MONTE CARLO, PG ( 1 hr & 49 min )

where:  BRENDEN  VACAVILLE  16  in Vacaville, CA
when:  Wednesday,  July 6th, 2011
show:  6:35 p.m.
costs:  $9.50 Ticket +  $4.25 small Diet Pepsi + $13.15 meal @ Tin-Tin Chinese Buffet ( + $2.00 Tip ) =  $28.90
auditorium:  12
seat:  4th row, 4th seat

synopsis/overview:  Two step-sisters, Meg and Grace ( Leighton Meester and Selena Gomez ), along with the younger step-sister's best friend, Emma ( Katie Cassidy ), go to Paris for the summer.  Their packaged tour doesn't quite turn out as hoped for.  But, then, in a case of  mistaken identity with a rich and snobby socialite, Cordelia, the trio go on to Monte Carlo for a week of  fun and romance until the real one shows up. 
 

noteworthy scenes:  1.) Paris fund; 2.) "You must be the change that you want to see in the world"; 3.) "It's a Hartman"; 4.)  "Kick this 'New Sister" thing into high-gear"; 5.) "It's what mom would have wanted"; 6.) "Where's the ring"; 7.) Quickie guided tour"; 8.) "Oh, Australian"; 9.) Eiffel Tower; 10.) "I'm sorry"; 11.) Hotel Grand Belle; 12.) Paparazzi; 13.) "Isn't it English we are speaking"; 14.) "Who was that head case"; 15.) "I shall take it in my room"; 16.) "Let's bond"; 17.) "It's seizing the moment"; 18.) "What didn't you do"; 19.) Welcoming party at the Hotel De Paris; 20.) "You're exactly alike"; 21.) "People do change"; 22.) Beach; 23.) "Did somebody get flowers"; 24.) Polo game; 25.) 'Phone call; 26.)  Blown cover; 27.) Whistle; 28.) "There's the me that I know"; 29.) Yacht party; 30.) "There are people for that"; 31.) Fireworks; 32.) "I don't need a fancy house"; 33.) Rose; 34.) Newspaper; 35.) "Yeah, it's sort of  an upgrade"; 36.) "What necklace"; 37.) Kiss; 38.) "If  you have finished, you may go"; 39.) Trash can; 40.) "This feels like a game"; 41.) "We can explain"; 42.) "Just getting acquainted"; 43.) "I wouldn't miss this for the world"; 44.) "Honey, we've been getting away with this for days"; 45.) "But I already have the best"; 46.) "There's something I need to say"; 47.) "I'm helping"; 48.) Excuse me, but I'm not happy"; 49.) The farewells; 50.) Machu Picchu; 51.) Dimmer switch; and 52.) Working/volunteering.

favorite scene:  I liked the Mistaken Identity Kiss scene.

audience reaction:  The audience liked this movie.

recommendation:  This light-hearted comedy  is not my kind of  movie.  It is a pre-teen "Chick Flick", the movie's intended target group.

spoiler alert!  Don't they usually do head counts on guided tours?  When they were asleep, time-lapse photography was used on the Eiffel Tower which was shown  through their hotel bedroom window; but they stayed motionless in bed throughout it all.  Doesn't Cordelia's cellphone have a "Caller ID" feature?  If  they wanted the Italy-bound train stopped, all they had to do was fess-up to the authorities. I could have chomped through that apple easily and made a lot of  noise.  If  I were Grace, I would sign-up with a celebrity look-alike agency who'd hire me out on publicity stunts and photo-ops.

fyi:  Mahatma Gandhi was a Kriyaban Yogi, just like I am.  He was initiated into Kriya Yoga by none other than Paramahansa Yogananda, the brother-disciple of  my Yogi's Paramguru.

Years ago, this beautiful blonde liked me.  But I had to go back to the Philippines for a very-extended, well-deserved time-out to get away from it all, i.e. family problems.  It was over a year later when I saw her again.  But, by then, she already had a boyfriend.  Time passed and I moved to Vallejo and came across another girl who looked like her.  I wanted to court this Vallejo girl because I wanted her to like me, just like how her look-alike liked me.  But, I realized after much deliberation, that I was trying to start a relationship with this Vallejo girl all for the wrong reasons.  So, I just let her go, but not before breaking my heart first.  ( I wrote about this girl on my movie blog for ( 500 ) DAYS OF SUMMER on July 26th, 2009.  Check it out. )

I still don't know how to whistle like that.

