RARE EXPORTS: A CHRISTMAS TALE, R ( 1 hr & 20 min )

where: SHATTUCK CINEMAS in Berkeley, CA
when: Saturday, Christmas Day, 2010
show: 5:30 p.m.
costs: $8.00 Ticket + $5.00 Nachos + $4.25 small Sprite Zero + $3.50 Bart Round Trip + $5.00 Carquinez Bridge Toll + $13.74 dinner @ Empire Chinese Buffet ( + $2.26 Tip ) + $6.60 Chevron gas = $48.35
auditorium: 6
seat: 4th row, Right section, 1st column

synopsis/overview: Grumpy Old Men--Butt-naked!

Naughty kids start disappearing around Christmas time after some geologists unearth a long-kept dark secret.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Sawdust; 2.) New safety instructions; 3.) Burial mound; 4.) Santa book; 5.) Wolf pit; 6.) Advent calendar; 7.) Footprints in the snow; 8.) Slaughterhouse; 9.) Reindeer; 10.) 430 carcasses; 11.) Hole; 12.) Protective gear; 13.) Crying dad; 14.) "F-ck your safety instructions"; 15.) Bear trap; 16.) Breakfast; 17.) Body; 18.) Potatoes; 19.) Interpreter; 20.) Gingerbread; 21.) English; 22.) Missing friends; 23.) Hair dryer; 24.) Santa's little helper; 25.) Nest; 26.) Dynamite; 27.) Cookie snacks; 28.) Helicopter; 29.) Lure; 30.) "Looks like we've been naughty"; 31.) A pair of souvenirs; 32.) "Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy, Bloody New Year"; 33.) "Out of a job"; 34.) The 198 Santas; 35.) "16,800,000 plus VAT ( Value Added Tax )"; 36.) Job Training; and 37.) Live cargo.

favorite scene: The re-training program.

audience reaction: The audience enjoyed this irreverent, subversive and wickedly-funny Christmas movie! Unfortunately, it didn't get a "Hands Clapper" ending.

recommendation: I enjoyed this movie, too. Go see it with your spoiled brats.

spoiler alert! If the humans could pile-on a bunch of rocks to make a burial mound, why couldn't the elves unpile the whole thing? Why did they kill all of those reindeer without eating them? What happened to all the dug-up dirt? Why couldn't they tell the facial difference between their captured man and the passport photo? Why did the stranger say a cuss word when he, of all people, knew what the consequence would be? Why were some of the elves circumcised ( I mean, seriously )?

fyi: What a perfect movie to cap this Holiday with!

Someday, when I get married and have children of my own--heck! they'd better be my own--I'll make sure that my little brats will see this movie when they are still at a young, impressionable age! Bwa, ha, ha, ha, ha.

The movie shorts that this movie is based on, RARE EXPORTS, INC. and RARE EXPORTS: THE OFFICIAL SAFETY INSTRUCTIONS, are available for viewing on YouTube.

word of advice: "He knows if you've been bad or good. So, be good for goodness' sake."

tidbits: Since I had plenty of time between GULLIVER'S TRAVELS and this movie, I decided to park my cute white Geo Metro in the El Cerrito Del Norte Bart Station's parking garage, space # 443.

On my way to the theatre, I came upon a group of homeless teens huddled together at a building's main entrance. Or, maybe, they're a bunch of runaways, more than likely.

At the entrance to the theatre, a black lady kept singing, "We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year."

After the movie was finished, a Finnish gentleman in the audience wished us all a Merry Christmas in Finnish, "Hauskaa joulua and a Happy New Year." He scared the heck out of me--I thought that he was one of the elves!

Another male patron conversed with the aforementioned Finnish gentleman. Then, this patron made the comment, "I don't want to run into that Santa."

Even though I was quite low on gas, I decided not to get Chevron gas at the halfway point: Pinole Valley Shopping Center. That crazy Chinese-looking guy might be there--and I don't want him freaking me out again. I was gonna get my Chevron gas at the station on Redwood Road here in Vallejo. But they closed early. So, I decided to get gas at the Chevron station across from Marine World after having dinner first.

At the Empire Chinese buffet, the owner's daughter was happy to see me as she greeted me with a "Merry Christmas." Yup, she's still looking as beautiful as ever.

When I went to the restaurant's men's room to wash my hands, I almost slipped and fell because somebody had just mopped the floor using too much cleaning solution. I might as well have been walking on ice with smooth-soled shoes on! It was that slippery. There was a young boy in the men's room with me and he had a hard time standing on his feet as he washed his hands.

GULLIVER'S TRAVELS in 3-D, PG ( 1 hr & 35 min )

where: UA EMERY BAY STADIUM 10 in Emeryville, CA
when: Saturday, December 25th, 2010
show: 2:00 p.m.
costs: $11.75 Ticket + $5.75 Zap Pack + $4.25 Original Pretzel = $21.75
auditorium: 3, with the 3-D screen
seat: 6th row, 11th column

