CHERNOBYL DIARIES, R ( 1 hr & 26 min )

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Wednesday, May 30th, 2012
show:  12:25 p.m. ( Extra Dollar Off First Show Matinee )
costs:  $6.50 Ticket + $1.00 2.0 oz Odwalla Berries Go Mega health bar ( bought at the Dollar Tree Store before the movie and smuggled-in ) + $4.50 20.0 oz VitaminWater Lemonade + $9.20 lunch @ Empire Chinese Buffet here in Vallejo after the movie ( + $1.80 Tip ) = $23.00
auditorium:  12
seat:  4th row, 6th column


synopsis/overview:  A group of tourists goes on an "extreme tour" of Pripyat, the city where the workers of the Chernobyl Nuclear Reactor once lived before the disaster of April 26th, 1986. Soon after they explore the abandoned city, they find themselves stranded and hunted down one by one.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) Engagement ring; 2.) Cobblestones; 3.) Extreme tourism; 4.) "Nature has reclaimed its rightful home"; 5.) Checkpoint; 6.) "I want to show you something in water"; 7.) Dead fish; 8.) Fifty-thousand people; 9.) May Day; 10.) Silence; 11.) Dead dog; 12.) "It's contaminated"; 13.) Chernobyl reactor # 4; 14.) Ash; 15.) Bear; 16.) Damaged spark plug wires; 17.) "I work alone"; 18.) "It's a f-cking hazard having you as a brother"; 19.) Gunshots; 20.) "They got him"; 21.) "We've got to see if he's alive"; 22.) Image; 23.) Dogs; 24.) "These are exit holes"; 25.) Bus; 26.) "We've got cables for the van"; 27.) The chase; 28.) "Is that from the van"; 29.) "It's recording"; 30.) "We can't leave them. We've got to find them"; 31.) Map; 32.) Kid; 33.) Crowd; 34.) "What is this place"; 35.) Ring; 36.) Ladder; 37.) "My face is burning"; 38.) Attack; 39.) "I can't see anything"; 40.) "Please help us"; 41.) Hospital; and 42.) Locked cell.

audience reaction:  Mild, at best.

recommendation:  It was okay. You might want to wait for it to come out as a rental.

spoiler alert!  If the radiation killed the local living organisms, how were those fish able to survive such an exposure? There would be no bears and no stray dogs in that town for the same reason, since they'd be dead after just a few days of radiation exposure. If a badly-mauled guy says of another guy, "They got him," they got him--no need to check-up on him--he's dead and gone! Why was there water dripping down into that indoor pond when the water supply to that entire abandoned town should have already been turned-off many years ago? Radioactive poisoning can cause genetic mutation leading to death. So, those humanoids shouldn't have survived for so long. And, even if they did, their cells would have mutated to the point where sterility would become inevitable. And, even if a highly-irradiated couple were to produce an offspring, that offspring would not be genetically and physically normal at all. And all of those humanoids would be blind and deaf and rendered non-ambulatory by their excessive radioactive exposure! Why didn't he speak to them in Russian?

fyi:  The Chernobyl Nuclear  Disaster of April 26th, 1986 was worst than the recent Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Disaster of March 11th, 2011.

word of advice:  Heed warning signs.

tidbits:  Two bitches at two different Intersections ignored the Stop Sign and tried to cut me off when I had the right-of-way! I just stared at them as I made my way to the theatre after shopping at The Dollar Tree Store first. What's wrong with people today? Nobody else seems to want to stop at Stop Signs or at Red Lights anymore? I see a lot of that happening here in Vallejo, CA. Maybe, it's just a Vallejo "thing".

At 3:33 p.m., as I waited for the Left Turn Light to turn green at the corner of Tuolumne and Redwood streets, on my way home from the buffet, a beautiful and sexy black girl, dressed in black, crossed the intersection in the company of a white guy who was dressed in a white T-shirt and blue jeans, and ... red boxer shorts! His pants was below his buttocks as he walked across nonchalantly. He was either trying to impress the beautiful girl in his company with his wannabe "Poser Look" ( Poseur ) or he just couldn't wait to "jump her bones"! That poor whitey must've been sick with the "Jungle Fever" to go walking around like that--because he had to be sick in the head to think that he'd get "Lucky" dressed that way! Ha, ha, ha.


