DESI BOYZ, NR ( 2 hr & 2 min )

a

where:  UA EMERY BAY STADIUM 10 in Emeryville, CA
when:  Friday, November 25th, 2011
show:  5:10 p.m.
costs:  $0.00 Ticket ( Free Pass ) + $11.50 Nachos Combo + $5.00 Carquinez Bridge Toll + $16.08 dinner @ Golden City Buffet in Vallejo, CA, after the movie ( + $2.00 Tip ) = $34.58
auditorium:  1
seat:  5th row, 7th column


synopsis/overview:  When two friends find themselves without jobs, they become male strippers/escorts out of desperation.  But all that money and attention begin to affect their personal lives in a big way.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) Bonus check; 2.) Shoplifter; 3.) "False alarm"; 4.) Bar; 5.) "Jignesh is dead"; 6.) Interview; 7.) Wedding plans; 8.) Social worker; 9.) Grocery store; 10.) Business card; 11.) Contract; 12.) Ritz Hotel; 13.) Song & Dance montage; 14.) "Three rules"; 15.) "Thank you for last night"; 16.) Father's Day; 17.) Party celebration; 18.) Baby oil; 19.) YouTube; 20.) "Clean up you act"; 21.) Slap; 22.) Dorm room; 23.) Camper trailer; 24.) Former classmate; 25.) E-mail; 26.) Employee of the month; 27.) Shooting gallery; 28.) Private lessons in Economics; 29.) "We Indians are always late"; 30.) Report card; 31.) Threat; 32.) "I wanted to sell this today.  And I met you"; 33.) Child custody hearing; and 34.) Bonus Scenes during the Ending Credits.

audience reaction:  The audience enjoyed this comedy.

recommendation:  It is a good enough light entertainment for fans of Bollywood Song & Dance to go see.

spoiler alert!  Don't they have a Motorcycle Helmet Law in place in the UK?  He wasn't noticed and/or heard when he jumped from the second floor all the way down to the marble tiled first floor?  A proposition to have all three heterosexual males in the tight confines of a shower stall?  What, is this some kind of a questionable foreign culture idiosyncrasy?   Why didn't the potential employer just stepped out of his office when all that racket was going on so that the people outside would know what was really going on inside?  Whoever it was that they hired to do the English subtitles didn't do a good job of it; things got lost in the translation, e.g.  "Brother from a hotter mother" and a few other instances of such that I failed to write a note on.  She took the pull tab off of that beer can and set the can down on the table where it fell on its side yet its contents didn't spill out.

fyi:  Either one of the leading ladies in this movie is better-looking than Frieda Pinto, for those of you who are into exotic "spice girl" Indian beauties and would care to know.

word of advice:  Money can't buy you love.

tidbits:  So, I got a pager for the very first time and couldn't wait to use it.  Heh, heh, heh.

But, first, I had to go to the concessions counter to get a Nachos Combo.  And ... again ... the slow wait.  A lady  in front of me wanted a big tub of popcorn to go with her drinks.  Then, she changed her mind.  She wanted just three hot dogs to go with her drinks.  And she changed her mind.  She wanted just the big tub of popcorn.  But, wait, she changed her mind yet again!  Now, she wanted the three hot dogs.  Then, she wanted the big tub of popcorn on top of it, too.  But, she changed her mind and just kept the big tub of popcorn and the drinks after she saw what the total purchase price ( over 30 bucks ) would have been had she gone and bought the hot dogs, too!  And this was the same woman who complained that the line at the concessions counter was long and slow and that her movie already started at 5:00 p.m.

Finally, it was my turn at the concessions counter.  The employee asked me for my movie watcher card.  Opps, that was when I realized that I should have asked for the pager after a trip to the concessions counter to maximize my movie watcher reward points!


I walked into Auditorium One with my pager at the ready:  Push button One for issues with Picture Quality; push button Two for issues with Sound Quality; push button Three for Movie Piracy; and push button Four for other issues, i.e. Cellphone Talkers or Texters.  And my left thumb was trained on button Four!  But, alas! I was with a nicer crowd this time around.

At least, I now know what I need to do to insure that I, and the rest of the audience, have a good movie-watching experience.

