HALLOWEEN II, R ( 1 hr & 41 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA

when: Saturday, August 29th, 2009

show: 6:30 p.m.

costs: $10.00 Ticket + $3.75 small Diet/Zero ( w/ Cherry flavor ) Coke + $4.00 junior Popcorn = $17.75

auditorium: 14

seat: 5th row, 7th column

synopsis: A year after Michael Myers' ( Tyler Mane ) body disappears in an accident en route to the county morgue on a Halloween night, more people meet with gruesomely violent deaths in the Haddonfield community.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Bloodied survivor, Laurie Strode ( Scout Taylor-Compton ) walking in the rain at night; 2.) The transport van; 3.) At the hospital; 4.) In a farmer's field at night; 5.) At the Rabbit In Red stripper club; 6.) Book signing event; 7.) Angel Myers; 8.) The Newman Hour TV show; 9.) The Halloween party; 10.) Sheriff Lee Brackett's ( Brad Dourif ) residence; 11.) The would-be Samaritan; and 12.) The shack.

audience reaction: A few laughs among the somewhat bored audience.

recommendation: Wait for this to come out as a rental--it should be ready by Halloween if you won't be busy Trick-or-Treating.

spoiler alert! First, why weren't professional trackers and bloodhounds dispatched to hunt down Michael Myers in the first place, especially since he preferred to walk rather than to hitch rides? ( You can't really fault Michael for not hitching rides because it can be very dangerous to accept a ride from strangers! Ha, ha, ha. ) Since he didn't really leave the general area, why did Michael take a year to once again catch up with his intended victims? Why didn't the transport van have airbags? Why didn't Laurie activate the fire alarm to summon help in the hospital? Why did The Moody Blues' "Night in White Satin" keep playing over and over and over ON the television? Why didn't Michael's head get bashed-in by the baseball bat? Why didn't the farm girl drive off? Why did the Vietnam Vet "old fart", holding a gun, walk up to Michael? How did Michael get from the party all the way to the sheriff's house so fast by just simply walking the distance? How did Michael get inside the house? Why didn't the stupid girls call 9-1-1 right away? How did Michael get downstairs without being detected in the process of doing so? When the sheriff happened upon the naked body of his daughter, why didn't he cover her up with his jacket? ( Oooh! I know this one: He went out of character and ogled the young, hot actress's body--the horny Viagra "old fart" that he is. ) Why didn't Laurie drive off? Why didn't the car horn and explosion alert the cops right away? What witness? Where? Why didn't a cop escort Dr. Loomis ( Malcolm McDowell ) to the door, at least? And, last, why was the isolation room in the psycho ward so big and spacious?

Why was this stupid film released two months before Halloween?

fyi: Scout Taylor-Compton can act well enough so I hope this movie doesn't relegate her to roles in crappy films or sound the Death Knell to her career.

Back in Davao City, Mindanao, Philippines, one pre-dawn morning on our way to pick up our mom at the airport, our army jeep hit a carabao ( water buffalo ) on the highway as it chased after some punks who provoked it. The carabao laid crippled on the road's shoulder with some of its intestinal contents littering the road. The carabao did manage to gore the windshield on the passenger side, though. But none of us got seriously harmed--not even a scratch ( except for my brother who got a black eye when he hit the back corner of the passenger seat with his face ); and the jeep didn't even have airbags, seat belts or headrests! My right foot got caught in the machine gunner's stirrup which kept me from flying toward the windshield. So that scene with the cow is pure bull shit, based on my family's ( plus a neighbor's daughter who accompanied us ) personal experience in a smaller and lighter vehicle that had none of today's vehicles' safety features!

word of advice: If you don't know how to write a decent movie script and/or direct a film, invest some money and hire people who do! And I'm willing to work cheap ( Asian Sweat Shop Labor ), for now, as I've said more than once already.

tidbits: Clearly, Rob Zombie is The ED WOOD for this century!

Before that trip to the airport, I brushed my teeth over the kitchen sink. As I was putting the Colgate toothpaste back in the cupboard, its cap came off and fell on the counter. Right there and then, I had a premonition that something bad was going to happen. As it turned out, I was right.

THE FINAL DESTINATION: DEATH TRIP, 3-D; R ( 1 hr & 22 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA

when: Friday, August 28th, 2009

show: 4:50 p.m. in 3-D

costs: $10.25 Ticket + $4.25 medium Diet/Zero ( w/ Barq's & Cherry flavors ) Coke + $1.62 bulk Chocolate-covered Raisins & Peanuts Candies + $0.79 Peanut Butter Cookies ( smuggled-in ) = $16.91

auditorium: 8

seat: 4th row, 10th column

synopsis: How do I kill thee? Let me count the ways ....

While enjoying the race at McKinley Speed Way with his three friends, Nick O'Bannon ( Bobby Campo ) has a graphic premonition of him, his friends, and a bunch of people getting killed in a freak accident involving many race cars. Convincing his friends and some others to leave the bleachers moments before the accident, Nick later realizes that he only managed to postpone the inevitable as he desperately searches for a way to break the cycle.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) At the race track; 2.) Coffee shop; 3.) The tow truck; 4.) Salon Dante; 5.) Investigating the accident scene; 6.) Grand State Custom Shop; 7.) Swimming pool; 8.) Car wash; 9.) At the home of George, the security officer ( Mykelti Wiliamson ); 10.) At the hospital; 11.) At the shopping mall cinema; 12.) Deja vu; 13.) The room under construction; and 14.) Death By Caffeine.

audience reaction: There were some laughs, notable of which centered on George at his home.

recommendation: This is a typical "Blood and Gore" type of movie. Either see it now or wait for it to come out as a rental since you won't be missing out on anything new and exciting.

spoiler alert! The bolts on a guard post unscrewed at the same time in a synchronous way--this is unlikely in really life since both will not be vibrated off at the same rate since the bolt closest to the vibratory source will serve to deflect and/or impede the waves away from the second bolt. The rock could not possibly shoot out at such an height because the lawn across from the salon and the salon itself are pretty much at the same level with each other, and the mower housing would have just deflected it from attaining such a lofty height to begin with. The rock laid below the level of the cut ends of the grass blades so that the mower blades would only have grazed its top since it wasn't big enough; or the blades would have just pucked it to the rear, instead of to the side, in which case, the catcher bag would have easily caught it--it would be stupid of any yard maintenance man to use a mower without a catcher bag because it would be inefficient and would just add to the work, at best. You'd expect the pool drain to suction off intestinal contents, but it didn't. Janet ( Haley Webb ) could have easily kicked out the windshield. When was the last time that you saw an escalator with clear side panels actually made out of glass? Ambulance trucks don't go speeding in a hospital zone--the hospitals which I have personally observed have speed bumps for this reason. In a business zone, where the posted speed limit would be at 25, 30 or 35 mph, a big rig could not easily swerve out of control but could easily come to a panic stop.

fyi: The 3-D effect is just a gimmick for this movie, meant to lure in more movie goers. This movie wasn't shown in advance to movie critics because it is not that remarkable without the 3-D effect, to begin with.

The first 3-D movie that I saw was Andy Warhol's FRANKENSTEIN IN 3-D back in 1979 ( I believe ) somewhere in downtown Oakland, CA ( the theatre is long gone ). It was rated R for violence and nudity, but there were lots of kids who went to see it who were unaccompanied by adults. I kept the glasses as a souvenir.

word of advice: Hell hath no fury than the Grim Reaper spurned!

Don't buy a car with power windows and power locks--I wouldn't--because they turn a car into a death trap in an emergency.

tidbits: I finally bought some Eskimo Pie ( plus Safeway Select Spumoni ) today at 6:45 p.m., at the Admiral Callahan Lane Safeway, on my way home from the cinema. It's not the same kind as in the movie, POST GRAD, because it's the kind that comes on a stick. There's nothing remarkable about its flavor. I think it was all just a product placement inserted into the grocery store scene just to get gullible idiots like myself to go and buy it! How could I fall for such a scheme? Me--Cine-Man--of all people! You would think that I would know better .... But I guess when my tummy talks, I'm forced to take heed and follow its command!