*

MEN IN BLACK III in 3-D, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 44 min )

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Friday, May 25th, 2012
show:  11:30 a.m. ( Extra Dollar Off First Show Matinee )
costs:  $10.00 Ticket + $1.53 bulk Chocolate Candy + $4.50 20.0 oz VitaminWater Power-C + $9.73 lunch @ Golden City Buffet here in Vallejo ( + $1.52 Tip ) = $27.28
auditorium:  7
seat:  4th row, 8ht column


synopsis/overview:  Agent J ( Will Smith ) travels back to 1969 to save the life of his partner, Agent K ( Tommy Lee Jones ), and to keep Boris ( Jemaine Clement ), an alien threat, from changing the course of history.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) Non-conjugal visit; 2.) "You complete me"; 3.) Moon; 4.) Cellphone; 5.) Eulogy; 6.) The device; 7.) The Chinese restaurant; 8.) "You don't know it K, but you're already dead"; 9.) "Don't lie to your kids"; 10.) "Should've killed him"; 11.) "Boglodite assassin"; 12.) "Secrets of the Universe"; 13.) 5K; 14.) "Your partner"; 15.) "He smiles like this"; 16.) "Damn it, it's not the tick"; 17.) "Temporal fracture"; 18.) Proximity warning; 19.) Always Going Out Of Business; 20.) "That's a big blip"; 21.) "No, you're gonna leave me hanging"; 22.) Empire State Building; 23.) "Wasn't the best time for your people"; 24.) Time jump; 25.) Elevator; 26.) Cops; 27.) Amusement park; 28.) "O ... K"; 29.) Eye Exam; 30.) Clue; 31.) "You have some city miles on you"; 32.) Bowling alley; 33.) The Factory; 34.) "Fifth Dimensional Being"; 35.) Diner; 36.) The game; 37.) The gift; 38.) "Texas Two-Step"; 39.) Rolaids; 40.) "Stop staring at it"; 41.) Arc-Net; 42.) Moon launch; 43.) "That's for lying to me. That's for telling the truth"; 44.) "But where there is death, there will always be death"; 45.) Jet-packs; 46.) "The truth"; 47.) MPs; 48.) "I told the truth last time"; 49.) Launch pad; 50.) "That's not possible"; 51.) "You call this in, they'll scrub the launch"; 52.) "Go ahead, arrest me"; 53.) Daddy; 54.) "How the hell do I know what I don't know"; and 55.) "This is my new favorite moment in human history."

favorite scene:  I liked the Cape Canaveral scene with the little boy in it. It was such a poignant scene.

audience reaction:  The audience liked it. But it didn't get a "Hands Clapper" ending.

recommendation:  I liked it, too. Go see it if you're an MIB fan.