On the drive home, I deliberated on whether I should have a burger and fries for dinner or a Chinese buffet meal, instead.  And since with a buffet meal I could always have some fruits and veggies on my plate, I decided to have a Chinese buffet meal to cap-off my evening.  And my choice tonight was the Golden City Buffet in Vallejo, CA, near the border with American Canyon.

Just about two hundred yards or so from the Marine World Parkway on-ramp from Highway I-80, a car in the middle lane signaled to merge with my lane ( right lane ) to get onto the on-ramp where I, too, was headed.  A pick-up truck behind this car was getting closer and closer--and dangerously so--to the signaling car.  I slowed down my car in anticipation of an accident.  And, just at the last second, the pick-up truck driver slammed on his brakes and turned his truck to the left to avoid hitting the car.  He missed hitting the car's rear bumper by just a few inches!  The pick-up truck's front tires smoked and the truck almost hit the center divider as its driver swerved to the left lane to avoid a collision.  That a--hole truck driver probably was texting or talking on his cellphone to be so f--king inattentive in the first place!  What a jerk!  This incident happened at 8:36 p.m.

After I was assigned my seat at the Golden City Buffet, I went to the men's room to wash my hands first.  When I dropped my used towel into the trash can, I noticed a used hypodermic needle inside of it.  The kind that diabetics use.  Didn't that diabetic know better than to dispose of his hypodermic needle so indiscriminately? And what is a diabetic doing at a buffet restaurant where there are too many simple carbohydrate and sugary items on the menu?  That guy must have some kind of  a death wish!

The buffet dishes, soups and sides were not much of a choice to begin with.  I don't know how long they'd been sitting there getting overcooked and dehydrated! And I got charged $16.08 ( not including tip )!  What a rip-off.

I will make it a point not to come here after 7 o'clock in the evening from now on because they don't cook-up anything after 8 o'clock, it seems!  Since their food is fresher around noontime, shouldn't they charge less for dinner, and not the other way around?

THE MUPPETS, PG ( 1 hr & 35 min )

where:  UA EMERY BAY STADIUM 10 in Emeryville, CA
when:  Friday, November 25th, 2011
show:  2:45 p.m.
costs:  $9.00 Ticket + $5.75 Zap Pack = $14.75
auditorium:  8
seat:  4th row, 12th column


synopsis/overview:  The muppets disband and go their separate ways when their show falls out of popularity.  But they get back together when a big fan of the muppets learns of an evil oil magnate's plan for the Muppets Studio.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) "We could be twins"; 2.) Muppet Show; 3.) Dream; 4.) Ten Year Anniversary; 5.) Classroom; 6.) Muppet Studio tour; 7.) Evil plan; 8.) "Stop the car"; 9.) Electric fence; 10.) Bus; 11.) "This is really gonna be a short movie"; 12.) The Moopets tribute band; 13.) "They terrify me.  Let's go"; 14.) "Have a seat"; 15.) "I can't believe we had that in the budget"; 16.) Fight; 17.) Montage; 18.) "Travel by map"; 19.) Muppet man; 20.) "I cannot be replaced"; 21.) Opportunity; 22.) "We built this city"; 23.) "I'm here for them"; 24.) "Me Party"; 25.) Richman rap; 26.) Thesaurus; 27.) Kidnap; 28.) Note; 29.) "Man or muppet"; 30.) "Briefly inconveniencing"; 31.) Telethon; 32.) Candle light dinner; 33.) Teenage mutant ninja turtle; 34.) Sabotage; 35.) "I love it when you talk shop"; 36.) "Evil English accent"; 37.) Naked; 38.) Miss Piggy's dressing room; 39.) One last act; 40.) "We were close"; 41.) Private property; 42.) Red carpet; 43.) Song and dance; and 44.) Bonus Scenes during the Ending Credits.

audience reaction:  The nostalgic audience liked this enough to give it a "Hands Clapper" ending.

recommendation:  I think that it's funny enough and good enough for a family movie.

spoiler alert!  Why was that important contract just left there out in the open and just gathering dust?  Did Gonzo just commit a terrorist act and possibly kill some innocent workers?  They would need to raise more than 10 million dollars, what with expenses and all!