If  I stop pigging-out at buffets and get back in shape again, I could sign-up with a celebrity look-alike agency which could hire me out as an Esai Morales look-alike.  But ... Esai is not that big of  a celebrity so, forget it.  Let me pig-out in peace!

word of  advice:  When opportunity knocks, let it in.

tidbits:  I decided to have dinner first, at Tin-Tin Chinese Buffet, before the movie.  Then, I walked a few doors down to the Big! Lots discount store and bought a set of  headphones, and a camera case for my new camera because the belt loop on another case that I bought the day before at the Dollar Tree Store tore-off  at one end--my fault; I didn't inspect it closely enough.

When I arrived at the theatre, I decided to take a picture of  my rental car and of  the theatre's facade, shown at the top of  this blog post.

At the box-office, I absentmindedly gave the clerk a 10-spot.  The price for my age group is $10.75.  When I realized what I had done, I asked him what the actual price was for me.   He told me what the price of admission was for me, but he said that it was okay, that he was letting me in for the $9.50 College Student/Military discount.  That  was nice of  him--I gave him my Yogi Darshan ( blessing ); I just hope that I'm spiritually-advanced enough to give out such a blessing.

In the main lobby of  the theatre is a promotional tie-in display for the movie, LARRY  CROWNE.  The motor scooter on display is a Genuine Scooter Company's  150cc Buddy International St. Tropez.  It's big enough that if  I sit on it, I would be on the tip of  my toes.  And it's a beautiful scooter that would look even better to anyone  in real life because none of  my pictures shows it to its best advantage.

These are not my brats who got in the way of  the photo shoot.  Hey!  whose brats are these?

The scooter is displayed by a local motor scooter dealership, MotoXotica.  It is a tiny dealership, on Merchant Street in Vacaville,  that I missed on my first pass by  the place because I probably blinked as I did.  I will have to visit the dealership someday to check-out the Stella scooter.

The sound system in the auditorium was not good: It was not loud enough and it didn't have that "surround-sound" effect.

I was the only man in the theatre.  The rest of  the audience were single moms and their daughters.  Quite a number of  single moms looked at  me on their way out of  the auditorium.  'Checking me out, probably.  But, Hey! I didn't come in with a "baggage".  And I had no plans of  walking out of  there, caring for somebody else's "baggage".  I.y.k.w.I.m.  ( if you know what I mean. )

After the movie, I went to the men's room to empty my bladder.  As I headed toward a stall, I heard a tiny voice behind me say, "Hola!"  And it repeated itself  once more, "Hola!"  I turned and saw a Hispanic little boy with a pacifier in his mouth.  He was too short to reach the lavatory faucet.  So, he pointed at a faucet and said, "Agua."  So, I turned-on the water for him.  Then, he said, "Jabon."  I got him some liquid squirt soap.  Just because I look like that Puerto Rican-American  actor, Esai Morales, the kid racially-profiled me as a Hispanic.  That kid was lucky that I took a semester's worth of  Spanish class in high school or he would have ended-up using his own piss to wash his hands with!

The thought just occurred to me:  They have low-set urinals in the men's room for little boys to use, but they don't have low-set lavatory faucets  for them to use, too.  How stupid is that?

It took me a long time  to blog about this movie because my computer was acting-up the last two days.  I cleaned, defragged and compacted my computer but, still, it was slow as a snail for quite awhile.

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I planned on going on a road trip to Bakersfield, CA, yesterday, just to get my money's worth on my rental car.  Bakersfield is a 5-hour drive away.  I wanted to be out on the road by 5:00 a.m.  But I awakened at 8:00 a.m.  By then, it was already too late to go to Bakersfield, do what I have to do ( review two movies: MONTE CARLO and JUDY MOODY AND THE  NOT BUMMER SUMMER ), and turn around to come back home, being that I'm scheduled to be at  work at 7:00 a.m. today.

