GREEN ZONE, R ( 1 hr & 55 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when: Friday, March 12th, 2010
show: 11:30 a.m. Extra Dollar Off First Show Matinee
costs: $6.25 Ticket + $2.50 Dibs Bite-Sized Chocolate Ice Cream + $1.00 Nestle Goobers Chocolate-covered Peanuts ( bought at 99 Cent Only Store & smuggled-in ) + $3.75 small Diet/Zero ( w/ Barq's & Cherry flavors ) Coke + $4.47 salad lunch ( Side Salad w/ Ranch Dressing, Chili w/ shredded Cheese & chopped Onions and Lemonade ) at Wendy's after the show = $17.97
auditorium: 13
seat: 4th row, 6th column

synopsis: Take a Ba'ath in Iraq.

As US Army Chief Warrant Officer Roy Miller ( Matt Damon ) and his men unsuccessfully search for stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction ( WMDs ) in Iraq, they learn of a cover-up involving unlikely collaborators.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) March 19th, 2003; 2.) Looters; 3.) Toilet factory; 4.) Our intel; 5.) Saddam International Airport; 6.) Military briefing; 7.) Traffic jam; 8.) Green Zone; 9.) Al Mansour; 10.) Freddy ( Khalid Abdalla ); 11.) Deck of cards; 12.) Helicopters; 13.) 1987; 14.) Poolside; 15.) Reporter Lawrie Dayne ( Amy Ryan ); 16.) Interrogation; 17.) Poundstone ( Greg Kinnear ); 18.) Don't be naive; 19.) Langley confirms; 20.) Battered prisoner; 21.) Where's Al Rawi? 22.) Room 1206; 23.) Meeting in Amman, Jordan; 24.) Safe-house; 25.) Message to Al Rawi ( ? ); 26.) The deal? 27.) Celebratory dinner at the palace; 28.) Blue force tracker; 29.) Kill, no catch arrest; 30.) Disbandment of Iraqi Armed Forces; 31.) Kidnap; 32.) Your government wanted to hear a lie; 33.) Chase; 34.) 'Not for you to decide what happens here; 35.) Intel report; 36.) I know what you did; 37.) Pandemonium at the conference; and 38.) See attached.

audience reaction: After the movie, one of the patrons talked to one of the employees about how much he liked the movie.

recommendation: I like this movie because it gives justification to my Conspiracy Theory standpoint. But ... this movie will strike a raw nerve through the cross-section of movie-goers worldwide, especially in the Middle East. And Bush supporters will take offense to this movie. Sadly, we don't really know what happened in Iraq and why they happened. All we have are the tragic aftermath of "bad intel": Resources wasted and precious lives lost. This movie is in a spate of anti-American movies being churned-out by Hollywood in recent years that further cement the rest of the world's perception of us as "The Ugly Americans." Go see this only for its entertainment value as an Action Movie, and for nothing else.

spoiler alert! It sure took the US soldiers long enough to realize that a machine gun could easily take-out the sniper in a known position! And don't they have grenade launchers and RPGs? The female reporter opened her hotel room too soon, as if she was in the habit of making personal 'phone calls in her doorway. When Miller walked towards the bus kiosk, you could see that his gun holster was empty, but in the next shot the gun was in place! Why was the prisoner untied? And why did the guard look away from the prisoner after the general ordered the guard to kill him? How in heck did "limp-along" Freddy know where to go and ... catch-up on the action?

fyi: Go to YouTube and watch, "Depleted Uranium ( My Public Service Announcement )."

According to one of my sources, George Sr. assured Saddam Hussein that the US won't interfere if he attacked Kuwait; after all, Iraq was our ally against Iran. But the US coveted Kuwait's oil reserves and stepped-in to aid Kuwait. During the 1991 Persian Gulf War, Kuwait's Dinar devaluated to almost zero in its exchange rate with the US Dollar. Countries and private parties scooped-up Kuwaiti Dinars and waited for the war to be over so they could realize an immense profit on their monetary investment, which they did!

Fast forward to 2003 .... Because the US humiliated Saddam Hussein before the whole world and, more importantly, before his fellow Arab Muslims, "So-damn Insane" stopped using US Dollars as the standard petroleum currency. He switched to using Euros, instead. Because this move on Saddam's part would further devaluate the US Dollar, George Jr. declared war on Saddam, using Al Qaeda and WMDs as excuses.

