NOAH, PG-13 ( 2 hr & 17 min )

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I went to see this movie last night, Saturday, March 29th, 2014, here in Vallejo, CA, at the CENTURY 14 VALLEJO, for the 8:55 p.m. show in auditorium 8, 5th row ( counting from the front ), 9th column ( counting from the left ). The price of admission was $10.75. And I bought a $1.00 upgrade-to-a-medium on a Free Small Popcorn w/ Butter ( a Cine-Mark Weekly E-Mail Discount Special ), and a $5.10 large Powerade Mountain Berry Blast at the concessions counter.

Quickie Review: Because all men of Cain's lineage have all turned to evil ways, Noah ( Russell Crowe ) is commanded by God to build an Ark and take into it land animals in two reproductive pairs from each unclean species and in seven reproductive pairs from each clean species of all of God's Creations in preparation for the Great Deluge which will drown everything else living on land.

Some people in the audience liked this movie and even gave it a "Hands Clapper" ending. These people obviously didn't read the Bible or the Tanak!

I didn't like this movie at all! This is worse than SON OF GOD. Go see this if you don't want to read the Bible or the Tanak but still want to appear "knowledgeable" about its specifics.

Here are the things WRONG in this movie ( and I will not cite or quote exact chapters and verses in the Book of Genesis [ chapters 1-9 ] because I want you to fact-check every single one of my assertions ): Either I didn't clean my ears properly and/or the buzzing and ringing in my ears were both very loud and kept me from hearing the dialogues correctly or they didn't mention the word, "God," so as to be "politically-correct" and not offend the sensibilities of Atheists and Agnostics who might happen to watch this movie. The Bible/Tanak says that the Sons of God had sex with the Daughters of Men. But seeing in this movie that the Sons of God are encrusted in rock, I don't see how sexual intercourse was even remotely possible with the Daughters of Men even though they were obviously rock-hard ( pun intended )! There is no mention in the Genesis account of Tubal-Cain killing Noah's father, Lamech. Noah's sons Shem, Ham and Japheth were all born together when Noah was 500-years old---Yes! Shem, Ham and Japheth WERE TRIPLETS! And all three sons entered The Ark each with his own wife! Methuselah died at the ripe old age of 969 just before the Great Deluge; God didn't drown him with Cain's descendants. So, Noah loves little flowers and doesn't dare do harm to any of them but absolutely has no reservations about felling down an entire forest of trees! Where did Noah get Bamboo? Not from the local forest, I'm sure. Why would an idiot set "bear traps" so close to the crowded tent village in areas where villagers would be expected to go pee and poo? Can you imaging squatting down to poo on a concealed bear trap and you just happen to have low-hanging testicles?!?!?! Why were there no flies in that mass grave? And how could she eat food while in the mass grave? I can't even eat where I poop because it's so disgusting! How come Noah and his family were not affected by the sleeping smoke? While the waves were battering The Ark and the rainstorm was bombarding it mercilessly, they kept a furnace burning with the windows closed yet none died of Carbon Monoxide poisoning! Also, animals fart, i.e. flatulate, a lot whether they are sleeping or not; and, with that furnace burning with the windows closed, it would be just a matter of time before all of that Methane build-up from all the ensuing farts would blow The Ark to smithereens! With such a huge menagerie of terrestrial creatures jam-packed inside of The Ark, how did Noah compensate for the great Water Displacement? Opps, they forgot to install a toilet in that ark. Why did the silhouetted "man-killing-man" sequence stretch all the way to Modern Times when the story of Noah's Ark concerns itself only with Antediluvian Evilness? God's curse on Eve about having labor pains obviously suggested a gradual shift to Bipedalism since a human female's pelvic girdle must necessarily narrow down to effect a proper bipedal gait. Ham--and for that matter, Noah and all his family--was not a vegetarian! In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve ate what could essentially be described as none other than "monkey food."   Before God expelled them from the garden, they were given animal skins ( from a blood covenant sacrificial offering ) to cover themselves with. Cain's sacrificial offering was rejected by God because it was a vegetarian offering that had no more divine merit! Abel, on the other hand, offered-up an animal sacrifice in honor of the blood covenant between his father, Adam, and God. Animal sacrificial offering equates with the eating of animal flesh!!! Like I said, Ham was not a vegetarian; neither was he a vegan because important blood covenants in the Bible/Tanak come with revised dietary laws from God to sustain the gradual step-by-step evolution of Mankind ( yes, you read that right ). Obviously, the Antediluvian account suggests that people in that day and age were technologically advanced enough to have worked with Bronze and Iron. And it's highly probable that they, too, had learned to weave fabrics and fashion clothes--notice the rib knit top worn by Noah's wife, Naameh ( Jennifer Connelly ), in a much later scene--but I just can seem to figure out why the people's clothes in this movie were poorly-stitched together! Okay, so an unwanted guest on The Ark was responsible for the extinction of certain species--o-k-a-y .... Twin sisters--huh ...? The Ark floated for 150 days before The Great Flood started to recede. Which begs the question: How did they termite-proof The Ark in the first place? Noah was the one who set the birds off to search for dry land. Is this movie implying incest? But that is to come many chapters later in the account of Lot and his two daughters! Did poor, desperate and horny Ham ( Logan Lerman ), all alone, become overwhelmed by his raging hormones and ended-up "pleasuring" ( ahem! ) himself to death?

This movie is rated PG-13 for, among other things, disturbing images. And, yes, seeing Russell Crowe's naked butt on the Big Screen is disturbing enough!

Do you remember what I said in my last blog concerning the Unpardonable Sin of Blasphemy Against the Holy Spirit? I think this Aronofsky movie qualifies as such on a Grand/Epic scale! Ha, ha, ha.

