SPY KIDS: ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD 4-D, PG ( 1 hr & 29 min )

where:  EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 & I-MAX
when:  Thursday, August 25th, 2011
show:  9:00 p.m.
costs:  $15.00 Ticket + $6.25 Nachos + $0.00 small Zero Sprite ( free on movie watcher rewards card ) = $21.25
auditorium:  8, with the 3-D screen
seat:  4th row, 5th seat

synopsis/overview:  A retired secret agent, Marissa Cortez Wilson ( Jessica Alba ),  is forced to come out of retirement when her arch nemesis resurfaces.  Her family "takes the back seat" when the whole world is imperiled.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) Contraction; 2.) Fight; 3.) TV show; 4.) "Where'd the time go"; 5.) Creepy dog; 6.) The Armageddon device; 7.) Suspicious step-daughter; 8.) Practical joker; 9.) Booby trap; 10.) "Completely out of time in no time"; 11.) The Chronos Sapphire; 12.) Another prank; 13.) "Imminent attack"; 14.) Panic room; 15.) English accent; 16.) Barf bags; 17.) Aunt; 18.) The Old Spy Kids Division; 19.) "We shall not speak of him"; 20.) Annihilate;  21.) Dog tricks; 22.) Anagram; 23.)  Butt-head; 24.) "She's a lot like you"; 25.) Giant clock; 26.) Regret; 27.) "That will stop your clock"; 28.) "Fire-up the gadgets"; 29.) Attack mode; 30.) Apology; 31.) Video; 32.) Spy detected; 33.) "Family reunion"; 34.) Time-out; 35.) "Nice watch"; 36.) "Incredible coincidence"; 37.) Trap; 38.) "Freeze transmitter"; 39.) "You've been activated"; 40.) "Unfreeze her"; 41.) "Quicksand"; 42.) "Now you've seen my dark side"; 43.) Emergency call; 44.) "What's with the Jazz Hands"; 45.) The boy frozen in time; 46.) Father; 47.) Hard time; 48.) The "Eyebrow"; 49.) "Gotcha"; 50.) Spy baby; and 51.) Bonus Scene during the Ending Credits.

audience reaction:  There was only a family of four in the auditorium with me.  And I guess that their two brats liked this movie.

recommendation:  This movie was rather "lame" to me.  It is aimed at little brats.  You know, the ones who are into "Bathroom Humor".  Older, spoiled brats might get too busy texting on their cellphones to pay any attention to what might be happening on the Big Screen.

spoiler alert!  Why didn't the other cars end up with flat tires?  The fireplace changed.  If the Armageddon device speeds-up Time, why didn't the Sun and Moon cycles get affected?  Do news crews still use VHS tapes?  The action scenes in this movie are too cartoonish, which is obviously okay  to the little brats whose eyes are glued daily to cartoon shows on TV at home when Daddy and/or Mommy simply want some "personal time-out" to themselves.

fyi:  There are only two reasons why I decided to go see this movie: # 1. Jessica Alba and # 2.) 4-D, since I've never seen such an one before.  Gad ... the gimmicks they bait jaded movie-goers with these days!  I swear ....

I taped this card onto my hallway wall to take a photo of it on both sides.  But I had my digital camera on "Fluorescent" setting instead of on "Incandescent" setting.  'Sorry for the crappy-looking shots.

But this "Aroma-Scope" doesn't even work--all the numbered spots smelled the same, pretty much, except for # 7, which had a disagreeable scent to it.  Or, maybe, I was supposed to use a different finger for each numbered spot.  Maybe ....

I was hoping that they'd have a "scratch and sniff" numbered spot for whenever Jessica Alba was on-screen.  I guess some idiot forgot to put that one in--yet another reason why Hollywood should have consulted with me, Cine-Man, first!

word of advice:  Time is precious.

tidbits:  'Remember the 10 old eggs that I boiled a few days ago?  Well, I just ate the last one today, Thursday, for breakfast--and it was good, not spoiled at all.

Then, I went to the Main Post Office here in Vallejo, CA, to put a Vacation Hold on my mail delivery.  And I went to get my paychecks and do some last-minute shopping for my trip.  Oh, and I bought $42.oo worth of lottery tickets in the hope that I can make my vacation a permanent one, instead.  Ha, ha, ha.  Ah, wouldn't that be nice though ....

When I got home, I finally replaced the flapper in my  toilet tank, thinking that that was the reason for the leak problem.  I was wrong.  It was actually the water level adjuster that was causing the leak into the toilet bowl.  I tried adjusting it myself, but I couldn't fix it.  I think that the whole water level adjuster assembly needs to be replaced since it has been in the tank for "God only knows how long."  I will have to have a plumber replace that when I get back home from vacation since I don't know how to do it myself; and, being that I live in a multi-unit building, I don't have personal access to the main water shut-off valve.  So, I don't really have the luxury of learning how to fix it as I go along even if I wanted to.

Oh, the THINGS that I could do--and would do--if I had possession of a "Freeze transmitter"!  Heh, heh, heh.

On the drive to the theatre in Fairfield, CA, and on the drive back home, my Hyundai Accent's engine was smoking because the mechanic who fixed the valve cover gasket leak didn't do a good job of it.  I had to roll down the driver's side window and close the air vents because of all that foul smoke.

I took my car back to Wheel Works here in Vallejo, CA, first thing in the morning the next day, Friday.  It turned out that the problem was a Cracked valve cover which was made out of--get ready for this ... PLASTIC!  What dumb-ass South Korean automotive engineer gave the go-ahead to use a plastic cover on a car engine?  I would like to meet with him so that I can punch him so hard that he'll end up flying clear across the border into North Korea and land on Kim Jong-il's lap.

I will have to have my Hyundai Accent's valve cover taken care of when I come back home from vacation.  Yet another reason why I love my Geo Metro so much!


Special Announcement:  I would like to take this time to say, Thank You and Welcome, to my readers in these countries:


Bahrain and Belarus


Thank you, once again.  Please keep on reading my weekly updates.  And don't forget to tell your friends, and everyone else who you know, about my movie blogsite.

CONAN, THE BARBARIAN 3-D R ( 1 hr & 53 min )

where:  EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 & 1-MAX in Fairfield, CA
when:  Sunday, August 21st, 2011
show:  9:50 p.m.
costs:  $15.00 Ticket + $6.43 # 14 Value Meal @ the Fairfield Wal-Mart MacDonald's Restaurant before the movie = $21.43
auditorium:  9, with the 3-D screen
seat:  4th row, 7th seat


synopsis/overview:  Conan, the Cimmerian ( Jason Momoa ), goes on a personal vendetta to avenge the death of his father by a power-mad man, Khalar Zym ( Stephen Lang ),  hellbent on becoming an immortal at whatever cost.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) "I will see my child before I die"; 2.) Contest; 3.) Ambush; 4.) Severed heads; 5.) "Time to forge a blade"; 6.) "Fire and Ice"; 7.) "Not ready for the sword"; 8.) Khalar Zym's army; 9.) The missing piece; 10.) "I love you, son"; 11.) Slave colony; 12.) Prisoner; 13.) Torture; 14.) "Key to freedom"; 15.) The monastery; 16.) The attack; 17.) Payback; 18.) "None of them are pure"; 19.) "How many names do I need"; 20.) "You are not her"; 21.) "She's lying"; 22.) Catapult; 23.) "I want your head"; 24.) Sand warriors; 25.) "It is he who has failed"; 26.) "She has my loyalty"; 27.) "Battle-born"; 28.) "You look like a harlot"; 29.) Raid; 30.) Map; 31.) Abducted; 32.) "It is she"; 33.) "I owe this man my life"; 34.) "I'm not your mother"; 35.) "Last gate"; 36.) "You scream like a woman"; 37.) "Your new master"; 38.) "Die"; 39.) Possessed; and 40.) "Thank you for bringing me home."

audience reaction:  The audience was entertained by it.

recommendation:  I liked it enough to recommend it to those of you who are Sword and Sorcery fans.