POST GRAD, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 29 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA

when: Monday, August 24th, 2009

show: 4:50 p.m.

costs: $7.25 Ticket + $14.07 Chinese dinner at Golden City Buffet ( before the show ) = $21.32

auditorium: 3

seat: 3rd row, 6th column

synopsis: Ryden Malby ( Alexis Bledel ) has it all planned post graduation: Great Job, Beautiful Apartment, and Loving Relationship. But nothing goes as planned. Stuck at home and in desperate need of asserting her independence, she misses out on the one true constant in her life.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Ryden's plan; 2.) Graduation ceremony; 3.) Hit & run; 4.) Interview at Happerman & Browning; 5.) Grocery store, after-hours; 6.) The neighbor, David ( Rodrigo Santoro ); 7.) The "Barbie bicycle" ride; 8.) The funeral home; 9.) The street intersection; 10.) The luggage shop; 11.) Prescription pills carousel; 12.) The pesky cat; 13.) The pizza box; 14.) "Infomercialed" house; 15.) The surprise neighborly visit; 16.) Buckle 'O Bill ( Kirk Fox ); 17.) The Guacanator ( Fred Armisen ); 18.) Stood-up Adam; 19.) The police department; 20.) Ice cream truck; 21.) Box-car derby; and 22.) The 'phone call.

audience reaction: Just a few laughs here and there.

recommendation: If you're an Alexis Bledel fan and/or a Geo Metro fan, go see this movie.

spoiler alert! It's hard to run a grocery store without a night crew. Cats don't make a habit of pooping on pavement, especially when there's soil or grass nearby, in a neighborhood that has dogs because cat poop is a dog's favorite snack! The car door falling off its hinges is an insult to the intelligence--as well as to all members of the Geo Metro Fan Club ( there's such a thing )! The pizza box, when you really think about it, is not the right size--a shoe box would have made more sense. Adam is too good a guy for such a " bitch", on the good side; he is not vocal enough if he wants to be a lawyer, on the bad side. I wonder if the Malby's son, Caleb ( Bobby Coleman ) is old enough to be slapped with sexual harassment? Hmm ....

fyi: I gotta love a girl who loves a Geo Metro: Hers is either a '92 or '93 LSi, mine is a '94 base; hers was originally white, mine is white. My unassuming three-cylinder Metro and I humiliated a guy driving a white Datsun 280Z in street-light-to-street-light "racing" and a guy driving a new 2000 red Porsche 911 in a freeway weaving-in-and-out-of-other-cars "race" ( I had help from three other drivers on this one since the 911 asshole really pissed them off to the point where they boxed him in so I could take off--it took him seven miles to finally catch up with me just as I was exiting the freeway ). I really taught those two guys a lesson in humiliation for picking on me just so they could impress their blonde girlfriends.

Last year, at the height of the gas crisis, I decided to find out just how much mileage I could get per gallon on the freeway in my Metro. So, with a full tank of regular unleaded gas ( meaning the car was 80 pounds heavier since one gallon is eight pounds ), I drove my car on the freeway but maintained just a maximum speed of 63 miles per hour. The result: 50 miles = 3 quarts, 11 ounces! And 60 miles was just an additional 17 ounces more, which is still 4 ounces shy of one gallon! This ... on a 14-year old car ( I've had it since it was brand new )! No wonder a used 1997 Metro was offered for sale last year with an asking price of $7,300.00! I love my Metro, my designated long distance driver, because it's very reliable and economical. It was never designed to be driven hard and rough, but soft and gentle. If you drive it that way and take good care of it, it takes excellent care of your commuting needs. And my Metro still passes the smog check/test easily!

Although Metros aren't made here anymore, they are still made for the Pakistani and Turkish markets. But there was a rumor last year that they are trying to re-introduce the Metro to the US market.

word of advice: "The world's a cruel place. It doesn't play by the rules." Walter Malby ( Michael Keaton's father-character in this movie )

"Don't count your eggs before they are all hatched."

tidbits: After the movie, I stopped at Lucky's Supermarket because I had a sudden craving for some Eskimo Pie. But they don't have it. I ended up just buying Sunny Side Farms' Cracklin' Chocolate Mint and Blueberry Pomegranate Sugar Cone ice creams. Maybe Safeway has Eskimo Pie; I'll have to check it out tomorrow.

I'll be sure to try the "You have beautiful ears" line some day and see if it really works.

Alexis Bledel has something below her left eye: Either they're just a couple of pimples or they're warts, or they might even be an early indication of a cholesterol and/or liver problem.

SHORTS, PG ( 1 hr & 29 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA

when: Sunday, August 23rd, 2009

show: 11:20 a.m. "extra dollar off on first show" matinee

costs: $6.00 Ticket + $3.75 small Diet Coke ( plain ) + $4.00 junior Popcorn = $13.75

auditorium: 1

seat: 4th row, 7th column

synopsis: In the corporate-owned Black Falls community, three brothers come upon a wishing rock at the beginning of a rainbow. When they realize that it can grant wishes both good AND bad they decide to get rid of it. But the rainbow-colored rock soon changes hands until the adults greedily and selfishly take turns at it, making things go from bad to worse.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) The no-blinking contest; 2.) The community; 3.) The company meeting; 4.) The school bullies; 5.) The class presentation; 6.) The candy bars; 7.) The mini UFOs; 8.) The gourmet chefs; 9.) The housekeepers; 10.) The orthodontists; 11.) Air walking; 12.) "Up my nose;" 13.) The Chemistry demonstration; 14.) Contortionist; 15.) The rainbow; 16.) The fortress; 17.) The crocodile's wish; 18.) Pterodactyl; 19.) Telephonesis; 20.) The smart one; 21.) The catapult; 22.) The Noseworthys' residence; 23.) The company costume party; 24.) The united front; 25.) Think Green; 26.) Transporting the prisoner; and 27.) Bonus note during the music credits.

audience reaction: Strangely, the audience didn't seem to enjoy this movie as well as I had hoped for. There were no "hands clappers" and the laughters were not that audible. It is still a kid-friendly movie, the kind with messages built-in, that parents can take their children to go see.

recommendation: This is a perfect summer matinee movie for kids.

spoiler alert! The "no blinking" contest was plain stupid because you cannot keep your eyes open for long without your eyes tearing to wash away pollutants and irritants, and neither kid shed a tear. Why weren't the bullies, who constantly picked on "Toe" Thompson ( Jimmy Bennett ) on a DAILY basis, reported to the teacher and school principal? When the bullies who were chasing after "Toe" threw rocks at him, one "hit" the foreground side of a dirt mound from what could only have been an impossible trajectory. When the "chefs" were mixing the eggs, they kept the shells IN the bowl. With all that food cooking and baking, neither Mr. & Mrs. Thompson ( Jon Cryer and Leslie Mann ) nor their daughter, Stacey ( Kat Dennings ), smelled anything coming from the kitchen. When the Thompson couple were riding a bicycle, Mrs. commanded, "Turn left!" To which, Mr. asked, "Which left, your left or my left?" They were fused into ONE body so they both had the same left side--Duh!

fyi: One of the mini UFOs reminds me of a passage in The Old Testament's book of Ezekiel, chapter 1, verse 16 about a "wheel within a wheel." Is the similarity unplanned or intentional?

In college, for one of my Microbiology class's experiments, we had to do bacterial cultures on aerobic microbes from dried nasal mucus--boogers, in layman's terms. After the incubation period, as I transported my Petri dish back to my table for analysis, I dropped my culture on the floor. So I quickly picked it up. My professor looked at me and said, "Decontaminate yourself!" But it's my booger, I answered, as I held it between the thumb and index finger of my left hand. To which she said, "Wash with Betadine." I stood there, at the lab sink, all embarrassed before the whole class, as I washed for no less than 30 seconds with the Betadine solution, all the while thinking to myself that I pick at my nose all the time and should be immune to my own "germs" ( microbes, to scientists ).

Back in Kidapawan, Cotabato, Philippines, I went to my mom's dental clinic one day to be greeted by the sight of a dead baby with two heads kept inside an aquarium with the puncture hole in its throat stuffed with cotton. It died at childbirth when the midwife ( or doctor, I can't remember which ) pulled hard at one head, not knowing about the other head. Rumor was that its mother was cursed by God for being sexually promiscuous. To this day, I don't know what it was doing in my mom's clinic.

At around the same time, my other sister told me that one of our maids slept with her eyes wide open. One night, I went to where the maid was sleeping and turned on the light. Yep, she slept with her eyes wide open. I waved my hand in front of her eyes, I snapped my fingers ... nothing! She slept that way! Weird.

Can you imagine marrying a girl who sleeps with her eyes wide open, and not knowing about her strange condition? You wake up early the day after the honeymoon, turn to look at your lovely new wife and---Oh, Shit!

Out of boredom one day, during lunch period at Notre Dame Elementary School, Boys' Department, in Kidapawan, Cotabato, Philippines, I climbed on top of a table in the lunch room and called the other older kids to gather around me because I was about to perform a magic trick. Once they gathered, I pulled out my handkerchief and proceeded to blow my nose into it. After holding it up for everybody to see, I licked it clean! I got sent home early.

word of advice: "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it." An ancient Chinese saying.

tidbits: I love the "Baby in the walker with a crocodile in mid-air" freeze-frame--such a great shot!

Throughout the movie, a bratty toddler cried intermittently and the mother was inconsiderate in not taking the brat outside the auditorium so the rest of us could enjoy the show. This must be why the movie received a lackluster response from the audience. Like I said more than once before, the Vallejo crowd is rude, inconsiderate, disrespectful and irresponsible. Only in Vallejo can I expect something like this to happen!