synopsis/overview: A mail-room clerk, Lemuel Gulliver ( Jack Black ), lies about himself to impress the Travel Editor of their publishing company, Darcy Silverman ( Amanda Peet ). On assignment in the Bermuda Triangle, he finds himself on the uncharted island of Lilliput, which is inhabited by tiny people.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Mail room guys; 2.) Elevator; 3.) "You peaked"; 4.) Fluff piece; 5.) Storm; 6.) Inverted whirlpool; 7.) Captured; 8.) Lame ass; 9.) Rescue; 10.) Improvised fire-fighting; 11.) Royal banquet; 12.) House; 13.) Stage show; 14.) Courtships; 15.) Voice mails; 16.) Forlorn; 17.) "Speaking in -eths"; 18.) New general; 19.) Blefuscian Armada; 20.) Welts; 21.) Foosball; 22.) "Home, sweet home"; 23.) Friendship lagoon; 24.) Courting doctrine; 25.) Gulliverized; 26.) Traitor; 27.) "I'm not an option, I'm a lady"; 28.) Duel; 29.) "Island where we dare not go"; 30.) "Everything Gulliver told me was a lie"; 31.) "Darcy of Manhattan"; 32.) Doll house; 33.) Tea time; 34.) Skeleton; 35.) "It's all because of you"; 36.) Parachute; 37.) "One true love"; 38.) "My word is my bond, this time"; 39.) Duel, part II; 40.) "You've committed an act of valiance"; 41.) "Enough with the kidnapping"; 42.) "War, what is it good for"; 43.) "There's no small job, just teeny, tiny people"; and 44.) Newspaper clippings.

favorite scenes: The Rod Foosball Table Game with Lilliputian players.

The performing arts theatre.

audience reaction: The audience liked this movie.

recommendation: I liked it enough. Go see it with your little brats.

spoiler alert! Why are the Lilliputians English-literate? He fell down on sand, without hitting his head on a rock or some other hard thing. So, why did he pass out? I can just imagine how bad his breath smelled to the Lilliputians who never gave a thought to making him a toothbrush and some toothpaste. Ah, where's his bathroom ...? Why do the Lilliputians and the Giants employ human architecture? How can they build Gulliver-sized structures so quickly? How did a Lilliputian come to know about a hippopotamus? How can they make an electric generator without prior knowledge of electricity? And let's not even get into the complexities of metallurgy and mechanical engineering required in building the "robot".  I wonder if  some of  those  Lilliputians sprawled themselves over the unconscious Darcy's breasts or dry-humped her crotch?  Those billboards with photographs ... how ....?  When the Lilliputians gathered around Gulliver, I couldn't help but wonder if  whether or not the teeny, tiny people had something similar to Odor-Eaters insoles.   I don't know if this is a spoiler or not, but the last scene shows an article dated, "June 20, 2011 -- June 3, 2011." There's a name typo in the Ending Credits: Doiminic Evans ( data wrangler )--or is this a typo?

fyi: I loved the ICE AGE Squirrel & Acorn Short before the movie.

Amanda Peet's character's last name in this movie is, Silverman. Here's a fun fact: Jack Black and Amanda Peet co-starred in 2001's, SAVING SILVERMAN. Coincidence or not? You decide.

Back when my family lived in an apartment in Matina, Davao City, Mindanao, Philippines, I discovered the simple boyhood fun of pissing on hot coals. But I hated the stench of the steam created as my urine doused the coals.

word of advice: Being small has its own advantages.

tidbits: I wore a brand new pair of sneakers today for the first time. And, of all days, it had to be a rainy one!

I wanted to overnight stay in Bakersfield, CA. But I changed my mind because of the day-long rain.

LITTLE FOCKERS, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 38 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when: Thursday, December 23rd, 2010
show: 1:05 p.m.
costs: $7.50 Ticket + $4.50 Pretzel Bites + $4.00 small Diet/Zero ( w/ Barq's & Cherry flavors ) Coke = $16.00
auditorium: 12
seat: 5th row, 4th seat

synopsis/overview: When Jack Byrnes' ( Robert De Niro ) first son-in-law turned out to be a big disappointment, the pressure of living-up to his strict monogamous standards falls on the shoulders of Gaylord ( Greg ) Focker ( Ben Stiller ) just as a beautiful, hot and sexy pharmaceutical sales rep, Andi Garcia ( Jessica Alba ), walks into their lives.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Lizard friend; 2.) The sales rep; 3.) Your enema is my enema; 4.) Bad ass; 5.) Genealogy; 6.) Musical condom; 7.) "I never went soft on you"; 8.) "Harvard's cheaper"; 9.) Kevin's ( Owen Wilson ) yacht; 10.) The Godfocker; 11.) Lasagna dinner; 12.) Turkey dinner; 13.) Massage technique; 14.) "All good under the hood"; 15.) Early Human School; 16.) Dump truck; 17.) Roz Focker Show; 18.) "Andi gives daddy his boners"; 19.) Text message; 20.) Looking for milk; 21.) Role-playing; 22.) "Red-eye problem"; 23.) The Bobfather; 24.) The hard problem; 25.) The bathroom; 26.) "Could you and dad keep it down, please"; 27.) Wee-wee; 28.) Google MySpace; 29.) Tattoo; 30.) The interview; 31.) Course correction; 32.) Andi, in person; 33.) The seduction; 34.) Belly flop; 35.) Birthday party; 36.) "Flamenco's very sexual"; 37.) Fight; 38.) The cat and the lizard; 39.) "Your soul or your tongue"; 40.) The Heimlich Maneuver; 41.) "I get it"; 42.) "You're the Gredfocker"; 43.) Exchanging Christmas gifts; and 44.) Bonus Scene during the Ending Credits.

favorite scene: Andi Garcia's seduction scene, of course.

audience reaction: The audience enjoyed this Comedy.

recommendation: I liked it, too. Go see it, especially if you're a fan of the first two of this trilogy.

spoiler alert! You can't get Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from masturbating. Heck, if that were true, all guys of "raging-hormones" age would have it! If his blood can squirt out that quickly and that far, he must have a really high blood pressure. He's a nurse, so he should have swabbed the area with alcohol before using the needle. I took Cultural Anthropology in College and know enough that the Yanomamo tribe is indigenous to South America and, therefore, have never encountered the African Chimpanzee out in the wild. I can't believe that Kevin wasn't even mildly interested in the stunningly-hot Andi.

fyi: Boy, am I glad that Ben's dad is not in this movie!