spoiler alert!  The "Female Warrior in labor" scene was, to me, unintentionally funny.  Corin ( Ron Perlman ) was distracted as he tended to his dying wife but no bad guy took advantage of that opportunity to easily dispose of him.  If I were Corin's wife, and my husband did a Cesarean on me without using an anaesthetic,  I'd bite-off his pinkie finger easily!  When little Conan was fighting against the bad guys, he couldn't have been able to make those grunting noises "normally" with that egg in his mouth.  Whatever Khalar Zym used to stick that missing piece back on, it sure was way better than Krazy Glue.  Ha, ha, ha.  Young Conan's palms got burned because he was holding on to the chain to keep the pot of molten metal from pouring down on his father's head but his father's head was closer to the pot than his hands were; so, how come his father's head didn't get burned from all that radiating heat?  The molten metal in the pot glowed in the same color for many minutes even though molten metal  will actually start  to darken soon  after it is removed from its heat source.  Why were there no guards on post?  That big and heavy iron chain--with each link weighing between 20 to  25 pounds--would have been too ponderous even for Conan, himself, to snap it up quickly like that. How was that horse with two riders able to catch-up to the horse with a single rider which had an early start?  When Conan and Khalar Zym crossed swords, why didn't either one spit in the other's face?  And why didn't either one fight dirty and throw sand at the other one's eyes?  There was a big gap in time from when Conan and Tamara ( Rachel Nichols ) jumped into the water and in the time that it took Khalar Zym and Marique ( Rose McGowan ) to reach the edge of the cliff: Conan and Tamara were already half-way to the boat. That many-tentacled creature sure knew no allegiance!  In the cavern, why couldn't Marique conjure-up any sand warrior?  I know exactly why the final sacrifice failed:  Because, unlike in the earlier sacrifice, Tamara was not naked!  After all, a sacrifice has to be "pleasing" in the eyes of a god ( or gods )--even the Bible says so.  Usually, when you drop somebody off, you do so by getting as close to the door or gate as is possible--you don't drop somebody off about a mile away from her front door or gate!  Duh ....


fyi:  The fight scenes in this movie are better than in the original "Arnold" version.

Do you remember how in my last blog, the one on FRIGHT NIGHT,  I mentioned that I once worked at a die-casting place, Pressure Cast Products Corporation?  Well, I guess I will have to elaborate a bit  on my work experience at that place:

Two of my duties at Pressure Cast Products Corporation was to melt the metals Brass, Zinc and Aluminum; and to ladle said molten metals  into their respective  crucibles beside each of  the die-casting machines.  And I know from personal experience that if one were to stand close enough to a crucible, or pot ( in the case of this movie ), filled with molten metal and stay there long enough one's clothes will start to smoke or even burn, depending on the fabric's material.  In other words, Corin's head and face should have started to burn simply because of his close proximity to the pot of molten metal!

word of advice:  Revenge is Sweet.

tidbits:  I wanted to see this first on movie2k.to but the uploaded movie was of poor quality: Very dark and unintelligible.

I swung by the Fairfield Wal-Mart again to see if I'd come across a former co-worker who was supposed to be working there now.  But I've been to this particular Wal-Mart about five times already, and I still have yet to run into him.  To pass the time away, I bought a belt and a CR-1620 battery for my Atomic watch that I will be using on my vacation trip so I won't have to keep adjusting the time at each Time Zone.  Then, I ate at the in-store MacDonald's Restaurant while I waited for the movie's start time.

FRIGHT NIGHT 3-D, R ( 2 hr & 0 min )

This is probably the best of all the night-time photos that I've taken with my digital camera, so far. 

where:  UA EMERY BAY STADIUM 10 in Emeryville, CA
when:  Thursday, August 18ht, 2011
show:  9:30 p.m.
costs:  $14.00 Ticket + $0.00 small Popcorn ( Free on movie watcher rewards card ) + $4.75 small Zero Sprite + $5.00 Carquinez Bridge Toll = $23.75
auditorium:  3, with the 3-D screen
seat:  6th row, 11th column

synopsis/overview:  UGLY VAMPIRES NEED HUMAN BLOOD FOR THEIR "BEAUTY TREATMENTS"

A high school teen, Charley ( Anton Yelchin ), lives with his mom, Jane ( Toni Collette ), next door to a new, mysterious neighbor, Jerry ( Colin Farrell ).  Then, his classmates start disappearing one by one.  Convinced that his neighbor is actually a vampire, Charley, consults with a stage magician, Peter Vincent ( David Tennant ), on how to best  eliminate the problem.


noteworthy scenes:  1.)  Master bedroom; 2.) "Don't look at the neighbors"; 3.) "Rock-solid game"; 4.) Missing classmates; 5.) Stretch Armstrong; 6.) "Is my mom flirting"; 7.) "New neighbor"; 8.) Vampire; 9.) Cardboard cut-out; 10.) "... I stopped being friends with you"; 11.) "Nerve juice"; 12.) "I've been watching you"; 13.) "It's a gift"; 14.) Home movie; 15.) Roll call; 16.) "Jerry Diaries"; 17.) Five-pack beer; 18.) "Neglect ... gives off a scent"; 19.) "Go-go dancer"; 20.) Scream; 21.) Snooping around; 22.) Secret room; 23.) Daytime surprise; 24.) Dangerous; 25.) Google; 26.) Library; 27.) Stage rehearsal; 28.) Honorary degree; 29.) Interview; 30.) "Carrots with machetes"; 31.) "Is that stake"; 32.) "Go get the authorities"; 33.) Vampire protection; 34.) "I don't need an invitation if there's no house"; 35.) Hit-and-run; 36.) "F--ked-up vampire"; 37.) "Catch you later"; 38.) Crucifix; 39.) "You were early again in the bedroom"; 40.) Exact match; 41.) Hospital; 42.) "I can help you"; 43.) "Mom's very religious"; 44.) "Snackers"; 45.) Delivery; 46.) Panic room; 47.) Security video; 48.) "I can hear you breathing"; 49.) Werewolves/Vampires; 50.) "Do it now"; 51.) Taste; 52.) Lax security; 53.) Realist; 54.) "Special stake"; 55.) Sporting goods store; 56.) "You get me drunk, I'll try anything"; 57.) "Welcome to Fright Night"; 58.) Nest; 59.) "F--king E-Bay"; 60.) "You missed"; 61.) "400 years of survival"; 62.) "You're turning"; 63.) "That's your plan"; 64.) Kiss; 65.) "That was a f--ked-up night"; and 66.) "Monster-free."

favorite scenes:  I liked the Century 21 Realty Sign scene.

And I liked the Werewolves/Vampires scene.

audience reaction:  The audience liked it.

recommendation:  It was silly fun for me.  Go see it in 3-D with your friends--it'd be more fun that way.

spoiler alert!  This movie is about eight minutes short of its advertised length, with a running time of approximately One hour and Fifty-two minutes, instead of Two hours.

Here's what I have observed about dogs: They bark at strangers and  they howl when they  see something spooky.  That damned dog neither barked nor howled--fire the animal  trainer!  So Ed ( Christopher Mintz-Plasse ) made it a strange habit to leave home at dawn and come back home after dark.  Maybe he could pull this off on school days without arousing his parents' suspicion--for a short time.  But what about on weekends ( and holidays ), didn't he have chores to do at home?  Why didn't Jerry sniff-out and/or hear Charley right away?  If somebody was walking around uninvited ( i.e. Trespassing ) in my backyard, heck, I'd call the cops in a heartbeat!  How did Jerry figure out exactly where the gas pipe was buried?  The cutter that Jerry used to cut the gas pipe would have generated a spark that would have ignited the gas all on its own.  There was no gas build-up inside the house at all since all the gas appliances were turned off ( it leaked outside in the backyard ); therefore, no Ka-Boomy!  Okay?  That vehicle was an SUV; so, if a vampire attacked me the same way while I was  driving an SUV on a road somewhere in the desert, I'd get off the road and drive on the desert's uneven terrain to dislodge it from my vehicle--plain and simple, like.  The SUV was hit from behind so why did its front airbags deploy?  They could have finished-off the vampire with more stakes!  Why didn't Charley just tell the cops to do a daytime investigation on the next-door neighbor's house, especially after what just happened to his house?  Didn't Jerry leave his fingerprints all over a bunch of evidence?  Oh, and it just so happened that the magician and the vampire shared a common past and, therefore, had to cross paths again in another continent!  That has got to  be THE MOST uncanny of all coincidences or THE WORST of all plot contrivances.  When Charley was bounced around in the basement, he should have ended up with broken ribs and what-not.

HERE'S YET ANOTHER PRACTICAL "HOW-TO" LESSON BY CINE-MAN:

HOW TO BE SAFE FROM VAMPIRE ATTACK AT NIGHT

So, vampires can be easily killed by sunlight.  That's the given.  Well, then, barricade yourself at home at night and invest in an electric generator ( to keep the vampires from tampering with your electricity ) and in a bunch of Sun Lamps that reproduce  the Sun's full-spectrum light!  And give new meaning to the saying, "We'll leave the light on for  you."  L.O.L!  You'll never have to worry anymore about whether or not they are invited over or just drop-in unannounced.  Stores have been selling lamps like this for many years now.  Why do you think Vampires are a dying  breed ...?  ( Damn, I'm just too smart for my own good sometimes.  No wonder Hollywood hates me. )

fyi:  I don't recall ever seeing the original.

