13 ASSASSINS, R ( 2 hr & 6 min )

where:  SHATTUCK  CINEMAS in Berkeley, CA
when:  Thursday, July 14th, 2011
show:  3:45 p.m.
costs:  $8.00 Ticket + $5.00 Nachos + $0.00 small Diet Coke ( free on my movie watcher rewards card ) + $3.50 Bart Train ticket + $14.30 dinner @ Empire Chinese Buffet in Richmond, CA ( + $2.35 Tip ) + $5.00 Carquinez Bridge Toll = $38.15
auditorium:  9
seat:  2nd row, left section, 2nd seat


synopsis/overview:  In the remake of a 1963 film of  the same title, a  Shogun hires the services of the Samurai Shinzaemon Shimada ( Koji Yakusho ) to kill his own cruel and sadistic step-brother, Lord Naritsugu Matsudaira ( Goro Inagaki ),  who is putting the peace and stability of  Japan at great risk in 1844.  Based on a true story.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) Zusho Mamiya's  ( Masaaki Uchino ) hara-kiri in protest; 2.) "Perhaps, you've heard about the outrage"; 3.) Akashi/Owari scandal; 4.) Rape, murder and suicide; 5.) "I have decided it's you"; 6.) The mute quadruple amputee; 7.) "Wishing for a noble death"; 8.) Mamiya's family; 9.) The first  hand-picked Samura; 10.) A Ronin; 11.) "Pawned swords"; 12.) "Festival of  the Dead"; 13.) "Devotion knows no age"; 14.) Training; 15.) Hanbei Kitou ( Masachika Ichimura ), Shinzaemon's former dojo classmate; 16.) Ochiai; 17.) First time; 18.) Leeches; 19.) Buy-out; 20.) Koyata ( Yusuke Iseya ), the Hunter/Guide; 21.) Banned passage; 22.) Foolish path; 23.) Dinner; 24.) Preparations; 25.) "Secret to fishing"; 26.) Thirteen; 27.) Traps; 28.) "Why are you Samurai so arrogant"; 29.) "Our mission, finish it"; 30.) "Let's bring back the age of  war"; 31.) "Do only Samurai matter in this world"; 32.) "Victory is not yet ours"; 33.) "Such elegance in fighting"; 34.) One-on-one; 35.) "How can you kick his head?  He gave his life for you"; 36.) "Be silent like the decorative man you are"; 37.) "Pain.  It hurts"; 38.) "I'm scared.  I don't want to die"; 39.) "Today has been the most exciting"; 40.) "Being a Samurai is truly a burden"; 41.) "Are you immortal"; 42.) "Now, you're talking"; and 43.) Shogunate Era ends.


audience reaction:  Hard to tell since there were only about four of  us in the auditorium.


recommendation:  I liked this "Slice and Dice" Movie.  If  you're a fan of  samurai movies, you've got to see this.  The first half is kind of  slow, but the second half is mostly "Slice and Dice"!


spoiler alert!  First off,  the title is all wrong!  The Samurai was bound to the Code of  Bushido:  Bravery, Duty, Honesty, Honor, Loyalty, Obedience, Self-Discipline, Self-Sacrifice and Simple Living.  With the over-riding principle being that of  Honor, i.e. To do what was most honorable.  A True Samurai would never  work for such a cruel and sadistic ruler for to do so would bring dishonor to his Samurai lineage!   The Ninjas were the ones who hired themselves out as assassins.  So, the title should have been, 13 Samurai.  How come none of  the Samurai wore armor, especially considering that the odds were against them?

A picture of  an armored Samurai from a Wikipedia file.

When they cut through the forest, they were forced to go on foot.  But when they found the road again, they were on horseback once more--w.t.f.  ...?  Where were the horses all that time that they were walking through the woods?  When the guards fell to the ground because of  the explosion, why didn't the Samurai finish them off?  When the Samurai jumped off  the roof, the guards moved out of  the way when they should just have stood their ground and raised their swords high up in the air, Banzai-style, and skewered the Samurai's Bushido-butts!  All that clinging and clanging of  swords but not a sword got chipped or got dull to the point where it could no longer cut a head off  in one clean strike.  The spear of  Sahara ( Arata Furuta ) didn't have handguards so when he crossed weapons with a guard, the guard should have turned his sword sideways, used the side of  his body to lean against the spear and sliced Sahara's hand and cut Sahara's face in one clean swipe!  The average human head weighs about 10 pounds and should not bounce around the ground like that.  Koyata moved his head from side to side like he didn't have that neck wound after all.  The final sword "fight" was a major let-down;  it went something like this:

Run me through with your sword and I shall run you through with my sword.  Then, we'll see who'll die first.  Oh, f--k it!  You're taking too long to die.  I'll cheat and cut your head off  now so I'll die last and be declared the winner!  'Loser!  ( Duh .... )


fyi:  When I studied "combat style" Japanese Martial Arts in Matina, Davao City, Mindanao, Philippines, at a KaAikiDo-Ryu ( Okinawan Karate, Aikido and Judo School ), my teacher, Sensei Finelleri ( ? ), taught me the moral code of  the Japanese martial artist as part of  the class's history lesson on the arts.  It was also this teacher who introduced me to the art of  Meditation, 37 long years ago to the very month.  To him, a martial artist who didn't meditate and who didn't live by a moral code was not a true martial artist, something Western martial artists  should ponder upon.

Anyone can pick up a rifle and learn how to shoot fairly easily.  But it takes years of  training, discipline, patience and dedication to become a true Samurai.  And a Samurai doesn't want to die a dishonorable death at the hands of  a simple rifleman.  Which was why Hanbei talked Lord Naritsugu into backing down.

According to an article that I once read in a gun and rifle magazine, shortly after the Rifle was introduced to Japan, the Japanese Army became the first army to be highly skilled in its use.  But it meant that anyone could kill an honorable Samurai.  So, the Japanese did away with riflery for the next hundred years or so.


word of  advice:  Divide and Conquer.  For, in union, there is strength.


tidbits:  I almost walked past this theatre because I became disoriented at the absence of  the panhandlers who used to gather on the sidewalk in front of  this establishment.  I wonder what happened to them.  Maybe the city of  Berkeley  finally enforced its  "No Loitering" and a "No Soliciting/Panhandling" laws.

The ticket seller issued me a brand-spanking new movie watcher rewards card in exchange for my paper card.  Now, I'm officially a holder of  a Landmark Theatres Film Club Rewards Card.

And, at the concessions counter, I asked the two clerks about any feed-back on the movie that I was about to watch.  They said that neither one of  them had seen it yet; but, there were movie patrons who watched  the movie more than once.  That's a good sign--usually.

The personal photos that I posted on this blog were all taken today.  But the date and times are all wrong because, when I changed the batteries, I didn't double-check the date and time settings.  There are just too many functions and settings to check before using a digital camera, I just didn't know.  Ah, the price to pay for modern technology.  I already miss the old 35mm cameras.

Is it just me or do digital cameras eat-up batteries like there's no tomorrow?  Or, maybe, I should just stop buying cheap "made in China" batteries at the dollar store from now on!

These red things--there's another one to the left of these two--are set between the screen and the first row.  They are 6 to 7 feet in diameter.  Yes, that's right.  They are giant bean bags!  How cool is that?

This is the comfy/plushy seat that I sat on while watching this movie.  Nice, huh?

I walked down Shattuck Avenue to the next block to see if I should buy a ticket here at UA Berkeley 7 for the midnight showing of the Harry Potter movie.  But there was already a long line of  die-hard fans to the right of  this picture who have been waiting in line for God-only-knows-how-long!  I'll just see this movie tomorrow in Fairfield, CA.  I took this photo at a little after 6:00 p.m.

This theatre, California Theatre,  on Kittridge Street is just across the block from both UA  Berkeley 7 and Shattuck Cinemas.

This is the 4-level parking garage at the BART Train's El Cerrito Del Norte Station.  I remember way back when this was nothing but an empty lot!

This is my 2001 Hyundai Accent parked in space # 602 on the 2nd level of the El Cerrito Del Norte Station.

The Richmond-bound train was over-crowded.  And the overhead handrail was set too high for me--I felt like an ape one-handing it.  I'm glad that I used a good quality  anti-perspirant/deodorant.

Opps!  I forgot to take a picture of  the train station, itself!  Maybe, next time ....

The home commute  traffic was bumper-to-bumper on the freeway.  So, I took the San Pablo Dam Road exit in Richmond, CA, so that I could  check-out this Chinese buffet that I've heard of  before  but have never been to.  They got Chinese New Year and Christmas decorations still up on their walls and posts--like four-eyed me wouldn't notice.  Hah!

This store is at the far end of the shopping center that it shares with the Chinese buffet up above.  I went to this store while I was digesting my meal, and to buy two softdrinks to take to work and a 4-pack of  cheap AAA batteries for my digital camera, for a grand total of $3.18.

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