FAST FIVE, PG-13 ( 2 hr & 10 min )

where:  MOVIE2K.TO via Stream2K on my Laptop
when:  Thursday, April 28th, 2011
show:  10:15 p.m.
costs:  $0.00 Stream
auditorium:  My Living Room
seat:  My Swivel Chair

2nd time:

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:   Friday, April 29th, 2011
show:  6:15 p.m.
costs:   $10.25 Ticket + $8.14 dinner @ Selecta Filipino  Buffet = $18.39
auditorium:  7
seat:   3rd row, 12th column

synopsis/overview:   Dominic ( Vin Diesel ), Brian ( Paul Walker ) and Mia ( Jordana Brewster ) need to do one last job for the head mobster in Rio before they can disappear.  But when a train robbery doesn't go as planned, they decide to take all of  the mobster's money as payback by assembling the best and fastest crew to get the job done  right.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) Bus crash; 2.) "How does it feel to be on the other side of a wanted poster"; 3.) "There's a job coming up"; 4.) No extradition; 5.) Train robbery; 6.) Bridge; 7.) "Wherever she hides, I will find her"; 8.) "They wanted this car"; 9.) "I like her smile"; 10.) "I own them"; 11.) "'Almost wished I didn't see it"; 12.) "You're motivated"; 13.) Delivery schedule; 14.) Gunfight; 15.) Pregnant; 16.) Conflicting M.O. ( method of operation ); 17.) "You ain't gonna be like that, Brian"; 18.) "Then, we're gonna need a team"; 19.) 100 million dollars; 20.) "We ain't stealing it"; 21.) "Nobody in Rio is stupid enough to rob Reyes ( Joaquim de Almeida )"; 22.) Police station; 23.) Surveillance cameras; 24.) "It says Caucasian"; 25.) Remote-controlled  toy car; 26.) Police station men's room; 27.) "Home, sweet home"; 28.) "We're gonna need a faster car"; 29.) Beach; 30.) Hand print; 31.) "You're a long way away from home"; 32.) "Tracker's on"; 33.) "I never thought anyone could understand so much, but you do"; 34.) "First time I've ever been in the front seat"; 35.) "He let you win"; 36.) Barbecue; 37.) "You just made a big mistake"; 38.) Ambush; 39.) "I named him after you"; 40.) "I'm in"; 41.) The case; 42.) The bridge; 43.) "For my team, you son-of-a-bitch"; 44.) "There are two in the Western Hemisphere"; 45.) "We'll get there, eventually"; 46.) "You know I want another shot"; and 47.) Bonus Scene at the end of the Ending Credits.

favorite scenes:  I liked the Train Robbery scene.

I liked the Off The Bridge scene.


I liked the Get-Away Chase scene.

audience reaction:  N/A.  I watched this all by my lonesome ....

2nd  audience reaction:  The audience really liked this.  Although it didn't get a "Hands Clapper" ending.

recommendation:  I liked this, too.  If you're into action, fast cars and hot women, this movie is for you.