spoiler alert!  That woman traveled for at least three days just to deliver the cake to its destination--'doesn't make sense at all! That was a very, very, very expensive trip just to deliver the cake--again, 'doesn't make sense at all--highly suspicious, if anything! That "spider" thing only tapped on the chains; and the chains broke ...? And in a much later scene, the "spider" thing had a hard time taking the box away from Griffin's ( Michael Stuhlbarg ) neck. Come on! If she feared for her life, why did the mini-skirted woman just use her left hand to hold onto Boris's arm? I'd have grabbed onto it with both hands and I'd have wrapped my legs around his head to, if I were her, especially since he had quite a skillful, long tongue! Ha, ha, ha. If the vacuum was strong enough to suck the people out of that building, then it was strong enough to suck the air out of the people's lungs; in other words, they would not have been able to scream or talk because there would be no more air passing through their vocal chords for vocal sounds to be generated. Boris landed on the bright side of the Moon; so, depending on where the Moon was, relative to its location from the Sun, Boris would have been burned to death because the bright side of the Moon can get hotter than the hottest place on Earth ( hotter than boiling water temperature ) and the moon doesn't have a thick atmosphere like our planet has to shield most of the Sun's heat away from its own surface. An iron skillet doesn't make that kind of a sound---Fire the Foley Artist! This movie gives new meaning to, "Chinese Alien"! Okay, when Agent J took a group shot of those people with his memory-erasing device, the people in the crowd who were standing at the rear only got a partial shot of the flash and some probably never even got flashed in the eyes! If you're standing at, or near, the top of the Empire State Building, a car horn's sound from the traffic down below WILL NOT SOUND THAT LOUD. Boris's bike was obviously of alien manufacture; how'd he get a hold of it? If 5th Dimensional Beings can see all future possibilities, why couldn't their own race save their planet from being totally annihilated, huh? A prototype for a unicycle motorbike was already built around 15 years, or so, ago. The jet-packs had rockets that made them go up vertically--but they didn't have rockets that could make them travel horizontally. So, how were the three of them able to travel horizontally to their destination?

fyi:  Did you notice the food truck where Agent K got his pocket bread sandwich at? The meat tower to its left made it suspiciously look like a Shawarma food truck--think back to what Iron Man said near the end of the movie in MARVEL'S THE AVENGERS. More than likely, it was a Shawarma food truck, though. And that sandwich was a Shawarma sandwich. I wonder if they serve Pork Shawarma. Ha, ha, ha.

Andy Warhol ( 1928 - 1987 ) achieved some artistic notoriety when his picture of an overly-endowed male genitalia was put on billboards in the Los Angeles area. It probably caused some traffic accidents, too! ( 'Not to mention, a lot of "Penis Envy". )

word of advice:  Look out for your partner.

tidbits: My first order of business for the day was to go to the Goin' Postal shop at the Lucky's Supermarket Shopping Center on the corner of Tuolumne and Redwood streets, here in Vallejo, CA,  to ask about their mail box rental rates. Because Mike, the proprietor of the Postal Annex shop at the Gateway Plaza Shopping Center on Admiral Callaghan Lane, also here in Vallejo, is going out of business on June 15th as he will be retiring; and all eight prospective buyers of his business didn't qualify for a business loan. Goin' Postal is much closer to home ( just a few blocks away ). So, I'll open an account with them on the 1st of June.

By the way, to those of you out there who are not familiar with it, "Goin' postal" is also an American slang for a vengeful killing spree. It got its origin some years ago when, for some unexplained reason, U.S. postal clerks who were fired from their jobs, or had quarrels with their fellow co-workers, got guns and shot their bosses and co-workers to death. The phrase stuck and is now used to describe a killing spree at any workplace.

As an aside, I have a co-worker who was fired from his previous job because he jokingly used the phrase, "Goin' postal." Somebody who heard him say it reported him to Management, and management called-in the Human Resources Representative. And, next thing you know, he was fired!

I can't wait to open an account with Goin' Postal so that I can excitedly tell some co-workers of mine about it within earshot of Management. And I'll do so after having a specially stressful time of it at work--my co-workers can attest to the fact that I stress-out a whole lot at work!  It will probably go something like this: Hey! tell the manager that I'm "Goin' Postal"; and I don't f-cking care---Cue-in the Diabolical laughter: Bwa, ha, ha, ha, ha. We'll see what happens next ....

After the movie, I went to the Chase Bank branch at the Target Shopping Center here in Vallejo to make a deposit in my checking account.

I took this picture because there was a woman in my side mirror bending down to get something in the back of her mini van. Too bad she wasn't wearing a short skirt. Ha, ha, ha.

Then, I headed-on to the Golden City Chinese Buffet on the corner of Sonoma Boulevard and Mini Drive, here in Vallejo, to have lunch. One of the waiters here is very creative about his "do-it-yourself" haircuts. One time, he had a "Salad Bowl" haircut. Today, he has a "Shaved Temples" haircut. Maybe, he's trying to be "trendy" about it. So, if you see a waiter at a Chinese buffet sporting a weird or hilarious haircut, you know where it all began!