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS, R ( 2 hr & 33 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA

when: Friday, August 21st, 2009

show: 3:30 p.m.

costs: $7.25 Ticket + $4.25 medium Diet ( w/ Barq's & Cherry flavors ) Coke + $5.00 small Kettle Corn = $16.50

auditorium: 7

seat: 4th row, 9 column

synopsis: In 1941, during the German occupation of France, Shosanna Dreyfus ( Melanie Laurent ) witnesses her family's execution at the hands of Nazis led by Col. Hans Landa ( Christoph Waltz ). Barely escaping with her life, she goes to Paris and starts life anew as a cinema owner/operator under an assumed name, Emmanuelle Mimieux. Elsewhere, Lt. Aldo Raine ( Brad Pitt ) organizes a band of Jewish soldiers, The Basterds, to attack Germans in acts of retribution, Apache style. When the Third Reich's high command decides to see a movie premiere of NATION' S PRIDE at Shosanna's cinema sometime in 1944, The Basterds join a German actress/undercover agent, Bridget Von Hammersmark ( Diane Kruger ) on a mission to take down all the Nazis' highest officials and bring the war to an abrupt end.

prediction: Col. Hans Landa is easily THE Bad Guy for this year come OSCAR NIGHT--think ... NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN ( 2007 )-type of Evil Bad Guy, Anton Chigurh, only smarter.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) The LaPadite farmhouse; 2.) The tobacco pipes; 3.) The English conversation; 4.) Shosanna; 5.) The Jewish recruits under Lt. Raine; 6.) The scalpings; 7.) Sgt. Hugo Stiglitz ( Til Schweiger ); 8.) The spared soldier; 9.) The popularity of Frederic Zoller ( Daniel Bruhl ); 10.) Nazi lunch time; 11.) The nitrate films; 12.) The card game; 13.) The stand-off; 14.) The veterinary hospital; 15.) The Napkin; 16.) The "Italians;" 17.) The Shoe; 18.) The interrogation; 19.) The movie; 20.) Negotiating with the OSS; 21.) The projection room; 22.) The vengeful spree; and 23.) The switching of places.

audience reaction: The audience really enjoyed this movie.

recommendation: Go see this entertaining war movie, the best Tarantino film that I've ever seen.

spoiler alert! I don't know why Tarantino chose to spell the movie title in such a way. At one point, Monsieur LaPadite said , "Merci," to Col. Landa but the subtitle stayed with the French word instead of showing its English equivalent. It's impossible for any lone sniper in a FIXED location, a bell tower in this case, to hold off hundreds of soldiers for three days! The sniper could easily be surrounded, bombed/strafed by a fighter plane, shelled by artillery or tank fire, stormed at night, and/or--in three days' time--be starved/dehydrated and sleep-deprived into a compromised situation. And everytime the sniper had to reload, his enemies would not only gain more ground but would also be able to aim their rifles at his location so that as soon as he popped-up his head, it would be easily blown to bits in a hail of fire. Sgt. Stiglitz could have easily disarmed the Nazi officer by shooting at the center line of the inside wrist--this disables the trigger finger--and altering the outcome of the shootout since that would have added to their advantage then because they already had their guns drawn. The posted German soldiers should have easily seen the concealed gun--it should have been kept in the other sleeve since it was intended for use at close range only. Hitler used look-alikes. Lt. Raine's neck scar was never explained. This is just a fictional retelling of one of many attempts on Hitler's life.

fyi: According to Jewish folklore, a Golem is a giant humanoid made of clay which is artificially given life and which obeys its creator's command without question.

The Bubonic Plague actually started in Germany. When some Roman Catholic missionaries arrived at German port towns, they were shocked to find that the locals practiced a form of pagan worship whose goddess is associated with the domesticated cat. So the missionaries had all the cats eradicated in these towns, making them a hotbed for rat and mice overpopulation, the very same rodents which were infested with Bubonic disease-carrying fleas!

The practice of scalping was actually introduced into this country by some European fur traders ( The Dutch, I think ). When the Native Americans adopted this practice, they found out that they "got the short end of the deal" because Europeans carry the gene for male pattern hair loss, which they don't!

Just like Adolph Hitler, Saddam Hussein also used look-alikes. If you compare pictures of Saddam taken before the 2003 war to those of Saddam captured, sentenced and executed, you'll notice two things: 1.) The 2003 Saddam is much older in appearance and 2.) The pre-2003 Saddam has good teeth and good mandibular arch but the older Saddam has bad teeth and bad mandibular arch--teeth and mandibular arch are not always factored into plastic reconstructive surgery since they would just further complicate matters! Supposedly, Saddam is hiding-out in Saudi Arabia.

When I was younger, I fasted ( i.e. gone without food ) a number of times. They were usually just for three days, but I fasted for five days twice. The third day was always "hell" for me because that was when I would become weak and faint and have horrible food nightmares in which I would gorged myself with food! If you think food is not scary, try going on a fast for at least three days then tell me about your nightmares. Supposedly, Zoller was without food AND water AND sleep for three days so, in real life, he would have been easily overcome by the allies through these simple factors.

Back in Kidapawan, Cotabato, Philippines, when I was about five years old, I took the seat cushions of our Korean War era one star general army jeep and set them on the downstairs living room floor so I could play "house" by myself one rainy night. One of our pigs was tied outside the house opposite of the side where the pig pen was at. Because of the rain, one of our maids decided to take the pig across the living room instead of taking it around the back. As the maid was closing the door, the rope slipped-off her hand and the pig dashed across the floor. As it ran past my playhouse, I grabbed the rope and wrapped it around my wrist to keep it from slipping. The pig panicked, then ran around me in circles with the muddy, feces and urine-soaked rope wrapping around my neck! I was pulling one way while the pig was pulling the other way so that the rope tightened around my neck. The maid just stood shocked at the doorway as my vision started to blur and as the room seemed to go around while I suffocated! Then, something in me made me dig with my nails at either side of my neck. I kept clawing until I could get my fingers between the encircled rope and my neck; and I pulled hard, as hard as I possibly could. The rope loosened and I was able to draw in much needed air. I slipped the rope over my head and ran out of the room because I was afraid that the maid would tell my dad and make him angry at me then beat me! To get to the hallway, I had to duck under a chalkboard that my dad had put in place as a room partition. But I stood up too soon and hit the back of my head against the bottom of the chalkboard. I fell down. I got up and ran into the unoccupied front room ( which at one time was rented-out as a beauty parlor ), exited through its front door, and sat alone in the dark on the front porch while mosquitoes feasted on me as I waited for everybody inside the house to fall asleep. One of my Grade One classmates happened to walk by and kept me company just to while the time away until it stopped raining. When my classmate left, I realized that it was already late enough at night for me to safely sneak back into the house and sleep on my mat in the huge bedroom where everyone in the family slept.

I overslept ... on a school day! My eldest sister came over to my side to rouse me only to panic at the sight of me in my mud and blood-soaked white T-shirt, and with a gory gash around my neck like I was just hanged! Did I get rushed to a hospital or to a clinic, even? No, my mom just swabbed my neck with Merthiolate and had me go to school! Even at a little after 8:00 a.m., the sun was already bright and hot as my salty sweat beaded down to my unbandaged neck wound and added to my pain while I walked to school which was about a mile away--I wasn't even given any pain medication! And flies were everywhere. It didn't help matters for me that my teacher and classmates just made fun of me! I could have died of septicemia, meningitis or encephalitis! A nice set of parents I had! This is just one of many instances in my life in which I could have died or gotten killed easily. ( This particularly unpleasant event in my life is why I was fixated on Lt. Raine's neck scar. But, unlike Lt. Raine, I didn't end up with a scar around my neck. )

word of advice: Anybody who glorifies war probably never experienced its Hellish conditions.

tidbits: At work today, I decided to treat myself to a maple bar, my favorite, at break time since I hadn't eaten one in about a year. The funny thing was, I found it to be just too sweet for my taste now and ended up just throwing half of it away. The sense of taste is suppose to get duller with age, but I guess my case is an exception to the rule.

I also swung by Sir Speedy today, after work, to pick up my new movie reviewer business cards before going to the cinema to see this movie. I like my new cards better.

TIME TRAVELER'S WIFE, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 48 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA

when: Thursday, August 20th, 2009

show: 5:00 p.m.

costs: $7.25 Ticket + $3.75 small Diet ( w/ Barq's & Cherry flavors ) Coke + $2.05 bulk Chocolate-covered Peanuts Candy = $13.05

auditorium: 1

seat: 4th row, 6th column

synopsis: A supernatural wanderlust kind of love story.

