THE FIVE-YEAR ENGAGEMENT, R ( 2 hr & 4 min )

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Wednesday, May 9th, 2012
show:  10:15 p.m.
costs:  $10.00 Ticket + $5.00 Nachos ( I opened the bag of Nachos to smell it and make sure that it wasn't stale, like the last one that I bought, before paying for it )  + $4.50 20.0 oz VitaminWater Power-C = $19.50
auditorium:  4
seat:  3rd row, 8ht column


synopsis/overview:  Four Funerals And A Wedding


A man and a woman meet, fall in love, get engaged, break-up, go their separate ways, meet again, fall in love again, get engaged again, and--finally--get married!


noteworthy scenes:  1.) Receipts; 2.) One year ago; 3.) BLOOD DIAMOND; 4.) "Live long and prosper"; 5.)  Breakfast; 6.) Engagement party; 7.) Day after; 8.) "Telepathic wiener missiles"; 9.) Finger cut; 10.) "Carrot wiener"; 11.) "Grandparents do have a tendency to die"; 12.) "Jewish drawer"; 13.) September 11; 14.) "You only get a few of these"; 15.) Pregnant; 16.) Wedding; 17.) "Our wedding's gonna be way better"; 18.) Job offer; 19.) First funeral; 20.) Two-week notice; 21.) Social Psychology Class; 22.) Job hunting; 23.) Marshmallows; 24.) Male faculty spouse; 25.) RATATOUILLE; 26.) Fire hydrant; 27.) Deer hunting; 28.) New baby; 29.) Lego Land; 30.) "I play the odds"; 31.) Cake tasting; 32.) Sweater tux; 33.) The five nerds; 34.) Peonies; 35.) "How come nobody ever asks me"; 36.) Extension; 37.) Bedroom argument; 38.) Venison dinner; 39.) Pocahontas; 40.) "I don't like this new Lamb-chop Tom ( Jason Segel )"; 41.) Second funeral; 42.) "Bunny day"; 43.) Toast; 44.) Kiss; 45.) "Super-sanitary"; 46.) "I don't read Korean"; 47.) Orgasm; 48.) Rehearsal; 49.) Chase; 50.) Kitchen; 51.) Frostbite; 52.) Break-up; 53.) Third funeral; 54.) "I'm bored"; 55.) "I love you"; 56.) "Blood, feathers, gun"; 57.) "You ate an old doughnut"; 58.) "It's so hot in here. It's why people are always fighting in the Middle East"; 59.) Fired; 60.) Taco truck; 61.) Promotion; 62.) "There'll be new students next year"; 63.) "I think I understand why I'm having communication issues"; 64.) Fourth funeral; 65.) WHAM; 66.) "Maybe, there's no right choices. Just pick one and take a bite"; 67.) Wedding at the park; and 68.) A duet singing the song, Cu Cu Ru Cu Cu Paloma.

audience reaction: There was a couple in the back of the auditorium with me. And the couple seemed to like this movie. At least, the couple liked it more than I did.  ( Psst .... It's a Chick Flick/Date Movie! )

recommendation:  I didn't like it that much. See this movie only to pass the time away. Or wait for it to come out as a rental.

spoiler alert!  That was too much blood for a finger cut. In FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL ( 2008 ) Jason Segel's character was shown completely butt-naked with his Kosher meat on display--but, this time around, his butt is the only naked part in this movie ( not that I care about it, mind you ). That mound of snow covering the fire hydrant was fake and the whole scene it was shown in was not in snow season even though the rest of the snow scenes were. Why didn't they film it in the snow season instead of using obviously-fake snow? Why did the sign say: "Tom and Voolet ( for Violet )"? I think that this movie is too long for its subject matter. I usually don't mind it if a movie is too long since I'll be getting my money's worth on it, but only if it keeps me too preoccupied to be aware of the slow passing of time. Unfortunately, this movie--to me--just d-r-a-g-g-e-d on ....

fyi:  I don't have a "Jewish drawer" with a Yarmulke in it. But I have a "Jewish shelf" with a Dreidel and a Menorah on it. And, No, I still don't have a Mezuzah box on my door because I don't want Muslim extremists to know where I live!