And, another thing about this Chinese buffet: Why do they have to play Madonna songs?!?!?! I, for one, CANNOT STAND TO LISTEN TO MADONNA'S VOICE!!!! It's more than bad enough that I have to be forced to listen to it at work. And I turn my car radio off as soon as a Madonna song starts to play. I'd much rather listen to a Chinese sex-kitten songstress caterwauling along to some tunes than listen to Madonna sing! Gad, is there no place here on Earth where they don't play Madonna songs at all...?

I swear, if they don't stop playing Madonna songs at Chinese buffets, the term "Goin' postal" will have to be rephrased 'cause I'll be "Goin' buffet" on them! And it won't look good because it will get messy as heck! Ha, ha, ha.

********************************

'Sorry I took so long in posting this. I recently "friended" a first cousin of mine on FaceBook. The last time that we saw each other was in 1966. ( Yup! that long ago. ) We corresponded with each other on FaceBook and went crazy talking about Cuban Cigars! And we did it in our native language, Cebuano, which I haven't used on a regular basis since 1983. I had to use a Cebuano/English dictionary to reacquaint myself with the language, to check on my spelling and word use, and to figure out what the heck he was talking about. And it would take me up to 20 minutes just to write a single, solitary sentence with the aid of the dictionary! So, most of my free time ( i.e. blog time ) was used-up writing back and forth with my cousin.

*

WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE EXPECTING, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 50 min )

Quickie Review:  Five couples are all expecting babies.

The audience liked it.

I didn't like it that much. And I felt like dozing-off every now and then but, perhaps, this had more to do with the fact that I didn't get enough sleep in the last few nights. More than likely, though, I'm not one to appreciate this kind of movie because of my Marital Status: Single w/o Brats.

If you have brats, I am sure that you will be more receptive to this kind of comedy in one or more of the five parallel possibilities shown.

Most of the funny scenes in this movie are those provided by the accident-prone hapless little brat--'sounds like irresponsible parenting, reckless child endangerment and child abuse to me!

Are Rebel Wilson and Jonah Hill closely related? I ask because they look like each other.

WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE EXPECTING your little brat to go use the toilet! ( Somebody sent this to my FaceBook page )

*

BATTLESHIP, PG-13 ( 2 hr & 11 min )

I watched this the first time just to get a general feel for it.

where:  movie2k.to at Hector's house in Oakland, CA
when:  Thursday, April 25th, 2012
show:  5:00 p.m.
costs:  Free stream on stream2k
auditorium:  Hector's living room
seat:  A wooden chair

2nd time

I watched this the second time just to get the note-taking started.

where:  movie2k.to
when:  Tuesday, May 15th, 2012
show:  Very, very early in the morning
costs:  Free stream on stream2k
auditorium:  My living room
seat:  My swivel chair

3rd time


where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Friday, May 18th, 2012
show:  12:01 a.m.
costs:  $10.50 Ticket + $5.75 small Popcorn + $4.50 20.0 oz VitaminWater XXX = $20.75
auditorium:  7
seat:  7th row, 7th column


synopsis/overview:  You Sunk My Battleship


In a battle reminiscent of The Attack On Pearl Harbor, the Americans and the Japanese this time join forces with a disabled veteran and some old war veterans in a fight with an Extra-Terrestrial Fleet which is desperately trying to '"Phone Home."