Fate plays a cruel joke on Henry ( Eric Bana ), who suffers from what geneticist Dr. Kendrick ( Stephen Tobolowsky ) dubs "Chronal Impairment" which means that Henry cannot stay anchored in the present time as he uncontrollably teleports to the past and future times unexpectedly and in either the guise of his younger or older self. In other words, Henry finds the Present tense and the Past perfect; as for the Future ... let's just leave it for the movie to unfold. In one of his teleportations, he meets with his future wife, Clare ( Rachel McAdams ), in a creepy sort of way, since Henry only seems to teleport to his life's pivotal locations as if directed by Fate, itself. Through time, Henry and Clare bond and eventually get married. Soon, they have a daughter as Henry's teleportations become more and more frequent and last longer, and with a hint of urgency as their future slowly but surely approaches their present.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Young and old Henrys meet for the first time; 2.) Clare and Henry at the library; 3.) Beau Thai Restaurant; 4.) Little Clare and Henry; 5.) The park; 6.) Clare's two room mates; 7.) The diary; 8.) The fight in an alley; 9.) The train ride; 10.) The visit with his dad; 11.) The proposal; 12.) The fateful talk with his future father-in-law; 13.) The wedding; 14.) The honeymoon; 15.) The picnic in the meadow; 16.) The lottery; 17.) The new home; 18.) The bad vision; 19.) The miscarriage; 20.) The genetic testing; 21.) The vasectomy; 22.) The first kiss; 23.) Dr. Kendrick's medical MRI finding; 24.) The final pregnancy; 25.) The museum meeting with Alba ( ? ); 26.) Alba's birthday party; 27.) The wheelchair; 28.) Picking a lock; 29.) The talk with Gomez ( Ron Livingston ); 30.) The deer hunt; and 31.) Alba, Henry and Clare in the meadow.

audience reaction: The women in the audience could be heard sniffling.

recommendation: You could earn "brownie points" if you take your significant other to see this date movie.

spoiler alert! If I were little Clare, I'd freak out and have nightmares for the rest of my life! How can one be in a relationship wherein "quality time" is capricious, at best? Only five million bucks? Come on, I'd easily do better than that if I were Henry. He never vanished whenever he was on the verge of or having an orgasm ( the movie implies this obviously enough ), so it was entirely possible for him to control his comings ( ahem! ) and goings ( Wham, bam! thank you, mam ...)--but, then again, he'd look like one horny pervert to all those around him if he were to employ this strategy ( it's bad enough that he teleports butt-naked, but to be "caught with his pants down and his hand in the cookie jar," so to speak, he'd most likely wish to just disappear into the woodwork right there and then ). He told his dad that he saw his mother die hundreds of times but was unable to prevent it from happening. Yet, according to this movie, a time traveler can interact with its younger self in physical ways so, by extension, can also physically interact with others physically located in the same area as his younger self. In other words, the time traveler can go back far enough so that an unpleasant event will be "set" in a Future Time in which case possibilities then become endless, i.e. if you change the circumstances leading up to an event, you alter that event in some particular way ( e.g. change the time of departure, change the mode of travel, change the route of travel, change the designated driver, alter the sequence of errands for that particular day, omit or cancel an appointment, add extra activities leading up to the event, eat or drink differently ( or abstain from either one) ,wear different clothing, carry different accessories, etc. ).

fyi: This movie reminds me of what the Germans call, Doppelganger , a body double that is supposed to be always behind you to prevent you from seeing it. Seeing one's own double is usually a sign of bad luck or even death, according to the Germans. In Norse mythology, they have a less sinister body double called a Vardoger who precedes a person and performs said person's actions in advance of the real person's actual performance. I guess this second example is related to Deja Vu, a belief that a person has already experienced something that said person is actually just experiencing for the first time.

If you've read my profile and/or followed my blog, you'd know by now that I am into meditation and spirituality. I started meditating over 35 years ago. When I was in my senior year of high school and for the next few years after that, I experienced countless unplanned out-of-body travels--easily in the low hundreds. And in those travels, I only saw myself clothed once--it was the only time that I looked down at my astral body--at other times, it "felt" as if I was just traveling about wearing only a pair of shorts. Out-of-body travels, scary for the most part as they were, I dreaded what would be the eventuality: Teleportation. I was afraid that it would just happen at the most inconvenient and unpredictable of times. I was afraid to use the toilet or take a shower for such reasons. Luckily for me, I never progressed to the teleportation level--knock on wood! Today, I can only have one out-of-body experience a year, at the most. A Taoist "monk" told me that I have relatively clean Chi to begin with and that such experiences do tend to subside and disappear the further along I go in my spiritual cultivation, and that I should just strive for stillness of mind and spirit as my ultimate goal.

word of advice: Life goes on.

"The best way to predict the future is ... to invent it!"

tidbits: Today, I went to Sir Speedy to check the proof on my second batch of movie reviewer business cards--there was a "typo" on the first batch, my eldest sister pointed it out to me--how embarrassing! I don't know how it escaped my notice these last four weeks. I had 500 made this time, not 1,000 as in the first batch. And the proof looks nice: My cards will be in green and red on a white background so that they will have a "christmasy feel" to them.

Tonight, I made Pesto for the first time even though I've known how to make it for years. Making it made me realize one thing: It is High in FAT, i.e. nut oil and olive oil! I don't think that I'll ever make this again.

BANDSLAM, PG ( 1 hr & 51 min )

where: UA EMERY BAY STADIUM 10 in Emeryville, CA

when: Wednesday, August 19th, 2009

show: 9:45 pm

costs: $10.75 Ticket + $5.75 Kids Pack w/ Diet Coke + $5.00 Bridge Toll = $21.50

auditorium: 8

seat: 7th row, 11 column

synopsis: A new student who's a loner and a self-admitted David Bowie fan, Will Burton ( Gaelan Connell ), gets recruited to be the band manager by its singer, Charlotte Banks ( Alyson Michalka ), for an up-coming battle of the bands. Will soon adds more talents to the band and introduces it to the musical styling of Jamaican Ska. Meanwhile, a class project pairs Will with Goth girl, Sa5m ( Vanessa Hudgens ), in whom he slowly starts to fall in love with. But just before the competition starts, tragedy strikes a hard blow at Will's band. Will they give up after all the time and dedication they put into their group project or will they rise up to the challenge?

noteworthy scenes: 1.) The new school's cafeteria; 2.) The human studies project; 3.) The day care center; 4.) The band; 5.) The restaurant; 6.) The auto body shop; 8.) "I can't go on, I'll go on;" 9.) CBGB; 10.) Charlotte's seduction pointers; 11.) The Overlook; 12.) "The Burning Hotel;" 13.) Stood-up; 14.) The serenade; 15.) The "show and tell;" 16.) The confrontation; 17.) The Song; 18.) Charlotte's confession and anger; 19.) Philosophical Sa5m; 20.) The apology; 21.) The dirty trick; 22.) Dewey--do we ...; 23.) YouTube; and 24. ) David Bowie.

audience reaction: I was the only one in the auditorium.

recommendation: This movie is entertaining enough--what with all the showcased talents--to be a good summer fare for teens and young adults.

spoiler alert! I would think that bands engaged in competition would have to submit a playlist first to the judges for the competition to be fair and square.

fyi: In the movie, RUDO Y CURSI ( 2008 ), Gael Garcia Bernal, as Tatto, sings a Spanish version of I Want You To Want Me ( Quiero Que Me Quieras ), which is on YouTube for those of you who might be interested in checking it out.

In college, one of my Psychology professors said that the hardest kind of question to answer is the "why" question, so avoid it as much as possible, just as Charlotte, herself, does. And he also said that "nobody likes a free advice." So, never mind what I just said.

Chuck Mangione's Feels So Good ( 1978 ) would really make for a good love song ( a version with vocals is available for listening on YouTube ). And when I say love song, I MEAN: Love-Making Song--as in, "missionary style." Just keep the rhythm going in your head as you're doing the "dirty deed" in bed. Psst! promise me that you won't tell Chuck about this tip of mine.

I guess Vanessa Hudgens didn't learn her lesson because there are more pictures of her on the internet, iykwim.

word of advice: If you have nothing good to say about someone, keep your mouth shut. Just because you're angry is no excuse for saying something hurtfull to someone just to "blow off steam."

tidbits: Earlier today, I took my friend, Hector, and his wife to the CENTURY 16 BAYFAIR MALL in San Leandro for the 2:15 p.m. showing of DISTRICT 9.

Early in the evening, I showed my friend how to set up a blogger account because he wants to write about Christian topics. Why he took my advice and named his account, "FalseProphet," I honestly don't know.

On my way home to Vallejo, just after midnight, freeway traffic came to a stop just before the Pinole Valley Road Exit. The commute was delayed for over 35 minutes as the vehicles crept at a "snail's pace" all the way to the Highway 4 off-ramp.

PONYO, G ( 1 hr & 41 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA

when: Tuesday, August 18ht, 2009

show: 9:40 pm

costs: $9.50 Ticket + $3.75 small Diet ( w/ Barq's & Cherry flavors ) Coke + $4.00 small Kettle Corn = $17.25

auditorium: 5

seat: 4th row, 8ht column

synopsis: A Fish/Love Story wherein a "bubble dad" wants to burst his daughter's bubble.