It's true that stories of a Great Flood can be found everywhere on Earth in the dim recesses of Man's distant past. And the Bible's/Tanak's account of The Great Food is similar to an earlier version from Mesopotamia. But these similarities only serve to validate the account of such a flood. A good candidate for this Great Flood is the Mediterranean Sea which formed over 5.0 million years ago in the area mentioned in the Bible/Tanak. But evidence of Antediluvian human habitation in the area would most likely be buried deep beneath the Mediterranean Sea's seabed. And that is where scientists would prefer it kept because such a proof would challenge their notion that Homo Sapiens evolved at a later date!

I learned of the Mediterranean Sea's formation when I studied Geology in college. Unfortunately, it was mentioned in one of the last chapters of my textbook. So, my professor never got around to lecturing on it during the semester. But I took the time to read the chapter for myself.

The Bible/Tanak mentions that mists sustained the vegetation in The Garden of Eden. It would imply that this particular account occurred during an extreme Ice Age. And that would mean that both Adam and Eve were covered in hair, and lots of it--think Ripley's Believe It Or Not "hairy human" entries! No wonder God asked The First Couple,  "Who told you that you were naked?"

After God drove them out of the garden, Adam and Eve worked the land by the sweat of their brow, implying that the Ice Age had ended and that they were them experiencing Global Warming. And, by the time of Noah, so much Glacier Ice had melted that the underground Aquifers in the Mediterranean area were simply overwhelmed and caused water to shoot out of the ground just before more water breached the mountain barrier and flooded the entire region! ( You must keep in mind that mountain ranges way back then were not that high. )

And Noah only gathered animals from said local area.

Because of Global Warming, The Flood eventually receded and the water evaporated to form clouds which gave forth light rain that caused the first rainbow to appear in the sky.

Some christians ( James Ussher among them ) and Jews believe that the Earth is just a few thousand years old. But they arrived at that simple conclusion by adding-up the begats in the Bible/Tanak. But they forget that GOD'S TIME IS NON-LINEAR! Proof of God's Non-Linear Time is hinted at in the account of Sodom and Gomorrah and mentioned especially in Daniel's Prophecy of The 70 Weeks! In this sense, Methuselah, at 969 years of age, was not the oldest living patriarch of the Bible. Another patriarch has been "alive" for about 4,000 years now! A godlike man who once was Jacob and renamed by God as Israel, the man who wrestled with God ( Genesis 32:22-32 ). Therefore, a land or territory can be personified as a living human being in accordance with Bible/Tanak tradition. And just as you can plant a seed in a land or territory to replace a dying tree, the tree that the new seed grows into will eventually replace the previous one ( remember, Jesus Christ also used seeds symbolically to illustrate the different kinds of faithful followers [ Matthew 13:19-23 ) in the same way when a father begets a son to keep his lineage alive. But just because a seed is planted in good soil doesn't mean that it will grow into a tree right away or even grow at all; it could lay dormant for some time or just die. And just because you begat a son doesn't necessarily mean that your son will carry-on the family tradition; such a task could fall upon the shoulders of your grandson, great grandson, great great grandson, etc. This is my explanation of God's Non-Linear Time.

A Dutchman by the name of Johan Huibers build a 1/2 scale replica and a full-scale replica of Noah's Ark. It took him 20 years to build them mostly by his lonesome self, with occasional help from his son, Roy. So, yes, it is highly probable that Noah could build his full-scale Ark in a 100 year's time.

This is from Wikipedia. This is Johan Huiber's full scale Ark.

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This is from Wikipedia, too. It is the 1/2 scale Ark of Johan Huibers.

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In all probability, The Ark was not a ship but, rather, a rudderless floating sanctuary.

Aronofsky's ark was damaged by Hurricane Sandy as it was being constructed. Perhaps, it was an unheeded sign from God.

Why didn't they consult with me, Cine-Man, Technical Adviser/Bible Researcher,  before they made this movie so that I could have told them that they were all just a bunch of stupid blaspheming Idiots?

Am I the only one who mistook Ray Winstone ( who played the part of Tubal-Cain ) for Mickey Rourke?

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I bought a new TracFone pay-as-you-go cellphone today, a Samsung S380C, because it was on sale for just $19.99 ( $49.99 original price ); and because it has a qwerty keypad, unlike my LG flip phone. So it will be easier and faster for me to text on it. I also bought it because it has triple minutes, unlike my LG flip phone which comes with double minutes.  I will keep both of these as back-ups for my Samsung Galaxy Mega.

When my manager found out that I will be meeting three nieces for the first time this coming Tuesday, she bought me three 5.0 oz Twix Easter Eggs to give to them as a welcome present (a.k.a.  Pasalubong among Pilipinos ). That was nice of my manager to do so--and she saved me the trouble and expense of having to buy some presents myself! Ha, ha, ha. (I hope that my nieces don't read this blog or I will be in trouble.  LOL )

As I walked up to the box office to buy my movie ticket, I overheard a girl say, "It's cold!" Yes, it was unseasonably cold like Winter-time cold.

At the concessions counter, the bearded employee who rang-up my purchase asked me if I was there to see the NOAH movie. I said that I was. He said that I should get in the auditorium soon because it will be crowded. I laughed and said that I already know that it is a stupid movie and that I cannot wait to blog about it.

I decided early on not to use my world-famous standard blog format on this movie because of its glaring scriptural inaccuracies! Besides, I just wanted to enjoy my buttered popcorn unimpeded by note-taking in the dark using a greasy notepad and writing with greasy fingers.