Many years ago, I went to a clinic in San Francisco, California, to have my genetic make-up analyzed. The lab results indicated that I am Caucasian. Thinking that they made a mistake, I had them do it over again, twice. And the results were the same: I'm white! Yeah, white in disguise. Ha, ha, ha.

word of advice: Give someone the benefit of a doubt.

tidbits: The Ending Credits show a listing for, "Godfocker Trumpet," whatever that is.

After the movie, I went to the men's room to empty my bladder. The second stall to the right had a posted sign on it that read: "This stall is out of service. Sorry for the inconvenience." To which, somebody hand-wrote: "Will open 12/24 2:00 p.m." I couldn't resist, so I added: 1st come, first served. So, reserve your seat. ( Ha, ha, ha. )

Then, I went to Benicia to pick-up my check and to look at my schedule for next week. And I shopped a little bit at Safeway. Then, I drove back to Vallejo to make a deposit at Chase Bank. And I dropped a car insurance payment at CSAA. Then, I went to Springs Road here in Vallejo to shop at 99 Cents Only Store, Selecta and Island Pacific for the Pansit ( Filipino noodle dish ) that I plan on making for tomorrow's Potluck dinner at work. And, on the way home, I did a little bit more shopping at Lucky's.

TRON: LEGACY in I-MAX 3-D, PG ( 2 hr & 7 min )

where: AMC BAY STREET 16 in Emeryville, CA
when: Wednesday ( Free Popcorn Day with a movie watcher card ), December 22nd, 2010
show: 10:30 p.m.
costs: $17.00 + $5.25 Garage Parking Fee + $5.00 Chevron gas + $5.00 Carquinez Bridge Toll = $32.25
auditorium: 8, with the I-Max screen
seat: 4th row, 9th column

synopsis/overview: Sam Flynn ( Garrett Hedlund ) learns of a mysterious page from his father's long-closed arcade house. As Sam investigates, he is pulled into a computer world of programs and gladiatorial fights. And he must try his best to survive if he is to find his long-lost father and return them both to the physical world.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Grid; 2.) Codified Likeness Utility ( C.L.U. [ Jeff Bridges ] ); 3.) Digital frontier; 4.) Big door; 5.) Security camera; 6.) Computer room; 7.) Master file; 8.) Crane; 9.) Rough landing; 10.) "I was paged last night"; 11.) Arcade; 12.) Aperture clear; 13.) "This is happening"; 14.) "Another program"; 15.) "Hey! hey! it's got a zipper"; 16.) The games; 17.) User; 18.) Freaks; 19.) Fireworks; 20.) "Now, this, I can do"; 21.) "Made it"; 22.) "You're here"; 23.) "Do you know Jules Verne"; 24.) Dinner; 25.) The Isos; 26.) Genocide; 27.) "It closed on me"; 28.) Master Key; 29.) Sector; 30.) Traced point of origin; 31.) "We're going downtown"; 32.) Intruder; 33.) "You just did"; 34.) Fight; 35.) Disc; 36.) "You're messing with my Zen thing"; 37.) The last Iso; 38.) End of line; 39.) Army; 40.) "I'm a user, I'll improvise"; 41.) Aerial dogfight; 42.) "Unknowable perfection"; 43.) Transfer complete; 44.) "You paged me"; and 45.) "What's next, Sam?"

favorite scenes: The sirens.

The gladiatorial combats.

The light-bike race.

Quorra sitting on the couch.

audience reaction: The audience liked it.

recommendation: It was okay. Go see it strictly for the visual SFX.

spoiler alert! That arcade house was located in a now-bad part of town, it seems. So, why would Sam have music blaring-out loud, leave the door open, and last, but certainly not least, leave an expensive motorcycle parked outside where lowlifes probably have taken shelter for the evening in the surrounding abandoned buildings? Why would the camera's aperture be clear when everything else in that secret room was covered in a thick layer of dust? For a really fast vehicle, that light-car sure had a lot of free-play on the steering wheel! Kevin Flynn ( Jeff Bridges ), a widower, alone with Quorra ( Olivia Wilde ), a beautiful, hot, sexy, loyal, and very accommodating personal assistant like that for many, many years .... Wow! what is a man to do in that situation? Ahem, you know---Heck, yeah! I don't think three people can finish-off a whole roasted pig in just one sitting. How do they manage to get some sleep with that circular "thingy" on their backs? And speaking of the circular "thingy", if they don't want anybody snatching it away from them, why can't they just put a lock on it, like a Deadbolt or a Kryptonite kind or, better yet, The Club? ( The Club would be the most practical kind since you can use it to whack somebody in the head with if that somebody tries to steal your circular "thingy." ) When Sam was outfitted for gladiatorial combat by the four sirens, they all walked around in a robotic fashion. But, later on, one of the sirens, Gem ( Beau Garrett ), walked around in a normal fashion. Why the change ...? How did Quorra walk past Alan Bradley ( Bruce Boxleitner ) and out of the arcade house well-ahead of Sam when they traveled and, presumably, arrived together at the same time? Where did they come up with extra sets of clothes and how were they able to change into them so quickly after their transition? ( What ...? Did they delete the "Quorra-changing-clothes" Scene? Damn it! )

fyi: I never saw Part One. Hopefully, it will turn-up on movie2k.com, or as a rental, so that I can watch how it all began.