I liked the 3-D effect in this movie.  The effect would come across in a subtle way but only to lull you into letting your guard down.  But, when it needed to, it was like--Look out--Duck!  I hate to admit it but I, Cine-Man, was fooled on a number of occasions to physically react to what was going on on the Big Screen ( 'usually doesn't happen to me ).

Any girl who walks around with a pair of pink, or whatever color, pants with wording printed on the derriere is a tacky trashy slut-bitch.  Because, come on, such a girl is obviously  advertising her "wares" to anyone and everyone who are not blind.  And the printed word is nothing more than just a way for such girls to quickly attract attention to that part of their anatomy.  What do such bitches expect us guys to do, go up to them and sniff their butts?  It doesn't do a damn thing for me other than completely turn me off  because I'm not a dog!

What's next, the words, "Camel Toe," printed on the crotch of their pants ...?  Yeah, like "I'd walk a mile for a Camel" toe.  Hah!  No way, Renee ....

Maybe, I should market a line of tight-fitting pants for guys with the words, "Cute Buns," printed across the back.  But, I don't know, it might be taken the wrong way and compromise the wearer's masculinity.  "Moose Knuckles" printed in front would be more manly, I think.  But who'd want to look at that, honestly ...?

Hey, remember over 10 years ago when somebody tried to capitalize on the famous line of  Jordache Jeans  by coming-up with a parody line called, "Lard-Ass Jeans"?  Well, that didn't pan-out--the entrepreneur lost the case in court.  Besides, why would some fat-ass woman try and draw attention to her "Lard-Ass" in the first place and just end-up being the "Butt" of people's jokes, if she isn't already?

Many years ago, back in Oakland, California, I worked for a die-casting place, Pressure Cast Products Corporation.  The building had two main rooms: The Trimming side and the Casting side.  It also had an office, a private nap room upstairs ( for the owner ), a machinist room, a dining area, a locker and a shower.

The casting side was where molten brass, aluminum and zinc were kept melted in crucibles which were right next to die-casting machines that an operator would ladle molten metal into to make die-cast products.  There were times when I had to work in that room.  And I hated it because it was hot like Hell--literally! And the molten metals easily made "Swiss Cheese" out of my overalls.

Anyway ....  One night, one of the supervisors was driving a forklift to transfer some molten brass ( the hottest of the three metals ) from one metal melting stove to another.  The gas pipe connected to the metal melting stove that he was driving to was broken.  He hit a bump on the floor and the molten brass in the crucible between the fork-blades spilled to the floor and splashed on the broken gas line!  Flame shot out of that gas pipe.  I was afraid that the whole place would blow-up--and I was there standing beside  a giant aluminum melting oven!  But flame just kept on shooting-out of the broken pipe until the supervisor climbed up the wall to shut-off the emergency gas valve.  ( Up a wall, what a stupid place to put the emergency shut-off valve! )  The point of this True Story is that  Charley's house should not have blown-up to smithereens since the gas never accumulated inside the house.

The first people in the world to have gas lanterns and gas stoves were the Chinese, according to an article I read many years ago.  Centuries ago, somewhere in China, some villagers hit on the idea of capping-off a natural gas source and connecting bamboo pipes to it that stretched all the way back to the village homes where the people kept the metal-tipped open ends ignited for night-time use and for cooking use.

Christopher Mintz-Plasse is really trying hard to shed his MacLovin image by taking-on Bad-Ass roles but ... his voice is still MacLovin it!  Ha, ha, ha.

word of advice:  Don't be a pain in the neck!

tidbits:  Early in the day, I went to the 99 Cent Only Store to buy a 70-sheet notebook to take on the plane with me next week so I can write down recipe notes to pass the time away.

Oops! wrong setting.  I forgot that my digital camera was in "Night Scenery" mode.

I took this photo of the 99 Cent Only Store company vehicle because of the witty notice printed on the left side of the hood:  "Driver carries 99 Cents Only."  Ha, ha, ha.

Another photo taken in the wrong setting.

Then, I went a few doors down to the Island Pacific Supermarket to buy some canned foods to take on my vacation trip with me.  I'll keep them in my luggage so the airport security won't confiscate them like they did to my can of Gandules ( Pidgeon Peas ) 14 1/2 months ago when I kept it in my carry-on bag!

Yet another shot taken in the wrong setting!

I went to Benicia, CA, to my place of employment to pick-up my cheque  and to make a deposit at BofA and at Chase Bank.  And to order a book of cheques at Chase Bank.  I also ran into a friend, Melanie, at the store.  She told me that she was going to Virginia because her sister just had a baby.  I told her that I was going to Michigan in 10 days' time, too.

Then, I went to Hector's place in Oakland, CA, to return the audio book on CD that his daughter had lent to me.  The book, SON OF HAMAS,  is about a Palestinian terrorist, Mosab Hassan Yousef,  who converted to Christianity.  I only listened to the opening paragraphs of each of the first six of the seven CD set the night before when I made a copy of the set on my computer.  I did listen to the 7th CD, though.  And I can't wait to listen to the rest of it with my sister, my  brother-in-law and my niece when we go on a long road trip in Michigan and to Indiana.

While at Hector's place, I asked him if the Chinese  bitch next door actually apologized last Saturday about what she did to my car.  Hector admitted that he just lied to me about it.  In that case, the Yogic curses are still in effect.  And for lying to me, I now put a curse on my friend, Hector.  First thing tomorrow morning, after he wakes up and looks at his face in the mirror, he will have the sudden realization that he is just a Puerto Rican!  That will teach him not to lie to me ever again.

Then, I cooked Arroz con Salchichas de Pollo ( 'sounds exotic and fancy but it is just a "dollar-store-bought-ingredients dish"  ) for everybody.

After dinner, I headed-on to the CVS Drugstore at the Rockridge Shopping Center in uptown Oakland to see my former co-workers.  But most of them were not scheduled for work that evening.  I did a little shopping, though, and bought a spool of khaki sewing thread for my sewing machine and a couple of mouthwashes.

After the movie and before going home, I went to the Super Wal-Mart in American Canyon, CA, to buy a loaf of bread to take on the plane with me--I ain't payin' for on-flight meals or snacks and I ain't plannin' on going hungry either!  But, actually, I wanted to buy Grandpa's Oven Blueberry Bread since it is baked in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and my sister in Grand Rapids has never heard of it.  Can you believe that?  She'll like it, I'm sure, once she has tasted it.  But they were out of it.  I'll just go back in a few days to buy it.  I did buy a can of smoked oysters, a can of smoked clams, and a Red Velvet Ice Cream ( I only buy ice cream if  I haven't had a particular flavor, yet ).  And, yes, the smoked oysters and clams are going to Michigan with me because I want to show my sister how to cook a dish using such ingredients.

THE CHANGE-UP, R ( 1 hr & 52 min )

Another crappy-looking night-time scenery courtesy of Moi!  I had better stop taking night-time pictures or, better yet,  invest in a better-quality digital camera.  This picture is of UA EMERY BAY STADIUM 10, by the way.

where:  UA EMERY BAY STADIUM 10 in Emeryville, CA
when:  Sunday, August 14th, 2011
show:  10:20 p.m.
costs:  $0.00 Ticket ( Free on movie watcher rewards card ) + $4.75 small Zero Sprite + $5.00 Carquinez Bridge Toll = $9.75
auditorium:  9
seat:  3rd row, 6th column