I will just have to see MONTE CARLO tonight after work in Vacaville, CA.

I originally had Sunday, Monday and Tuesday off; but my manager decided to have me work on Monday, effectively ruining my plan to overnight-stay in Bakersfield to see the movies and to drop-in on my friend, Rey, and his wife.  This is the second time that this has happened.  There won't be a third time, though, because I will know what I need to do by then.

I just went to Hector's place, instead,  to take pictures of  him and the pets, Tiger and Two-Face,  to upload to my blog because one of  my readers is curious to know what they all look like.  Well, here goes ....

Hector, the Santa Claus--lol!  This picture is a little blurry because I used the wrong setting and because it is a "quick sneak click" on my unsuspecting victim.  To get his attention ( he and his wife were watching TV ), I called out, Hey, Santa!  CLICK!!!

A mug shot of  Tiger, the kitten, at around 7 months of  age.  The only kitten that I know of  which  can play "Fetch!"  Tiger is also the only kitten that I know of  with a really bad case of  halitosis!

Tiger, looking all innocent and charming atop a garbage can.

Tiger, enjoying the shade from under my 2010 Nissan Versa sedan rental car.

Two-Face.  Tiger's 8-month old female Pit-Bull puppy playmate.  This picture is also a little blurry because of  the wrong setting.  If you look at her face closely, you will know why she was named, "Two-Face."

Another picture of  Two-Face.  I'm holding her up against the railing to keep her from jumping on me and licking my camera and/or my face.

Mercedes, the mother of  Two-Face.  She is chewing on a bone that I gave her earlier to keep her from chewing on my arm and leg bones.

THE A-TEAM, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 57 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when: Friday, June 11th, 2010
show: 12:00 p.m. ( Extra Dollar Off First Show Matinee )
costs: $6.25 Ticket + $5.25 small Popcorn ( w/ Butter ) + $4.00 small Diet/Zero ( w/ Cherry flavor ) Coke = $15.50
auditorium: 1
seat: 4th row, 5th column

synopsis: The members of an elite Army Rangers unit in Iraq are framed for a crime that they didn't commit. And they will go to any length to clear their name. ( Emphasis on "any". )

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Abusive Mexican police; 2.) Hungry dogs; 3.) Auto "chop shop"; 4.) Ranch; 5.) Fellow rangers; 6.) Rolling tires; 7.) Helicopter chase; 8.) US air space; 9.) Barbecue; 10.) Engravement plates; 11.) "Body armor in HQ"; 12.) "Assassins in polo shirts"; 13.) Parts and supplies; 14.) Convoy; 15.) Set-up; 16.) Court martial; 17.) Not subject to military jurisdiction; 18.) Stripped of rank & dishonorably discharged; 19.) Prison deal; 20.) Crematorium; 21.) Tanning booth; 22.) Lynch's ( Patrick Wilson ) jammers; 23.) License plates; 24.) Exit door; 25.) New 'do; 26.) 3-D movie; 27.) Tarmac; 28.) Battle tank; 29.) "How's my driving"; 30.) Old couple at the lake; 31.)" Where's Berlin"; 32.) Unscrambled security photo; 33.) 'Phone call; 34.) Photo booth; 35.) Bank building "snatch and shoot-out"; 36.) Cornered; 37.) Double-crosser; 38.) Tracked; 39.) "Death's too easy"; 40.) Bombed "no-fly" zone; 41.) Extradition order; 42.) "Collude and cut me off"; 43.) "It's not a silencer; it's a suppressor"; 44.) "You believe in second chances"; 45.) "Huge banana"; 46.) Switched passports; 47.) Sea plane; 48.) "Overkill is under-rated"; 49.) Gandhi; 50.) Switcharoo; 51.) Distraction, Diversion, Division; 52.) Exploding cargo ship; 53.) Mohawk; 54.) "On display"; 55.) "I feel sane"; 56.) "Make Hannibal ( Liam Neeson ) make the plans next time"; 57.) "My name's Lynch"; 58.) Key; and 59.) Two bonus scenes after the Ending Credits: A cameo scene and an earlier Murdoch ( Sharlto Copley ) scene.