noteworthy scenes:  1.) Planet G; 2.) Chicken burrito; 3.) Admiral's daughter; 4.) New recruit; 5.) RimPac 2012; 6.) RimPac Cup Finals; 7.) Jerry Lewis; 8.) "Do you have anything to say"; 9.) Naval war game; 10.) "Donald Trump/Mike Tyson"; 11.) "Who do I call to teach you humility"; 12.) "Half a man ain't enough to be a soldier"; 13.) "Stop messing things up"; 14.) Radar; 15.) NASA; 16.) "The Air Force is on-line"; 17.) "Legitimate Extra-Terrestrial contact"; 18.) "Not of this Earth"; 19.) Visual; 20.) "Bad idea"; 21.) Force field; 22.) Sonic blast; 23.) "Dead in the water"; 24.) Warning shot; 25.) Response; 26.) "You're Senior Officer"; 27.) Marine Air Base; 28.) Softball field; 29.) Freeway; 30.) "We can't get in, they can't get out"; 31.) Survivors; 32.) "The island is under attack"; 33.) "If you can't, who can"; 34.) Alien; 35.) Bad feeling; 36.) Level four; 37.) "Mahalo, mother---"; 38.) Cyborg; 39.) Communications station; 40.) Helmet; 41.) Global unrest; 42.) LandSat 7; 43.) "I don't need the radar, just the radio frequencies"; 44.) Buoys; 45.) "When we fire, they'll know where we are"; 46.) "Right now, you're gonna acquire that courage ..."; 47.) Call for help; 48.) "Let's take this somewhere they don't want to go"; 49.) Snipers; 50.) Alien counter-attack; 51.) "Let's see if we can buy the world another day"; 52.) Old veterans to the rescue; 53.) "Just not today"; 54.) "But that's not what it means, not even close"; 55.) "Cyborg" Man vs. Alien; 56.) Direct hit; 57.) Fighter jets; 58.) Awards; 59.) "Your wish came true"; 60.) "Sir, I saved the world"; 61.) Chicken burrito; and 62.) Bonus Scene after the Ending Credits.

favorite scene:  I liked the "But That's Not What It Means, Not Even Close" scene.

audience reaction:  N/A. I watched this all by myself. Hector and his wife were watching a Tele Novela in their bedroom. His son, Isma, was in the living room with me; but he was busy fighting in a boxing match against somebody in England on his X-Box 360. And his other son, Tito, was outside working on his girlfriend's car.

2nd audience reaction:  N/A

3nd audience reaction:  The audience liked it. But it didn't get a "Hands Clapper" ending.


recommendation:  It's okay. If it didn't remind me too much of the board game, I'd probably enjoy it more.

spoiler alert!  Did he have to remove three ceiling panels just to make his way down into the store? RimPac sounds like hemorrhoidal suppositories, don't you think so? It took the navy ships a while to get to the alien ships. But, when they got there, the big alien ship was still dripping lots and lots of water. If that Sonic Blast which the alien ship generated was loud enough and strong enough to shatter glass, then it was loud enough and strong enough to shatter eardrums! ( I'm talking, of course, about the eardrums of those three in the patrol boat. ) The aliens have a strange way of fighting: They operate primarily in a Counter-Attack Mode--no wonder they lost the battle. Why didn't they first restrain the captured alien? I've heard of chin "stubble", but this is ridiculous! What did the aliens do to get this kind of chin "stubble", perform oral sex on porcupines ...? These aliens can breathe our air and function normally in our planet's atmospheric pressure--yeah, right .... Those sailors got hit hard by armor-clad fists/arms and they lived through it--and not one suffered broken bones! That sailor who put on the alien helmet should have been put under medical quarantine! I didn't know that floating war museums carry live ammunition and are practically battle-ready at a moment's notice. If I were destroying an alien enemy's ship, I wouldn't say, Boom, in a sexy voice; I'd say out loud, Die! you motherf-ckers. Die! f-ckin' aliens. Why didn't the navy ships outside of the force-fielded area try to shoot through it? An Old Fart with Parkinson's Disease plus a Machine Gun is not a deadly combination. The alien ships have car-like blue headlights on--'must be the newer models .... The aliens seem to operate on a set "rules of engagement" that calls for the primary use of weapons of structural destruction, not biological destruction, i.e. their weapons seem designed to destroy structures and not destroy living organisms--well, not directly anyway--"collateral damage" takes care of that! And speaking of weapons, the aliens' primary weapons look like "armor-penetrating/busting" Pegboard Pegs and Burrowing Yo-Yos. Add to this a crucial scene that makes the whole movie seem funnily like a "fancified" sci-fi version of a famous board game and you end-up with a promotional advertisement for an upcoming kid's game which ( I suspect ) will be available soon at Wal-Mart, Toys-'R'-Us and at other fine retail stores! Why could the ship's machine guns hit the "Pegboard Pegs" but not the bigger "Burrowing Yo-Yos"? At the communications station, why didn't the other aliens help-out their fellow alien who was fighting the "cyborg" guy? Is it just me or do these aliens all look the same? And do their females have chin "stubble", too? The aliens didn't have life preservers and/or life boats and/or escape pods ...? This movie starts-off with a hefty piece of Chicken Burrito and ends on a Chicken Burrito note--'too much of an "in-and-out" phallic symbolism, if you ask me!  Since they went down that route anyway, they should just have used a Beef Burrito, instead. Ha, ha, ha. ( Q: "Where's the beef?" A: "In Wendy's Buns!" LOL. )