And, now, we have President "I'm-a-nut-job" of Iran deciding to switch to Euros, too! What do you think will happen if the Iranians do away with the US Dollar as their standard petroleum currency even though the rest of the OPEC are on the Dollar standard?

Those who served as Iraqi translators for the coalition force and the Americans are being systematically hunted down and executed in their own country. Hundreds already have been killed. Efforts are underway to relocate the rest of them to the US and other countries.

When I vacationed in Michigan with my eldest sister and her family in the summer of 2006, we went to a resort town where the main street was lined with shops on either side. My sister and I went into one in particular. I browsed around and happened upon an Iraqi Deck of Cards. I don't know why it was there and why it was offered for sale. But, I didn't mind because I bought it as a souvenir. It's somewhere in my room. I don't want to touch it more than I have to because I want its value to be increased when I do decide to sell it someday.

word of advice: Human life is the most precious of all resources, use it wisely.

If you're an American, don't see this movie in a Muslim country.

tidbits: Today at work, while taking my break at around 6:35 p.m., my co-worker, Sean, told me about Jefferson Airplane's song, "White Rabbit," which is based on the story of Alice In Wonderland. I told him that I will watch it on YouTube when I get home. ( And I had it in mind to add to my previous blog on the movie, ALICE IN WONDERLAND. )

Wouldn't it be funny if a bunch of Iraqi investors buy-up the rights to G.M.'s HumVee division?

ALICE IN WONDERLAND in 3-D, PG ( 1 hr & 49 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when: Monday, March 8ht, 2010
show: 2:00 p.m.
costs: $10.25 Ticket + $3.75 small Diet/Zero ( w/ Barq's & Cherry flavors ) Coke + $10.00 Lunch ( Food and Tip combined ) at Empire Chinese Buffet before the show= $24.00
auditorium: 8, with the 3-D screen
seat: 4th row, 11th column

synopsis: In this re-telling of a classic fairy tale, Alice ( Mia Wasikowska ), now a young woman, is lured back into the whimsical and magical world she first entered into as a little girl. While there, she reunites with her childhood friends, discovers her true self and contends with the evil Red Queen ( Helena Bonham Carter )

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Moon; 2.) Bedroom; 3.) Not properly dressed; 4.) Party; 5.) Rabbit in a waistcoat; 6.) Gazebo; 7.) Garden; 8.) Oraculum; 9.) Confrontation; 10.) Red castle; 11.) Cheshire Cat; 12.) Tea party; 13.) White Queen ( Anne Hathaway ); 14.) Moat; 15.) Croquet; 16.) Royal court; 17.) White palace; 18.) Bandersnatch; 19,) Rescue; 20.) Potion; 21.) bamboozled; 22.) Mad Hatter's ( Johnny Depp ) Dance; 23.) Chessboard battle field; 24.) Six impossible things; and 25.) The apprentice.

audience reaction: The audience seemed captivated by this movie. A little boy seated a few rows behind mine sounded like he enjoyed the movie.

recommendation: I liked this "Hollywood" version, especially the one with the Cheshire Cat. I don't particularly care at all for the "hooked on hookah" Caterpillar. This would be good for older kids.

spoiler alert! This is just a "different take" on the children's classic. Alice's dress is made of the same material used by the Incredible Hulk for his super-stretchy underwear and pants, 'though one would be right to think that no such material was available back in the 1880s. The heads in the moat were all in the same stage of putrefaction even though they weren't all disposed off at the same time, i.e. the Red Queen didn't have a bunch of people decapitated all on the same day. The heads should each have, at least, been half water-logged and half sun-burned. Don't they have bows and arrows? The Jabberwock didn't take advantage of its air superiority to bombard Alice with rocks and branches. The Jabberwock should have used its fiery breath and tail even more. While using its fiery breath, the Jabberwock could have easily used its wing to slap the shield away from Alice's hand. The decapitated head spiraled down the stairs when it should have easily fallen down the side. Why does the White Queen have thick, jet-black eyebrows? The White Queen's wavy and twirly hand gestures were downright annoying. This movie showed what happened to the Red King, but what happened to the White King? And based on my knowledge of human anatomy and physiology, I could cite a number of reasons why the Red Queen's disproportionately-sized head ( which is bigger than that of one suffering from Hydrocephalus ) is physically impossible.

fyi: Back when I was a boy living in Matina, Davao City, Mindanao, Philippines, I met another boy who had Hydrocephalus. If I recall properly, I think that he was from my birth city of Kidapawan, Cotabato, as well--I think that I saw him there years earlier before my family moved to Matina--being that a head of that size is practically impossible to miss and very hard to forget. I didn't know what this condition was back then. I would look at him and say to myself that he was lucky to have such a big brain because I equated brain size with level of intelligence. I figured that with his super-sized head, he was probably a super genius!