synopsis/overview:  An overworked lawyer, Dave ( Jason Bateman ), and his slacker friend, Mitch ( Ryan Reynolds ), envy each other's lifestyle.  But, when they get the opportunity to switch places, they soon find out that things are not always what they seem.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) "Peter, we talked about the "Head" thing"; 2.) In the mouth shot; 3.) "Double Windsor"; 4.) Speaker phone; 5.) "Go fix your hair"; 6.) "I dated her mouth for a full semester"; 7.) Retarded; 8.) "Just say, No, Reagan"; 9.) "I miss this"; 10.) Wishing fountain; 11.) Wish fulfilled; 12.) Missing; 13.) Switched roles; 14.) Grocery store; 15.) Chair; 16.) Merger deal; 17.) Film set; 18.) Thumb; 19.) "Always solve your problems with violence"; 20.) Vibrator; 21.) Three balls; 22.) "What, you don't have sex on Tuesdays"; 23.) Poem; 24.) Dinner song; 25.) "I smell a skunk"; 26.) "Just go to a hospital"; 27.) "Go hose it down or something"; 28.) "Three o'clock in the morning"; 29.) "Is that weird"; 30.) Kitchen; 31.) "Formal information request"; 32.) "Temporary rough patch"; 33.) Freckles; 34.) "Quitting is not an option in this one"; 35.) Run-through of Duties and Responsibilities; 36.) Sexual harassment; 37.) Jedi knight; 38.) "New Mitch" montage; 39.) "That's my daughter, bitches"; 40.) "New Dave" montage; 41.) Shave; 42.) Dinner date; 43.) "Hey, guys, we're sight-seeing now"; 44.) "Things change"; 45.) Anniversary party; 46.) "It's been moved"; 47.) "Are you breaking-up with me"; 48.) "We can wait"; 49.) "Did you forget something"; 50.) Stood-up; 51.) "I can write you a note"; 52.) "Ted ... doesn't hurt to ask"; 53.) Final offer; 54.) Agreement; 55.) "Tonight, you can be happy"; 56.) "Reminds me of high school"; 57.) "We're here to have fun"; 58.) New partner; 59.) "I didn't earn this"; 60.) "I want to go home"; 61.) "Newest partner"; 62.) "I know it's weird.  Just go with it"; 63.) Peach Tree Galleria; 64.) Atoms; 65.) Mitch's new tattoo; 66.) Apologies; 67.) Wedding; 68.) "Really"; and 69.) Bonus Scene during the Ending Credits.

audience reaction:  There were only three of us in the auditorium.  And the couple, seated two rows behind me, liked the movie.

recommendation:  I liked this movie, too. It made me laugh every now and then.  Go see this movie if you're into adult humor.

spoiler alert!  If that "thing" shot into my mouth, I'd throw-up at the very least!  The exposed breasts in this movie didn't look real to me: Uneven flesh tone, too firm, no stretch marks, no freckles, no "Sway" or "Bounce" to them and no "Gentle Slope" at all.  Sure enough, when I got home, I googled these ogled breasts and found out that they were just digitally-made body parts.  They should have hired the services of Cine-Man to act as their one-and-only FBI agent ( Female Breasts Inspector ) in charge of quality control--I'd be heck of good at it!   Why didn't Sabrina ( Olivia Wilde ), a supposed lawyer, file a Sexual Harassment Lawsuit and get millions--and not have to work anymore--out of it?  The way that they held their own penises while they were urinating into the fountain looked like they were pinching the tips--a good way to get your own piss all over your hand and pants!  Guys don't pee that way ( and you couldn't even see either one ).  Some of those people who witnessed the public spectacle in the shopping mall had cellphones with cameras.  'Remember one of the characters in HORRIBLE BOSSES who ended-up becoming a Registered Sex Offender simply for peeing in public?   Well, these two guys would end-up the same way, too, after their antic gets uploaded to YouTube.  If I ever wind-up inside of another man's body, that man's personal hygiene can just go to Hell since I won't be touching his private parts at all!

fyi:  When my little Brother was still a toddler, he would go into the kitchen and grab a handful of rock-salt.  Then, he would sit with his back against the wall and he would repeatedly hit his head against it as he would eat the salt.  Out of curiosity,  I tried it once; but it never made sense to me at all so I never did it again after that one time.  But my brother kept-up his weird habit for about a year or two.

Did you know that mammalian breasts, including those of humans, are nothing more than just modified sweat glands?  Think about that the next time you're breast-feeding your baby or drinking milk or eating ice cream!

One of my First Cousins on my Father's side told me, once, that he had three testicles.  I never bothered to find out whether or not he was just kidding me.

That neighborhood kid had made the same olfactory observation as I had:  Marijuana smoke smells like Skunk "perfume"!

And I smell it every now and then when I enter my condominium complex late at night after coming home from work.  Allowing people who are on the "Section 8 Government Assistance Program" to occupy units in my building was a bad idea to begin with--To Hell with "equal housing" bull-crap!  Don't get me wrong, though.  I'm not making a "blanket statement" about Section 8 Recipients.  It's just that there are those few "rotten apples" who would go and ruin it all for the rest of them.  Such lowlifes have got no business lowering the property value of my condominium complex, vandalizing and stealing property, doing drugs,  and trashing the place, then walking around with the bad attitude that the World owes them something!  If the property management can find ways to get rid of them, everyone else would be happier and be better off for it.  I guess, in a way, the bad economy is a "blessing in disguise" since management was able to get rid of most of the lowlifes who could no longer afford to live here--Good Riddance!

word of advice:  "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."

tidbits:  I went to Hector's place earlier in the day to cook the dish, Arroz Con Gandules, since I had a Bell Pepper, a pack of Sazon, a can of Gandules and some garlic just gathering dust in my kitchen. And, besides, when it comes to making Arroz Con Gandules, there's no Puerto Rican out there--Hector and Family included--who can make it better than I can!  So, I cooked it just to show them how it's done the right way.

As Hector was helping me get the groceries out of my car, he told me that yesterday, a Saturday, during his Al Qaeda meeting--Oops! I mean, Bible Study Class--the Chinese bitch next door came over to tell him that she was sorry for what she did to me ( The hit-and-run on my car ).  I don't know whether or not  Hector was just kidding me .  But, if he wasn't, then I'll have to put an end to the Yogic curses that I put on her before they get way out of hand or they'll back-fire on me Big-Time!

The female clerk at the box office gave me the wrong ticket: HORRIBLE BOSSES in Auditorium 1.  It took me a while to realize it.  So, I went back and got the right ticket.

I was the last one out of the theatre.  The security guard was already in the process of locking all the doors as I made my way out.  When I asked him if I was the last one out, he said, "Yes, except for the manager.  And I was about to give you the security exit code."

**********************************

When I started this blog yesterday, a Monday, after I got home from work, I decided to boil all the Eggs that I had left sitting in the refrigerator for over Three ( Yes, 3 ) Months!  The stamped expiration date on the egg carton was dated, May 17, 2011--and I know that I bought it at least a couple of weeks before that!  There were 10 eggs, all in all.  And 5 of them cracked while boiling.  I ate 3 of them for dinner with a piece of Fried Chicken Thigh and a microwaved ( 5 minutes on High ) White Corn-on-the-Cob.  And the eggs that I ate  all looked fresh, smelled fresh and tasted fresh.  Yup, non-fertilized eggs keep for a long time if kept cold in the fridge--you can quote me on that, scientifically speaking!

**********************************

An Obstetrician has a hard time delivering a baby.  After a few hours of the Tug-of-War struggle, the baby boy angrily calls out from inside the womb, "I'm not coming out unless I see my father first!"  The doctor goes and fetches the father.  The baby boy sticks out his head and asks, "Are you my dad?"  "Yes, son, I'm your father," says the man.  "Come closer so I can ask you something," says the baby boy.  The father leans-in closely.  And the angry baby boy punches his father repeatedly in the face as he asks, "Tell me how you like that, Daddy!"  ( Thank you, Nova, for this joke. )


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30 MINUTES OR LESS, R ( 1 hr & 23 min )

Sorry for this crappy-looking snapshot.  I set my digital camera for "night scenery" before I took this shot.  And it still came out crappy!

where:  BRENDEN VACAVILLE 16 in Vacaville, CA
when:  Friday, August 12th, 2011
show:  9:40 p.m.
costs:  $10.75 Ticket + $4.75 medium Root Beer = $15.50
auditorium:  1
seat:  5th row, 10th column

synopsis/overview:  Two wannabe criminal masterminds think that they found themselves the perfect fall guy when they force Nick ( Jesse Eisenberg ), a pizza delivery loser-guy, to rob a bank for them by strapping a bomb to his chest.  But things get complicated when Nick enlists the aid of his estranged friend, Chet ( Aziz Ansari ), and when an impatient professional hit-man steps into the picture.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) "You're two towns away"; 2.) The "After" kiss; 3.) 3-D movie; 4.) "I know a little, a little about it from rap music"; 5.) "My twin sister"; 6.) Swimming pool; 7.) Money scheme; 8.) Step one; 9.) "Show your kicks"; 10.) "I liked that bear.  I don't even f--king know you"; 11.) School; 12.) "My impatient face"; 13.) "One condition"; 14.) Family Dollar; 15.) Code; 16.) "You told me not to mention it"; 17.) "Who is it"; 18.)  "There's only, like, four Indian families who live in Grand Rapids"; 19.) Goodbye; 20.) Euphemism; 21.) 5-Hour Energy Drink; 22.) Bank; 23.) Money bag; 24.) "We're not friends no more"; 25.) Cop; 26.) Car chase; 27.) "Where's the code"; 28.) "You're a bad person"; 29.) "Where's the leverage"; 30.) "Get me out of the car"; 31.) Movie phone; 32.) Pawn; 33.) "That's right.  Sh-t just got real for you, slum-dog"; 34.) Pen gun; 35.) "You're a pimp"; 36.) Map; 37.) "Bank robbers make 'Bank'"; 38.) "She's just wasting my minutes"; 39.) The secret code; 40.) "You came back for me"; 41.) "That's what she said"; 42.) The loaded money pack; and 43.) Bonus Scene after the Ending Credits.

audience reaction:  The audience laughed all through the movie.

recommendation:  I liked this movie, too.  Go see it if you're into adult comedies.

spoiler alert!  How in hell did an Indian guy with an Indian name, Chet, end-up with a twin sister with an European name, Kate ( Dilshad Vadsaria )?  That car would have their fingerprints all over it.  When they got on the bus, neither one bothered to take the time to pay for the fare but the bus rolled-on anyway.  Why couldn't Travis ( Nick Swardson ) take-off the flame-thrower pack?

fyi:  The flame-thrower hasn't been a part of the US Military Forces' arsenal since 1978 because  it was deemed inhumane.