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GOD'S NOT DEAD, PG ( 1 hr & 53 min )

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where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when: Friday, March 21st, 2014
show: 7:20 p.m.
costs: $10.75 Ticket + $1.59 bulk Chocolate-covered Peanuts and Raisins + $3.85 20.0 oz Dasani Water = $16.19
auditorium: 4
seat: 3rd row ( counting from the front ), 9th column ( counting from the left )

synopsis/overview: Josh ( Shane Harper ), a devout christian pre-Law student, must defend his faith convincingly against his atheist Philosophy professor, Prof. Radisson ( Kevin Sorbo ), or fail in class and ruin his academic future.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Snake pit; 2.) Senile dementia; 3.) Atheist; 4.) "Science and Reason have supplanted Superstition"; 5.) "Three words"; 6.) Duck show host interview; 7.) "It's for my father"; 8.) Matthew 10:32-33; 9.) Luke 12:48; 10.) Cancer; 11.) "You need to prioritize what's more important in your life"; 12.) Big Bang Theory; 13.) Spontaneous Creation; 14.) Jealous God; 15.) Break-up; 16.) One Corinthians 15; 17.) "You're making it sound like a conttract negotiation"; 18.) Library; 19.) Rental car; 20.) "A performance staged largely for your benefit"; 21.) "You know I'm a christian"; 22.) Cabernet/Merlot; 23.) Dinner guests; 24.) "Looks like it's all Greek to her"; 25.) Circular Reasoning; 26.) "Nonsense remains nonsense even if spoken by a scientist"; 27.) "Philosophy is dead"; 28.) Cinderella Complex; 29.) "Ninety-second giant leap"; 30.) Book of Job; 31.) Twelve year old; 32.) Angry father; 33.) "Why are you talking about this ..."; 34.) "You're not alone ..."; 35.) Elevator; 36.) "Why does God allow evil to exist"; 37.) Free Will; 38.) "If God does not exist, then everything is permissible"; 39.) "Religion is a disease"; 40.) "Why do you hate God"; 41.) "How can you hate someone who doesn't exist"; 42.) Unanimous support; 43.) "I've decided to follow Jesus"; 44.) "Car blessing"; 45.) "You have dementia. My life is perfect"; 46.) "Unscripted interview"; 47.) Old letter; and 48.) Hit-and-run.

audience reaction: The audience liked it. And quite a few gave it a "Hands Clapper" ending.

recommendation: I liked it enough. It's worth watching.

spoiler alert! She doesn't strike me as someone who wouldn't install a battery back-up in her alarm clock, considering the profession that she is in. This is in gross violation of the US Constitution's 1st Amendment, which states: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances." It would have been obvious to a devout Bible-reading christian that only someone who had read the Tanakh ( Hebrew Bible, a.k.a. Masoretic Text ) or The Old Testament of The Christian Bible would know to use the title, "Jealous God." He had to argue his point before the class once a week for three consecutive weeks, meaning he only had a week's worth of time--or less--to do research and prepare his weekly argument yet we see him check-out a stack of textbooks from the library each week! I don't think that he can read through all that text material within such a short period of time. It is a spiritually false assumption to say that Jesus Christ died for all the Sins of The World as He, Himself, said that whoever commits the Unpardonable Sin of Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven ( Matthew 12:31-32, Mark 3:28-30, Luke 12:10 ). I've rented a car on a number of occasions, and I always get asked to show my driver's license and proof of insurance--details that were somewhat overlooked in a particular scene ( and I would always get driven to the car rental office first and be shown a quick check-off on the car assigned to me ). The hit-and-run victim got thrown in the air way too high, if you ask me. If his lungs filled-up with blood, he wouldn't be able to talk like that.

This movie felt like a Big-Screen promotion for a christian rock band! The message conveyed seemed to be:

If you just lost your job, your family, your sweetheart and/or your friends, or if you are dying of cancer, don't worry. Just come to our concert and you can forget about your troubles for at least an hour or so! Yeah, right ....

fyi: There are way too many moral reprobates running loose these days hiding behind an unconvincing veil of religion. They're only fooling themselves.

Honestly, it is very hard to commit the sin of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. You'd have to be Truly Evil in order to do so! But why take such a chance ...?

Indirect Approach

When scientists tell us that a particular star is composed of certain gases, it is not because they have the direct means of determining such a composition. The scientists use the Indirect Approach to arrive at their conclusion. In the same way, I've come to accept the existence of God through the Indirect Approach of my encounters with other-worldly entities.

Scientific Objectivity

Why does God allow Evil to exist? In the same way that field scientists let nature take its course when a cute "Bambi" deer is stalked by a bunch of hungry carnivores. You can't be more objective than that! Remember, there will come a time for Spiritual Harvest but, first, the wheat and the weeds must grow together ( Matthew 13:24-30 ). And when everything good is gathered into God's barn, then " ... the yearling will be safe with the lion ..." ( Isaiah 11:6 ).

Scientific Method

Briefly, the Scientific Method involves observation, making a hypothesis, doing an experiment, arriving at a conclusion, having your findings duplicated by others and coming up with a theory. Opening up one's Third Eye is done in a scientific method, too, because all of the necessary steps for opening up one's Third Eye are done in a scientific way. I didn't believe in the possibility of possessing a Third Eye because my knowledge of Human Anatomy and Physiology prevented me from believing in it. Then, I came upon the shortcut method ( there are other methods, of course ) for doing so: The Zhunti Mantra method ( which I mentioned in my Spiritual Milestone blog, Thursday, June 23rd, 2011 ). When I say shortcut, I mean it in a relative way; you'd have to faithfully recite this mantra for approximately 200,000 times before it will open up your Third Eye. But when your Third Eye opens up, you will have an intimate spiritual knowledge of when God said, "Let there be Light!" ( Old Testament of The Bible, Genesis 1:3 ) When your Third Eye opens up, all that you will see is Pure White Light; your physical surroundings will disappear, along with everything else associated with physical objects, e.g. smell, taste, sound, etc. Remember, God created Light first; everything else He created after. In a sense, when your Third Eye opens up, you will get a vicarious sense of being "there" when God commanded Light to appear.