In the opening scene of this movie, pay close attention to the full moon as the clouds float across in front of it so you'll see, for but an instant, a semblance of the Cheshire Cat's face.

I absentmindedly typed-in an "R" for this movie's rating. It's rated PG, but I think that it would be better rated as a PG-13. According to the Rating Board, "There is no drug use content in a PG-rated motion picture.... Any drug use will initially require at least a PG-13 rating." And we all know that the Caterpillar wasn't blowing bubbles with its hookah! This is a big goof by Disney and the Rating Board. Why didn't Disney hire the services of Cine-Man as a Rating Advisor, huh?

Speaking of a "different take" on the children's classic, go to YouTube and check-out the version by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers titled, "Don't Come Around Here No More" ( 1985 ). It's a mad, drug-induced musical version that's worth a look-see. There's also another one by Jefferson Airplane called, "White Rabbit" ( 1967 ), as pointed out to me by a new co-worker, Sean.

In the Philippines, there is a caramel candy called, "White Rabbit." This is one of the best-selling candies there.

Food review by Pig-out Man: Empire Buffet, today, had Vegetable Tempura and Orange Cake with cream and glaze. In all the years that I've eaten here, this is probably the first time that they carried these two items, a welcome change from their usual offerings. I liked their Tempura and their Orange Cake, though. But I really missed the original Smorgabob's Great Buffet Smorgasbord Restaurant because their menu offerings changed from day to day. It's too bad that Empire Buffet put Smorgabob's out of business.

word of advice: Follow your dreams ( just don't sleep-walk while doing so ).

tidbits: Before going to the cinema, I stopped-off at the Chevron gas station on the corner of Couch Street and Redwood Avenue to buy lottery tickets ( $6.00 ), a Contra Costa newspaper ( $0.81 ), and to get some gas ( $3.19 ) for my Geo Metro.

Then, I went to the Dollar Tree Store to buy a can of Goya Red Beans and two boxes of Cookie Dough Bites in Peanut Butter flavor--I didn't know that it came in this flavor, too. Now, I do!

And I had a quick lunch at Empire Buffet before I headed-off to see the movie via Sonoma Boulevard and Marine World Parkway.

The Red Queen reminded me of the back-stabbing bitchy old lady that I worked with at my other job. When is she gonna blow her brains out like she threatened to do at one time? Yes, off with her head! Ha, ha, ha--( snort! ). I'm bad. Sorry ....

After the movie, I swung by Postal Annex to check my mail box and found out that my box rent was due. And I walked into the CVS drug store to buy a 4-pack of toilet tissue and a dozen-count of eggs. I will need to fill-out another "CVS Rewards Card" application since my card doesn't scan anymore and since my 'phone number isn't recognized anymore, either.

On the way back home, I decided to take the long way via Marine World Parkway, Sonoma Boulevard and Redwood Avenue. My car was in front at the intersection of Redwood Avenue and Tuolomne Street at about 4:30 p.m. as I waited for the traffic light to change so I could make a left turn. As soon as the light turned green, a fire truck at the back of the line on Tuolomne Street suddenly turned-on its siren and put on its flashing lights, forcing me to pull over immediately at the curb in front of the Shell gas station--I didn't know that the black Lincoln Town Car behind me needed to get to the gas station--in effect, I inadvertently blocked the way temporarily. Oops! not my fault. I think the driver of the fire truck just wanted to cut in line ahead of everyone else--maybe he needed to go "potty" or something ( Don't you just hate that? Talk about abuse of power, position and privilege. ).