Yummy Chicken Burrito!

"Where's the beef?"

fyi:  The Gliese Star System is 20 Light Years away from our Solar System. And it has a planet about 1.5 times bigger than our own planet in its "Habitable Zone", the planet referred to in this movie as "Planet G". So, of course, there is a good probability that this particular planet is inhabited by an advanced life-form. But ... if we were to broadcast radio wave signals ( which travels at the Speed of Light ) to this planet and its advanced life-forms decided to come to Earth to investigate its source, it would take at least 40 years from the time the signals were sent to the time that the aliens were to arrive here on Earth--if they have a spacecraft that can travel at the Speed of Light! And they were to respond to our signal right away; and if they didn't have to "refuel" along the way. But, of course, the faster a spaceship travels, the harder it is for the ship to dodge interstellar rocks and planetary objects.

SETI ( Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence ) has not yet detected any evidence for Advanced Life-forms out there in the Universe, despite the "Wow!" Signal ( August 15th, 1977 ) anomaly.

Back when we were still living in Oakland, CA, in the Fruitvale District, I bought a bunch of big burritos one day from a nearby Mexican Restaurant for dinner. We had just recently "adopted" a nameless white-and-gray kitten which played with and then followed my orange Manx kitten into the house. As we were having dinner, my second sister accidentally dropped a piece of burrito on the kitchen floor. The nameless kitten pounced on it and ate it right away. So, my sister gave it the name, Burrito. And Burrito grew up looking just like its namesake: A big, fat burrito!

The movie's inspiration.

I never played this board ( bored? ) game because it looked stupid to me!

famous quotes:  "Surrender? I have not yet begun to fight!" John Paul Jones, the very 1st gold medal recipient, American Naval War Hero ( 1747-1792 )

From: Wikipedia

"Had ( John Paul ) Jones lived to this day, France might have had an Admiral." Napoleon Bonaparte ( 1769-1821 )

From: Napoleon Bonaparte--Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia. But shouldn't this bike be white in color, instead?

word of advice:  Let the Sun shine in.

tidbits:  I had planned on taking Hector, his wife and one of his sons to the movies with me. But Hector's wife was sick. And his son, Tito, left to buy some parts for his girlfriend's car. And Hector's other son, Isma, was just a homebody as a homebody could ever get!

As Hector and I were leaving the theatre's parking lot after we watched THE THREE STOOGES movie, a guy in a black truck stopped beside me and asked me if I'd like for him to remove the oxidation on my car's headlight lenses. I told him, No, because I plan on doing a more thorough job of it the next time that I'll get around to doing it, myself. But he was insistent, telling me that lens cleaning kits don't do a good job of it. I told him that I really needed to get on the freeway before the afternoon rush traffic started. But I asked him for his website name, anyway, so that I could look it up later. ( I found out later that the guy gave me the wrong website, a place somewhere in Colorado! )

Maybe, I would be better off just going to the local Hyundai dealership and ordering a new pair of headlight lenses, instead.