audience reaction: The audience enjoyed this movie adaptation of the '80s show.

recommendation: It's good enough for the Action/Comedy film crowd.

spoiler alert! This movie goes way overboard in the over-the-top action and the perfectly-timed-to-the-last-second rescues. And just like what Army Captain Charisa Sosa ( Jessica Biel ) says 23 minutes and 33 seconds into the movie, "They specialize in the ridiculous." Ridiculous means, absurd and laughable. Bearing these in mind, here are the other things wrong with this movie:

How was Hannibal able to overcome and restrain two hungry dogs in the dark? Humans cannot see in the dark but dogs can. Does Hannibal channel Saint Francis of Assisi? If you're shooting at a dozen or so fixed targets while you're bouncing around in the back of a van, your targets have a better chance, than you, of scoring a hit. After the Humvee exploded, why were there no proper dental records and dog tags recovered? How did Hannibal and cohorts know exactly when the 3-D movie started playing? The dogfight scene and the battle tank scene both used live ammo--the director should have, at least, shown where the rounds made their hits--but we, the audience, don't know if the rounds hit structures or animals or humans or whatever .... The tank should have gotten stuck in the muddy lake-bed. How come the tank didn't fill-up with water? How were they able to drive it up from the bottom of the lake? "Face" ( Bradley Cooper ) casually fired-off a few rounds in a crowded airport without regard for the consequential "ricochet effect". The bad guy ( I forget his name ) rappelled down the building in an improvised way using his jacket which should have been cut-through by the friction burn--and probably his glove, too! The movie does not explain how Murdoch was able to converse in an African language. Don't those passports have pictures on them? I ask because B. A. Baracus ( Quinton "Rampage" Jackson ) does not come across as a "Jewish rabbi" to me. In a much later scene, B. A. Baracus' right arm had no gunshot scar on it--even a flesh-wound can leave a scar, you know. Why was an electro-shock therapy ( a.k.a. "Electroconvulsive Shock Treatment" ) administered on Murdoch when it's only used, still controversially, on mental patients who suffer from severe depression? Murdoch didn't look depressed to me in this movie--just the opposite!

fyi: In his review for this film, one movie critic, Christopher Kelly ( of the McClatchy Newspapers group ), calls Bradley Cooper a "graduate of the Matthew McConaughey school" of acting; you know, as in ... take off your shirt, smile at the camera and bare your man-boobs at the audience! Ha, ha, ha--how funny--and it would, perhaps, be even more funnier except that it's a factually true observation of his!

Mahatma Gandhi and I belong to the same Kriya Yoga movement: He was of the SRF branch, and I'm of the YSS branch.

I love the crematorium scene, the fighter plane canopy destruction scene, and the battle tank scene.

I never watched the TV show because Mr. T came across as too loud and flashily-blinged for me.

word of advice: Good men are not expendable "chess pieces". ( "Expendable" sounds like a good title for an action movie--wait a minute ... I just remembered, a movie by the same title is coming out. )

Electroconvulsive Shock Treatment breaks bones and fries brains!

tidbits: After the movie, I swung by the local Pep-Boys to look at their motor-scooter selection, their helmets and their battery chargers. Then, I went to Chase Bank to make a deposit. Then, I went to Kinko's to make some copies. Then, I went to CSAA to get a Michigan map--but I forgot to get an Indiana map since I need both for next week's trip. Then, I went to Chevron on the corner of Couch Street and Redwood Street to get the Friday edition of the Contra Costa newspaper and $7.19 worth of regular gas for my Geo Metro. Then, I went to BofA to make a deposit. And, then, I went to the Dollar Tree store to buy some snacks to eat on the plane since they don't serve food on any of my scheduled flights for next week. Finally, I went to have a light dinner at Empire Chinese Buffet.

One of the workers at the buffet, a Filipina lady, asked me if I worked today. I told her, No, that I was on vacation and that I'll be leaving for Michigan in a few days. And I told her that in Grand Rapids, MI, there's a Chinese buffet with the same name. She laughed--but I hope that she didn't hurt herself doing that since she was on her way home early because of a splitting headache. ( Not now! Cine-Man. I've got a headache! Ha, ha, ha. )