BROOKLYN'S FINEST, R ( 2 hr & 13 min )

where: EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 & I-MAX in Fairfield, CA

when: Friday, March 5th, 2010

show: 10:15 p.m.

costs: $10.50 Ticket + $5.75 Kid's Pack = $16.25

auditorium: 5

seat: 4th row, 7th seat

synopsis: A burned-out loner cop, Eddie Dugan ( Richard Gere ), with an unremarkable track record is counting down the days to his retirement and playing it safe, not knowing that his last and final day on the force will inter-twine with the lives of two narcotics cops in a crime scene in the high-crime rate area of the city.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Cemetery; 2.) Sparse bedroom; 3.) Confessional; 4.) Locker room; 5.) Desk, suit, tie; 6.) Seven days from today; 7.) Out of zone; 8.) Meter maid; 9.) Not enough; 10.) Night club; 11.) New house; 12.) Latina Hooker ( Shannon Kane ); 13.) Raid; 14.) Chase; 15.) Need for an high-profile arrest; 16.) "Dude"; 17.) Card game; 18.) Re-appeal; 19.) $100,000 reward; 20.) Fabricate the news; 21.) Second raid; 22.) Convenience store incident; 23.) Internal Affairs investigation; 24.) Taco sauce & gasoline; 25.) "Streets got an expiration date"; 26.) Record activated; 27.) Gambling club; 28.) Men's room; 29.) Retirement day; 30.) Drive-by shooting; 31.) "Monkey shit"; 32.) Back at the hooker's apartment; 33.) Van; 34.) Confrontation; 35.) Cross paths; 36.) Elevator; 37.) Kidnap victims; 38.) Chasing down the suspect; and 39.) The struggle.

audience reaction: The audience was obviously entertained by it.

recommendation: I liked it, too, especially the second encounter with the prostitute which had some laugh-out-loud shots!

spoiler alert! When the cop confronted the arguing couple, the angry man assaulted the rookie cop. Isn't this a basis for a citation and/or arrest whether or not it falls outside of a precinct's zone? How the hell did a white cop catch-up to a fleeing black suspect who had such a wide lead on him in the first place? Why would a prostitute have lots of images of Jesus Christ, The Virgin Mary, and the Saints hanging all over her apartment which just serve to do nothing but distract and/or delay the "activity"? I mean, the sooner you can get a client off, the more money you can make. And isn't that the point? Why didn't Eddie call for back-up? Why did the cop shoot first without ordering the "suspect" to "drop his weapon"? One of the squibs used to simulate bullet wounds blew in the wrong direction: The dorsal and ventral SFXs looked the same ( the dorsal should have carried a lesser charge ).

fyi: I remember back at Ateneo De Davao in Matina, Davao City, Mindanao, Philippines, in both the Elementary and High School Departments, when we would have periodic confessionals with the priest. I would always want to be as far back in the line as possible so that some of my classmates and I could find the time to come up with the assorted sins that we would need to confess to the priest for God's forgiveness. We always decided on the same run-of-the-mill sins to confess. Even in High School when the campus was no longer Co-Ed but the high school hired a hot and sexy teacher, anyway, who would always parade around in a short miniskirt, and who would always be followed by a throng of lustful students especially whenever she needed to walk up and down the stairs, Yes! even then, we would always manage to decide on the same sins to confess to the priest--and nobody would ever confess to lusting after the teacher! ( Well, at least, not to the priest, himself, anyway .... It just goes to show the value of a "confession". )

I had this co-worker once, years ago, who I had a crush on. She was from New York. She looked like the Hollywood actress, Olivia d'Abo. She told me that she moved into an apartment somewhere in East Oakland, CA, whose previous tenant was a prostitute. She said that the walls of the apartment was plastered with pictures and posters of naked women! No wonder she didn't let me help her move-in. Darn it!

word of advice: Play it safe.

Experience counts for something; so, listen to the advice of an elder.

tidbits: After work and before going to Fairfield, I went to the 99 Cent Only Store on Springs Road here in Vallejo, CA to buy more boxer shorts. They are made of 100% polyester and are mis-labeled as "XXL" when they are actually just an "M" in size. I don't care what the label says 'cause they fit me just fine--and I can always remove the labels anytime that I want to.

And the place also has red "leg warmers" of the kind used by ice hockey players. At first, I thought that they were just scarves with holes to stick your hands in. I didn't know that there was even such a thing as hockey player's leg warmers! So, I bought a pair. It will come in handy when I go to snow country. I think that I'll swing by that store again tonight after work so I can buy some more "leg warmers."