As I've said a long time ago, I don't capitalize the "c" in the word, christian, as it applies to the present world because I have yet to meet a True Christian according to The New Testament meaning of the word. I've accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior; I've had encounters with spirits both good and bad; and I truly believe in the Power and Authority of Jesus Christ but ... understand that none of these automatically makes me a christian because demons and evil spirits, themselves, know that Christ is The Savior God, they too have encounters with good spirits and they truly believe in the Power and Authority of Jesus Christ to command them all! How, then, can we differentiate ourselves from demons and evil spirits who accept the Divine Power and Authority of Christ, The Savior God, if such entities are unsaved? The answer is simple: By being "born" again in Spirit and by speaking in tongues ( fluency and literacy in any and all of the world's languages and dialects--not the nonsense gibberish "speaking-in-tongues" that a certain christian denomination is famous for ) and by performing miracles in Jesus Christ's name like restoring missing limbs and raising the dead back to life! Now, tell me honestly, have you seen such a Christian? I know I haven't ....

I had a Philosophy Professor at Solano College here in Suisun, CA, who came across as aloof. I think most Philosophy Professors are like that! He gave me a B grade simply because of my tardiness--hey, at least I was always fashionably late! I couldn't help it, it was the Pilipino in me which was responsible for my chronic tardiness. I don't know about you, but most of the Pilipinos I know are not punctual--'something to do with "Philippine time." LOL

Every time that I return a rental car, I would always tell the rental car employee: There is no dead body in the trunk. I got rid of the evidence! It always makes for a good laugh.

word of advice: Do not commit the Unpardonable Sin of Blasphemy Against the Holy Spirit of God.

tidbits: As recently as a few weeks ago, a member of a christian rock group was arrested and put in jail for hiring a hit-man to kill his wife! Luckily for the wife, it was an undercover cop posing as a hit-man.

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STALINGRAD, R ( 2 hr & 11 min )

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I went to see this on Tuesday, March 11th, 2014, in Vacaville, CA, at the BRENDEN VACAVILLE 16 for the 8:55 p.m. 3-D show in auditorium 11, 5th row ( counting from the front ), 3rd seat ( counting from the left ). The price of admission was $13.75. And I bought a 20.0 oz bottle of Aquafina Water for $3.50 at the concessions counter.

Quickie Review: In Stalingrad, in the middle of WWII, a small band of Russian soldiers occupy a bombed-out apartment building to try and keep the advancing German force from crossing the Volga River. The Russian soldiers discover a Russian teenage girl living alone in the building and they develop a special bond with her, the crux of the movie.

I was the only one in the auditorium. I liked it enough. The special effects in this movie are comparable with those shown in Hollywood movies.

But they could have easily trimmed this movie and kept it under two hours had they done away with the modern-day Japan scenes---I thought that I was in the wrong auditorium because I went in expecting to see a Russian movie from beginning to end!

There was a scene with a downed German fighter plane whose propellers looked like they were rusted even though the plane hadn't been on the ground for a long length of time and even though it didn't rain in any one of the scenes.

They still use Dolby 3-D glasses at this theatre. I hate Dolby 3-D glasses because they are big and clunky to have on; and they don't sit well on top of my eyeglasses.

Dolby 3-D glasses. I found this on the Internet.

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I complained to a theatre employee about their 3-D glasses. I told them that at the theatre in the city next door, Fairfield, Real D 3-D glasses are in use. Real D 3-D glasses are also sealed in a plastic container to prevent cross-contamination. Whereas, Dolby 3-D glasses are passed unsealed from person to person each and every day from one show to the next--I had to wash mine first in soap and warm water to avoid catching someone else's germs!!!

Real D 3-D glasses. I found this on the Internet. I like these 3-d glasses much, much better!

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Before seeing this movie after I clocked-out from work, I stopped at the EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 & I-MAX to ask the box office clerk at what time the last scheduled I-Max 3-D show for the 300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE movie will be shown on Thursday, March 13th. Because I planned on seeing it then.

And, just to kill time, I walked around the top floor of the Westfield Solano Shopping Mall ( where the Edwards theatre is at ) to do some window shopping.

I found this on the Internet.

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Actually, I went there looking to buy a replacement hat because the one I've used for the last 10 years is lookin' old and faded and raggedy. I stopped at a hat shop; but they only had baseball-cap styles with team logos on them. A few doors down is another hat shop where I found the perfect replacement, a Kangol Military-style cap:

I bought the same style, except in black. I found this on the Internet. 'Nothin' special about this hat, if you ask me. It looks ordinary.

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I prefer military-style caps over baseball-style caps because the military-style kind of cap complements my facial structure better than a baseball-style cap does. But this is the first time in my whole life that I forced myself to buy a $27.99 hat ( $30.40 with tax )! I've heard of "fashion statements"--but this is ridiculous!!! Oh, well ... I guess I should indulge myself once in a while.

After shopping at the mall and before seeing this movie, I drove across the street to have dinner at the HomeTown Buffet Restaurant. I couldn't eat much as I wasn't in the mood for pigging-out ( I guess the expensive hat that I bought had something to do with it ). So, I spent $13-something plus $2.00 tip for a buffet dinner that I didn't eat much of.

