IT'S COMPLICATED, R ( 1 hr & 54 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when: Tuesday, December 29th, 2009
show: 7:45 p.m.
costs: $9.50 Ticket + $4.00 Hot Dog + $3.75 small Diet/Zero ( w/ Barq's & Cherry flavors ) Coke = $17.25
auditorium: 11
seat: 4th row, 8ht column

synopsis: Fun with Jake and Jane in a love rectangle.

After being divorced for 10 years, an ex-couple, Jake ( Alec Baldwin ) and Jane ( Meryl Streep ), get together to help celebrate their son's college graduation. After a few drinks, they find themselves having an affair with each other, what with Jake being married to ( a much younger ) Agness ( Lake Bell ) while at the same time Jane is considering a relationship with her architect, Adam ( Steve Martin ). Will things work out for all parties concerned or will it all end up being just one big mess? One thing's for certain: It is so complicated!

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Anniversary party; 2.) Empty house; 3.) Bakery; 4.) Architectural plans; 5.) Plastic surgeon; 6.) Elevator; 7.) Female get-together; 8.) Hotel bar; 9.) Hotel bed; 10.) "Gone native"; 11.) Toast; 12.) Audio-taped instruction guide for the newly divorced; 13.) It's official; 14.) Confession; 15.) The other woman; 16.) More caliente; 17.) Upstairs view; 18.) Little Pedro; 19.) Spying on ex-wife; 20.) Downward-facing dog "yoga"; 21.) Baby; 22.) Marijuana; 23.) 'Phone call; 24.) Psychologist; 25.) Fertility clinic; 26.) Hotel tryst; 27.) Flomax; 28.) Nervous Harley ( John Krasinski ); 29.) "Jakey"; 30.) Ovulating; 31.) No show; 32,) Dad's favorite meal; 33.) Harley's secret; 34.) Appointment book; 35.) High, Jane; 36.) Reefer; 37.) Guest bathroom; 38.) The dance; 39.) Bakery; 40.) "Jammie" pants; 41.) Breakfast; 42.) Web cam; 43.) Jane and her children; 44.) Relationship's not done; 45.) The swing; and 46.) The rain.

audience reaction: The audience enjoyed this Rom-Com.

recommendation: Go see this movie.

spoiler alert! At her age, shouldn't Jane be considering downsizing her domicile, instead? Jane didn't need a brow-lift. There is very little need for pain killers after a brow-lift surgery so long as you keep to your daily intake and topical application of antibiotic medications as prescribed by your surgeon, and getting plenty of rest. What she needed was blepharoplasty ( eyelid plastic surgery ). In later scenes, Jane's eyelids were no longer droopy.

fyi: I remember taking Wood Shop as a high school freshman. One of my classmates told me that his parents were divorced. I was already familiar with this word because of my intensive schooling in the English language back in the Philippines. But to hear someone, in person, actually use it as a statement of fact caught me off-guard. I never thought that I would ever come across someone whose parents were divorced.

After seven years of living here in the United States with my mother and my siblings, I found out one day that my mother had filed for divorce from my father, who was in the Philippines all that time. My long-time friend, Hector, told me that in this country a couple is considered divorced if they have been separated for at least seven years. It came as a shock! After all, there was no such thing as Divorce back in the old country. And only Americans get divorced, I thought. Granted, my father was a very abusive husband and father. But so were a good majority of the husbands and fathers in the land of my birth where "red", "grey" and "black" shades of Machismo were culturally dominant. And the law had no provisions for the mitigation or prevention of spousal abuse and child abuse. The wives and children just had to learn in a painfully difficult way to avoid incurring the husband's/father's wrath, and to lessen the severity of said wrath should it become unavoidable by not defending one's self. I was my father's "punching bag" but, then again, so were every one else in my family, including one or two of our maids. It was just a matter of time before all of our relatives, friends, neighbors, and classmates in the Philippines found out about the divorce; and I became ashamed of being a child of such a scandal. Then I swore never to become like my father, ever!