fyi:  If I remember right, I think that the original Muppets' TV stage was designed so that guests had to stand on a raised platform while they performed with the muppets whose puppeteers stood hidden on the sunken floor at either side of the live performers.  And ... the muppets were invented at a time when it was fashionable for sexy females to wear mini and micro mini skirts!  Can you see an obvious connection--and not by mere coincidence, mind you--between the two? Because I surely can!  Heh, heh, heh ....  So, whenever a muppet had to pause or do a freeze-frame in the presence of a beautiful and sexy female guest star, you now know why.  Ha, ha, ha---Snort!  But, I hope that the puppeteers were, at least, smart enough to check their guests for flatulence beforehand.

word of advice:  A good friend is one who stands by your side through thick and thin.

tidbits:  I thought that I arrived at the theatre with plenty of time to catch the 2:00 p.m. show.  But, I forgot to factor-in the Black Friday crowd!  There was a long line of movie patrons and just one box office clerk for the better part of my 20 minute wait in line.  And, again, I waited for another 15 minutes at the concessions counter.

Here's a useful tip for you:  Don't get in line at the concessions counter if the people ahead of you have little brats in tow who don't bother to make-up their little minds over what they want their adults to buy for them while they still have all that time as they stand waiting in line!  Aargh ....

My movie-watching experience was ruined by some bitch seated four seats to my right.  She kept texting on her cellphone all throughout the movie AND she had the audacity to have either one of her little brats take turns text-messaging, too!  What a lousy role model the c-nt was!  Talk about Parenting Fail.  She was lucky that she didn't sit directly in front of me or I would have doused her with my softdrink.  What a f--king bitch!

When I went to buy a ticket for the DESI BOYZ movie, I complained to the manager about the cellphone texter.  He told me that I should have reported it; but I was in the middle of the row and I didn't want to miss any scenes since I blog about movies.  I asked him why they don't have a cellphone blocker.  He said that cellphone blockers are illegal in this country.  Who came up with this stupid law, THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF IRRESPONSIBLE, RUDE AND INCONSIDERATE CELLPHONE TALKERS AND TEXTERS?!?!?!  Anyway, the manager apologized for my inconvenience and gave me a free pass to the DESI BOYZ movie ( Hey, I think that this incident just gave  me a good  idea .... ).  And I asked him for a pager, just in case there will be Irresponsible, Rude and Inconsiderate cellphone talkers and/or texters in the DESI BOYZ auditorium with me.

*******************************

Now, for some adult humor ....

Q:  Why did Miss Piggy add Honey to her Vinegar & Water Douche?

A:  Because she found out that Kermit, the Frog, loves to eat Sweet & Sour Pork!

HUGO 3-D, PG ( 2 hr & 6 min )

where:  EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 & I-MAX in Fairfield, CA
when:  Thursday, November 24th, 2011
show:  4:35 p.m.
costs:  $12.00 Ticket + $5.75 Blue Raspberry Icee + $14.20 Thanksgiving Dinner @ Tin-Tin Chinese Buffet ( + $2.25 Tip ) =  $34.20
auditorium:  8
seat:  4th row, 5th column


synopsis/overview:  A clockmaker's ( Jude Law ) orphaned son, Hugo ( Asa Butterfield ),  lives in the walls of a train station in 1930s Paris to tend to its clocks.  In his possession is a broken automaton, his last cherished connection to his late father, that he is determined to fix.  With the help of a toy merchant's ( Ben Kingsley ) goddaughter ( Chloe Grace Moretz ), he starts to solve the mystery of the automaton piece-by-piece.


noteworthy scenes:  1.)  Thief; 2.) Train; 3.) "A reprobate"; 4.) "All a trick"; 5.) Steadfast; 6.) Deal; 7.) Trespassing; 8.) Movie; 9.) "Simple-minded"; 10.) Key; 11.) Message; 12.) "I need to know what this means"; 13.) Drawings; 14.) "Your best smile"; 15.) Film Academy Library; 16.) "Passion of mine"; 17.) "Enchanted castle"; 18.) Wrench; 19.) "If you lose your purpose, it's like you're broken"; 20.) "Here for some reason"; 21.) Dead body; 22.) Visitor; 23.) "You tried to forget the past for so long and it brought you nothing but unhappiness";  24.) "Magic tricks and illusions"; 25.) "Tastes change"; 26.) "Happy endings happen only in the movies"; 27.) Dogs; 28.) Train track; 29.) "You should understand"; 30.) "Eighty films"; 31.) "The kindest magic trick that ever I've seen"; and 32.)  Diary.