Then, I bought $4.00 worth of gas at the Chevron gas station across the street.

After that, it was off to Fairfield for the 9:40 p.m. I-Max 3-D ALICE IN WONDERLAND show. The only problem was that there was a long line formed for the four other later shows since the 9:40 show was already sold out! I drove over 17 miles and was not about to turn around "empty-handed". I decided to see BROOKLYN'S FINEST at 10:15 p.m., instead, since I was going to see it sooner or later, anyway.

Not only do the bad guys in this movie launder money, they iron them, too! What a nice touch. I was quite impressed.

After watching this movie, I changed my mind about celebrating my future California lottery win in Brooklyn, New York, at Empire King Buffet because it might just turn out to be my last supper! Ha, ha, ha.

THE CRAZIES, R ( 1 hr & 41 min )

where: EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 & I-MAX in Fairfield, CA
when: March 1st, 2010
show: 3:05 p.m.
costs: $0.00 Free Re-Admission Ticket + $4.50 small Zero Coke + $1.00 Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bites, Mint Flavor ( Monday Dollar Candy Deal ) + $7.58 Lunch at Great Wall Chinese Buffet before the show ( + $1.00 Tip ) = $14.08
auditorium: 16
seat: 4th row, 5th seat

synopsis: The local townsfolk of Ogden Marsh, Iowa, unsuspectingly drink contaminated water which turns them into mad, bloodthirsty killers who turn against each other. The government, aware of the situation, takes drastic measures to contain the problem.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Baseball game; 2.) Coroner's report; 3.) Farm house; 4.) Pilot; 5.) Cargo plane; 6.) Mayor's place; 7.) No signal; 8.) Funeral home; 9.) School bus; 10.) High school; 11.) Pitch-fork; 12.) Three hunters; 13.) McGregor farm; 14.) The Duttens' house; 15.) Nursery room; 16.) Car wash; 17.) G-man; 18.) Road block; 19.) Trucks; 20.) Diner; 21.) Garage; 22.) Race against time; 23.) Onward to Cedar Rapids; and 24.) Bonus scene during the Ending Credits.

audience reaction: I didn't hear any reaction from anyone in the auditorium with me.

recommendation: As far as horror movies go, this one is not scary at all. Wait for this to come out as a rental.

spoiler alert! Why wasn't Sheriff Dutten ( Timothy Olyphant ) put on administrative leave pending the result of a psychological evaluation? Isn't this considered "Standard Procedure"? Why was Dr. Dutten ( Radha Mitchell ) wearing stiletto pumps? ( Very unprofessional, and very impractical for someone who's supposedly pregnant. ) Pvt. Billy Babcock ( Joe Reegan ) was rifle-butted on the left side of his face but no mark or bleeding was shown. The Sheriff's hand should have gotten contaminated and/or infected as a result of the fight--pay attention to what he does with the knife. Why didn't the soldiers use thermal imaging and/or night vision goggles? Why did Deputy Russell ( Joe Anderson ) empty-out his gun for? I wouldn't have, considering what the outcome would be, and considering what he had already done. Ogden Marsh was supposed to be a farm community yet, curiously enough, I don't think that I noticed any farm animals moseying about or acting wild and crazy. In fact, I don't think I saw any animal at all--there was talk of catching a big catfish, but this doesn't count!

fyi: First food review by Pig-out Man: I liked Great Wall Chinese Buffet's Beef with Broccoli because the beef was tender, the broccoli was crisp and because the sauce tasted good, although it was slightly on the sweet side. And I liked the rice because it was easy to shape into a cross on my dinner plate. No, I'm not being overly religious. I always have my rice shaped into a cross on my plate whenever I eat at a Chinese buffet so that I can have four compartments for dishes to prevent their flavors from mixing with each other. The funny thing, though, is that I don't have this rice habit whenever I eat at a Filipino buffet. Weird .... On the down-side of my food review, the waitresses are plain-lookin'--not one of them can hold a candle to the owner's daughter at the Chinese buffet in Vallejo ( That's one for the home-team. Yeah! ).