Many years ago, back in Oakland, CA, I had to see an E.E.N.T. ( Ears, Eyes, Nose and Throat ) specialist about an ear infection. As the doctor sat me down for the diagnosis, I couldn't help but notice that he was a dead-ringer for Steve Martin--I guess you could say that they were identical twins separated at birth! I had to contain myself to keep from laughing because of his face. But I never broached the "look-alike" subject to him because it would have been a redundant statement of the so-obvious. Wouldn't it have been funny, though, had it actually been Steve Martin, himself, doing a "Candid Camera" prank on me?

word of advice: Consider for a moment if an extra-marital affair is worth the trouble that you are about to get yourself into.

tidbits: This morning, before going to work, I checked the more popular web browsers to see if they can find my blog site easily. Google Chrome, Opera, Ask.com and Mozilla Firefox can find it easily. Internet Explorer and Safari have a hard time finding it. And Yahoo always digs-up a Brazilian blog site instead of mine!

A welcome news which I just happened upon is that BlogPulse.com has my current movie review, the one on SHERLOCK HOLMES, listed in it twice ( BlogPulse Analysis/Key Phrases, # 18 & # 25 on the BlogBites column, for December 26th, 2009 ). Maybe it does a weekly update on my entries. I'll have to check it out next week to see if I'm right about this. I offer a BIG Heart-Felt "Thank You!" to whoever submitted my blog for posting--keep it up! Thank You, Thank you and thank you.

WHAT CHRISTMAS?

The caption for this photo which I googled for this post reads: "Dog looks towards Bethlehem, in Gush Etzion, by Ezra Halevi." A photo which was taken recently. ( Gush Etzion is approximately 8 - 10 miles SW of Bethlehem. )

The Roman Catholic Church designated December 25th as the day of Jesus Christ's birth to replace the pagan practice of worshipping the farm god, Saturn, which falls on that particular day. But as evidenced by the above photo, Bethlehem ( which is approximately five miles south of Jerusalem ) does get snow in winter time. So, it would have been a bad idea to put Jesus Christ out in a manger when all the shepherds and their sheep were all sleeping under the same roof because of the bitter cold of winter. They weren't out in the field tending to their flock in late December!

If you have access to a Roman Catholic calendar, this is what you will notice: December 8ht is celebrated as the day of The Immaculate Conception; and September 29th is celebrated as the day of the Feast of the Archangels.

The first question that should come to mind is this: If Jesus Christ was conceived on December 8ht, was he born 17 days later on December 25th or was he born one year and 17 days later? We all know that the time from its conception to the birth of an infant takes approximately nine months. If you count nine months from December, you arrive at the month of September! The next question that should come to mind is this: Why did the Archangels feast on September 29th? The Bible only has five references in it wherein the angels rejoiced. One of which is in the New Testament's Luke 2: 8 - 16, when Jesus Christ was born! Even the Ancient Egyptians who built the Great Pyramid knew of this day and its location, according to author John Zajac in his book, THE DELICATE BALANCE ( 1990 ). JESUS CHRIST WAS BORN ON SEPTEMBER 29TH! And, yet, even though the Roman Catholic Church knows of these particular days of the year, its priests are certainly quiet about it all and blindly lead the ignorant sheep on a fools' procession into the gaping Pit of Ignorance.

And, Yes! I made a solemn celebration on that day, as I have for a number of years now. So, when I say that I don't celebrate Christmas, I mean that I don't do it on the day that lazy, ignorant, irresponsible, foolish and faithless hypocrites do. Remember that Jesus Christ, Himself, said to walk in the Ways of God, not in the ways of the world, i.e. don't participate in pagan celebrations and practices if you're a believer in Christ ( John 15: 18 & 19 ). And, nope, I'm not a Jehovah's Witness. I am a Jewish Christian by faith and by birth ( my Jewish Christian lineage on my mother's side goes as far back as the time of The Lord, Himself ), I'm a direct descendant of the Jewish Christian Royal Priesthood.

Every September 29th, I don't exchange gifts with others; rather, I offer Jesus Christ the symbolic gifts of "Gold" ( my Faith in His Divine Power and Authority ), "Frankincense" ( my Love for Him through my daily meditation, contemplation and devotional hymns ) and "Myrrh" ( my sincere gratitude for His sacrificial offering ).

While we are still on the subject of Christian Holy Days, the one other day--in fact, the only day that should be celebrated--is the day of The Last Supper. If Jesus Christ is God, and God is All-Knowing and able to see well into the future, then why did He tell His Apostles to commemorate only that one particular day of the year ( Luke 22: 19 )? He didn't say anything about celebrating Easter or even His birthday, for that matter.