A young magical goldfish, Brunhilda, is rescued by a little boy, Sosuke, who gives her a new name, Ponyo. Smitten by its hero, Ponyo transforms herself into a little girl, with the aid of his blood, so that she can be with Sosuke all the time. As she does, her over-eager enthusiasm and attraction for him upset the balance of Nature which reflects her overwhelming love in giant tsunamis, her magnetism in the Moon's gradual approach to Earth and her new found creative passion in Life in the sudden re-appearance of ancient fishes long-thought to have already been extinct. In her youthful innocence, Ponyo doesn't realize that her magic powers can have grave consequences to land dwellers. She cannot straddle both the magical world and the human world. She has to sacrifice one for the other and hope that her true feelings are reciprocated in kind.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) The school of jelly fish; 2.) The cut finger; 3.) Fujimoto, Ponyo's father, on land; 4.) The school yard and the senior center; 5.) Fujimoto retrieves Ponyo; 6.) The bucket on the fence post; 7.) Morse codes; 8.) The transformation; 9.) The power outage; 10.) The unexpected typhoon; 11.) Ponyo and the bucket; 12.) Ponyo and Sosuke; 13.) In the house; 14.) The clustered ships; 15.) Gran Mamare ( The Goddess of the Sea ); 16.) The ancient fishes; 17.) The toy boat; 18.) The rescue boats; 19.) Sleepy Ponyo; 20.) Lisa's, Sosuke's mom, abandoned car; 21.) The Gazebo on a hill; 22.) The submerged senior center; 23.) Lisa and Gran Mamare; 24.) The Promise; and ; 25.) The Restoration.

audience reaction: The young children and their parents enjoyed this movie.

recommendation: Go see this with your little ones.

spoiler alert! Sosuke's mom, Lisa, drives like a maniac on wheels. All of Ponyo's siblings are girls, every single one! Goldfish are fresh-water fish. All the goldfish look like little rag dolls with human hair and faces. Ponyo and Sosuke are too young to know about "love."

fyi: According to Miyazaki-san in an interview, this story was originally about a frog.

The red-haired Ponyo reminds me of an old Bugs Bunny cartoon about an organ-grinder's monkey that Bugs stiffed of a tip. The monkey went to a zoo and told a gorilla about the cheapskate bunny. The gorilla broke loose and headed straight for Bugs Bunny's apartment. To intimidate Bugs, the Gorilla puffed his barrel chest as he flexed his muscles; at which point, Bugs turned to the camera and said, "Obviously, a bar-bell boy." The image was just the funniest thing for me to behold: a brown-haired, muscle-bound ape with scrawny legs AND a red toupee! To this day, I still smile or laugh whenever I think of this particular scene which is indelibly-etched into my memory.

word of advice: There will come a time when you will finally have to "cut the apron strings" so that your own child can experience Life in his/her own way ( nurturing your child as best as you can during his/her formative years in preparation of Life's eventualities ) and hope that he/she will grow into a loving, responsible, and caring adult, and not necessarily someone who's similar to you in every way but, rather, someone who's proud and confident about his/her own individuality.

tidbits: I was hoping to be alone in the auditorium for this last showing for the night. But there were two mothers with young kids who were all talking/commenting loud enough, as the movie played, to annoy me. On the other hand, none of the kids were bored to sleep. So, either they loved this movie or the kids were high on the caffeinated sodas that they drank as they watched the movie. Kids + Sugar + Caffeine = Bad combination!

THE GOODS: LIVE HARD, SELL HARD; R ( 1 hr & 29 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA

when: Monday, August 17th, 2009

show: 10:35 pm

costs: $9.50 Ticket + $3.75 small Zero ( w/ Barq's & Cherry flavors ) + $3.02 bulk Chocolate Candy = $16.27

auditorium: 12

seat: 4th row, 8th column

synopsis: A "mercenary car sales hustling team" run by Don Ready ( Jeremy Piven ), is enlisted to aid an ailing car dealership on the brink of bankruptcy in Temecula, CA, owned by Ben Selleck ( James Brolin ). In the "meet and greet" with the owners, Don falls for the daughter, Ivy ( Jordana Spiro ), who's not that all impressed by his hustle. Complicating matters are Ivy's spoiled and obnoxious boyfriend, Paxton ( Ed Helms ), the son of a car dealership rival, and the lingering "-querque curse." Don now has a double-barrelled objective during the 4th of July weekend: Sell dad's cars to win daughter's heart. Will it end with a bang or will it be a dud?

who? Will Ferrell has a cameo role.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Breakfast at a Flagstaff, Arizona strip club; 2.) The plane ride; 3.) The airport; 4.) The dinner; 5.) The Temecula strip club; 6.) Wade Zooha's ( Tony Hale ) family pictures; 7.) The sales lot; 8.) The TV ad; 9.) The riot; 10.) "Abe Lincoln;" 11.) Brent ( David Koechner ) and Blake ( Jonathan Sadowski ) talking about Don; 12.) The "lights out;" 13.) The morning after; 14.) The Junkyard; 15.) The "Bandit;" and 16.) The "after ending credits" scene.

audience reaction: This movie elicited a few laughs from the audience.

recommendation: Save your money and wait for this to come out on DVD.

spoiler alert! Years ago, a movie reviewer made the observation that if a movie shows nudity early on, it usually means that the movie as a whole will turn out bad. This movie is no exception to the rule: A movie that is not only sleazy but also suggestively smacks of age-inappropriate "cougar prowling ...," probably the reasons why this movie didn't make it to the theatres for the 4th of July weekend. And given that lots of car dealerships were forced into bankruptcy within the last two years, it was tacky to even conceive of this movie in the first place!

fyi: I went with a friend, Derek T., to a strip club in San Francisco, CA, years ago. We had lap dances. I wasn't particularly stimulated by the sexual simulation because I felt like I was just a piece of toilet paper to the stripper. Meanwhile, Derek was having such a good time because he ran out of five dollar bills for the lap dances way before I did. At one point, he leaned over and whispered in my ear if I could lend him five bucks. I said, Sure, but do a lap dance on me first! We both laughed at that.

word of advice: Don't fly on a plane that has ashtrays since it was probably built before 1971. Such planes are old and structurally weakened and should have already been decommissioned from commercial flights a long time ago.

tidbits: I originally intended to see the Japanese animation, PONYO, but I couldn't make it to the theatre in time for the 9:40 p.m. show. So, I just went to the Admiral Callahan Lane McDonald's for burger and fries ( the # 12 on the menu ) while I waited for the 10:35 p.m. showing of THE GOODS: ...."

P.S. To this day, my friend, Derek, still owes me five bucks!

DISTRICT 9 , R ( I hr & 53 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA

when: Friday, August 14th, 2009

show: 8:50 pm

costs: $10.00 Ticket + $4.25 medium Diet/Zero ( w/ Barq's & Cherry flavors ) Coke + $5.00 small Popcorn.

auditorium: 14

seat: 4th row, 2nd column

synopsis: An alien mother ship malfunctions, veers off course and stalls suspended above Johannesburg, South Africa. Its crew is rescued and kept in a refugee camp where, for the past 20 years, they remain largely ignored by humans who simply covet their technology, especially their weapons technology. When a refugee relocation official with the MNU ( Multi-National United ), Wikus van der Merwe ( Sharlto Copley ), accidentally discovers how a human can activate the alien weapons, he soon finds himself hunted by those in authority. With nowhere else to go, Wikus seeks refuge in the one place where his hunters would least likely suspect as his hide-out. Meanwhile, the home-sick alien "Prawns" long for a saviour as they become increasingly abused and exploited in cold blood!

prediction: Sharlto Copley might get nominated for an Oscar for Best Actor in a Foreign Film. This might also get nominated for Best Visual Effects.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) The Alien ship; 2.) The squalid slum; 3.) Riots; 4.) Eviction; 5.) "Aborting" the Prawns' eggs; 6.) Rummaging through garbage; 7.) The canister; 8.) The "sweetie" treat; 9.) The vomit; 10.) The nose bleed at Gunter's hamburger restaurant; 11.) The nails; 12.) "Cannibalism;" 13.) The surprise party; 14.) The hospital; 15.) Weapons tests; 16.) The escape; 17.) TV news report; 18.) Cell phone talk with wife; 19.) The hidden shuttle craft; 20.) Alien father and son talk; 21.) Trying to buy weapons from a slum lord; 22.) Raiding the MNU headquarters; 23.) Missile strike; 24.) The gang attack; 25.) The Alien war-machine; 26.) "Tractor Beam;" 27.) The rescue; and 28. ) The Flower.

audience reaction: The audience loved this movie, a satire on race relations, politics, religion, morals, and ethics.

recommendation: You cannot help but root for the Aliens. Go see this movie!

spoiler alert! You don't send soldiers into an unknown extra-terrestrial environment ( i.e. the spaceship ) without equipping them first with bio-hazard gear and suits, as you'll notice in the soldier tasked with breaching the closed door of the ship. How the aliens seem adapted to life on Earth is not explained. Why would the aliens put their mother ship's command module on the exterior of the ship's hull where it can be subjected to numerous stresses and can even become detached ( as in this ship's case ) instead of centrally locating it in the command room? Any government in the world with an expressed interest in alien technology could easily smuggle the "Prawns" out of the refugee camp. As Wikus and his men ride into the refugee camp to serve eviction notices, you can see an alien hiding behind a shanty and holding what appears to exactly be a human rifle even though they still had weapons hidden here and there despite the confiscation program and the illegal "guns for cat-food" barter trade. The alien "Prawns," although scientifically superior to humans, have no qualms about rooting through garbage dumps for discarded human appliances and the occasional "snack;" and they seem to display a RAIN MAN-type idiot savant reasoning inability when it comes to assessing the extreme value, to humans, of their own technology and weaponry--you'd expect even the so-called "workers" of such an highly-advanced species to be capable of higher than average thought processes. The doctor at the hospital didn't wear gloves. Even when faced with a potential threat for infection and contamination, the soldiers and the emergency team didn't put on bio-hazard suits. Wikus should have known better than to use a cell phone because calls from such 'phones can be easily recorded and, more importantly, triangulated! The sound wave that was set-off when the mother ship was re-activated which shattered windows in downtown Johannesburg would have been strong enough to rupture eardrums--except of those people who were listening to their I-Pods at the time. The alien war machine, although mechanically coordinated with its operator, should still have been able to gather-up incoming bullets in a force field during the subsequent frontal assaults as part of its self-preservation program instead of holding-up its robotic arms to shield itself from potential harm. Again, just like in the G.I. JOE movie, the stabilizer fins on the rocket-propelled warhead didn't extend ( where in Hell do they get cheap props like this? )!

fyi: In 1969, Christian Theologian Hal Lindsey wrote his best-seller: The Late, Great Planet Earth, which claimed that the world as we knew it would end in 1988, forty years after the founding of the State of Israel. Through extrapolation, this movie's story started sometime in late 1988 or early 1989. And the Aliens' supposed return will be sometime in 2012! Coincidence ...?