audience reaction:  I didn't hear much of  a reaction from the audience.

recommendation:  But I liked this movie.  And I would recommend it as a must-see family movie.

spoiler alert!  If somebody damaged my musical instrument like that, I'd be in a fit of rage!  All that pushing and shoving at the train station and not a word of complaint or objection from any one in the crowd.  The train station police officer ( Sasha Baron Cohen ) said that the person was dead for a number of months before his body was discovered.  Nope, not likely.  The body would have already been badly, if not completely, decomposed and/or scavenged by then.

fyi:  Whoever did the movie projection for this auditorium didn't do a good job of it!  The projection light was too dim.  A 3-D movie doesn't show well if the movie projector light is set on dim!  I hope that the theatre manager reads this blog and butt-spanks the idiot responsible for this oversight or negligence!

Or is the theatre staff simply skimping on quality just to save money on their electric bills?

How did I know that the projection light was too dim?  A scene for the TIN TIN movie preview where a ship was sailing in a sea of sand was not properly lit--I've seen this movie preview enough times to know how that particular scene is supposed to look like!

Today is Thanksgiving Day.  A holiday that I think the Native Americans are not too keen on observing--and who can blame them!

An American Wild Turkey can grow to a length of about four feet long, measured from tip of beak to tip of tail.

You could say that I'm in this portrait.  Yup, I'm outside the window looking in!  Hey, folks. Save me some left-over turkey and fixings, won't you please?  Ha, ha, ha.

Happy Thanksgiving Day!

word of advice:  Talent is a terrible thing to waste.

tidbits:  There was a Thanksgiving potluck at work today.  They asked me yesterday if I would like to cook something for the potluck.  I told them that I couldn't because I had to work 'til midnight and come back the next day at 10:00 a.m.  But I told them that I'd be sure to bring my big appetite with me, instead.

And I wanted to go to the Selecta Pilipino Buffet here in Vallejo, CA, on Springs Road right after work for some Thanksgiving turkey dinner.  But I ate too much at the potluck.  So, I just went home to sit around and digest my meal before heading on to Fairfield, CA, to watch this movie.

After the movie, I went to HomeTown Buffet in Fairfield to have a Thanksgiving dinner.  But I arrived there too late because their doors were already locked.  I guess they sensed that I was coming over then went ahead to bolt their doors shut before I could get there!

Next, I swung by China Moon Buffet to see if they were open for business.  Nope, all the lights were off.  I think that they turned-off their lights and hid under the tables after they saw me coming over from HomeTown Buffet.

I was left with one other choice of buffets in the local area, the Tin-Tin Buffet in Vacaville, CA.  I ate there the last two Thanksgiving holidays.  So, I assumed that they would be open for business tonight.  I was right!  They were open.  And, thankfully, this time around, the Chinese cooks at this buffet finally understood the concept of a Thanksgiving Dinner--because they didn't, the last two times that I was there for Thanksgiving--it was nice to know that they took my suggestions to heart last year.


And this is what my Fortune Cookie fortune says:  "You will have a long and wealthy life"--But not if  I keep eating at Chinese Buffets all of the time.  Ha, ha, ha---Snort!

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HAPPY FEET, TWO 3-D, PG ( 1 hr & 40 min )

Quickie Review:  Mumble is now a father to a son who looks up to a surrogate father-figure, a penguin who can fly.  But when their colony becomes helplessly trapped, Eric sees for himself what his own father is really capable of doing to save their own kind.

I liked the Tweety Bird and Sylvester, the Cat, short film.

I liked the scenes with the Krills.

And there was a "nod" to Porky Pig at the end of the Ending Credits.

The visuals in this movie, as a whole,  was really stunning  ( and I'm still trying to figure out whether or not those men and women on the boat were all real live actors or just CGIs, or CGI-enhanced live actors ).  But, although the audience liked it, it didn't get a "Hands Clapper" ending.