Well, as it turns out, tonight is a "Jeff Bridges double-bill." Imagine that.

word of advice: Equal but opposite Forces cancel each other out.

tidbits: In-between movies, I went to check on my cute white Geo Metro to see if it was alright because I was forced to park too close for comfort right next to a Lincoln Town Car. But my Metro was safe and sound. I didn't need to worry after all. But I had that Lincoln's license plate number jotted down for "just-in-case".

At the box office, there was only one pay window open, the one on the far right. And there, at that end of the counter, sat an Oriental girl texting on her cellphone. And her feet were just about a foot away from the pay window! I found that so very offensive and so very unprofessional that when I got up to the concessions counter, I looked for the manager and made a complaint.

The ticket taker gave me a pair of 3-D glasses that was in a box full of obviously used ones. I took my pair of 3-D glasses into the men's room and washed it thoroughly with warm water and soap. I was not gonna put that thing on my face without cleaning it first just in case someone before me who used it had the cold or the flu.

After the movie, I went to the CVS store in North Oakland at the Rockridge Shopping Center to see it there was anything good to buy. As I stepped out of my car, I heard an electronic game noise coming from a white car parked close to the store's main entrance. In front of the car was its owner and another man. The owner was playing a video game on the car's front bumper. He had rigged it so that instead of a license plate, a video game screen was in its place. That is one stupidly impractical place for a video game screen, if you ask me. Don't play and drive! L.O.L.

On the way home, I stopped at the Chevron gas station across the Pinole Valley Shopping Center to get $5.00 worth of gas. The clerk, a tiny Chinese-looking man with scraggly, sparse facial hair was busy texting on his cellphone ( Do I detect a pattern here? ) and didn't notice me at first as I politely knocked on the window. I put down a 10-spot in the cash chute and told him that I just needed $5.00 worth of gas. And he said, "Give me a thousand dollars." I asked, What .... "Give me a thousand dollars," he repeated, "I'm Santa." Then he laughed a diabolically maniacal-sounding laugh! That was weird .... And just as quickly and unexpectedly, he turned and walked back to his little corner to do more texting on his cellphone.

And as I stood there pumping gas into my Geo Metro, a white mini pick-up parked around the corner from the cash chute. And the driver, a young Oriental guy, walked up to the cash chute and told the clerk that he wanted to buy an Arizona Tea. And the clerk said, "It's on sale, five dollars!" And he let-out another round of his diabolically maniacal-sounding laugh.

I don't know if you've seen those old Kung-Fu movies where the bad guy would macho-strut around all-stiff and chest-out, and with a determinedly mean look on his face would quickly stare at the camera and do a diabolically maniacal-sounding laugh; and, just as quickly, would stop laughing and turn to walk away. Well, this Chevron clerk is probably a magna cum laude graduate of the same School of Bad Chinese Acting. Ha, ha, ha.

TRUE GRIT, PG-13 ( 2 hr & 8 min )

where: AMC BAY STREET 16 in Emeryville, CA
when: Wednesday ( Free Popcorn Day with a movie rewards card ), December 22nd, 2010
show: 8:00 p.m.
costs: $11.00 Ticket + $0.00 small Popcorn + $4.25 small Zero Coke = $15.25
auditorium: 12
seat: 1st row, 6th column

synopsis/overview: A doggedly determined young girl, Mattie Ross ( Hailee Steinfeld ), tags along as a US Marshal, Rooster Cogburn ( Jeff Bridges ), and a Texas Ranger, Mr. LaBoeuf ( Matt Damon ), go on the hunt for the girl's father's killer, bad guy Tom Chaney ( Josh Brolin ).

prediction: This movie is a strong contender for Oscar Nominations in the Best Actor and Best Actress categories.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Funeral home; 2.) The three hanged men; 3.) Outhouse; 4.) Coffin; 5.) Haggling with a horse trader; 6.) Trial; 7.) Bedroom; 8.) "Trading again"; 9.) Employer; 10.) Letter; 11.) River; 12.) Spanking; 13.) Campfire chat; 14.) "I'll have my way"; 15.) Indian kids; 16.) Hanged man; 17.) "Medical attention"; 18.) Chimney; 19.) Confession; 20.) "That didn't pan out"; 21.) Drunk rider; 22.) Target shooting; 23.) "I misjudged you"; 24.) The bad guy; 25.) Hostage; 26.) Crazy bad guy; 27.) Plan; 28.) Shoot-out; 29.) Pit; 30.) "Never doubt a Texas Ranger"; 31.) Race against time; 32.) "I'm grown old"; 33.) Side show; and 34.) Gravesite.

audience reaction: The audience really enjoyed this Western movie and gave it a "Hands Clapper" ending.

recommendation: I liked this movie, too. Go see it.