Hometown Buffet Restaurant in Fairfield, CA. I found this on the Internet.

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*

SON OF GOD, PG-13 ( 2 hr & 18 min )

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where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo,  CA
when: Sunday, March 2nd, 2014
show: 7:00 p.m.
costs: $10.25 Ticket + $1.00 1.20 oz Jack Link's All American Beef & Cheese ( smuggled-in ) + $1.00 2.75 oz Imperial Nuts Anti-Oxidant Blend ( smuggled-in, too ) + $4.10 small Powerade Mountain Berry Blend = $16.35
auditorium: 7
seat: 7th row ( counting from the front ), 7th column ( counting from the left )

synopsis/overview: The story of Jesus Christ ( Diogo Morgado ), from His birth to His ministry to His crucifixion and to His resurrection is--somewhat--told from the evangelical viewpoint of the Gospel of John.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) "He was there"; 2.) Birth; 3.) Broken oxen cart; 4.) "Fisher of men"; 5.) "Your sins are forgiven, my son"; 6.) The tax collector; 7.) The Lord's Prayer; 8.) Stones; 9.) Feeding the multitude; 10.) "Peter, the Rock"; 11.) Protesters before Pontius Pilate ( Greg Hicks ); 12.) Lazarus ( Anas Chenin ); 13. ) The dream; 14.) Reading from Isaiah; 15.) Palm Sunday; 16.) "Den of thieves"; 17.) "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's"; 18.) "Not one stone will be left standing"; 19.) Secret meeting; 20.) "Born again"; 21.) Last Supper; 22.) Garden of Gethsemane; 23.) Charged with Blasphemy; 24.) Guilty; 25.) "My Kingdom is not of this world"; 26.) "Forty lashes"; 27.) "We have no king but Caesar"; 28.) The scapegoat; 29.) "King of The Jews"; 30.) "Why have you forsaken me"; 31.) Mother/son; son/mother; 32.) Darkness; 33.) "Father, into Thy Hands I commend My Spirit"; 34.) Earthquake; 35.) Spear; 36.) The doubting Thomas ( Matthew Gravelle ); 37. The power of The Holy Spirit; and 38.) Bonus Scene during the Ending Credits.

audience reaction: The near-capacity crowd liked this movie. I could even hear some of them sobbing during certain scenes. And a lot of people gave this movie a "Hands Clapper" ending.

recommendation: I didn't like this movie, a movie written and directed by people who are obviously, glaringly not well-versed in the New Testament Gospels. This movie feels like a poorly-scripted Sunday Evening Christian TV show! See this movie only if you've never read the Bible or are too lazy and/or too irresponsible to read the Bible for your own spiritual self-edification.

spoiler alert! Saint John, the Apostle, who wrote the Gospel of John and the Epistles of John may or may not have been the old Saint John, the Revelator, shown in this movie living in exile in a cave on the island of Patmos. Saint John, the Apostle, wrote the Gospel of John when he was in his forties ( St. John was the youngest of the Apostles ). Is it just me or was Samson portrayed as a fat black man in this movie? Joseph, the father of Jesus, was already in his 30s when he married Mary, after she turned 12 years of age and after she completed her Bat Mitzvah rite of passage. The shepherds would not have been out in the open field with their sheep had Jesus been born in December BECAUSE IT SNOWS IN BETHLEMEN ( I blogged about this in December of 2009 )!!! Jesus would have already been a toddler when the Three Kings arrived to offer Him gifts. The fish that Jesus and Peter ( Darwin Shaw ) hauled into the boat weren't flapping around. ( Where did they cast the net to catch the dead fish, in the Dead Sea? ) The tomb of Lazarus had a stone covering its entrance which Jesus Christ ordered some men to roll out of the way ( John 11:41 ). Jesus Christ didn't go into the tomb; instead, he commanded the dead Lazarus to come out ( John 11:43 ). Lazarus came out of  his tomb looking like a walking mummy ( John 11:44 ), not dressed in a clean white gown or robe as shown in this movie. Why was the butt-naked follower of Jesus Christ ( Mark 14:50-52 ) not shown in this movie? When Peter realized that Jesus's prediction of his three denials came true, it was already in broad daylight--but roosters start crowing at dawn before the day is bright and sunny!

This Big-Screen adaptation fails in three ways in that ( 1 ) it uses outright creative license and ( 2 ) it includes extraneous scenes not mentioned in the Bible ( 3 ) as well as the blatant omissions of accounts, especially the whole Seven Signs of Christ, that all serve to confirm the Divine Power and Authority of Jesus Christ! Why didn't they consult with me, Cine-Man, World Religions A+ student in college, before they made this movie?

What events in Jesus Christ's life were omitted from this movie? Here are a few right off the top of my head:

1. The slaying of the male infants.
2. The Spirit of God descending upon Him after His baptism by John, The Baptist, his first cousin.
3. The temptation by Satan, Ruler of The Whole World.
4. The beheading of John, The Baptist.
5. The healing of the Centurion's servant.
6. The loosening and binding of Legion, the demonic horde.
7. The allusion to dogs who eat table scraps.
8. The poor widow.
9. The Lord of the Sabbaths ( yes, plural, as in the annual sabbath and the weekly sabbath which both occurred on the same day during one particular event in Jesus Christ's ministry ).
10. The changing of water into wine.
11. The woman healed by touching Jesus' robe.
12. The Mount of Transfiguration.
13. The divine empowerment of the 12 Apostles, Judas included.
14. The anointing of Jesus Christ by a sinful woman.
15. A prison guard's cutting of the hair and beard of Jesus Christ.
16. Veronica's Veil. 
17. The breaking of the leg bones of the crucified thieves.
18. The ghosts ascending from their tombs.
19. The women who went to Jesus' tomb.
20. The Angel guarding the emptied tomb.
21. The disciples who didn't recognize Him. ( This one is very important. If you can answer this, then you know how Christ works His miracles! )
22. The Pentecost ( very important, too ).

