THE CABIN IN THE WOODS, R ( 1 hr & 45 min )

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Friday, April 13th, 2012
show:  10:25 p.m.
costs:  $10.50 Ticket + $0.00 Popcorn + $0.00 20.0 oz Orange Fanta = $10.50
auditorium:  14
seat:  4th row, 7th column


synopsis/overview: The Gods Must Be Hungry

or

The Hand That Rocks The Earth's Mantle

or

It's the end of the world as we know it. It's the end of the world as we know it. And I feel ( high ) fine....

Five friends go to a remote cabin in the woods for the weekend. But they are all caught totally unprepared for what lay in store for them.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) "Anyway, you have no pants"; 2.) Volvo station wagon; 3.) Bong; 4.) "Acquiring target"; 5.) Old gas station; 6.) Invisible force field; 7.) Two-way mirror; 8.) Monitors; 9.) Speaker phone; 10.) Bets; 11.) "I dare you all to go upstairs"; 12.) Diary; 13.) Zombies; 14.) Hormone mist; 15.) "We're not the only ones watching"; 16.) Attack; 17.) Prayer; 18.) Blood; 19.) Voice; 20.) "I'm going for a walk"; 21.) Barricade; 22.) "Lock 'em in"; 23.) Hidden camera; 24.) "This is the Black Room"; 25.) Japanese school girls; 26.) The motorcycle jump; 27.) Lake; 28.) Party; 29.) "What do you mean, upstairs"; 30.) Grave; 31.) "What have you been up to"; 32.) Elevator; 33.) Assorted creatures that are the stuff of nightmares; 34.) "They make us choose how we die"; 35.) Immunized; 36.) Arm; 37.) "What happens to you is part of something bigger"; 38.) "Let's get this party started"; 39.) "This is part of a ritual"; 40.) "We work with what we have"; 41.) "You can die with them or you can die for them"; 42.) "I don't think that Curt ( Chris Hemsworth ) even has a cousin"; and 43.) The Hand.

audience reaction:  The audience liked it.

recommendation:  It was okay--and weird! I didn't like it that much. Don't go see this movie expecting it to be the "same ol', same ol'" type of horror movie.

spoiler alert!  Making-out in the wide-open at night in a remote, forested area is a No-No. For someone who got stabbed in the upper back, he sure could move his arm okay. They had all of those bladed instruments from which to choose from as weapons; so, why didn't they? What's so scary about an entity which does nothing but just hover in place? Why was that Japanese school girl just sitting at her desk? On their way to the cabin, they entered the tunnel from the left; as they attempted to escape from the cabin, they were still on the left side of the tunnel! That should have been a hint to them that--Yes!--they managed to escape. LOL. When the motorcycle hit the perpendicular invisible force field, the front wheel hit it first then the rear wheel--and I don't know about you, but motorcycle shock absorbers are spring-loaded--therefore ... the motorcycle should have rebounded and its rider should not have repeatedly hit the perpendicular force field on his way down the deep chasm! How were the blood of the Athlete and the blood of the Scholar collected, considering how they were killed-off? That cabin had been the site of disappearances and ritual killings/sacrifices for many years and yet the cops never noticed the common denominator?

fyi:  I think that this movie was released this year just to exploit the "2012 Doomsday Prophecy." A revelation near the end of the movie reminded me of a passage in The Bible's New Testament's Book of Revelation about demons kept in prison in the Abyss.

word of advice:  What you don't know can kill you.

Be careful what you wish for.

tidbits:  I was shopping at The Dollar Tree Store in the Target Shopping Center here in Vallejo after I left work when I got a call from Brett at 8:45 p.m. He wanted to know if I was planning to see THE CABIN IN THE WOODS because he would like to see it with me if I was. I told him that I was planning on seeing it as soon as tonight, but I didn't know the movie's listing at the local theatre. I told him that I'd call him later.

I bought a 3-litre bottle of rootbeer, an Aquafresh toothpaste, a generic mouthwash, a mixed berry spread and a mini notebook for my movie note-taking.

After shopping at the dollar store, I swung by the theatre to check on the movie's listing. The last show was for 10:25 p.m. which gave me enough time to go home, take a quick shower and work on my Stooges blog before going to the theatre.

So, I called Brett and told him that we could catch the last show tonight. He agreed to meet me at the theatre at around 10:15 p.m.

On my way home, on the corner of Turner Parkway and Admiral Callaghan Lane, a couple of idiotic white teenage boys started walking across on a red light--I had the "green" and I was not about to yield to them! I just gave them the "are-you-a-couple-of-f-cking-idiots?" look as I made a left turn at the intersection.

As I walked to my car from my condo, to go to the theatre, the unmistakably thick scent of "skunk perfume" permeated the air! I said to myself, Sheesh, if the skunk was smoking marijuana, nobody would be able to tell that it was because marijuana practically smells like skunk scent.

When I was about to get on the Marine World Parkway on-ramp from Fairgrounds Drive, an idiotic black pedestrian almost darted in front of my car. I had to slam on the brakes and swerve my car. And, again, I had the "green" in this one, too!

That was a total of Three Idiots in one night! What, were they all related to The Three Stooges ...?

Brett was in the lobby waiting for me. His wife wasn't with him because she didn't like horror movies. And his daughter didn't want to come along because she and her boyfriend were doing something else.

Anyway, Brett treated me to some popcorn and soda in exchange for the priviledge of hanging-out at the movies with The World-Famous Cine-Man! And it's a priviledge that I simply don't grant to just anyone. Someday, he'll be proudly telling his grandkids and his great-grandkids about the special time that he spent at the movies in the company of a world-famous celebrity--Moi! Ha, ha, ha.

As we sat waiting for the movie to begin, we watched a preview for the movie, THE EXPENDABLES 2. And Brett remarked that he wouldn't go see an action movie with a bunch of geriatric actors in it. The couple behind us heard his comment and laughed!

I told Brett that he had too many bananas left-over in his Produce Department's backroom at the Benicia Safeway--23 cases worth, to be exact! All of the Monkeys and Apes at a zoo would rather go on strike and complain about animal cruelty than be force-fed all of that excess supply of bananas!

The start of this movie made Brett and me say, "Huh?" And the end of this movie got a "WTF?" reaction from us both. That should give all of you a hint of what to expect when you go see this movie for yourselves.

I gave Brett a ride home to Benicia, CA, because I was not about to force an "ol' whitey"--who stuck-out like a "sore thumb" in the red sweater that he wore--to get stranded in the middle of the night in the company of some "unruly-colored-people Vallejo Crowd." As Brett stepped into my car, he asked, "Have you been smoking? Because it smells like 'herb' in here."

Damn that "marijuana-smoking" skunk!


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