spoiler alert! It doesn't make sense to use Proverbs 28:1 ( "The wicked flee though no one pursues ..." [ NIV, 2010 ] ) to start-off this movie. They were supposed to be in hostile Indian country but I only saw three Indians, two of which were the physically-abused kids. Why didn't Rooster start shooting as soon as he had a clear shot before LaBeouf got in harm's way? With a gunshot wound to the shoulder like that, I don't think LaBoeuf could use his wounded arm to lean himself against a boulder, use it to prop-up his rifle and/or pull on a rope with it. When Rooster took Mattie to the doctor, why didn't he take another horse along with them, since he had ridden horses for years and knew what was bound to happen if he rode a horse hard, fast and for a long time? The narration was done twenty-five years after the events of this story, but the adult Mattie made a miscalculation that LaBeouf would be in his mid-70s or early 80s even though he was just about 40 years old or even younger when they met each other at the start of the story ( It's a simple 40 + 25 = 65 calculation )--of course, I haven't read the book and therefore don't know how old LaBeouf was at the start.

fyi: The expression, "Well hung," comes from the fact that a hanged man will get an erection because blood flow to the head is cut-off, forcing the blood to go to the other "head". ( In other words, that Vulture was perched on the wrong spot. Ha, ha, ha--snort! )

word of advice: "You can run but you can't hide." ( American boxer Joe Louis )

tidbits: At work earlier today, I was helping a co-worker find something out on the sales floor when a white lady walked by with a baby in her cart and her little son on a leash. I turned to my co-worker, C., and whispered in her ear, That's one weird-looking dog: It looks like a little boy. LOL!

On my way home from work ( to switch clothes and cars ) before going to see this movie, I followed a pick-up truck with a rear license plate holder that reads, "My son died so you could have your freedom." I've read of some local folks here in town who've lost their loved ones in Iraq and Afghanistan. But this is the first time that I've come close to personally knowing a parent of a K.I.A. soldier. I felt sorry for that parent especially with this Christmas holiday coming up.

THE FIGHTER, R ( 1 hr & 54 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when: Monday, December 20th, 2010
show: 10:35 p.m.
costs: $9.75 Ticket + $6.00 Snack Pack ( w/ a Dollar Upgrade for a Reese's Peanut Butter Cups ) = $15.75
auditorium: 2
seat: 4th row, 3rd seat

synopsis/overview: A fighter, Mickey Ward ( Mark Wahlberg ), who still has potential must step away from the shadow and bad influence of his older half brother, Dicky Eklund ( Christian Bale ), a has-been fighter, and his overbearing mother, Alice ( Melissa Leo ), for a shot at a title fight.

prediction: This movie is a strong contender for Oscars in the Best Actor and the Best Actress categories.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) TV documentary; 2.) Boxing gym; 3.) Crack-house; 4.) Bar; 5.) Visiting his daughter; 6.) Fetching Dicky at the crack-house; 7.) Alternate fight; 8.) Training proposal; 9.) Movie date; 10.) "The joke was on me"; 11.) Family discussion with Charlene ( Amy Adams ) present; 12.) Cambodian people; 13.) Movie about crack addiction; 14.) Police impersonation; 15.) Arrest; 16.) Courthouse; 17.) "Let her see who her uncle is"; 18.) The wake-up call; 19.) "No Dicky, no Alice"; 20.) The husband and wife fight; 21.) The girl fight; 22.) On the comeback trail; 23.) Prison visit; 24.) Sanchez vs. Ward; 25.) Locker room; 26.) Spar; 27.) Cake; 28.) "Let's make things right"; 29.) Ward vs. Neary; 30.) We; and 31.) Bonus scene during the Ending Credits.

favorite scenes: I liked the scene with the frying pan.

I also liked the girl-fight scene.

audience reaction: I really didn't hear anything from the others who were in the auditorium with me.

recommendation: I liked this movie. Go see it.

spoiler alert! I would have sued based on police brutality and excessive use of force. The bald spot on the back of Dicky's head looked very rectangular in the scene when he walked out of prison.

fyi: Dicky Eklund never reformed. He was in trouble with the law again just last year. And he had run-ins with the law in the years prior to that, too!

word of advice: Sometimes, it's your own family that's holding you back.

tidbits: The concessions clerk handed me the cup that goes with the snack pack so I could fill it with whatever drink I wanted to put in it. And I said to myself, Great, he gave me the cup so he could have all that room in the box to load me up good on popcorn. But when he handed me the pack and I looked in, I found out that he had left the cup holder area free of any popcorn! What a rip---! I mean ... it was late at night and they would be closing down the concessions area in about 30 minutes or less, and they couldn't give me extra popcorn?!?!?! WTF...? They would just be throwing the rest of the popcorn in the garbage anyway. What a cheapskate! Bad customer service, was what it was.

And as if that was not bad enough, they started the movie 15 to 20 minutes late! Geesh ....

YOGI BEAR 3-D, PG ( 1 hr & 25 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when: Friday, December 17th, 2010
show: 8:10 p.m.
costs: $13.75 Ticket + $6.00 Snack Pack ( upgraded with Reese's Peanut Butter Cups ) + $10.32 Carne Asada Nachos w/ small Pineapple drink ( @ Baldo's Restaurant on Redwood Street after the show ) = $30.07
auditorium: 8, with the 3-D screen
seat: 5th row, 9th column

synopsis/overview: Yogi Bear ( voiced by Dan Aykroyd ) and Ranger Smith ( Tom Cavanagh ) must cast their differences aside and work together to preserve Jellystone Park and keep it safe from a "Land-Grab Scheme."