I don't know if people got the inside joke, but Violet ( Emily Blunt ) was shown sitting at the dining table with a bottle of Bombay Gin next to her. Bombay Gin has a picture of Queen Victoria on it--yes, the same evil queen in the movie, THE PIRATES! BAND OF MISFITS. Seriously, though, Emily Blunt played the role of the queen in, THE YOUNG VICTORIA ( 2009 ).

That SHALIMAR: CUISINE OF INDIA is actually a real restaurant in Ann Arbor, Michigan, I guess.

I know of this guy ( whose name shall remain a secret ) who wondered what it would be like to masturbate while driving. So, while driving home one night, curiosity got the better "hold" ( ahem! ) on him and he intentionally missed his house. He had to circle around the neighborhood just to get home!

I guess if one were to choose between "arriving at one's destination" or "'cumming' home", the second one does provide for a more pleasurable driving experience--guaranteed.  Ha, ha, ha--snort!

word of advice:  Marriage ain't all "a walk in the park"; and it ain't certainly "a piece of cake".

tidbits: I dropped-off my Hyundai Accent at Wheel Works today, Wednesday, first thing in the morning before going to work. It has been acting-up ever since they worked on it three weeks ago. I'd hear a tapping noise under the hood at idle and just as I'd go from 1st gear to 2nd gear. And on Monday, on my way to work, the "Check Engine Light" came on.

They set me up with a customer-discounted 24-hour rental car from the Enterprise Rent-a-Car on Marine World Parkway. It costed me $48.48 for the rental, insurance and tax.

I took this photo outside of my place of employment in Benicia, CA, thirty minutes before I had to return this car. I had to pick-up my paycheck.

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I took this photo just outside of the Enterprise Rent-a-Car office and just a minute before I got a ride back to Wheel Works to pick-up my car. The problem with my car was that some idiot loosened the Master Air Flow Sensor while replacing my car's timing belt and water pump three weeks ago. Now, the Master Air Flow Sensor is defective and I have to take my car back to them tomorrow, Friday, so they can replace it. It's still under warranty, I hope, since they replaced the original 12 1/2 months ago. Besides, their mechanic f-cked-up the work!

Today, Wednesday, at work, at a little after 2:00 p.m., the Second Assistant told me, "Come with me to the back. I need to talk to you." ( Oh, boy. You know what that means .... )

So, I walked with him back into the warehouse. Then, he turned to me and, as he pulled-up on his pants,  said, "When I tell you to do something, I have some expectations---"

The Manager, who was there, cut him off and said,"That can wait. It's already taken care of."

I guess the Manager didn't like seeing his Second Assistant pull-up on his pants. Only the Manager has the exclusive right to do so--and if you've seen my Manager, you'll understand why.

But, what I don't understand is this: Why do they have to pull-up on their pants for? Is it part of their Management Training? I can just see it now ...

MANAGEMENT TRAINING COURSE 101: How To Pull-Up Your Pants Correctly And Instinctively To Show Your Superiority And Assert Your Authority While Talking To A Subordinate In A Condescending Manner ( illustrated with a step-by-step guide showing pictures and diagrams for quick and easy reference ).

WHY DON'T THEY JUST WEAR SUSPENDERS AND BE DONE WITH IT ALREADY?!?!?!

Lederhosen suspenders would look nice on them---Not!

A beautiful lederhosen suspender that I found on the Internet.

After the movie, just to get my money's worth on the rental car, I went to the Super Wal-Mart in  American Canyon to buy a 12 Double Roll pack of Charmin Toilet Tissues and a 1.75 quart of Blue Bunny Carrot Cake Ice Cream, all for $10.31. I was gonna buy a bunch of bananas, too, but the Banana Police monitors my blogsite!

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"Happy Mother's Day!" to all of the moms out there.

I found this cute picture of a future brat on the Internet.