Now that you all know about Christmas and Easter, I shall task you with the responsibility of doing what is right in the eyes of God if you truly believe in Him for I have now just taken away your ignorance. From now on, you will be held spiritually responsible for what you do regarding these two days.

So, in the spirit of the season, I wish you all "VERY X MES" ( X = Wrong; Mes = Spanish for month ) and an ENLIGHTENED NEW YEAR! Happy Holidays ( i.e., Hanukkah and New Year ) to one and all.

SHERLOCK HOLMES, PG-13 ( 2 hr & 14 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when: Friday, December 25th, 2009
show: 10:00 a.m. Extra Dollar Off First Show Matinee
costs: $6.25 Ticket + $3.75 small Diet/Zero ( w/ Barq's & Cherry flavors ) Coke + $2.12 bulk Chocolate Candy + $13.38 lunch at Empire Chinese Buffet ( + $2.62 Tip ) = $28.12
auditorium: 13
seat: 3rd row, 6th column

synopsis: A string of female sacrifices and murders lead Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downey, Jr. ) and Dr. Watson ( Jude Law ) on the trail of an evil man, Lord Blackwood ( Mark Strong ), who's Hell-bent on creating a trans-Atlantic Evil Empire after his resurrection from the dead.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Aborted sacrifice; 2.) Recluse; 3.) Character study; 4.) Fight; 5.) Blackwood's last request; 6.) Death is only a beginning; 7.) Miss Irene Adler ( Rachel McAdams ); 8.) Mugging attempt; 9.) Exhumation; 10.) Alchemy lab; 11.) Ship yard; 12.) Secret Order; 13.) Grand Hotel; 14.) Secret chamber; 15.) Secret meeting; 16.) Slaughter house; 17.) Train; 18.) Royal Veterans Hospital; 19.) Pentagram; 20.) Wanted; 21.) Parliament; 22.) Cyanide pellets; 23.) The Thames' Tower Bridge; 24.) Professor Moriarty; 25.) Hanging around; and 26.) Rhododendron.

audience reaction: The audience enjoyed this movie but it didn't get a "Hands Clapper" ending.

recommendation: This is a "thinking man" type of action movie for those who are tired of seeing "all brawn, no brain" action movies.

spoiler alert! I didn't care at all for the explain-the-fight-moves-before-using-them-on-the-opponent scenes; they were just a waste of time. The setting for this movie is circa late 1880's ( judging from the unfinished construction of the Thames' Tower Bridge ), approximately 30 years before the word, Discombobulate, was presumably coined. Yet, Sherlock used it to describe a fight move. I would be tearing and coughing if I were to find myself in a smoke-filled room! Why can't they speak in English in such a way that we, Americans, can easily understand? After all, they lose their English accent whenever they sing and sound just like us, Americans.

fyi: "Elementary, my dear Watson," is not yet Sherlock Holmes' famous line in this movie.

You will notice that the sewers looked clean in this movie. That's because "The Great Stink" of 1858 forced Londoners to do a massive clean-up, which lasted about 100 years, of the badly polluted and highly toxic Thames River. But, still, it looked too clean, if you ask me. And I wouldn't be swimming in it like Holmes did way back when.

word of advice: Don't render invaluable services for free.

tidbits: On my way to the theatre, as soon as I got on the freeway from Fairgrounds Drive, some idiotic over-speeding, aggressive driver tried to intimidate me into moving out of his way by coming up very close to my Metro's rear end. I should have slammed on my brakes--and I would have if I didn't need to go see this movie first thing, Christmas Day. I stayed in my lane. So he switched to the left lane, where he should have been in the first place, and took off. What an asshole!

I called my brother to wish him and his "Happy Holidays." He's in Las Vegas with his wife and kids.

To my disappointment, Stara, the Indian Buffet here in Vallejo, went out of business, which was why I went to the Chinese buffet, instead, after first checking to see if Selecta Filipino Buffet was open, which it wasn't.

And the Chinese buffet's owner's daughter was there, looking hot as always. Too bad I don't celebrate Christmas anymore or else I'd have Santa put her on my lap! Ho, ho, ho.