Domino's Pizza started the "30 minutes or less" delivery craze.  But they had to stop it eventually because their delivery guys would always get into an accident.

One time back when I was a dental lab tech, my co-workers and I gathered around the table for lunch when a female co-worker started a conversation while she was still chewing on her food.  A senior lab tech, Chris, said, "Don't talk with your mouth full."  There was an uncomfortable silence.  To break the ice, so to speak, I cut-in with, That's what  she said last night!  And I slapped Chris on his left arm.  Then, everybody laughed, including the female co-worker.

word of advice:  Crime doesn't pay.

tidbits:  I had to see this movie after I saw FINAL DESTINATION 5 because I wanted my evening to end on a lighter and happier note.

When I was using a toilet stall in the men's room before the movie, two young guys came in to use the urinals.  And one guy said to his friend, "I hate it when I use a urinal and there's, like, 30 urinals and a guy comes in and uses the urinal next to the one I'm using."  And that's exactly why I prefer to use a toilet stall, instead.

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FINAL DESTINATION 5, R I-MAX 3-D ( 1 hr & 35 min )

where:  EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 & I-MAX in Fairfield, CA
when:  Friday, August 12th, 2011
show:  7:00 p.m.
costs:  $17.50 Ticket + $12.87 dinner ( + $2.00 Tip ) @ Great Moon Buffet before the show = $32.37
auditorium:  12, with the I-Max screen
seat:  5th row, 7th seat


synopsis/overview:  Friends and co-workers meet their inevitable demise in gory ways.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) Bridge; 2.) Sailboat; 3.) "How did you know"; 4.) High winds; 5.) "Did he just say my name"; 6.) "Death does not like to be cheated"; 7.) "You're the one thing I care about"; 8.) Gymnastics practice; 9.) "You were so naughty"; 10.) Ming Yun Spa; 11.) Broken picture; 12.) "Thirty minutes, you sleep"; 13.) Buddha; 14.) The weird coroner, Bludworth ( Tony Todd ); 15.) Laser Eye Surgery; 16.) Laser malfunction; 17.) Eyeball; 18.) "Three.  That's a pattern"; 19.) Hooked; 20.) "Wasn't he dead already"; 21.) Wrench; 22.) Internship; 23.) "I couln't kill somebody who didn't deserve to die"; 24.) Skewered; 25.) Panic attack; and 26.) "Life's a Bitch."

audience reaction:  The audience was really into this movie, screaming every now and then and, at times, laughing at some scenes.  A woman sitting two seats to the right of me was too squeamish to see the death scenes, she would cover her eyes whenever a death scene was about to pop-up.  And a girl sitting three seats to the left of me said at the end of the movie, "Hell, no.  That was a good movie.  Damn!"

recommendation:  Too predictably gory for me.  I hope that this franchise has reached its "final destination" with this latest installment.  What's next, FACES OF DEATH, the movie?  Anyway, go see this if you  delight in watching mostly good-looking young adults die  horrifically gory deaths; and pray that the same thing doesn't happen to you.

spoiler alert!  In the vision scene, a bridge worker was looking down when the bridge started cracking beside him and he never saw it, he never heard it and he never reacted to it.  Don't tell me the janitor never noticed that badly frayed cord.  The only way that that screw could have landed the way it did on the balance beam was if a very powerful magnet was attached to the under-side of the Balance Beam.  She fell from the Uneven Bars onto a MAT--making the end result unbelievable!  I saw a YouTube video of a skateboarder who fell from a rail and onto a CONCRETE pavement in exactly the same way the gymnast did, but he walked away from it without so much as hurting his back or breaking a bone! Drinking on the job--yeah, right ....  Those acupuncture needles would never cause that kind of bleeding, even from such a fall, simply because the flesh would form a tight seal around each needle upon insertion.  I think that lasers used for eye surgery have built-in safety measures like Automatic Shutdowns and Maximum Permissible Exposure safety limits.  Buildings are fitted with  Safety Glass windows in this country.  There was no way for the eyeball to pop-out like that, especially considering how she landed.  The oil started bubbling as soon as he turned-on the deep fryers--Bull! those things had probably been off for at least an hour before the restaurant closed for the evening.  I don't think that the rotisserie spit-rod prongs were long enough to have stuck out like that.  I thought Molly ( Emma Bell ) was not on Death's list.

How come nobody died while engaged  in a passionate and/or really kinky sex act?  Why didn't anybody die a boring death or, at least, just die peacefully in his/her sleep?  I mean, all the deaths that this FINAL DESTINATION franchise showed were all horrific, violent and/or bloody.  Nobody even died laughing or died of embarassment!  Come on, now ....

fyi:  I don't think modern-day bridges are susceptible to such spectacular "Epic Fails" anymore.  I remember watching a black-and-white film documentary many years ago in my Physics class.  The movie was about a new suspension bridge that just opened-up for traffic.  High winds buffeted the bridge to the point that it just moved around in a wave-like fashion until it snapped and collapsed!  To see steel cables, steel beams and cement move around like that before the bridge collapsed was a very dumbfounding and humbling experience for me.  I think it was Increased Wave Amplitude Modulation which caused the bridge's collapse.

But you don't even need high winds to collapse a  bridge.  If you can get an army of foot soldiers to march across a bridge in  Lock-Step fashion, that will be sufficient enough to collapse the bridge.  Of course, modern-day foot soldiers would know better than to march across any bridge--or, so, I'd hope--for the same reason as mentioned in the previous paragraph!

Either way, I believe modern-day suspension bridges are built to be more resistant to collapse due to Increased Wave Amplitude Modulation.  Note:  I didn't say, Collapse-Proof.

From what I learned in my study of  Introductory Iridology, Olivia's ( Jacqueline Macinness Wood ) Iris has spots that are symptomatic of illicit drug use.  Bad girl.  I should lay her across my lap and spank her bare bottom.

That Tom Cruise look-alike, Peter ( Miles Fisher ),  was annoying to watch, just because ....

word of advice:  Go with your "Gut Feeling".

Life's a Bitch--and, then, you marry one!  ( Ha, ha, ha--Snort! )

tidbits:  Before going to the movies, I swung by the CSAA to drop-off a payment on my car insurance.  Then, I drove two blocks to the local Postal Annex to send a package to my sister in Grand Rapids, MI.