If you're into Conspiracy Theory as much as I am, you'll notice that this movie is quite a departure from that which is held as common belief among conspiracy theorists.

There are actually "alien encounters" coming out of Africa. Read a first person account on www.bibliotecapleyades.net's article based on a four-hour long-distance telephone interview with Great Zulu Shaman and Elder Credo Mutwa On Alien Abduction & Reptilians: A Rare, Astonishing Conversation, as reported by Mr. Rick Martin--not the Ricky Martin of "Living La Vida Loca" and "She Bangs" fame. This recorded conversation is more in keeping with the prevailing belief.

This movie is based on a short film ( six minutes long ) by the same director ( Neill Blomkamp ) titled: ALIVE IN JO'BERG ( 2005 ). You can see it on YouTube. You should see it just to compare and contrast it with DISTRICT 9.

word of advice: "Do unto others what you would have others do unto you."

tidbits: My alternate title suggestions for this movie would be: Close Encounters of the Apartheid Kind or Alien Crustacean.

It was a nice touch to have the auditorium, itself, and the rest-rooms posted with the sign, "For Humans Only."

For an idea of what an alien Grey is like, go on Google and type-in: YouTube's Live Alien In Isolated Room ( parts 1 & 2 ). This was supposedly filmed somewhere in Brazil and purports to show a real live alien kept in some sort of interrogation room. I don't know if it's real or just SFX trickery but it's worth watching if you haven't seen it yet!

According to Credo Mutwa, the Greys are "edible." But he was sick for a long time and almost died after sampling the E. T. ( extremely toxic ) meat. You will not find this exotic meat anytime soon in the local supermarket. Perhaps, the first place to serve it will be a Sushi Restaurant where Fugu Fish Sushi is listed on the menu. Bon appetit! ( As for me, I'm getting a craving for some lobster. Hmm ... yummy! )

PAPER HEART, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 29 min )

where: CINE ARTS @ PLEASANT HILL in Pleasant Hill, CA

when: Tuesday, August 11th, 2009

show: 7:00 pm

costs: $10.00 Ticket + $3.75 small Diet/Zero Coke = $13.75

auditorium: 1, The Cine Dome

seat: 7th row, 24th column

synopsis: Goofy girl meets nerdy boy.

In this pseudo-documentary, Charlyne Yi travels across the United States to interview people about Love. Never been in an actual "Love Relationship," she embarks on this personal quest to familiarize herself with this subject. In the process, we see a low-key, fresh and tender take on the Romance Movie genre.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Kermit, the frog, and Miss Piggy; 2.) First boyfriend; 3.) The divorced man; 4.) Texas State University professors; 5.) First meeting with Michael Cera; 6.) Las Vegas wedding chapels; 7.) Oklahoma biker bar; 8.) L. A. Zoo; 9.) High school sweethearts in a long term marriage; 10.) The music store; 11.) Sunset walk at the beach; 12.) N. Y. gay couple; 13.) Amarillo, Texas judge and lawyer couple; 14.) The First Kiss; 15.) Psychic Ana; 16.) Get a Harley Davidson; 17.) Atlanta, Georgia kid's playground interview; 18.) The break-up; 19.) Paris, France; 20.) Toronto, Canada; and 21.) The chase.

audience reaction: The audience, mostly female, enjoyed this movie.

recommendation: This is an 180-degree turn from Sascha Baron Cohen's brand of pseudo-documentary. In as such, it turns out to be quite a refreshing change. It's got comedy, romance and a "feel-good" ending, what's there not to like ...? So, if you're looking for something new in the "Chick Flick" category, here's a good one to consider.

spoiler alert! In her interviews with strangers, Charlyne comes across as unpresentable, ill at ease and lacking the confidence to command attention. But, then again, this could all be just a part of her schtick.

fyi: When I studied Anthropology, Sociology, Psychology and Biology in College, I made a Pathetic Discovery about the whole of Humanity in all those field study movies on Animal Behavior which I, along with my fellow students, was required to watch: We are not evolved beings; we are all just lowly beasts when it comes to courtship and mating rituals! This is what I observed. The next time that you see someone "picking-up" or courting or seducing another, just think of animal behavior. Likewise, the process of mate selection among Humans is no different from that which I observed in the Animal Kingdom: Different Actors, Same Script!

The three lowest common denominators since Time-Immemorial have always been 1.) Self-preservation of one's own DNA; 2.) Sense of security/assurance if and whenever faced with Life's Uncertainties through collective strength and number ( i.e. mate, pack, tribe, resources, etc. ); and 3.) Preservation of the species. I've listed these three in their respective order of importance. Of course, this observation is based solely on heterosexual matings. But, even in homosexual unions, it is clear that the number two denominator, at the very least, holds sway and, in some cases, the other two denominators are re-introduced into the equation when some such couples opt for artificial insemination and/or adoption.

In my above-written objective exposition, I never once used the word, Love, because it is an abstract concept that cannot be dissected, quantified or labeled since it is subject to myriad interpretations. In other words, Love does not exist from a scientific point of view.

What about the other kinds of "Love" observed among couples ...?

Unconditional Love = I'm your "personal doormat"; please walk all over me as much as you'd like to. Thank you very much. You're always welcome, you know.

Unconfined Love = I love you enough to set you free and should you decide to come back, I shall be here waiting for you because I'm such a Big Loser.

True Love = Don't wake me up from my dream 'cause the world is such a nightmare.

May/December Love = I am exploiting you just as much as you are exploiting me.

One & Only Love = I can't have someone better so I guess I'm stuck with you.

Blind Love = I am so desperate that I guess you will just have to do.

Love At First Sight = I'm horny and you're horny so let's do it.

Obsessive Love = You're great in bed so keep it coming.

Unrequited Love = You ain't good enough for me.

Possessive Love = You're mine, Bitch!

Rejected Love = Don't stalk me!

Compulsive Love = Date rape.

Serial Love = I'm Da Playah.

I could just go on and on ....

I'm sorry for waxing so professorial but ... had Charlyne come to me first, I would have saved her so much in terms of Time and Gas Money!

Should I ever get married some day, such a marriage will be solely based on the above-mentioned denominators--and I'm willing to bet on this! ( P.S. I had a dream last week in which I'm supposed to get married sometime next year--it was a nightmare! This is more worrisome for me than the foreboding approach of December 21st, 2012. )

word of advice: Love can be Blind to All the Five senses, as well as to Reason. Think about it!

Leave only after Elvis, himself, has left the building ( in the very last scene ).

tidbits: My alternate title suggestion for this movie would be: PAPER CUT. Because paper, like Love, is not suppose to hurt but hurts a lot when it does!

The sexual allure of an Harley Davidson motorcycle is easy enough to demystify: It hums like a Giant Vibrator On Wheels!

Why does Miss Piggy douche with vinegar and water? Because Kermit, the frog, loves to eat Sweet and Sour Pork!