Mumble is all grown-up this time around.  Unfortunately, so is this movie's target audience.  My short conversation with a theatre employee after the movie sums it all up.

Theatre employee:  "How was the movie?"

Cine-Man:  Ehh ...  I think it missed its target audience.  The adults got it ( i.e. The message ).  But it was lost to the little kids.

Theatre employee:  "It's not too 'Kid Friendly.'"

Cine-Man:  Yeah, it's not "Kid Friendly."

Here is what I didn't like about the movie:  ( And it is something that I wanted to avoid mentioning at first  but finally felt that I would be remiss if I did not mention it since this movie's intended audience are children at an impressionable age. ) The other  "message" in this movie is the not-too-subtle insinuation that in a world of  brown-eyed  beings, only a blue-eyed one can truly make a difference.   Even Will Smith, himself,  showed the world that he was just a sell-out to this "Blue-Eyed" propaganda in his 2004 movie, I, ROBOT.  Hollywood has got to stop feeding us all this B.S.!

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THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN, PART I, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 57 min )

Quickie Review:  Knocked-up In A "Cold-Cock" ( heels over head/swept off her feet ) Supernatural Love Affair!


I don't see the appeal in this movie!  It was just so-so.  Basically, it is a "30 minute" movie all fluffed-up to stretch for two hours long.  Let's see what it has: Wedding, honeymoon, pregnancy, complications, vision, the end.  Stretching it to two hours long just so they could milk its adoring fans for more money come Part II just made me feel like I was cheated out of my hard-earned money and a good night's sleep, as well, since I went and saw this at its 12:04 a.m. show.  Okay, so it showed a quick shot of Bella's left nipple ( Tip: Don't blink in the Honeymoon scene )--but this is beside the point!

But the girls in the auditorium were of another opinion.  They liked this movie, especially some scenes with Jacob in it.  This movie didn't get a "Hands Clapper" ending; but the cute blonde girl seated to my left screamed at the end and, also, when Taylor Lautner's name showed-up on the Cast list.  ( Lord, why did you have me end-up looking like Esai Morales, instead?  Woe is me, woe is me .... )

Here are the things that I found wrong about this movie:  When Jacob transformed into a wolf, his clothes broke into tiny square pieces.  Come on!  Clothes don't break, they rip apart.  I thought that the CGI artists would have known this simple fact by now.  There was no wedding march song.  The priest started the wedding too quickly.  And the priest didn't say the if-anyone-is-opposed-to-this-union-speak-now-or-forever-hold-your-peace line.  When they made love for the first time right after they went skinny dipping, Edward's skin was pretty much the same color as Bella's; and nary a fleck of glitter on it, too ( Fire the person in the make-up department )!  If the life expectancy of an average American female is 78 years and the life expectancy of a male vampire ( who was once a human ) is w-a-a-a-y beyond that, it goes to reason that their halfbreed fetus would have a longer than nine-month gestation period--'not the other way around!  Breastfeeding is out of the question, Bella, 'cause you won't want to have that kind of  baby teething on your tits.  Stock-up on Infant Formula and Baby Bottles, a.s.a.p!  To Hell with "imprinting"; if I were Jacob, I'd just pee on it to "mark" it as my personal property!  L.O.L.  So, the wolf pack got the Cullens' residence surrounded so that none of the vampires could go out and hunt for game.  Didn't anybody tell the Cullens that, if they need fresh animal blood, all they have to do is call the local Pilipino grocery store and have some pig's blood delivered to their door?  Or they could even just call some local rancher and have them send over some animal blood, with the excuse being that they want to try out a Pilipino recipe for blood stew, Dinuguan!  Hmm, yummylicious.

This blood stew, by the way, is  the secret to Manny Pacquiao's in-the-ring stamina!  Ha, ha, ha.

Finally, the movie director found a good use for the blank expression on  Kristen Stewart's face--and about time, too!

I liked the Energy Sheets commercial before the movie, i.e. "I take a sheet in the pool", etc.

And I liked the Bonus Scene which showed  a trio of vampires who were sticklers for proper grammar, spelling and the proper use of punctuation marks.  I'd love to see them go after cellphone texters, especially on the freeway and in movie theatres!