Etcetera. Yaddy, yadda. Blah, blah, blah ....

fyi: The first three Gospels of The Apostles Matthew, Mark and Luke are collectively known as The Synoptic Gospels because they are written similarly to each other. The Gospel of John is known as an Evangelic Gospel because of its evangelical nature.

The term "Son of God" is not the same as the term "Son of Man." They are not interchangeable. So, pay close attention to Biblical verses that use either term to understand the true message hidden in your plain view.

The feeding of the multitude has a parallel in an account mentioned in Paramhansa Yogananda's book, Autobiography Of A Yogi. In it, a Mohammedan Faqir was given "control" of a spirit entity simply named, Hazrat. Hazrat could be commanded to make things appear instantly out of thin air, including any food ( lots of it ) and precious jewelry.

On a similar note, King Solomon supposedly possessed a ring that gave him control over many demons. And there are those who believe that Jesus Christ somehow came into possession of this ring; which is why the Jewish priests accused him of performing miracles through the agency of demons. Whether or not these rumors are true, the Bible does show Jesus Christ and His Apostles and their Disciples having the power and authority to command demons.

Many of those who followed Jesus Christ did so at their own peril. For, you see, according to Jewish tradition, the first-born son has an obligation to keep to his father's family. Abandoning that family obligation to follow someone else means death by stoning. And women, too, were not allowed to follow along with a group of strange men or risk being stoned to death, as well!

In Old Testament Times, a lamb and a goat were both offered up to the priest at the altar. The priest would then sacrifice the lamb and let the goat escape ( hence the term, scapegoat ) into the wilderness. The purpose of the goat was to be burdened with the secret, unknown and future sins of the Jewish people. But, in the wilderness, the goat never fared better than the lamb--free, easy prey for the wild carnivorous beasts! Pontius Pilate unwittingly played his part well when he released Barabbas ( Fraser Ayres ) into the "wilderness." I guess Pontius Pilate never got the chance to read the Torah or he would have readily recognized his role in the precursory Christian Drama.

At least, Jesus Christ only got 40 lashes in this movie. Whereas, in Mel Gibson's THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST ( 2004 ), Jesus Christ received 118 lashes ( I know, I counted .... )! Ha, ha, ha.

Although Jesus Christ had the power of self-detachment, using such a power while he was being tortured and crucified to spare himself the consequential pain and suffering would have rendered his sacrificial offering worthless in the Eyes of God, The Father.

There is mention in Revelation 1:14-15 about the image of Jesus Christ as a glorified Son of God depicting him with white hair like a lamb's wool. Some people think that this makes Jesus Christ a black man. But this is just a ( white, i.e. Ancient One ) symbolism to show Jesus Christ's title as The Alpha and The Omega Lamb of God ( hence, lamb's wool ). But being a holy man who traveled to India during his 12 lost years, he would have adopted a renunciant's way of life. And the renunciants in India, otherwise known as Sanyasis, didn't bother to comb their hair and sported what could only be dreadlocks!

Jesus Christ, in all probability, only carried a crosspiece and was hanged on a tree in a garden. Acts 5:30, 10:39, 13:29 and 1 Peter 2:24

Hebrew was already a dead language by the time of Jesus Christ's ministry. Only the priests and scholars knew how to speak it at that point ( kinda like back when I was a little kid, church mass was held in Latin but not anymore ). But the general, mostly illiterate, population no longer spoke the language. Aramaic was the Lingua Franca in the trade route areas of Jesus' ministry.

But, interestingly enough, Hebrew is the only dead ancient language resurrected and used in these modern times, a linguistic feat of Lazarusian ( I just made this word up, my second one as a movie blogger--'though I can't seem to remember the first one that I coined ) proportion! By the way, this "dead-language-resurrection" happens to also be one of the Signs of The End Times, just so you know.

Without Judas, Christianity would never have been established. He never wanted to become The Betrayer. But God saw to it that he would play his part according to Divine Plan.

Jesus Christ asked, "My God, why hast thou forsaken me" and said, "Into Thy Hands I commend My Spirit ( as opposed to His ghost )" because He was dying on the cross and The Holy Spirit of God was preparing to leave both of His body and His ghost behind.



The Apostle Thomas went to India and was run-through with a sword. He was killed in what is now Pakistan. The grave in Pakistan that shows a pair of sculpted feet bearing a nail mark was meant to symbolically convey the message to the illiterate masses that the man buried there was a follower ( feet ) of someone who was crucified ( nail mark ).

Saint John, The Revelator, was deep fried by his persecutors but miraculously survived the whole process relatively unscathed.

After the resurrection of Jesus Christ, a guilt-ridden Pontius Pilate converted to Christianity and became a Saint of the Ethiopian Orthodox Church---Or he died a crazy man ten years later! Pick whichever one you like better.

word of advice: If you believe in Jesus Christ, read the Bible!

tidbits: Before the movie, I went to the Dollar Tree Store in the nearby Target Shopping Center to buy a window squeegee for my car, a laser pointer/flashlight key chain, and snacks to take to this movie. They didn't have any window squeegee in stock.

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An old white man asked me a few years ago how well-versed I was in the Christian Bible. I said that I had a good general knowledge of The Old Testament and The New Testament. He asked me what Jesus Christ's last words were as He hung dying on the cross with the two thieves at either side of Him. Before I could answer, the old man said, "Jesus Christ's last words were: 'Hey, you guys. I can see my house from here!"'