JULIE & JULIA, PG-13 ( 2 hr & 3 min )

where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA

when: Saturday, August 8ht, 2009

show: 10:30 pm

costs: $10.00 Ticket + $3.75 small Diet/Zero ( with Barq's & Cherry flavors ) Coke = $13.75

auditorium: 2

seat: 4th row, 7th column

synopsis: Two bored wives from two different generations have a common ground, French Cooking, when one of them, Julie Powell ( Amy Adams ) decides to cook all 524 recipes in Julia Child's ( Meryl Streep ) book, Mastering The Art Of French Cooking, Volume One, in the span of one year, chronicling her trials and errors along the way on her blog.

miscast: Meryl Streep, at 60 years of age, is too old for the part and Stanley Tucci, at three months shy of the 49-year mark, is too young for the part. Julia Child was approximately 36 years old and her husband, Paul, was about ten years older when they moved to France.

prediction: Oscar nominations for either Meryl Streep or Amy Adams or both. And, perhaps, one for Nora Ephron as writer or director.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) The short bed; 2.) At the cubicle talking with victims/survivors of 911; 3.) The Cobb Salad lunch; 4.) The Lost Generation article; 5.) The talk about blogging; 6.) The Project; 7.) La Couronne French restaurant; 8.) Butter; 9.) Poached Eggs; 10.) The Onions; 11.) The "spy" talk at the dinner table; 12.) The Lobster killer; 13.) The "meltdowns;" 14.) The wedding; 15.) L'Ecole De Trois Gourmandes collaboration; 16.) Dan Aykroyd's Julia Child skit on SNL; 17.) The argument; 18.) The talk on commission; 19.) McCarthyism; 20.) What's for dinner? 21.) The meeting with the pen-pal; 22.) Imaginary friend; 23.) Newspaper article; 24.) The two "Hates;" 25.) Knopf Publishing; 26.) Le Duck; and 27.) The Julia Child Museum.

audience reaction: They enjoyed this movie which is a crowd pleaser and which will be a sentimental favorite come Oscar night.

recommendation: Whether or not you're into French cuisine you should go see this movie.

spoiler alert! A Cobb Salad is not a Cobb Salad without the addition of avocados and baby corn-on-the-cobb, according to the original recipe that I read a few years ago. You don't crack an egg over a boiling pot to make poached eggs. First, you should crack each one individually into a small bowl then gently pour it into the boiling water--the sharp edge of a knife facilitates in cleanly cracking an egg shell but, watch out! you don't want to have an accident like that of Dan Aykroyd. With that big pile of onions, I hope she made another French specialty: Onion Soup. When you taste-test the food that you're cooking, don't sip or lick the cooking spoon or ladle that you're using since it is quite an unsanitary habit and potentially illness-inducing. Instead, put a small amount of the food or liquid in a saucer and taste it from there--a bonus to this method is that it cools down the sample for you.

fyi: The reason why the French bed was short has to do with Napoleon Bonaparte, himself. He only chose the best, fittest and tall French men for his army. When his army was decimated, the country was left with nothing but short-statured men to re-populate it.

My French namesake and I are exactly the same height.

Napoleon Bonaparte's personal chef invented the mayonnaise. Napoleon lost the battle at Waterloo because he couldn't properly assess the battle due to diarrhea--yep! Salmonella poisoning from the mayonnaise.

Napoleon Bonaparte once said that an army marches on its stomach, meaning that it could only go for as long as its food supplies last.

Even though the French have a reputation for being great lovers, their weddings supposedly have the highest rate of unconsummation in the whole world. I guess that this is their way of "not taking the work home!"

The French invented the French Chef knife, the one used by Julia and the rest of the class to cut-up onions. But they used the knife in the wrong way. A French Chef knife is not to be used like a cleaver to chop-up stuff. Instead, it is designed to be used with a back and forth rocking motion.

Julia Child was actually a real spy working for the CIA precursor, Office of Strategic Services ( OSS ) and was sworn to secrecy all her life. She was one of nearly 24,000 Americans to work as spies for the OSS during WW II, according to a news article of August 13th of last year. She is listed in the OSS's de-classified papers kept at The National Archives.

Amy Adams is actually better looking than the real Julie Powell.

word of advice: When you sharpen a knife, don't sharpen each side of the blade at the same angle since doing so will make the knife get dull faster. When you put a knife in a knife block, have the sharp edge pointing up so it will maintain its sharpness longer as well as extend the span of the knife block's functionality . If you have to choose between a half-tang and a full-tang, make sure to only choose a knife with a full-tang. And make sure that the handles of your knives don't have gaps and cracks that could potentially harbor disease-inducing microbes.

If you want to try French cooking, the recipes which call for butter must use the fancy imported creamery butter kind, not the cheap pieces of crap that are sold at the local grocery store, mon Dieu!

tidbits: I saw this French documentary on PBS once. In one scene, it showed this man riding his bicycle with some baguettes strapped to the wire rack at the back of the bike. Two things were immediately wrong with this scene: The baguettes were as-is, free of packaging, and the bicycle didn't have fenders. Yuck! I would never want to be invited over to his place for a meal!

Dan Aykroyd's Julia Child skit is as funny now as it was when I first saw it on Saturday Night Live ( SNL ) years ago. The late Benny Hill also did something similar which was also funny.

I used to work with a French man years ago in Oakland, CA. Out of curiosity, I asked him what he and his fellow countrymen thought about the cartoon character, Pepe Le Pew. He told me that they love him in France! I didn't know that the French were such good sports and had a good sense of humor.

I tried watching Julia Child's TV show years ago. But I couldn't even watch one episode all the way through because I didn't quite understand her appeal. But I'm gonna have to buy her books one of these days if only so that I can "bone-apart" Le Duck! Oui, oui!

P.S. Is this movie trying to tell me that I started the wrong kind of blog?

A PERFECT GETAWAY, R ( 1 hr & 38 min )

where: EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 in Fairfield, CA

when: Friday, August 7th, 2009

show: 1:40 pm

costs: $7.50 Ticket + $1.00 Fancy California Mix ( smuggled-in ) = $8.50

auditorium: 9

seat: 4th row, 7th column

synopsis: A couple, Cliff and Cydney ( Steve Zahn and Mila Jovovich ), are in Hawaii for their honeymoon at a time when another vacationing newlywed couple just got murdered by a serial killer. Soon, they encounter two other couples, either one of which could just be the murderers that the cops are looking for. As they go further and further away from civilization on their hike through the wilderness, paranoia sets in and makes it hard for one couple to decide whom to trust. And the murderers are just waiting for an opportune moment to strike again.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) The wedding scene; 2.) The gorgeous dead-end; 3. ) The Oahu Daily News; 4.) The hitch-hiking couple, Kale and Cleo ( Chris Hemsworth and Marley Shelton ); 5.) At the waterfall with Nick and Gina ( Timothy Olyphant and Kiele Sanchez ); 6.) Meeting up with Kale and Cleo again; 7.) The lost permits; 8.) The talk between Cydney and Gina; 9.) The store employee; 10.) The goat; 11.) The police capture; 12.) The pictures; 13.) Flashbacks; 14.) The knife fight; 15.) The ax; 16.) Phone call to "Woody;" 17.) The metal plate; 18.) The chase; 19.) The kayakers; and 20.) The helicopter.

audience reaction: I didn't hear any kind of verbal reaction from the others in the audience.

recommendation: I didn't particularly like this movie although it has plot twists. You may or may not like this movie if you go see it.

spoiler alert! The goat, an Angora, is non-native to the region--but, then again, so are the white couples in this movie. I'm from a tropical region, so I know what a tropical goat looks like--and I can bleat like one, too! The "flashbacks" were a lazy way of tying-up the loose ends in this movie. It's hard to believe that a store employee would be dedicated enough to customer service to actually go on a potentially dangerous trail just to hand over the permits that some tourists accidentally left behind. Why do you think stores have a "lost and found" bin/drawer for? What happened to all the left-over meat? Surely, I can't be expected to believe that four people ate all that meat in one sitting! The incriminating evidence were planted without the use of gloves, so it would be easy to lift fingerprints from them and discover who one of the killers was. Even though Gina was butt-naked in an earlier scene, she had reservations when it came to using her shirt as a tourniquet to stem the flow of blood. You cannot run normally with a knife wound through the side of your thigh. Cliff's ghastly knife wound didn't produce the requisite amount of blood that such a wound would normally yield. I guess Hawaii is not enough of an exotic locale because parts of this movie were filmed in Puerto Rico and Jamaica!

fyi: There are feral pigs in Hawaii. The scriptwriter should have substituted a pig for the goat in a particular scene, instead.

When I vacationed in the northern part of the Philippines some years ago, my cousin's employee took me out to lunch. He ordered for me this Ilocano dish, a green bitter broth that the natives call, Papa'it ( pronounced: Pa-pa, it ) . I ate it as an act of courtesy to my host. Later that night while sitting at the dinner table, I recounted to my cousin, Nong Eddie, how I politely forced myself to eat that broth at lunchtime. He asked me if I knew what I ate. I told him, No, and to please tell me. "Well," he said, "He ( the employee ) made you eat Goat Shit!" I almost vomited both lunch and dinner right there and then! The valuable lesson that I learned that night was, to paraphrase: When in Ilocos, don't eat what the Ilocanos eat.

Again, back in sixth grade at Rizal Memorial Colleges, Elementary Department, I took a short-cut across a little farm after school on my way to my mom's office building for the ride home. Out in the field was a male goat grazing by itself. Since I know how to bleat like a goat, I decided to bleat out a greeting to the goat. It bleated back, then it sported a huge erection! I don't know what I said in goat language, but I ran out of there since there was nothing worse for me at that moment than to have a horny goat hot on my trail!

word of advice: Looks can be deceiving.

tidbits: My suggestions for an alternate title would be: The Bad Dentist Strikes Again and The Trail-Hiking Clueless City Folks.

One of these days, I'm going to vacation in Hawaii. And, once there, I'll dress up like a native and have unsuspecting white tourists pose with me for a fee since they wouldn't be able to tell the difference--we all look the same, after all! Yeah, right ....