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Slow motion; 2.) Protect and preserve; 3.) On target; 4.) The land-grab scheme; 5.) Nature documentary filmmaker, Rachel ( Anna Faris ); 6.) Baked beans; 7.) Shoot you; 8.) Boo-Boo ( voiced by Justin Timberlake ) cam; 9.) Bad news; 10.) Basket Nabber 2000; 11.) Repercussions; 12.) Dinner date; 13.) Park donation box; 14.) "I don't care"; 15.) Jellystone 100th Anniversary; 16.) "I can't wait 12 years"; 17.) Doughnut; 18.) Razzle-dazzle; 19.) "The mic is on"; 20.) Water-skiing; 21.) Fireworks; 22.) "How smart are you now"; 23.) "You both deserve a better man than me"; 24.) Foraging for food; 25.) Evergreen park; 26.) Busy foraging; 27.) "Just getting started"; 28.) Shopping cart; 29.) "You don't want me to go gorilla on you"; 30.) Turtle; 31.) Basket snatch; 32.) Flotation device; 33.) Rapids and falls; 34.) Pressed for time; 35.) "I'm sorry, he was open"; 36.) Diversion; 37.) Evidence; 38.) Bear hug; 39.) Himalayan Snow Leopard; and 40.) The kiss.

favorite scenes: The Slow-Motion Scene.

Rachel trying to engage the bears in Brown Bear Speak.

The Boo-Boo-not-wanting-Yogi-to-jump-over-him Scene.

The Doughnut in Outer Space Scene.

audience reaction: The audience enjoyed the 3-D "sight gags."

recommendation: This movie is cute but is not as funny as I had hoped that it would be. I don't know which is to blame here: Bad directing, bad scripting and/or bad acting. Anyway, it's good for little brats who like movies with talking animals in it, especially if one such creature is cute, little Boo-Boo Boy.

spoiler alert! This 3-D movie does not feature Anna Faris' character in a skimpy "HOUSE BUNNY" bikini! ( For some reason, the Playboy Bunnies' stretching-exercises-on-the-lawn Scene comes to mind---Opps! I forget, this is a PG movie .... Excuse me. ) Two bipedal talking bears ... I don't know what would be more crowd-pulling/pleasing than that! The park is State-owned ( perhaps, even Federally-owned ) property. No city/town official has authority over it. Ranger Smith has bad comic timing and bad comic acting skills. Ranger Smith is the "Leaden Sandwich Surprise" in Yogi Bear's Pic-a-Nic basket. The TV cartoon show Ranger Smith has more facial expressions than this live actor Ranger Smith. The fireworks was planned for a daytime display? The transition to nighttime during the fireworks was too fast.

fyi: I live right outside a city park that is just across a small lake from the Marine World Amusement Park. Every July 4th and New Year's Eve, the amusement park would put on a fireworks display. People would crowd the city park just to see the fireworks. I went to it once, but that was it for me.

word of advice: After you've seen it once, you've seen it all.

tidbits: As I made my way up to the box office to buy my ticket, I could hear a couple of women having a screaming match at each other about 50 yards away.

After the movie, I decided to try Baldo's Carne Asada Nachos. I didn't like it that much. Ten years ago, I used to eat Carne Asada Nachos on my lunch break at a restaurant at the Northgate Shopping Center, a few doors down from the Terra Linda Safeway, in San Rafael, CA. Their nachos are much better than Baldo's.

THE TOURIST, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 43 min )

where: UA EMERY BAY STADIUM 10 in Emeryville, CA
when: Saturday, December 11th, 2010
show: 8:00 p.m.
costs: $10.75 Ticket + $7.00 medium Popcorn w/ Butter + $0.00 small Diet Coke ( Free Reward on my Movie Watcher Card ) + $5.00 Carquinez Bridge Toll = $22.75
auditorium: 7
seat: 4th row, 6th column

synopsis/overview: An American tourist, Frank Tupelo ( Johnny Depp ), in Italy meets a mysterious beautiful woman, Elise Clifton-Ward ( Angelina Jolie )--and not by accident.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) The letter; 2.) Train; 3.) Exact match; 4.) Mole; 5.) "Gracias"; 6.) "Ravenous"; 7.) Roman god, Janus; 8.) "Did he not like my choice"; 9.) Invitation; 10.) Rooftop; 11.) "Probably American"; 12.) "De nada"; 13.) "Wait here for a moment"; 14.) Boat chase; 15.) 2.3 billion; 16.) Custom-tailored jacket; 17.) "Because I kissed you"; 18.) The bag; 19.) I. D. clearance; 20.) "I wish I could understand your choice in men"; 21.) Cigarette; 22.) The dance; 23.) "Por favor"; 24.) 744 million; 25.) "We're live"; 26.) "She went dark"; 27.) Medallion; 28.) "He does look a little like you"; 29.) "Let me handle this"; 30.) "Permission granted"; 31.) Texts; 32.) The cheque; and 33.) The 20 million dollar question.

audience reaction: The audience enjoyed this "playful romp" of a "cat and mouse" Thriller movie and gave it a "Hands Clapper" ending.

recommendation: I liked it, too.

spoiler alert! It's all about glitz and glamor for Angelina Jolie's character, as the movie painstakingly puts in the effort to highlight these. And in-between action sequences, there is a lot of "goo-goo eyes" filler; too much of it for a Thriller, if I may say so myself. I don't think that it's that easy to guesstimate the height and built of someone who's seated at a table. The bad guy had already started to slice the rope; so when the other boat tugged on it, it should have snapped. The bad guy should have sensed what was about to happen and would then have been able to keep himself from being strangled to death--that strangle-hold was an easy one to get out of. Of course, there were other bad guys in the room, too, who would have been ordered to shoot at him should he manage to break free of the hold. I guess, either way, he was "dead-meat"! Had they dug deeper into his records, they would have come up empty-handed and finally gotten their man.