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MR. PEABODY & SHERMAN, PG ( 1 hr & 31 min )

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where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when: Friday, March 7th, 2014
show: 6:50 p.m. 2-D
costs: $10.25 Ticket + $4.60 30.0 oz Powerade Mountain Berry Blast ( the price was recently increased by 10 cents ) = $14.85
auditorium: 7
seat: 7th row ( counting from the front ), 7th column ( counting from the left )

2nd time

"'(L)eaving his mark ...." Ha, ha, ha, I get it. 'Cute ....

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where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when: Tuesday, March 18th, 2014
show: 8:05 p.m. 3-D
costs: $13.75 Ticket + $5.10 Snack Pack = $18.85
auditorium: 6
seat: 4th row ( counting from the front ), 7th column ( counting from the left )

synopsis/overview: Mr. Peabody, the world's smartest dog, steps up to save the day when his adopted human son, Sherman, inadvertently rips the fabric of the Space/Time Continuum just to impress a girl.

audience reaction:The near-capacity audience liked it a lot, especially the man seated immediately to my left who was there with his whole family. But only two people, a man and his wife, seated in the 6th row, seats 9 and 10, gave it a "Hands Clapper" ending.

recommendation: I liked it a lot, too! Go see this with your little brats--but, if you have the kinds of brats who cry and scream for no good reason, leave them at home with a brat-sitter!

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Adoption Center for Dogs; 2.) The Wabac; 3.) Mais Oui; 4.) "What kind of cake"; 5.) Guillotine; 6.) "Keeping my head"; 7.) "That's not water"; 8.) Fencing; 9.) Methane; 10.) "You can't have your cake and edict, too"; 11.) Dog whistle; 12.) Apocryphal; 13.) School cafeteria; 14.) Principal's office; 15.) "Deep regard"; 16.) Memories; 17.) Dinner guests; 18.) Survey; 19.) Multi-talented musical genius; 20.) Licensed Chiropractor; 21.) "He told me"; 22.) "A dog ..."; 23.) "Einstein on the beach"; 24.) Hypnotism; 25.) "I got it"; 26.) "In denial"; 27.) "His name rhymes with butt"; 28.) "Disembowelment"; 29.) "That's disarming"; 30.) Jealous; 31.) Booby trap; 32.) Anubis; 33.) "Why did I ever move to Egypt"; 34.) "Runaway bride"; 35.) Leonardo da Vinci; 36.) Pratfall; 37.) The Smile; 38.) Hammer; 39.) Airplane; 40.) Church; 41.) "So creepy ..."; 42.) "You don't know how to fly"; 43.) Hooligan; 44.) Black Hole; 45.) "A very  bad  boy"; 46.) "It looks just like our horse"; 47.) "That is the smell of victory"; 48.) "Smell my victory"; 49.) "Dad"; 50.) Home; 51.) Manual Override; 52.) Ancient Greek attire; 53.) "I've a hard time believing that"; 54.) "Stop waving your hands around"; 55.) "I've got to get you out of here before you touch yourself again"; 56.) "He bit me"; 57.) "My face is numb"; 58.) Windshield wiper; 59.) Beethoven; 60.) "Don't taze me, bro"; 61.) "Don't you know what happens to dogs that bite"; 62.) "I'm a dog, too"; 63.) "I'm Spartacus"; 64.) Presidential pardon; 65.) "Equal but opposite"; 66.) "You have to drive"; 67.) Reversal; 68.) Abduction; 69.) "I love you, Sherman"; 70.) Pharaoh's parade; 71.) Dollar Bills; 72.) Wedding; and 73.) The janitor.

favorite scenes:  I liked the Adoption Center For Dogs scene.

I liked the Multi-talented Musical Genius scene.

I liked the "Why Did I Ever Move To Egypt" scene.

I liked the "Smell My Victory" scene.

I liked the "I've Got To Get You Out Of Here Before You Touch Yourself Again" scene.

I liked the Beethoven scene.

And I liked the Dollar Bills scene.

spoiler alert! Why did the Ancient Egyptians and the Ancient Greeks speak in English? The spears thrown at the Wabac time-machine by the ancient Egyptians struck it at a low  instead of at a high angle. When the plane crashed against that tree, they should have sustained severe, if not fatal, injuries. The strip of rope Mr. Peabody and Sherman used to slide down into the Trojan Horse should have burned-up due to friction because of the length ( of the securing rope ) and the ( travel ) time it took for them to get to the Trojan Horse. How did the Ancient Greek know to use the word, "Taze?"

fyi: If I remember correctly, the inventor of the guillotine was the first one that it was used on; I wonder what his last thought was.

I told my chiropractor to take his brats to see this movie because it's a funny movie that's suited for the whole family and because he might appreciate the "Licensed Chiropractor" scene.

Years ago, in Reader's Digest, a contributor sent-in a story about his/her child who was taking a French class at school. The boy needed to use the restroom and asked the teacher, "Can I use the restroom?" The teacher said, "Mais oui!" And the boy, with his head bowed, asked softly, "May we?"

Am I just imagining it or do some scenes accentuate Penny's mom's ample breasts?

word of advice: Learn to keep a secret a secret.

tidbits:The audience would have enjoyed the movie a whole lot better had it not been for a couple of mothers with bratty little kids: One brat was screaming every now and then while the other brat was crying--yet, neither inconsiderate and disrespectful mother bothered to take her brat out of the auditorium!!!

What is this world coming to? It seems that more and more irresponsible, inconsiderate and disrespectful "humans" are being let loose all over the place! 'Probably one of the signs of the times--End Times, that is ....