I wanted to go to Brenden in Vacaville to see 30 MINUTES OR LESS first.  But I changed my mind at the last minute because the traffic was congested.  Then, I decided to have a burger at MacDonald's Restaurant at the WestField Solano Mall before the movie, but I missed the  exit.  So, at the next light, I just turned left to head on to the Great Moon Buffet where I could only force myself to eat a little over two plates' full.  ( Yup, my "all-I-can-eat" days are coming to an end! 'Just as well, I need to lose weight anyway. )

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CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 47 min )

where:  EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 &  I-MAX in Fairfield, CA
when:  Monday, August 8th, 2011
show: 8:00 p.m.
costs:  $0.00 Ticket ( free on movie watcher card ) + $13.40 dinner ( + $2.00 Tip ) @ Hometown Buffet before the movie = $15.40
auditorium:  2
seat:  3rd row, 9th column

synopsis/overview:   Cal Weaver ( Steve Carell ) is living the American Dream: Married to his Beautiful High School Sweetheart, has Two Kids, a Lovely Home and a Good well-paying Job.  If only he didn't "wake-up" to an Infidelity Nightmare: His guilt-ridden wife, Emily ( Julianne Moore ), cheated on him with one of her co-workers, David Lindhagen ( Kevin Bacon ) and now wants a divorce.  Cal moves out to wallow in self-pity.  And he starts to frequent a local bar to drown away his sorrows.  Unbeknown to him, a "player", Jacob ( Ryan Gosling ), has been observing him all this time and has decided to take Cal under his wings and teach him the "Player's" Tricks-of-the-Trade.  Soon, Cal becomes a Ladies' Man and has several  sexual encounters.  But,  deep in his heart, Cal pines for his One True Love, his Soul-Mate, all along.

miscast:  They picked the wrong girl to play the part of  the Babysitter.  If she were topless, she'd be about as stimulating to look at as it would be to look at two Sunny-Side Up Eggs glued to a plank of  wood.  ( To paraphrase a former co-worker of mine at a Dental Laboratory. )
 

noteworthy scenes:  1.) "I want a divorce"; 2.) Picture; 3.) Robbie's ( Jonah Bobo ) bedroom; 4.) Jumping out of the vehicle; 5.) Robbie's "Soul-Mate", Jessica ( Analeigh Tipton ); 6.) "Your life is so PG-13"; 7.) Pick-up line; 8.) Drunk; 9.) "We all thought it was Cancer.  It's just a divorce"; 10.) Mid-Life Crisis;11.) "I can't be friends with you anymore"; 12.) Cuckold; 13.) "You need to hear the truth"; 14.) The offer; 15.) "Unbelievable, he's in love already"; 16.) Hannah ( Emma Stone ) Banana's party; 17.) Shopping mall; 18.) Wardrobe; 19.) "Stop slapping me"; 20.) High school sweetheart; 21.) "Let's get out of here"; 22.) Bar tab; 23.) Divorce For Dummies; 24.) Assholes; 25.) "He's going out a lot"; 26.) The David and Robbie talk; 27.) "What, are you passing out"; 28.) "Oh, my God.  You did.  You Miyagi-ed me"; 29.) "You think I'm sexy and cute"; 30.) "God bless Technology"; 31.) Dining table talk; 32.) "Nasty Jessica"; 33.) Scarlet J; 34.) Night-time gardening; 35.) "I just need some inspiration right now"; 36.) Nine; 37.) "What a cliche"; 38.) Proposal; 39.) Role reversal; 40.) "We're gonna bang"; 41.) "It's like you're Photo-Shopped"; 42.) DIRTY DANCING; 43.) Massage chair; 44.) 'Phone calls; 45.) "Slutty money"; 46.) Private, personal photos; 47.) Emily's call; 48.) Game changer; 49.) Nosy mom; 50.) Enraged dad; 51.) Other daughter; 52.) Big fight; 53.) "Keep it in the family"; 54.) Scene montage; 55.) "Are we gonna be adults about this"; 56.) "Yup, yup.  She spit in that"; 57.) Graduation speech; 58.) "This is gonna be fun"; 59.) "Graduation gift to get you through high school"; and 60.) "I'm still glad you bought me that ice cream."

favorite scenes:  I liked the Sauna scene.

I liked the Parents/Teacher Meeting scene.

I liked the Photo-Shopped scene.

I liked the Big Fight At The Get-Together scene.

audience reaction:  The women in the audience enjoyed this more than the men.  But, then again, there were more women than men in the auditorium.

recommendation:  It's a Chick Flick for fans of the genre.  It was passable entertainment for me.

spoiler alert!  It would have been more believable had Robbie been infatuated with his own teacher, Kate ( Marisa Tomei ), who happened to be better looking than his babysitter.  Those parents at the Parents/Teacher meeting sure were nosy.  Yup, you can say that again:  "What a cliche."  "What, you had sex with nine partners when I only had one?  Hell, I've got some catching-up to do then!  After all, Fair's Fair."  ( I don't know why this rationalization was not put in the equation. )Why were Jessica and her parents at the graduation for since nobody in that family was graduating from 8th Grade, and especially after that big fight?  I'm sure  that Robbie could come-up with better pictures on the Internet to get him through high school! L.O.L.

fyi:  Back in the Philippines, I had a major crush on my Grade Two, Grade Three, Grade Four and Grade Six teachers!  Of course, I had crushes on some of the girls in my Grade Three, Grade Four and Grade Six classes, too!  The point I'm trying to make is that Robbie should have had more than one crush.  And, that he should have had a crush on his teacher, as well.

My "Similar to Robbie's crush" occurred a year later, when I was 14-years old, shortly after my siblings and I arrived here in the United States.  I was sent to Freshman high in 9th Grade.  In one of my classes, I was assigned a project with this blonde girl ( initials, L. J. ) who wore braces.  We were in such close proximity to one another that, had I wanted to, I could have stolen a kiss from her.  She would have been the first girl that I'd have had kissed!  And she and I were flirting with each other.  The other guys in class picked-up on this.  And they teased me about it, that I was trying to hit on her even though she was pudgy-ugly.  It wasn't until my Junior year in high school that I realized just how butt-ugly she was!  I guess my Raging Hormone Surges had subsided enough for my Level-Headed Reasoning to take over.  And I avoided her from that point on--I even refused to sign her yearbook--'sorry to say.

There are two massage chairs right outside the AMC BAY STREET 16 theatre in Emeryville, CA.  Why they have them there, I don't know.

I looked it up.  So, I guess the past tense for Spit can either be Spit or Spat.  But I would prefer to use Spat, instead.

word of  advice:  Love and Sex are not one and the same.

tidbits:  Yesterday,  a Sunday, I went and ate at Selecta Filipino Buffet here in Vallejo, CA.  But, to my surprise, I couldn't eat as much as I wanted to.  So, today, I decided to swing by an all-you-can-eat buffet in Fairfield, CA, the Hometown Buffet, before seeing this movie, thinking that I just had an "Off" day yesterday.

But, again, I could only eat two plates' full!  That's five, I repeat, 5, buffet restaurants in a row where I found myself  unable to eat as much as I used to be able to.  I think that my alter-ego, Pig-Out Man, is withering away--How Sad! how Tragic.  Que lastima!  ( Cue-in a dirge. )  Or, maybe, that Chinese waitress at Super Buffet ( re-read my blog on COWBOYS AND ALIENS ), which I boycotted for over two years, has something to do with it.  Hey! maybe she is a Yogini, for all I know.

Here's something I never saw before at any of the buffets that I frequent:  Amish people!  Wow!  I guess I made quite an impression on some of  the Amish people that I saw last year in Shipshewana, Indiana--and they decided to follow me home on their Horse and Buggy vehicles; and it only took them One Year, One Month and Two Weeks to get here ( 'Just kidding ).  I'm gonna have to invite myself to some of their Rumschpringe events soon!  Heh, heh, heh.  Anyway ....

Amish horse & buggy from Shipshewana, Indiana ( Internet photo )

 The odd thing that I noticed about this Amish group was that  the females wore traditional clothing while the males, without exception, wore plaid shirts and blue jeans--and none of the males  was sporting the traditional beard.  None of them had a watch.  Some of them had sunglasses; and most of the females, young and old, wore eyeglasses.  And they all wore either sandals or sneakers.  And when I stepped out, I couldn't find their tour bus or any horse-drawn carriage at all!  What a mysterious bunch of Amish they were to me.  Maybe, they were just "Play-Acting" the part ....
 

RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 50 min )

where:  EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 & I-MAX in Fairfield, CA
when:  Friday, August 5th, 2011
show:  10:10 p.m.
costs:  $11.00 Ticket + $4.75 small Zero Coke = $15.75
auditorium:  4
seat:  3rd row, 12th column


synopsis/overview:  A research scientist, Dr. Will Rodman ( James Franco ),  in search of  a cure for Alzheimer's Disease, discovers a promising side effect on his test subjects, some Chimpanzees.  But because of  an unfortunate incident at the lab, funding for his research is cut-off.  Against protocol, he continues with his research on the last surviving Chimpanzee, an infant which inherited the drug's side effect In-Utero.  But the doctor is caught unprepared for the biological repercussions of  his "Frankenstein" experiment.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) Poachers; 2.) Number Nine; 3.) "One is all we need"; 4.) A cure to Alzheimer's; 5.) Bright Eyes; 6.) "Attachments"; 7.) "You know everything about the Brain except the way it works"; 8.) Company property; 9.) Precocious juvenile chimp; 10.) ALZ  112; 11.) "I'm not sick anymore"; 12.) Angry neighbor; 13.) Zoo chimps; 14.) Veterinarian's office; 15.) Muir Woods National Monument; 16.) Supplication; 17.) Dog; 18.) "What is Caesar"; 19.) Dining table; 20.) Anti-bodies; 21.) Car; 22.) Chase; 23.) San Bruno Primate Shelter; 24.) Cages; 25.) "I can't lose them both"; 26.) "More aggressive virus strain; 27.) Fire hose; 28.) Drawing; 29.) ALZ 113; 30.) Alpha chimp; 31.) Jacobs; 32.) Blood; 33.) Circus Orangutan; 34.) Frustration; 35.) The double-date; 36.) Knife; 37.) Gorilla; 38.) The new boss; 39.) "Some things are meant to be changed"; 40.) Risks; 41.) Sick; 42.) The bribe; 43.) Refusal; 44.) "Cookie Rocket"; 45.) "Apes stupid"; 46.) Escape; 47.) The stolen virus; 48.) Green eyes; 49.) Ape group meeting; 50.) The apartment unit; 51.) The command; 52.) Break-out; 53.) "He spoke"; 54.) The leaves; 55.) Video surveillance; 56.) Break-in; 57.) Viral infection; 58.) Zoo; 59.) Golden Gate Bridge; 60.) The bus; 61.) The helicopter; 62.) Redwood forest; 63.) "Caesar is home"; and 64.) Bonus Scene during the Ending Credits.

favorite scenes:  I liked the Leaves Falling From The Trees In The Neighborhood Street scene.

I liked the Caesar Gains A New Ally scene.  So did the audience.

I liked the two Caesar Got The Better Of  The Bad Guy scenes.  So did the audience.

I liked the Caesar's Goodbye To His Friend scene.  So did the audience.


audience reaction:  The audience enjoyed this movie.  They even "got" the classic references to the original versions.  And they gave it a "Hands Clapper" ending.

recommendation:  I liked the character development in this movie which is a rarity in Sci-Fi movies.  If  you're a fan of  the original Planet of  the Apes movies, this movie won't disappoint you.  Or,  if  you're a PETA activist, this movie will give you a visual orgasm.

But, unfortunately, I will now have to take advantage of  my knowledge of  Human Anatomy & Physiology, Biology, Microbiology, Anthropology and Ape Anatomy because it is  time for the ...

spoiler alert!  It is my understanding that Chimpanzees are indigenous to Africa.  So, how come those illegal poachers didn't look like Africans at all?  Why did Will go shopping for Chimpanzee Food at a local Safeway Supermarket since about the only chimp food that is sold there is Bananas?  Ha, ha, ha.  It's illegal, without a permit,  to have an exotic pet in the State of  California; so, the neighbor could have easily called animal control or the Humane Society.  Caesar was raised as a "child", and taught to communicate in Sign Language and had never had contact with the adult Chimpanzees in his "impressionable" years.  Therefore, the hand gesture for Supplication would have never been known to Caesar  at all.   In real life, a Chimpanzee would have bitten his face off!  ( Do you remember the guest on the Oprah Winfrey Show who was attacked by a Chimpanzee? )  The distance from San Bruno, CA, to San Francisco, CA, is approximately 14 miles.  And the apes probably took, on average, three hours to get to the lab without stopping for rest, food and water.  ( How did they avoid detection by humans, dogs, and cameras? ) Therefore, those apes had been tired, hungry and thirsty since their escape to freedom--the humans could  just keep them surrounded and tire them to submission or starve them to death since there would be nobody to hand them out cookies while they were in hiding and since they wouldn't have the experience and/or skill ( being the lab creatures that they were ) required to go foraging for food in the wild.  Even if  the apes had the skills and experience required to go foraging for food in the jungle, a Tropical Jungle is quite different from a Redwood Forest!  And if  they do eat and drink out in the wild, more than likely, they will suffer from stomach distress ( i.e., Diarrhea which leads to Electrolyte loss ) since they are not yet used to such things in a strange environment, further weakening them for a human assault.  Apes have color vision, meaning that they have very poor night-time vision.  But their human adversaries ( i.e., military, police and militia, and armed citizenry  ) can see in the dark with the aid of  night-vision goggles and scopes, thermal imaging, lasers and flashlights.  The apes numbered less than a hundred.  Therefore, the humans could very well pick them off  one-by-one in the dark employing nothing but a handful of  snipers.  A few of the apes would fall prey to mountain lion and bear attacks since these forest creatures have good night-time vision.  The surviving few would be hunted down in the daytime by helicopter patrols with thermal imaging, by hunting dogs and by trackers probably within a week's time of  their escape.  And speaking of  Helicopters, how come there was only one helicopter in the sky when there are at least four TV Stations with their own News and Traffic Helicopters in the San Francisco/East Bay area?  And the surrounding cities each have their own Police Helicopters.  Why did the mounted police only used batons on the Chimpanzees which are each at least five times stronger that the strongest man?  The mode of  viral transmission from infected human to another human in this movie is through blood contact, much like how HIV is transmitted.  Viruses that are species-specific don't kill all of  their host organisms.  Viruses just "weed-out" the young, the weak, the sick and the aged--THIS IS THE ONLY WAY THAT A VIRUS CAN SURVIVE AND MUTATE INTO A BETTER STRAIN WITH EACH SUCCEEDING GENERATION!   Just look at the Cold, Flu, HIV and Ebola viruses:  None of  these can ever wipe-out the entire Human Population, even the experimental ALZ 113 virus--contrary to what this movie implies.  And another thing, such viruses cannot survive in sub-zero temperatures.  So, the humans who live in the Arctic and Antarctic regions would be, for the better part,  spared from this global epidemic.  In the scene where Caesar, the chimp, towers over his friend/caretaker, Will, Caesar's stature would only have been made possible through  two anatomical adjustments:  The Chimpanzee's legs would have to be longer AND straighter! But Caesar's legs were not longer and straighter since he still ambulated around by knuckle-walking/running.  Chimpanzees, for millions of  years,  have had short bow-legs adapted for arboreal life.  Therefore, Caesar's legs couldn't have possibly gotten longer and straighter in just a few short years IN HIS OWN LIFETIME!  The bi-ped Human's  skull sits directly above the first cervical vertebra, C1, called, the Atlas.  However, the Ape skull is connected to the Atlas diagonally because  Apes are not bi-pedal!  So, for Caesar to be looking directly at Will would be similar to Will touching his own chin to his chest; either way, speech from either species would be greatly impeded.  So, Caesar could never have made the vocal sounds normally.  Also, the position of  the Skull in its relation to the Atlas in bi-pedal Humans is the determining factor in the development of Speech.  As with the legs evolving into bi-pedalism, it takes countless generations for the skull placement/evolution  to facilitate Speech.  Therefore, Caesar would not have been able to talk without his skull structure ( and Brain ) undergoing radical evolutionary change; and neither would his succeeding generations without such a change--understand, this movie's ALZ 112 and 113 viruses only work on the apes' intelligence, not on their anatomy ( except for the green eyes ).  I guess the sequel to this movie is the Matt Damon movie coming up called, CONTAGION!  Ha, ha, ha.

fyi:  Years ago, it was rumored that the HIV virus responsible for AIDS was made in a US laboratory and administered to lab monkeys, according to a conspiracy theory that I came across.  This remake stole heavily from that theory.

Back when I worked as a Dental Lab Tech, I told a co-worker that the bones connected to the Big Toe are the bones which make bi-pedal locomotion possible, that if  the Big Toe was separated from the rest of  the toes,  just like the Thumb is separated from the rest of  the fingers then, walking would be impossible.   Because the other Toes and the bones associated with them are too weak to be primary bones and are just used to stabilize the locomotion.  He proceeded to stand-up on his toes and--trying to look serious and smart--said, "Well, I'm up on my toes but not on my Big Toes and I can walk!"  I just shook my head, smiled ( trying hard to suppress my laughter ) and walked away since there was no point in arguing with an idiot who was  deeply-set in his own idiotic ways.

word of  advice:  Don't fool Mother Nature.

tidbits:  I would have finished this blog yesterday, a Saturday, if  not for the fact that my computer was acting-up again even though I optimized, cleaned, defragged and scanned it for viruses.

So, I called PeoplePC for tech support.  And I was connected to someone named, "Jonathan," who spoke with either an Indian or Pakistani accent.  That guy was only trained on Internet Explorer.  So, I had to switch over from Google Chrome.  And he asked me if  I was using Google.  I told him that IE doesn't have a Google search engine anymore, that it now uses  Babylon Search--how he could not know this when he was trained specifically on IE, I do not know.  Anyway, "Jonathan" had me go through the You-fix-it routine, but my opened tab would not load-up.  In exasperation, "Jonathan" said condescendingly, "Maybe you should have someone sitting there next to you the next time you use a browser since you obviously don't know how to use it!" Raising my voice, I said,  I've been using the Internet for over six years now and I know how to go to a website ( as a learning incentive, porn sites can raise your "learning curve"--ahem! very quickly ) and I've been blogging for over two years now.  The idiot didn't even know what I  meant by "blogging".  He then hung-up on me!  How rude!!!