This particular bit is a continuation of the one from the previous post: After the North West Airlines plane left Japan en route for the port of entry, Hawaii, I developed a stomach "condition" because I was not accustomed to the western-style food served on the plane. I wanted to go to the toilet to relieve myself. But if I did go, the other passengers would have known what I did in there based on the time I would have spent inside the toilet. So, to keep from being embarrassed, I kept it in. It was one L...O...N...G flight from that point on! The first thing that I did when we got to Hawaii was to find and use a toilet. I almost missed the flight to San Francisco, CA, because I was just so "busy" in there, and because I was fascinated by the hand dryer --what an ignoramus I was. My younger brother had to come in to let me know that the plane was about to take off.

P.S. I'm sorry that I took longer than usual to post my reviews for these two movies. But I was busy brushing up on my Eschatological knowledge in preparation for the upcoming movie, 2012.

G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 58 min )

where: EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 in Fairfield, CA

when: Friday, August 7th, 2009

show: 10:20 am

costs: $7.50 Ticket + $4.50 small Diet/Zero Coke + $0.79 Milton's Garlic & Herb Crackers ( smuggled-in ) = $12.79

auditorium: 16

seat: 3rd row, 8ht column

synopsis: A new nano technology based super weapon falls into the wrong hands. And it is up to G.I. JOE ( Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity ) to retrieve it and save the world from the nefarious COBRA organization.

who? Brendan Fraser appears in an uncredited cameo role as a fight instructor.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Capture and torture of McClullen ( David Murray ) in 1641 France; 2.) The nano weapon demonstration; 3.) The convoy ambush; 4.) The Pit; 5.) The double deal; 6.) The wedding proposal; 7.) The training; 8.) The surprise attack; 9.) Snake Eyes' "Grasshopper" origin; 10.) The Baron ( Gregory Fitoussi ) and Baroness ( Sienna Miller ) de Cobray; 11.) Dubble Bubble chewing gum; 13.) Particle Accelerator laboratory; 14.) The chase; 15.) Nice shoes; 16.) Eiffel Tower; 17.) Secret Arctic underwater base; 18.) Dr. Mindbender's ( Kevin J. O'Connor ) makeshift lab; 19.) Duke Hauser ( Channing Tatum ) in the nano implantation lab; 20.) The President's ( Jonathan Pryce ) secret bunker; 21.) Missile chase; 22.) Death duel between Snake Eyes ( Ray Park ) and Storm Shadow ( Lee Byung-hun ); 23. ) Destro ( Christopher Eccleston ); 24.) Submarine chase; 25. ) Cornered and surrounded; and 26.) The Oval Office.

audience reaction: A man seated behind me said to his two companions that he liked the movie.

recommendation: This is just a typical action movie. If you were one of those little boys who shamelessly played with the dolls, go see this movie. ( I only watched the TV cartoon show; I didn't play with the dolls. )

spoiler alert! A red-hot mask put on someone becomes, essentially, that person's death mask! The Human Body's normal temperature is 98.6 F ( 37.0 C ). A fatal heat stroke happens at around 106.0 F ( 41.1 C ). The red-hot iron mask had a temperature range between 930.0 F ( 500.0 C ) and 1,450.0 F ( 790.0 C )--do the math! Let's say the red-hot temperature didn't kill McCullen right away: All that heat wouldn't have dissipated immediately, it would have taken many minutes for the mask to cool off sufficiently, so his Cerebral Cortex would have gotten cooked, killing him in that way; and, all that heat would have effectively cauterized both the Carotid Arteries and the Jugular Veins, cutting-off the Blood Supply to his Brain. His Nose, Ears and Lips would've been burned off, and his Eyes would've burst, and all his Hair would've gone up in smoke--not a pretty sight--you know, a "crispy bacon head"! Snake Eyes' pre-monastic life was not touched on, I guess because his vow of silence prevented him from telling the screen-writer about it! With the deadly and extremely jealous Storm Shadow always stalking Ana, the Baroness , how was her wedding consummated--how about the other "tender moments?" The accelerator suits are senseless contraptions! The Human Anatomy and Physiology can not adapt to such extreme conditions sans the benefit of gradual Evolution ( we're not like the Humming Birds that are adapted to rapid muscular contractions ). Just about the only thing that accelerated movements would have done was speed-up the body's Catabolism and kill the person artificially accelerated because the Metabolic processess would not have been addressed. Yet, again, body temperature would come into play, as well as Heart, Nervous System, Respiration, Lactic Acid build-up, etc., all acting as limiting factors. When Ripcord ( Marlon Wayans ) jumped through the train windows, they shattered--Bull! Public transportation vehicles have plastic windows for safety reasons. But let's suppose that the windows were made of glass, then they should have been of the safety kind like the ones found in automobiles, instead, you see jagged-edge pieces flying in slow motion. And his point of exit should not have been directly across from his point of entry. When Storm Shadow launched the rocket-propelled nanobot warhead, he did so in an enclosed area so that the high-temperature rocket exhaust, which is fatal up to 60 feet, would have burned his backside! The window glass that is used in high-rise buildings are of a different grade to address potential problems with environmental and structural stresses unique to such buildings, meaning that such a glass is much harder to punch through. So, if the warhead was of the "impact" type, it would have probably exploded in that room. If it was of the "time delay" type, it would not have reached its target because A. ) The impact with the window would have shortened its flight time, B. ) The impact would have affected its intended trajectory and probably would've burned some of the people in that room and C.) RPG-launched warheads are only moderately accurate to within one hundred yards--and the Eiffel Tower was way further than that distance. If you noticed, the hole in the window ( before it shattered ) was just big enough to accommodate the warhead, but an RPG-launched warhead has stabilizer fins that immediately extend soon after it exits the launcher tube, so that hole would have ripped away the fins and rendered the flight erratic and useless. Nanobots are microscopic and cannot be designed to withstand a terminal velocity impact from a 950 fps velocity ( 290 mps ) rate of travel--my guess is the future engineers who made the nanobot bomb skipped class on the day that the Physics professor was explaining to the class important things about Velocity. And nanobots with a super voracious craving for metal is pure science fiction! I thought the G.I. JOEs notified the authorities about the Eiffel Tower to have it evacuated--I'm quite sure that I heard one of the characters ( Scarlet, I think ) say something to that effect. Yet, you see a bunch of tourists mingling about at the sight without anyone looking alarmed at their impending doom before the warhead struck. When they got to the Arctic hide-out, the Baroness walked about casually with her cleavage exposed--Hah! Somebody once said that in the Arctic, or Antarctic, if you want to get warm, you step into the freezer ( a figure of speech of course, but it gets the point across ). In the fight between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow, neither samurai sword got chipped. Again, just like on 911, no fighter jets were scrambled by the US ( or Russia ) to try to intercept the incoming Arctic-launched missile--and one would think that Zartan ( Arnold Vosloo ) would try and do something if only to save his sorry ass since he put himself in a strategically advantageous position. During the submarine chase, Duke said something to Cobra which should have by all means elicited a certain kind of reaction from the Baroness but it didn't ( bad acting, perhaps ).

If I'm not mistaken, they spent about $175,000,000.00 to make this movie. For a tiny fraction of that amount, they could have consulted with me about the scientific aspects of the script and made it into a more plausible movie in the end! Like I already said twice before, I'm willing to work cheap ( Asian sweat shop labor ) for now until I get my reputation established.

fyi: Paris, France, was originally named Par-Isis, in honor of the Egyptian Goddess, Isis. A secret Cult of Isis settled there to escape Roman Catholic persecution. But, interestingly enough, the Marian Movement among Catholics puts more faith and emphasis in Mary than in Jesus Christ ( see Bill Maher's movie, RELIGULOUS [ 2008 ], to know what I mean ), a movement which is just a "romanized" version of the Cult of Isis in the first place! Go figure ....

The east BAY AREA RAPID TRANSIT ( BART ) got most, if not all, of their trains from France. And I used to commute by way of Bart. This is how I came to know that the train windows ( of trains made in France, anyway ) are made of plastic.

The first time that I experienced sub-zero winter temperature was when the North West Airlines plane that my siblings and I flew on to come to this country stopped over in Japan first on the 22nd of February of quite some years back. As I stepped out of the plane, it felt like somebody doused me with ice water! So I can just imagine how much colder it actually is at either Pole.

An RPG warhead is launched in two stages: 1.) In the launch tube and 2.) Immediately after it exits the tube. It is designed in this way so as not to make a "crispy critter" out of the operator.

word of advice: Attention, movie-makers: If you want me to enjoy your movies well enough to give them a good recommendation, all you need to do is SUSPEND MY DISBELIEF!

If you take a vow of silence as part of a personal mission, it is okay--I repeat, okay ( are you listening, Snake Eyes? )-- to start talking again once the mission is satisfactorily ended.

tidbits: It is more grammatically correct to use the name: Globally-Integrated Joint Operations Enterprise ( "global integrated joint operating entity" sounds like a secret marijuana planting, harvesting, dealing, and smuggling ring to me ).

Sylvester Stallone made the movie, DRIVEN ( 2001 ) with a similar stupid scene: A car chase involving two race cars passed by a bus stop and the glass on either side of the enclosed area of the stop shattered to pieces. But we who ride buses know that such stops don't have glass panels at all--I guess Sylvester is too rich to have easily known that!