A UPS truck was leaving Hector's place when we got back home. Hector said that the UPS truck driver probably dropped-off a package for Isma. Isma had switched from his AT&T ISP to X-Finity and was expecting his Internet cable box today.

When Hector and I stepped inside, Isma was already at work connecting his new Internet cable box to his dad's computer. And I got to be the first one to watch a movie on it. Yes! Woo-Hoo ....

2nd tidbits:  Today, Tuesday, my Hyundai Accent stalled as I exited the freeway on my way to work. And it has Power Brakes, so you know what that means. I parked it against the curb on the downhill grade because the brakes didn't work properly. I turned it off, then I turned it on. It started, then it killed itself, again! I waited for about two minutes before I started it up again. It stayed on and I drove it to work.

I called Dave, the Service Adviser at Wheel Works, and told him that I'll be dropping-off my car tomorrow. And I will need to rent a car again. I can't believe it, two weeks in a row! I never had problems with my Geo Metro. My Metro ran practically trouble-free! Oh, how I miss my Metro.

3rd tidbits:  A couple was in the fourth row who watched the Bonus Scene after the Ending Credits with me.

There was also a female security guard in the auditorium hallway. I told the security guard that the Bonus Scene wasn't shown on the Internet. And I added that the movie is being shown on the internet for almost a month now. She asked me why I came to see it if I already saw it on my computer. I told her that I watched it on my computer just to get a "feel" for it and to take notes on it because I blog about movies. Besides, I just like that Big Screen experience. Especially if I don't have to write notes in the dark and just sit back relaxed as I "popcorn" the movie.

**********************************************

A Rear Admiral and a Petty Officer were in the shower one day. Standing behind the young man, the Rear Admiral intentionally dropped his bar soap in front of the Petty Officer.

"Pick-up my soap!" ordered the Rear Admiral.

"Hell, no, Sir!" said the Petty Officer, knowing the Rear Admiral's sexual preference.

"What, are you being insubordinate?" asked the disbelieving Rear Admiral. " If I don't have your respect, I'm not worthy of my rank. And I shouldn't be allowed to drive a ship!"

"Begging your pardon, Sir, but this is a ship. You navigate it, not drive it, Sir," said the smart-ass Petty Officer.

"Oh, really," answered the Rear Admiral. "So, why does it have wheels, then?"

"It doesn't have wheels, Sir," the Petty Officer said angrily. "It has propellers!"

"Are you really sure about that?" asked the Rear Admiral. "Why don't you go stick your head out through that porthole and see for yourself."

"I don't believe this," grumbled the Petty Officer angrily as he went to the porthole, opened it and stuck his head out. "Hah! I was right: It doesn't have wheeeeeeeeeeeeeels ...."


*

HUNGRY, HUNGRY HIPPOS! R ( 1 hr & 35 min )

Opps! they got the month wrong on this one.

where:  moobee3k.com
when:  Thursday, May 17th, 2012
show:  Around 10:00 p.m.
costs:  Free stream on bufferfree3k
auditorium:  My living room
seat:  My swivel chair


