what you see on a Rottweiler and/or a Doberman.  I named him, Panther.  But because of  the brown spot that he had above each of  his eyelids, my eldest sister nicknamed him, Boking ( from the word, "Volks" ), because my sister said that the brown spots reminded her of  the turn signal lights above the headlights on the older Volkswagen Beetles.

I missed the first five minutes, approximately, of  this movie  because I was delayed at  the home of  my friend, Hector, in Oakland, CA, because  his oldest son and his only daughter ( with her husband and their daughter ) stopped by for a  visit.  We sat around the dining table watching Internet videos and talking about the Bible, the Holocaust, the INGLORIOUS BASTERDS movie,  and the Shariah  Law introduced/imposed  by the fake "christian" ( who cannot fool anybody who knows his/her Bible--for the record, I didn't vote for him because I knew he was a fake all along! ) in the White House.  We also watched an Internet video of  Mosab Hassan Yousef,  the son of  one of the founders of  Hamas who converted to Christianity.  And a Bible-burning video on a former PLO terrorist's webside:  www.shoebat.com.

word of advice:  You can't judge a book by its cover.

tidbits:  Shortly after I arrived at Hector's place, either he or his wife  asked me if  I saw The Royal Wedding.  I said, No.  I'm not into that stuff.  Hector said that the wedding cost 53 million dollars!  He said that that money could have been better spent on the poor and the hungry;  which is why he declined the Royal Invitation in protest.  Ha, ha, ha.

I said to Hector that when I was at the check-out line at the Pinole Safeway supermarket, I noticed the headline on one of  the tabloids which claims  that Kate Middleton cannot conceive.  And Hector said, "That's crazy.  They should have done a fertility test first.  Because the Royals are supposed to have children."  I told him that it was okay since they can always consider adoption because that is what today's celebrities are doing: Adopting kids from Asia and/or Africa.  And since both of  my Asian parents are dead--meaning, I'm an Asian orphan--THEY CAN ADOPT ME!  Me, me, me.  Pick me!  If they do, I promise not to be a Royal Pain in the butt!  And if it's not gonna be so much trouble for the couple, I would like to have my very own personally hand-picked--ahem--wet nurse!  Milk-Mustache, anyone ...?

One of  Hector's sons bought him a green  bicycle that is a replica of  a 1952 coaster bike.  It has a built-in headlight and a taillight, both of  which operate on battery power.  And it even has a horn on its dummy fuel tank.  The bike cost $2,000.oo.  For that money, his son could have bought him a more practical 150cc scooter.  Whatever ....  Anyway, when Hector's daughter's husband saw it, he asked, "Who's bike is this?  It looks like a 'Pee-Wee Herman' bike."   And someone said,  "No, it's not.  A 'Pee-Wee Herman' bike is red."  We all laughed.

Hector's five-year old granddaughter, it turns out, is the object of  affection/infatuation between two boys at her school.  Ah, a "Puppy-Love Triangle!"  Awww ....  How cute!

And speaking of  puppy ....

Hector's kitten, Tiger, has learned a new trick.  When Tiger's friend and playmate, Two-Face, the pitbull puppy, was let in  the house, Tiger jumped on her back and rode her around the dining room and the living room as if  he was a cowboy ( cowkitten? ) on a bucking bronco!  How funny is that?

AMC Theatre has gotten rid of  its movie watcher reward card.  In its place, it now has a membership card ( a dollar-a-month fee rip-off ).  As an enticement, AMC sent me, through the mail, a coupon for a free large popcorn and a free large softdrink.  But I'm still deliberating whether I should sign-up or not because I seldom see a movie at this theatre.  But, then again, this is The Theatre to go to for any Pixar Studios movie since Pixar is only about a mile away from this place.  So, we'll see ....


Special Announcement:  I would like to take this time to say, Thank You and Welcome, to my readers in ...

Uruguay


Thank you, once again.  Please keep reading my weekly updates.  And don't forget to tell your friends, and  anybody else who you know, about my movie blogsite.