That's PeoplePC for you folks: Bad Service.  Maybe when I come back from my vacation, I will switch ISPs!

And mark my words:  I now put a Yogic Curse on all IT Techs in India and Pakistan who work for PeoplePC and who are named, "Jonathan".  They will all die within the next 85 years!  And I will be  symbolically dancing on their graves--wait a minute ... they get cremated.  Heck, I will be Fire-Walking on their pyres!  That's how good I am at casting an evil curse.  That will teach them not to mess around with this 1st-Stage Kriyaban Yogi!

Since I couldn't do any blogging at all, I decided to adjust the hem on my new pair of  carpenter's jeans.  I broke three sewing machine needles doing it!  I would have  to go to a fabric store to buy more needles.

But, first, I stopped at the Admiral Callaghan Lane Safeway Supermarket to get a refill on my prescription and to buy a loaf  of  French Bread before driving over to the nearby fabric store in the Target Shopping Center.  Then, I walked a few doors down to the Dollar Tree Store to buy some paper plates, corn chips, pomegranate tea  and two 3-litre sodas.

Then, I decided to go to Hector's place in Oakland, CA, to finish this blog.  So, I called his number but nobody would pick-up the 'phone.  I called a number of  times.  Still, no answer.  So, I said, The heck with it, I'm going there anyway because I need to finish this blog.

I got there--but no one was there, except for Tiger, the kitten.  The rest of  them had gone to a picnic without letting me know.  They wouldn't even answer my call on their cellphones.  How inconsiderate of  them.  Hey, just because I'm a well-trained eater from my years of  experience eating at all-you-can-eat-buffets doesn't mean that I wouldn't invite myself  to their family get-together where food would be a-plenty!

Tiger was at the door hoping that I would be able to let him in.

Here, Tiger was grooming himself as he was waiting to see me off.

On my way home, since it was still early, I decided to swing by the UA Emery Bay Stadium 10 in Emeryville, CA, to see THE CHANGE-UP.  But I would have to wait at least one-and-a-half hours for the next show, the 7:00 p.m. one.  I just decided to go home.  But I had to empty my bladder because of  the tea that I drank on my commute to Oakland.  So, I got off  at the San Pablo Dam Road exit in Richmond, CA, to eat at the Empire Buffet and to empty my bladder first.

That was the third time in a row that I ate at a Chinese buffet and could only finish two plates instead of  my usual three plates' full!  Maybe, I should just stop eating at buffets since I can no longer get my money's worth.

When I got home, guess what happened?  My computer was working perfectly!  What a waste of  time and money my whole Saturday had been!  Live and learn ....


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THE SMURFS 3-D, PG ( 1 hr & 40 min )

where:  BRENDEN VACAVILLE 16 in Vacaville, CA
when:  Sunday, July 31st, 2011
show:  6:15 p.m.
costs:  $13.75 Ticket + $4.75 small Diet Pepsi + $12.87 Dinner ( + $2.00 Tip ) @ Great Moon Buffet in Fairfield, CA, before the movie = $33.37
auditorium:  9, with the 3-D screen.
seat:  4th row, 8ht column


synopsis/overview:  A large family of  blue creatures called, Smurfs, live an idyllic, enchanted life in Smurf Village.  But a Smurf-hating evil wizard, Gargamel ( Hank Azaria ),  accidentally discovers their hidden village and wastes no time in trying to catch all of  the Smurfs.  As a once-in-a-blue-moon portal opens up, the Smurfs jump in, with Gargamel and his sidekick, Azrael ( Mr. Krinkle ), in hot pursuit.  And the 3-apples high Smurfs soon find themselves lost and bewildered in the Big Apple.  Without anybody's help, they'll be stuck in New York forever.


noteworthy scenes: 1.) Smurf Festival; 2.) "Nothing weird about that--totally normal"; 3.) The vision; 4.) Intruder; 5.) Vortex; 6.) "Give me what I want"; 7.) Taxi; 8.) Hairball; 9.) Porta Potty; 10.) "Would you care for a mint when you're done"; 11.)  Google; 12.) "Alright, who smurfed"; 13.) "I kissed a Smurf and I liked it"; 14.) "Lunatics and wizards"; 15.) "Garbage Smell"; 16.) Chamber pot; 17.) Star-gazer; 18.) Toy store; 19.) Tazer; 20.) Smurfette's origin; 21.)  Guitar hero; 22.) Air vent; 23.) "Papa's lap"; 24.) Flies; 25.) "They chose us"; 26.) Blue Moon; 27.) Sonogram; 28.) Antique store; 29.) "You know, that song is really annoying"; 30.) "I second-guessed myself"; 31.) "I never promised him anything"; 32.) The moon; 33.) The Smurfs; 34.) Bus; 35.) Proud moment; and 36.) Film Montage and Bonus Scene during the Ending Credits.


audience reaction:  The little brats liked it.  And the computer-savvy brats even laughed at the mention of  Google!  The adults seemed to have a fun time, too.


recommendation:  Smurf  fans will like this.  It was just okay for me.


spoiler alert!  How could  the Smurfs read in English?  Grace ( Jayma Mays ) was so grossed-out at having to clean-out the toilet bowl that I ended-up wondering why she was cuddling Clumsy Smurf in a later scene, knowing where he had just been.  Given that all the Smurfs were males, with the exception of  Smurfette who wasn't even related to them, why was there no Horny Smurf or Sex-Starved Smurf?  Instead of a group hug with Patrick ( Neil Patrick Harris ), the blue-balled Smurfs should have done a grope hug with Grace, instead!  The train would really have to be going up a steep incline for the two Smurfs to slide back the way they did.  Why didn't they show the dog chasing after the cat?  Grouchy Smurf married what could only be the human equivalent of a sex pillow--his name should be changed to Pervert Smurf!

fyi:  Years ago, Hector and I had a short and skinny black co-worker on night-crew.  Everybody on the crew called him Papa Smurf  because he always wore a pair of blue jeans,  a blue long-sleeved sweatshirt and a red knit cap--and he had a white beard!


word of  advice:  Smurfs smurf for a smurf.  So, smurf  smurfs.  Smurf smurfs, smurfs smurf  all smurf  to be smurfings  in smurf.

( Translation:  Things, happen, reason.  Accept, them.  Lord, knows, they, could, prove, blessings, disguise. )


tidbits:  I decided to see this movie at the Brenden Theatre in Vacaville, CA, because I wanted to see if my Real D 3-D glasses would work in place of  their Dolby 3-D Digital Cinema glasses.  Nope, they are not interchangeable.  I was hoping that they would be because the Real D 3-D glasses are more comfortable for me to wear over my own eyeglasses.  I guess that I won't be seeing 3-D movies in Vacaville anymore.

I took this picture inside of my Geo Metro.  What you see is a 1.25-pound ( $1.24 @ .99/lb. ) Siamese-twin yellow squash which I bought minutes earlier at the local Benicia, CA, Safeway Supermarket.  I bought it just because ....  In the background is the Fire Department's parking lot.

I decided to have an early dinner at this Chinese buffet before seeing the Smurfs movie.  I wanted to know how differently their dinner selection is from their lunch selection--'pretty much the same, I soon found out.  Their Fried Squid was really salty, though; and their Steamed Salmon had a slightly different taste than what I am accustomed to--but it was good.  And with all the Asians and Hispanics dining-in, they were out of rice before I even got there; I had to stand around nibbling here and there while I waited impatiently for my rice!

I took this picture of  the restaurant's men's room urinal because I've never seen such an one before: Sloan's Waterless Urinal!  I don't know how it works; so, don't ask me.

I am starting to suspect that my digital camera has bad night-time vision!  Anyway, I went to this Big!Lots in Vacaville, CA, after the movie to buy a 12-oz. bag of El Sabroso Original Salsitas Salsa Chips Spicy Salsa Tortilla Rounds ( whew! what a long name ),  an eight-serving Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Pop-Tarts, and an Aluminum Card Guard Card Holder/Wallet.

I exited at  Marine World Parkway on my way home, totally forgetting about the fair at the Solano County Fairgrounds right across the street from Marine World/Discovery Kingdom.  By then, it was too late: Traffic Jam--I probably could have walked it halfway home in the time that it took me to get  out of  that congestion.


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