synopsis/overview:  In this promotional tie-in and lead-in to the movie, BATTLESHIP, unknown to the sane and peace-loving World Community, some evil Somali pirate leaders of its "Central Committee" hire the services of a mad Middle Eastern scientist ( Dr. So'dam Insane, PhD ), with the blessings of his country's leaders, Prime Minister Mad-Mood 'Am-anutjob and President Itol'ya Come'inme,  to create a deterrent to UN-backed warships patrolling the Arabian Sea: A bloat of super-gigantic mile-and-a-half-long hippopotami with a voracious appetite! And the world's Armed Forces are powerless against these sea monsters because their super-tough hide is impervious to conventional war weaponry--and because Green Peace Activists hired some self-serving hot-shot International Lawyers to declare the giants as a new, rare and highly endangered species. The world can only watch as the leviathans stand unopposed to do serious damage to the World Economy and to the Marine Ecology. But just as the situation becomes hopeless, help arrives in the most unexpected and unconventional of ways: The US Marines' small army of highly-trained monkeys.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) Greedy Chinese, Taiwanese and Korean lobster fleets; 2.) Frustrated Somali lobster divers; 3.) Piracy out of need; 4.) The inspiration for a mad idea; 5.) The mad scientist for the job; 6.) Blue Whale/Hippopotamus gene-splicing and growth hormones; 7.) Accidental radioactive exposure; 8.) "This turned out better than we had hoped"; 9.) "Fifteen very hungry mouths to feed"; 10.) "It's time to release them;" 11.) "What's that stinky smell"; 12.) "That's one big piece of shit"; 13.) The first victim, a Korean lobster fleet; 14.) Unconfirmed reports; 15.) More victims; 16.) "Is that Moby Dick"; 17.) "It sank our battleship"; 18.) "You're gonna need a bigger boat"; 19.) Environmentalists against the use of Thermo-Nuclear Warheads; 20.) Protected Species Law; 21.) Depleted whale, shark and fish numbers; 22.) Penitent pirates; 23.) Secret US Marines' animal behavior research; 24.) The combination weapon: AIDS, Ebola Virus and Necrotizing Fasciitis; 25.) The delivery system: Genetically-Modified Time-Released Microbial Rectal Probe Pellets [ GMTRMRPP ]; 26.) Monkeys in SCUBA gear; 27.) Anal penetration; 28.) "It ain't all a matter of size"; 29.) "Weapons of Ass Destruction"; 30.) Lighted farts; 31.) "That was the Fart heard around the World"; 32.) Victory; 33.) "What the Green Peace Activists don't know won't kill them"; 34.) The mad scientist found hiding in the sewer; 35.) Hippo Poop: The new alternate source of Bio-Fuel; 36.) "Is that safe to eat"; 37.) Chinese "All-You-Can-Eat-Hippo-Meat" Buffets; 38.) Hippo Steaks and Burgers cooked on Hippo Dung Briquettes; 39.) "That's all going to your hips, you know"; 40.) "Hey, honey, take a look!  I've grown a couple of inches ...."; and 41.) "So have I."

favorite scenes:  I liked how the Korean deck hand mistook the big piece of turd for an iceberg in the fog.

I liked how the SCUBA-geared Monkeys slipped into the Giant Hippos' butts undetected without even using some kind of desensitizing lubricant. Ha, ha, ha.

I liked the scene wherein the Monkeys used cigarette lighters to make a quick exit out of the Giant Hippos' butts. Ha, ha, ha, once again.

I liked the "I've Grown A Couple Of Inches" scene.

And I liked the "So Have I" scene. LOL!

audience reaction:  N/A. I was by my lonesome self.

recommendation:  I liked it a lot! It's a laugh-out loud, ridiculously funny Sci-Fi/Action/Comedy movie. Go see it if you can find it on-line.

spoiler alert!  It's impossible to grow a hippopotamus to such a ridiculously gigantic proportion and at such a rapid rate of growth! Shouldn't those monkeys have been burned to death?

fyi:  These two childrens' games served as inspiration for this movie:

I wonder if these are now collector's items. I should have bought them back when I had the chance.

What will Hollywood come-up with next ...?

word of advice:  Don't start something that you can't finish.

An unconventional war calls for the use of unconventional weapons.

Take good care of your games and toys. Otherwise, they just might get even with you--and the rest of us--in a Big Way!

tidbits:  I don't know why, but this movie gave me a craving for ...

A Banana Split

and ...

A Banana Milkshake

and ...

A couple of bananas

But I usually wait until a banana is at stage 7 of its ripening process before I eat it because that is when a banana is at its most nutritious and delicious stage.

In this "police line-up", number 7 is the one guilty of being nutritious and delicious.

P.S. Don't even think about wrapping your hand around my banana or I'm gonna report you to the Banana Police! Ha,ha, ha--snort!

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