The last time that I went to Grand Rapids, Michigan, back in the summer of 2006, I had to change planes at Chicago International Airport. When I looked at the flight schedule board for arrivals and departures, I couldn't find Grand Rapids listed anywhere. Cedar Rapids was the only "... Rapids" listed. I became frantic because I didn't know which terminal to go to to catch the transfer flight. I went walking up and down looking at each terminal to see which had Grand Rapids-bound passengers waiting to board the plane. I asked a desk clerk at a terminal for assistance but, rudely, he said that he has to take care of his passengers first. As I waited patiently--No! make that, impatiently--I noticed another worker standing around talking with another co-worker. I went up to him and asked for his assistance in locating the terminal for Grand Rapids. He went up to a nearby board and pointed it out to me, there at the top ... where the Sun's glare was at its brightest! ... was Grand Rapids. Oh, how I felt like an idiot, then! If my sister in Grand Rapids, Michigan, is reading this, please ... don't have me transfer in Chicago ever again. Thank you.

When I studied Anthropology and Geology, one of the things which puzzled me the most was how, through the centuries, countless graves and out-houses have supposedly contaminated well water. Yet, somehow, here I am blogging and here you are reading. I should have asked my Microbiology professor to shed some light on this puzzle. But, just the same, play it safe when you're in unfamiliar territory and don't drink the water.

word of advice: Water is a precious resource. Don't take it for granted. Don't waste it. Don't contaminate it.

tidbits: I went to Chase Bank, at the Target Shopping Center here in Vallejo before I went to Fairfield, to deposit some money into my checking account.

I didn't eat the Cookie Dough because I was still too full.

This movie only has two songs listed in the Ending Credits. I was kind of hoping that they would have the zombie-like people do a dance to Gnarls Barkley's song, Crazy, as an homage to Michael Jackson's Thriller video. Nope, never happened. Darn ....

On my way home, I swung by the Bank Of America on Springs Road, here in Vallejo, to put money in my savings account. Then, I went to Selecta Filipino Buffet to buy some lottery tickets. Finally, I went to the 99 Cents Only Store next door to buy a can of chocolate-flavored coffee, evaporated milk, and a movie script ( in book form ) for the movie, NAPOLEON DYNAMITE.

While I was walking down the Candy Aisle at the 99 Cents Only Store, I noticed that my Mint-flavored Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bites box was sticking out of my jacket's left hand pocket. I had forgotten to leave it in my car! And I couldn't leave the store then to go to my car because they might think that I shoplifted something. So, surreptitiously, I tucked it away in my pocket. But, once I got to the check-stand, it was sticking out again. But, thank God that they don't sell the Mint-flavored kind and that I had my movie ticket stub in my t-shirt's chest pocket, as well as my Cine-Man card handy, for my other alter-ego, Alibi Guy, was ready for just in case.

Back at the condominium complex where I live, Rusty, the orange tabby stray cat, greeted me and I gave him some dry cat food. Whenever I have to use my Geo Metro, which I park in the overflow parking lot, I would always carry some cat food with me just in case I come across Rusty either when I'm coming or going. He's a good cat who always shares his food with another stray cat whenever the other one is around--if he senses the other cat nearby, he would always go fetch him first. But I haven't seen the other cat in so long. If only I lived on the first floor, I would give him a nice, warm pet bed to sleep in on my deck.

COP OUT, R ( 1 hr & 50 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA

when: Sunday, February 28th, 2010

show: 12:40 p.m.

costs: $7.25 Ticket + $5.75 Kid's Pack ( w/ upgrade ) + $5.05 Salad Lunch ( Caesar Side Salad, 99 cent Chicken Nugget, Mandarin Slices & Lemonade ) at Wendy's Restaurant after the show = $18.05