fyi: My sister in Michigan received a package from me three days ago. In it, I included Angelina Jolie's novelty driver's license card. So, next time my sister gets pulled over by a cop for over-speeding, she can have an easier time of it by convincing the officer that she is actually Angelina in disguise. Ha, ha, ha.

word of advice: When in Rome, do as the Romans do.

tidbits: As I crossed the bridge at just before 7:30 p.m. on my way to Emeryville, an ambulance was at a toll booth lane in the opposite direction. Maybe a driver lost control and hit a barrier or something ....

I snuck one-and-a-half pizza sticks into the theatre with me, my left-over lunch at work. And I had in mind to only buy a drink at the concession counter. But, I hadn't had dinner yet. And since I got the drink for free, I figured that I might as well buy some popcorn to satisfy my hunger. But I should just have gotten a small bag of popcorn since eating it kept me from taking better notes of the scenes.

After the movie, I swung by my former place of employment in North Oakland just to say, "Hi!" to everybody. And when I got back to Vallejo, I went to a 24-hour store first to do a bit of shopping.

THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER, 3-D PG ( 1 hr & 52 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when: Friday, December 10th, 2010
show: 11:00 a.m. ( Extra Dollar Off First Show Matinee )
costs: $9.75 Ticket + $4.50 Pretzel Bites + $4.00 small Diet/Zero ( w/ Barq's & Cherry flavors ) Coke = $18.25
auditorium: 8, with the 3-D screen
seat: 6th row, 9th column

synopsis/overview: Lucy ( Georgie Henley ) and Edmund ( Skandar Keynes ), along with their unsuspecting bratty cousin, Eustace ( Will Poulter ), are drawn back to Narnia and join Prince Caspian ( Ben Barnes ) on the royal vessel, The Dawn Treader, on a journey in search of the seven missing lords with magic swords.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Recruitment center; 2.) The painting; 3.) The Dawn Treader; 4.) The seven lords of Lone Islands; 5.) "I don't think he has a cute of anything"; 6.) Slave traders; 7.) One of the seven; 8.) Green mist; 9.) Rescue; 10.) Encrusted sword; 11.) Diary; 12.) Extra crew member; 13.) The invisible Dufflepuds; 14.) House of the Oppressor; 15.) Book of Incantations; 16.) Big Foot; 17.) Coriakin ( Bille Brown ), the Magician; 18.) "Wish yourself away"; 19.) Bad dreams; 20.) "I heard that"; 21.) Lake of Gold; 22.) Treasure hoard; 23.) The Dragon; 24.) "Extraordinary things happen to extraordinary people"; 25.) The Blue Star; 26.) The merfolk warning; 27.) Tow; 28.) Dining table; 29.) Liliandil ( Laura Brent ); 30.) Dark Island; 31.) Peter's sword; 32.) Sea serpent: 33.) Reepicheep's ( Simon Pegg ) pep talk; 34.) The Dragon and Aslan ( Liam Neeson ); 35.) The seven swords; 36.) The boats; 37.) Sea of white lilies; 38.) The wall of waves; 39.) "I promise to be a better king"; 40.) Tearful Goodbyes; and 41.) Back in the bedroom.

favorite scenes: I liked the scene where they were in a rowboat in a sea of lilies.

I liked the wall of waves, too.

And I liked the transformation from "soaking wet" to "completely dry" in the bedroom.

audience reaction: The audience liked this.

recommendation: I liked it, too. Go see this movie.

spoiler alert! The slave trader could have easily hit Prince Caspian with his sword as the prince swung toward him on a rope. Lucy's footsteps in "The House of the Oppressor" were loud enough to have been easily heard by the magician. The sea serpent, for its immense size, could have easily destroyed The Dawn Treader. When Edmund thrust the sword in the roof of the sea serpent's mouth, the action/reaction movement didn't look real enough. In one particular shot, Aslan's face didn't look "liony" enough. This movie is not a faithful translation of the novel that it's based on.

fyi: Many years ago, when my family still lived in Oakland, CA, I experienced a strange occurrence. It was a little after 1:00 p.m. I was taking a nap on the couch, by the front window, in the living room. On our porch was the next door neighbor's five-year old granddaughter playing with our kittens. It was the noise that she was making, and the sound of traffic on Fruitvale Avenue, which awakened me.

Through half-opened eyes, I noticed in the far corner of the ceiling in the adjoining dining room a bright spot of light. The spot of light moved down diagonally toward the doorway between the two rooms. And as it did, it grew bigger and bigger and metamorphosed into a young woman wearing a Victorian dress and with her hair up in a bun. In her right hand was a candlestick with a lit candle on it. And as she stood there, she looked from side to side at the floor as if in search of something.

I was scared of it and just laid there pretending to be fast asleep! Meanwhile, the little girl was still on our porch playing with the kittens. What was so strange about this apparition was that it bore a striking resemblance to my eldest sister. Perhaps, the facial similarity lessened my fear of it.

Then, it slowly dematerialized back into a ball of light which got smaller and smaller as it floated back up to the far corner of the ceiling which is partitioned-off from the kitchen ceiling. There, the small, bright spot of light vanished.