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A VERY HAROLD & KUMAR 3-D CHRISTMAS, R ( 1 hr & 30 min )

where:  EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 & I-MAX in Fairfield, CA
when:  Friday, November 4th, 2011
show:  1:15 p.m.
costs:  $12.00 Ticket + $5.75 Zap Pack = $17.75
auditorium:  9
seat:  4th row, 7th seat

synopsis/overview:  A package sent to the wrong address starts this irreverent send-up of everything we sentimentally hold dear about Christmas.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Bad Santa; 2.) "It's gonna be amazing"; 3.) Protesters; 4.) "F--k a baby into me"; 5.) The whole extended family; 6.) Family photo shoot; 7.) The ex-girlfriend; 8.) "Donde esta el banjo" [ Where's the bathroom ]; 9.) The father-in-law's story; 10.) The Christmas Tree; 11.) X-Mas Tree Lot; 12.) New friends; 13.) Daughter in the backseat; 14.) "Acting coach"; 15.) Beer pong; 16.) Mob boss; 17.) Cocaine dust; 18.) Rapists; 19.) I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas; 20.) Closet; 21.) Claymation; 22.) White Castle; 23.) The Plan; 24.) Christmas Extravaganza Show; 25.) Dressing room; 26.) Heaven; 27.) "Misdirection"; 28.) "Long, beautiful history together"; 29.) "Wafflebot"; 30.) Stuck; 31.) "Mints"; 32.) Santa; 33.) "My house"; 34.) Ex-girlfriend's bedroom; 35.) "It's a miracle"; 36.) Christmas Day party; and 37.) Santa up on high.

favorite scene:  I liked the Beer Pong scene.
 
audience reaction:  The audience liked it.

recommendation:  I was somewhat amused by it.  It's a comedy not meant for everyone except for those out there who are of  a  rebellious, selfish, immature  and/or  irresponsible  nature.

spoiler alert!  The poop on the driver's side window changed shape.  That guy had all the time in the world to hose down his van and get rid of the poop smear on the window.  The cops would know how to track down the owner of the overturned vehicle.  It was dark in the ex-girlfriend's room.  So, how did she know right away that the intruder was none other than her ex-boyfriend?  That girlfriend of his was a "drug enabler"--'must be related to some drug dealer.  How did Wafflebot's bullet holes disappear overnight?  And how did Santa's Hat get back on his head?  The mob boss still wanted them dead!  And why was a Hanukkah candle holder ( a.k.a. Menorah ) shown at the end of the Ending Credits?  Is the next installment of  this franchise going to be, A VERY HAROLD & KUMAR 3-D HANUKKAH, guest-starring Adam Sandler?  And what's next after that, a Kwanzaa related movie?

fyi:  I will go on record to state that I don't do drugs.  And I don't have a high regard for people who do.  The director and the writers of this movie overstepped the boundaries of responsibility, decency and propriety.  Isn't anything sacred anymore?

It's sad to see Christmas Trees strewn unceremoniously along the road after The Holidays.  People can be so selfish, inconsiderate, disrespectful and irresponsible.

word of advice:  Trees are living, breathing things.  Save the trees, don't mutilate them!  Be kind and use artificial ones, instead.

tidbits:  Unlike at UA Emery Bay Stadium 10 in Emeryville, CA, Edwards Fairfield Stadium 16 & I-Max ( also part of the same theatre chain, Regal Cinemas ) doesn't provide a tray liner for their Zap Packs.  So, if you put butter on your popcorn, the butter leaks out at the bottom and soaks your pants!  The right inner thigh of my blue jeans was just soaked in popcorn butter ( or should that be  popcorn grease ).  I guess that I should just be thankful that I didn't wear my khaki pants for this movie.  Otherwise, after the show, people would've noticed and thought  that I "busied" myself during the nude scenes!  My right testicle probably smells of popcorn butter right now.  Hmm ... I wonder if popcorn butter is good for wrinkles.  Ha, ha, ha--snort!

After exiting the theatre building, I decided to go back to the main lobby to check the movie time listings.  As I got close to the main entrance, a pigeon perched up on the marquee squirted-out a big piece of poop that landed with a thud just to my left!  I guess that was a sign for me to stay away--a warning shot, if you will!

Special Announcement:  I would like to take this time to say, Thank You and Welcome, to my readers in these countries:

Laos and Peru

Thank you, once again.  Please keep on reading my weekly updates.  And don't forget to tell all of your friends, and everyone else who you know, about my movie review blogsite.

P.S.  I am happy to say that my blogsite is getting hits from Russia once again!  Now, if only Japan will follow suit, I shall be happier.