auditorium: 13

seat: 5th row, 8th column

synopsis: A veteran cop, Jimmy ( Bruce Willis ), and his partner of nine years, Paul ( Tracy Morgan ), go on a search for his stolen mint condition baseball card which he needs to pay for his daughter Ava's ( Michelle Trachtenberg ) upcoming wedding. Soon, they find out that it has fallen into the hands of a vicious baseball memorabilia-obsessed gangster named, Poh Boy ( Guillermo Diaz ), who'll stop at nothing to keep his new-found collectibles addition away from its rightful owner.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Happy anniversary; 2.) Interrogation; 3.) Pursuit; 4.) 'Phone call; 5.) Church; 6.) Bad guy; 7.) Sports memorabilia shop; 8.) Stake-out; 9.) Mom & son; 10.) Stand-off; 11.) Annoying Parkour burglar, Dave ( Seann William Scott ); 12.) Poh Boy; 13.) Car for card; 14.) Carnapper; 15.) Boots; 16.) Mercedes; 17.) Cemetery; 18.) Gabriela ( Ana De La Reguera ); 19.) Batting cage; 20.) Restaurant; 21.) Ballistic match; 22.) Nanny cam; 23.) Meeting; 24.) Video; 25.) Flash drive; 26.) Translation; 27.) Jail cell; 28.) Slip & fall; 29.) Gay cousin; 30.) Shoot-out; 31.) Shoe; 32.) Overkill; 33.) Hostage crisis; 34.) Baseball card; 35.) Wedding; and 36.) Bonus scene.

audience reaction: The audience enjoyed the funny scenes.

recommendation: I enjoyed it, too. It's a light comedy that's primarily aimed at teens and young adults.

spoiler alert! Although Jimmy's comment about the "Yippie kai aye, mother----er!" expression drew a laugh from me, there were too many references to past "Buddy Cop" films for the audience ( myself included ) to care about. Paul talked too much, especially about the perceived infidelity of his wife, Debbie ( Rashida Jones ). These cops committed police brutality, excessively used force, assaulted with a deadly weapon, and searched without a warrant, and probably committed a few more abuses of power and authority, enough to get them suspended or kicked-off the force. If you keep me in the trunk of a car for two days, I'd most likely do these two things: Wet my pants and soil my undies--more than once, each! Newborn babies don't wink. Why did the priest ( Ray Quinlan ) use Psalm 23 for the wedding ceremony? I mean, is walking down the aisle similar to walking "...through the valley of the shadow of Death"? The only way that you can use Psalm 23 in a wedding ceremony is if you reword it. Let's see how it goes ....

THE SHOTGUN WEDDING PSALM

Your dad has a shotgun, I shall not run. He maketh me to settle down with his daughter. He leadeth me beside your shrill mother. He removeth my soul. He leadeth me in the path of righteousness for his reputation's at stake. Yea, 'though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death, I will fear no in-laws, for thou art with me. His rod and his bat, they discomfort me. He preparest a banquet before us in the presence of all of my homies. He annoyest my dad with tales of toil--his mouth runneth over. Surely, curses and regrets shall follow me all the days of my life, as we dwell in the house of your dad for ever. ( This must be why I didn't become a priest! Ha, ha, ha. )

fyi: The scene in the church illustrates a point: People feign godliness just to impress others.

A male Parkour practitioner is called, Traceur, and a female one is called, Traceuse.

I know from my study of Anthropology back in college that Bonobo chimps are very sexually promiscuous, that the males are well-endowed, and that sex to them is so commonplace as to be taken to mean as simply an act of greeting ( something like a hand-shake ) and as a way to re-enforce bonds among clan members. But Bonobo chimps are not the only non-human primates that engage in oral sex; monkeys do, too. But the subject of sexually transmitted diseases among non-human primates was never discussed in class, not even in my Microbiology class.

I wonder if the primatologist, Jane Goodall, has some censored films of "monkey business" in her archives. Come on, Jane. Don't be selfish; don't be shy. Show us!

word of advice: If you're a female primatologist doing a field study on Baboons, don't ever wear eye shadow--never, ever!

If you want to spend tons of money on your daughter's wedding, first make sure that she and your soon-to-be son-in-law are truly in love with each other. Otherwise, it's just lots of money down the financial drain.

tidbits: FriendsEat.com put my blog for THE WOLFMAN in their listing for Autumn Moon Chinese Buffet in Mesa, Arizona, too! I just found out last Thursday that FriendsEat.com's search engine has been tracking my blogs since December 22nd ( at least ) of last year. That was when they put my blog on ME AND ORSON WELLES in their listing for Cinema Cafe Restaurant in Virginia Beach, VA. But I don't know why my Orson Welles blog was posted since I didn't go to any restaurant that day.

I think that I now have another "hat" to wear: Food Critic! I had better pay closer attention to whatever I stuff my mouth with from now on. Maybe I'll call myself, Pig-out Man.