3 IDIOTS, NR ( 2 hr & 50 min )

where: BRENDEN CONCORD 14 in Concord, CA
when: Thursday, December 24th, 2009
show: 4:30 p.m.
costs: $7.50 Ticket + $8.00 Kids Pack ( w/ Diet Pepsi ) + $13.65 dinner at Buffet City in Concord ( + $2.35 Tip ) + $4.00 Bridge Toll = $35.00 ( Boy! am I glad I didn't take anyone with me. )
auditorium: 3
seat: 4th row, 10th column

synopsis: Two friends, along with a rival, embark on an emergency road trip to find a long-lost third friend, ten years after they left college.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Airport medical emergency; 2.) Imperial College of Engineering ( ICE ); 3.) Rancho ( Aamir Khan ); 4.) The bet; 5.) Fate sealed; 6.) Underwear initiation; 7.) Life begins with murder; 8.) The pen; 9.) Definition of machine; 10.) Aal iz well; 11.) Joy; 12.) Mental pressure; 13.) The letter; 14.) Desperate for free food; 15.) Power nap; 16.) Exam trick; 17.) The speech; 18.) The challenge; 19.) The watch demonstration; 20.) Emergency; 21.) Zoobi Doobi; 22.) Late papers; 23.) Exceeding expectations; 24.) Rancho?; 25.) The urn; 26.) Chhote; 27.) Ladakh; 28.) Humiliation; 29.) Fear & pretense; 30.) Pia's ( Kareena Kapoor ) room; 31.) Induction motor; 32.) Rusticated; 33.) Father & son talk; 34.) No yes, man; 35.) Feel naked; 36.) Refusal; 37.) U-turn; 38.) Wedding elopement; 39.) Red seal envelope; 40.) Suicide note; 41.) Downpour; 42.) Emergency delivery; 43.) Grandson; 44.) Extraordinary student; 45.) The school; 46.) Declaration of defeat; and 47.) Wangdu.

audience reaction: The audience loved this Hindi ( w/ English subtitle ) comedy movie.

recommendation: Go see this movie if you're into comedy films. You won't be disappointed.

spoiler alert! I missed some of the jokes and funny scenes because I was busy scribbling down notes. Rancho never taught his two friends how to prepare for exams; instead, he filled their heads with doubts and made them the laughing-stock of the whole school.

fyi: I haven't been to this particular theatre in over a year. I came here on opening day years ago because they had a Spice Girls tribute band as an opening act to draw-in the crowd. But I arrived too late and missed the act. Had I been there in time to see the show, I think that I would have drooled. Down, boy! Behave ( pant, pant, pant ). And I cannot even remember what movie I went to see that day, for the life of me.

If I were a music agent, I'd form a female band of Real Spice Girls from India, Pakistan and Bangladesh. I don't know if you've seen beautiful girls from the Indian subcontinent, but I have. And they've got some really hot ones! And with all that Yoga that they do, you know they're very flexible! Kama Sutra Nirvana, mama--Hey! this is a good name for a female band, come to think of it.

This movie is not reviewed on Fandango.com or Hollywood.com so, on a hunch, I googled Bollywood.com. And there it is! Talk about resourceful.

I thought that this movie is an Hindi remake of The Three Stooges. But it isn't. It's about two college students befriending a free-spirited, iconoclastic genius, so much so that their academic resolve suffers for it ( hence, the moniker ) as they rediscover who they actually are and what they are meant to be in life.

I didn't know that someone came up with the same electrocution method which I was certain that I was the only one bedeviled enough to concoct back in 1980, but never actually executed ( it's a long story in two parts ).

I didn't know, too, that India ranks number one in suicides. I always thought that Japan was the suicide capital of the world.

I fell in love with the setting for the ending scene--such a beautiful scenery. Postcard perfect!

word of advice: "Chase excellence; success will follow you, pants down." ( Rancho )

tidbits: I decided on the Kid's Pack ( Popcorn, M&M Candy and drink ) because the theatre was promoting the chipmunks movie with collector cups: One had an Alvin figure on the lid while another one had a Brittany figure on it. I opted for the "Alvin" one--for now.

I asked the concessions clerk, Boris, if he knew what the movie was about. He told me that he didn't. I said that I was curious about it because I review movies on line; and I gave him one of my movie review cards. He told me to let him know what I thought about the movie. After the movie, I went up to him and told him that I liked it.

