1521: THE QUEST FOR LOVE AND FREEDOM, NR ( 1 hr & 55 min )/KAHEL, NR ( 2 hr & 3 min )

I went to see these 2 movies on Monday, October 2nd, 2023, here at the Century 14 Vallejo: 

Auditorium 3, B-6

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I just saw the Lapu-Lapu vs Magellan movie, 1521. It was a joke! Some people in the audience actually laughed at its absurdity. 😆 A scene showed some natives with a basket 🧺 of Corn 🌽 even though Corn wasn't yet brought over by the Spaniards to the Philippines from Mexico--that happened about 50 years later! 🤦🏽‍♂️  A "Pillage & Rape" scene on the Buwaya Island showed natives who were able to comprehend what the Conquistadors were saying even though the interpreter Enrique was not present among them! Partial nudity was practiced by the natives back then. Especially during the hot & humid Dry Season when the events of 1521 took place! Yet, not one woman was topless! 👎 Yeah, what was up with that?!?!?! 🤷🏽‍♂️  And Lapu-Lapu is shown in one scene sweating "buckets," like even he is not acclimated to his own island's heat & humidity. 😰  The native warriors, for the most part, were fat and out-of-shape AND ... had tan lines---Come on, they could have easily had the tan lined guys even-out their skin tone before the film shoot even began! 🤦🏽‍♂️ Or, for realism's sake, they could just have hired as extras the local, very athletically fit, Tuba-making 🏝️ coconut 🥥 tree climbers rather than favored their movie project donors with "vanity" bit parts. 😁  Lapu-Lapu used a sword although the accepted historical account says that he used Rattan Eskrima Sticks soaked overnight in seawater ( water-soaked rattan hits like a lead pipe; and seawater-soaked rattan hits a little bit harder than that )! Lapu-Lapu isn't shown dealing the Coup de Gras to the dying Magellan.  😕 And there was only one ( yes, 1 ) rifle when, in reality, the Conquistadors more than likely used a number of rifles and probably used cannons, too, from their anchored ships.  😒  This movie is actually about a star-crossed couple whose unrequited love finds closure half a millennium later with the events of 1521 serving as a backdrop. Spoiler Alert: Nowhere is Sugbu and Maktan shown; Only Palawan serves as location scenes for this movie. And I think that I only heard 4 ( yeah, four! ) Bisayan words throughout the length of this movie.  🤷🏽‍♂️

And Danny Trejo is too old for the role of Magellan. Like, 38 years way too old ....  🙄  And I didn't know that Lapu-Lapu was way taller than Magellan!  😏  And why is Lapu-Lapu sporting a 5 o'clock shadow when natives back then had scant facial hair?  🤔 And why does Lapu-Lapu have a scarred eyebrow? After all, this is not an Aquaman movie ( but this probably explains the 5 o'clock shadow, because Lapu-Lapu moonlights as Jason Momoa's stunt double )! 😁 😁😁  Hel ... Lo .... 🤣🤣🤣

Auditorium 9, B-6

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One hour & 20 minutes later, I saw another Pinoy movie, KAHEL. It's about an immigrant couple in Canada, post pandemic, trying to get their lives back on track. This movie has THE MOST Unbelievable "married couple" relationship depicted on the Big Screen! It's a "No Touchy, No Feely" platonic type of marital relationship. They don't even kiss each other--they just hug. 🙄 I get that the pandemic forced people into "social distancing," But This Is Ridiculous ❗😕 Anyway, the wifey finds herself in quite the predicament and drags her unwitting husband into the illicit drug business, resulting in a tragic consequence. This movie is aimed at showcasing a Pinoy rapper's songs, and who also happens to be one of the principal characters in this Canadian movie. I was today years old when I learned that KAHEL is the Tagalog word for Orange which features prominently in the 2nd half of this movie.

👉Here's a background 📖 history 🧐 of Lapu-Lapu, the older brother of my ancestor, who left his little brother "holding the bag" when he high-tailed it back to Borneo after killing Magellan and the Conquistadors:

https://www.thefamouspeople.com/profiles/lapu-lapu-9850.php

👉And here's a popular, brief lesson ( 00:02:35 ) about the historical event in 1521 on U Tube:

https://youtu.be/oSFqkuMvtRM?si=uwvfrlJZXieQ1K0K

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I just have 2 ( Yes, two! ) words about the recent ( participation ) "award" win at the Sweden Film Awards September 2023 given to, 1521: THE QUEST FOR LOVE & FREEDOM .... 

➡️ PINOY BAITING❗🎣❗🎣❗🎣❗

If there's one thing that THE WHOLE 🌍 WORLD 🌎 👉knows👈 about Pinoys & Pinays, it is That Pinoys & Pinays EASILY fall for Gushy 😘 FLATTERIES❗I Noticed This Quite A Lot In Philippine Travel Vlogs Shown On YouTube--Mostly Made By Whites❗👎❗It Had Gotten So That I Stopped Watching Such Videos, Especially When A Female Vlogger Would Be Shown In A Skimpy Bikini Outfit ❗🤦🏽‍♂️❗🤷🏽‍♂️❗IF ... Pilipinos were a type of 🐠 FISH🐟, they'd have been fished into EXTINCTION by now❗😡❗🤬❗

Speaking of fish, there's a Philippine fish named Lapu-Lapu. And I bet that it's the fish that Spanish tourists request quite a lot at local Bisayan restaurants ❗😂❗

No tan lines but nice tatts! 🙂

I've decided to reopen my movie blogsite and show my OBJECTIVE 🤨 critique of the "award" given to this carelessly made movie! 👉Which is why I'm here now!👈

Awards Should Be Merit-Based, Not Quota-Based❗❗❗

This is yet another example of why they should hire my services as a movie consultant. 👌😎👍

I'm so upset right now that, if you'll excuse me, I'll head on over to Selecta Pilipino Buffet Restaurant to diffuse my dissatisfaction at this "award's" pandering to someone's sophomoric attempt at cinematic effort---Oh, and to buy some lottery tickets, too! 🤑

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Was this the awards presenter?

"Bork, bork, bork, bork, bork ...." 

( Something got lost in the translation. 😄😄😄 )

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In closing, I'd like to give a special "Shout-Out" to Soberund Goode on the opening of his new On-Line Store:

www.soberundgoodes.com

Soberund, Good Luck On Your New Venture!👌🤑👍

( He doesn't like it when I call him, Sober And. He says that his name is pronounced, Sew Bee Roond! I decided to just call him, Sew Bee. So be it! 😉 )

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