2nd tidbits: Before going to see this movie, I swung by the Goin' Postal Store in the Food Maxx Shopping Center on the corner of Tuolumne and Redwood Streets here in Vallejo to pick-up a package. The 5-foot lavatory hose with a sprayer head that I ordered on-line had finally arrived. I will use it for washing my hair over the sink and for cleaning the bathtub with the easy way.

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I can't wait for them to do a Big-Screen adaptation of one of my other childhood favorite Saturday Morning Cartoon TV Shows, "The World of Commander McBragg."

Commander McBragg. I found this on the Internet.

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POMPEII, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 38 min )

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where: C ENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when: Tuesday, February 25th, 2014
show: 11:55 a.m. ( Dollar-Off ) Early Bird Matinee
costs: $6.75 Ticket + $1.00 medium upgrade on a Free Small Popcorn ( Cine-Mark E-Mail Coupon Special ) + $4.50 medium 30.0 oz Powerade Mountain Berry Blast = $12.25
auditorium: 2
seat: 6th row ( counting from the front ), 6th column ( counting from the left )

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2nd time

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when: Wednesday, February 26th, 2014
show: 2:35 p.m. ( Dollar-Off ) Early Bird 3-D show
costs: $10.25 Ticket + $1.00 medium upgrade on a Free Small Popcorn ( Cine-Mark E-Mail Coupon Special ) + $3.75 3.2 oz Nestle Buncha Crunch + $4.50 30.0 oz Powerade Mountain Berry Blast = $19.50
auditorium: 2 ( yes, the very same auditorium )
seat: 4th row ( counting from the front ), 7th column ( counting from the left )

synopsis/overview: Milo ( Kit Harrington  ), a Celt who's the last remaining survivor of his tribe which was slaughtered by the Romans, is forced into becoming a gladiator. When he is sent to Pompeii to fight in the arena, he falls in love with Cassia ( Emily Browning ), the daughter of a very rich merchant, and he also sees an opportunity to exact revenge on the very men who killed his whole tribe. When Mt. Vesuvius awakens, he goes after the men responsible for his tribe's slaughter as he tries to save the object of his love.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Nighttime raid; 2.) "They call him, Celt"; 3.) Horse; 4.) "He wants to know your name"; 5.) Lake shore; 6.) "Why did you save my life"; 7.) "Minor opposition"; 8.) Party; 9.) "Is this normal"; 10.) Horses' stable; 11.) "I believe you understand the question"; 12.) Fifteen lashes; 13.) "Perhaps, the gods spared me for a reason"; 14.) "This is a massacre"; 15.) Threat; 16.) Roman banner; 17.) "Your reputation is your weakness"; 18.) "Vulcan speaks"; 19.) "Single combat"; 20.) "This blade's dull"; 21.) "How about 20 of us"; 22.) "I've decided not to invest in your little city"; 23.) "You have your freedom, my friend"; 24.) "You came back for me"; 25.) "You came back for me"; 26.) Volcanic bombs; 27.) Horses; 28.) "Romans everywhere"; 29.) "He is mine now"; 30.) "Gladiators do not beg"; 31.) Chariot; 32.) "I die a free man"; and 33.) Kiss.

audience reaction: There was just a mild reaction to this movie.

recommendation: I liked the special effects in this movie. If you can afford it, see this movie in 3-D--it's worth the extra money to go see it in 3-D!

spoiler alert! During the slaughter of the Celt Horse Tribe, the little boy showed no reaction at all even when his parents were both killed before his very eyes. The slave girl was more beautiful than her mistress. He said that his sword was dull but both swords were truly dull. The birds--obviously CGI'd--could never have flown across the active volcano's crater for one good reason: Convection; the cold air from the sky above would have rushed down with such force and the hot air from the volcano below would have rushed up with such force, too, that the birds would have had no choice but to veer off to the side or be cooked to death while in flight! Milo went running from the arena all the way to the villa but he never panted. When Cassia went up to her dead parents, I think I saw her father twitch! Why wasn't Cassia thrown from the chariot? Why did the horse just stay around when it saw what was coming. That volcanic death cast of the kissing couple was wrong on two things: There should not have been hair on them and, since they were still alive when they were overcome by the Nuee Ardente ( super-heated cloud of volcanic gas and ash traveling at high speed ), they should have fallen and curled into a fetal position instead of being locked in a kiss! Everybody died in this movie---'Sucks big time!!!

fyi: One of the courses I took in college was Geology. My Geology professor told us of an anecdote involving a colleague of his who was a professor at some other college. Said colleague went overseas to study a volcano after it had erupted. The professor collected some volcanic bombs to take home as souvenirs of his trip and as a teaching tool for his own class. When he went through the security x-ray section of the airport ( this happened years before 9-11 ), the guard asked him about the odd-looking objects in his luggage. He casually replied, "Bombs." Needless to say, he was detained and missed his flight back home!

Jerusalem was burned by Titus in 70 a.d. In the Jewish letter/number system, the number 10 is the symbol of God. And it is interesting to note that ten years after Titus burned Jerusalem, Rome burned, too. Can you say, "Divine Pay-Back?"

I found this on Wikipedia. It is of what once was Pompeii. Mt. Vesuvius is in the background.

Would you believe that, to this very day, people still live around the base of Mt. Vesuvius even though it is by no means an extinct volcano?!?!?!

word of advice: Don't tempt Fate.

tidbits: After the movie, I asked an employee why the right half of the auditorium was cordoned-off. He said that the janitors cleaned the seats the night before and they haven't dried yet. And I made the stupid comment that I thought it was because somebody pooped in one of the seats! Ha, ha, ha.

2nd tidbits:  The same section was still cordoned-off!


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