Feeling worried, I wrote ( this was before e-mail ) to my sister to tell her about the supernatural event and to ask her if everything was okay with her. She was fine, she said in her return letter.

Maybe if I get enough money someday, I'll buy that old house and tear-up the floor to see if anything is hidden down there.

word of advice: "Be just vhat you is, not vhat you is not. Folks vhat do zis are ze happiest lot." ( Mr. Wizard, the Lizard's, oft-repeated advice to the "deaf-eared" Tooter Turtle )

"Some have greatness thrust upon them." ( Shakespeare )

tidbits: I decided to go to Ihaw-Ihaw Filipino Buffet, on Springs Road here in Vallejo, after the show because I haven't been to that eatery in over a year.

As I was eating, someone came in talking on his cellphone. The busboy asked him if it was an I-Phone. To which the man said, "No, I would never want to have an Apple anywhere on my body." The busboy asked, "Why?" And he answered, "You don't want to know. Believe me."

He should just have come out and said it, whatever it was, because his statement just made everybody in that room all the more curious about his experience with a "rotten" Apple!

A while later, another male patron and the two busboys talked about last week's rape of a little girl in Union City, CA, inside the Dollar Tree Store, in one of the aisles during business hours! That serial rapist needs to have his penis and testicles cut-off--forget all that psychotherapy B.S.!

THE WARRIOR'S WAY, R ( 1 hr & 40 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when: Friday, December 3rd, 2010
show: 4:50 p.m.
costs: $7.50 Ticket + $4.50 medium Diet/Zero ( w/ Barq's & Cherry flavors ) Coke = $12.00
auditorium: 13
seat: 7th row, 9th column

synopsis/overview: An assassin (Jang Dong-gun ) has a change of heart and becomes the number one target of his own clan. He flees to the American Wild West to start a new life. But he is pursued by his fellow assassins as he helps a rag-tag community fight-off the henchmen of an evil Colonel ( Danny Huston ).

noteworthy scenes: 1.) The reflection in the water; 2.) Baby; 3.) Roadside eatery; 4.) Wild west town of Lode; 5.) Laundry house punks; 6.) Circus; 7.) Learning time; 8.) Scars; 9.) Execution; 10.) Blindfolded; 11.) The frowning baby; 12.) Sad flute; 13.) Sailboat; 14.) Sword training; 15.) Soap bubbles; 16.) Christmas party; 17.) "Did that stop your heart"; 18.) Party crashers; 19.) Bound and gagged; 20.) Dental inspection; 21.) Blown cover; 22.) The sound of the sword; 23.) To the rescue; 24.) Wrong target; 25.) The stash; 26.) Drunk man's ( Geoffrey Rush ) secret; 27.) "Places to kill your enemy"; 28.) Dynamites; 29.) Ferris Wheel; 30.) Swordsmen vs. gunslingers; 31.) Revenge; 32.) "Wear something naughty"; 33.) Master vs. protege; 34.) "They have to listen for this to cry, not her"; and 35.) "It's free."

favorite scenes: The frowning baby.

The one in which the drunk examined the sniper rifle. I've never seen that kind of old sniper rifle before. It looked simple but in a good way.

I liked how when the drunk interrupted the target shooting just so he could have a free drink.

audience reaction: There were some laughs here and there. So, I guess that the audience found this entertaining.

recommendation: Last year's NINJA ASSASSIN was a little better. Wait for this to come out as a rental.

spoiler alert! The "fly-by-wire" from under the water is visually stunning but, nonetheless, is just plain ol' bull. Some of the sword fights were just hokey. Heck, I wouldn't trust someone who's blindfolded like that! What was with all that dental inspection? It was not clearly explained. That knife that she ( Kate Bosworth ) threw at someone didn't look like a Throwing Knife at all--it didn't look like it was balanced for throwing use. When the Ferris Wheel exploded, they didn't dive for cover even though they were still near it. Two things will happen if you have a Gatling Gun propped on your shoulder while it's being fired: You'll go deaf and your shoulder will get burned; also, the spent cartridge shells falling out of the ejection port will burn your lower leg and, probably, your backside, too. Why would you train someone to become the deadliest assassin after you've killed his father before his very own eyes? When he moved to the new place ( Alaska? ), how were they able to track him down when they could only do so if he unsheathed his sword? Remember, in that new place, he had no occasion to use his sword for killing. He walked away from the wild west town with nothing but his sword. So, how did he end-up with a phonograph when he didn't take anybody with him to the new place? I'd like to know how long they were submerged in that ice water. ( Brrr ... fre-fre-freezing co-co-cold! )

fyi: In my Cultural Anthropology class, years ago, we watched a movie about Eskimos and their ingenious use of their limited resources. One of which was fish. They arrange fish, overlapping tail to head, in a straight line and wrap it up in leather. Then, they cut a hole in the ice and put the wrapped fish in the water until the whole thing freezes solid. Once solid, they unwrap the fish and use them as skis for their sleds. They work quite well; and they also serve as a reserve food supply, too!

word of advice: Question authority.

People slow down with age.

tidbits: After the movie, as I walked out of the men's room, a girl posed with the Justin Bieber cut-out poster as her girl friend took a picture. Sheesh!

Then, I went to Hancock Fabrics and to the Dollar Tree Store, both located at the Target Shopping Center, to buy some stuff.

And since I was low on gas, I swung by the Redwood Street Chevron Gas Station to buy $7.00 ( 2.21 gallons ) worth of gas.