On my way home, I had a craving for Indian food so I swung by the Indian buffet restaurant, Namaste. But they don't have buffet dinner from Monday through Thursday. I decided to pig-out at Buffet City, instead ( where a young patroness complemented me on my Santa hat--I must be getting really fat [ she's getting a lump of coal tonight ] ). Maybe tomorrow, after watching the Sherlock Holmes movie, I'll swing by the Indian buffet restaurant, Stara, here in Vallejo to satisfy my craving.

ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: SQUEAKQUEL, PG ( 1 hr & 28 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when: Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009
show: 7:20 p.m.
costs: $9.50 + $8.56 all-you-can-eat pizza & salad dinner buffet at Mountain Mike's Pizzeria = $18.06
auditorium: 7
seat: 2nd row, 12 column

synopsis: High school squeak-sical with cute kids on the block.

When Dave Seville ( Jason Lee ) ends up in an hospital with a full-body cast, he entrusts the chipmunks in the care of his lazy loser, irresponsible cousin, Toby ( Zachary Levi ), and has them sent to school. Meanwhile, their former evil agent, Ian ( David Cross ), has come up with a way to dethrone and defame the famous chipmunks.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Concert; 2.) Hospital; 3.) Airport; 4.) Nightmare; 5.) West Eastman High School; 6.) Jett Records basement; 7.) Bullies; 8.) Striking a deal with the school principal; 9.) Penthouse suite; 10.) Tobey's high school days; 11.) Dodge ball; 12.) The chipettes; 13.) Tobey's old crush; 14.) The debut; 15.) Theodore in Tobey's bed; 16.) Litter monitor; 17.) Clogs; 18.) Football; 19.) Singing duel; 20.) The zoo; 21.) Barbecue; 22.) Pocket rocket; 23.) Helicopter; 24.) High school music competition; 25.) Staples arena; 26.) Goodnight; 27.) Clean-up duty; and 28.) Bonus scene after the ending credits.

audience reaction: They liked this movie.

recommendation: This is a silly and juvenile comedy aimed at little kids who think little fur balls who can sing are cute and funny. This is definitely a kids' movie.

spoiler alert! How did the chipmunks go from living in a tree to going to high school? Don't they need transcripts? Wouldn't it have made more sense to put them in a pet boarding house? Since the Chipmunks are professional singers, the school would have to pay them to perform. And they wouldn't even be allowed to compete in the first place because of their professional status. Why would the P. E. coach have them take part in a dodge ball game? They could get killed! Lawsuit, anyone? For such a financially-strapped school, its faculty sure loves to flirt with potential legal disasters. Do you know why Alvin wasn't sleepy yet? Because he was horny as heck and there were three female chipmunks behind closed doors with him and his brothers in the dark and--for obvious reason-- none of them wore underwear, skirt and/or pants, that's why!

fyi: When my family used to live in an apartment in Matina, Davao City, Mindanao, Philippines, we had a backyard neighbor who lived in a duplex. Between the apartment and the duplex, that family was the only one with a television set ( black and white--back in the day ). So we befriended the bratty only-child and would go play with him in their yard in the afternoon just before cartoon shows would air. If we were nice to him, he'd let us in the house to watch the cartoons along with him; but if we upset him in anyway, then we would have to watch the shows from outside their living room window where mosquitoes were more than happy to keep us company. And we used to love watching "Alvin and the Chipmunks," among other shows. That family even had the Christmas Chipmunks record album.

word of advice: Don't pick on the little guy.

Don't put your family down in front of your friends just so you could "fit in."

tidbits: I decided to have dinner first before the show. And since I had a Burger King Double Deluxe Hamburger, Onion Rings and Fries for dinner last night, I decided to "super-size me" at Mountain Mike's Wednesday Night Pizza & Salad Dinner Buffet instead of having a "Micky D's" meal.

On my way home, when I got to the corner of Sereno from Tuolumne, three cop cars with lights on and sirens blaring crossed the intersection. Then an unmarked one made a left on a red as a few drivers and I waited for the green. Then a second unmarked one came to a stop across the intersection from us and used its spotlight to scan my car's cabin as well as those of the other cars' cabins in search of a suspect.

When I came to a stop at the remote-controlled gate of my condominium's entry way, it opened for me as I was still fumbling in the dark for my remote. This happened at around 9:40 p.m.

Then, before going to bed, I made a big batch of turkey gravy since I was picked to cook it for the following day's pot luck at work.