spoiler alert!  Buses don't have passenger seatbelts.  When that prison bus went tumbling around, the prisoners should have tumbled around with it, too!  Some of the prisoners would have even been  thrown out of the bus.  No fatalities, my butt!  The front end of the train robbers' truck should have been smashed-in when it hit the bridge; but a later scene showed the truck's front end with only little damaged.   Why did they look so calm and composed when they jumped-out of the falling Corvette?  How did Dominic easily get out of  the chain tied around his wrists?  Vincent's ( Matt Schulze ) armed guards packed more heat than the drag-racing crowd.  Why, then, could not his armed guards intimidate the Feds into  backing away from the place?  Those are actual houses in the slum area where they did the roof-top chase scene.  Hey! get off my roof, you crazy Americanos.  And what happened to Vincent's armed guards during the firefight between Reyes'  men and the Feds? Why did Elena ( Elsa Pataky ) keep the necklace  when that would be considered "Tampering with the Evidence"?     So Dominic wants a "chameleon", someone who can blend-in easily anywhere in the world--yeah, right.  I'd like to see the Korean, Han ( Kang Sung ),  blend-in in a roomful of  white and/or black people!  'Cause the only way he'd blend-in is if  he was a waiter in a Chinese restaurant!  Hey, wait a minute, come to think of it, there are Chinese restaurants all over the world.  Scrap that!  My  bad ....  Why were the women in the cocaine lab wearing their underwear when they usually are supposed to be butt-naked ( damn the PG-13 rating! )?  Gisele's ( Gal Gadot ) bikini bottom was not washed to preserve the hand print.  Well, then, my "guy" question is:  Did they sniff  the crotch area of  her bikini bottom when she wasn't around?  Ahh ... 'smells good.  L.O.L.  ( 'Sorry folks, it's just the dog in me--bow, wow, wow, yippee-yow,  yippee-yaw. )  And speaking of the hand print, why was it so sharply-defined when in the hand-touching-her-butt scene, Reyes moved his hand around it?  How come those fancy cop cars did not get equipped with Lo-Jack?  Nobody noticed how long it took them "circus clowns" to "fix" the men's room in the police station.    And how would  the "circus clowns" be able to get away with cutting-out that  hole in the wall if their patch-up job would obviously smell of  fresh paint?  And how exactly did they know what color paint to use for their patch-up job since they never bothered to do a Color-Match on the wall paint beforehand?  With the police station men's room out-of-order, all of those parked police vehicles in the parking lot probably got their tires wet with urine!  Why didn't they have the outnumbered and outgunned Feds leave behind their guns, ammo and gear?  Who's the dumb-ass idiot who put a couple of  dried coconuts in the barbecue scene's fruit bowl?  The pieces of glass that Hobbs ( Dwayne, "The Rock," Johnson ) spat-out were safety glass; and whoever heard of safety glass used in house windows?  Not me, not I, no sirree, Bob!  In the ambush scene, why didn't anybody bother to reload their weapons?  The towing rig that they welded onto those two cars would not be strong enough to hold together from the stress of  the tow load.  And speaking of tow load, each car only had about a 2,000-pound towing capacity if  the towed object were set on wheels!  Each car was about 5,000 pounds, but the door--alone--of the bank vault probably weighed at least four times as heavy as each of the cars!  In real life, because it was a bank vault, they would not have been able to tow it since it didn't have wheels; instead, they would have been forced to drag it along, if at all!  Heck, any of those other cop cars could have easily caught up to them with that thing that they were dragging around.  Hell, even a cop on foot could have chased them down!  Don't they have police helicopters in Brazil?  Why didn't the motorcycle cops  just shoot-out the tires?  Why wasn't the military called-in to assist?  Yeah, Dominic didn't kill the DEA agents, but he sure left a lot of  dead Brazilian cops in his wake!  Why was Hobbs always so sweaty?  Did he forget to bring his bottle of baby oil to make his muscles look shiny so that he  had to settle for that "Manly Sweat" look, instead?

fyi:  YouTube has a video of  the "Five year old screenwriter of  FAST FIVE."  It's really cute and funny.  You might want to check it out.

word of advice:  Speed kills.

tidbits:  I had to see this movie again on the Big Screen because the up-loaded movie on the internet is not a good copy:  A quarter area of  each scene, on the right side, is cut-off from the film.  And the movie cuts-off early during the Ending Credits, omitting an important-for-the-next-sequel ( ? ) Bonus Scene with Eva Mendes and Michelle Rodriguez in it.

After a long day at work, eating a big dinner, then going to see this movie at the local theatre, I got too sleepy to blog about this as soon as I  got  home.  And I overslept.  So, sorry for the delay.

Special Announcement:  I would like to take this time to say, Thank You and Welcome, to my readers in:

Bosnia &  Herzegovina, Hong Kong, Iceland, Ireland and Zimbabwe


Thank you, once again.  Please keep on reading my weekly updates.  And don't forget to tell your friends, and everyone else who you know, about my movie blogsite.

MADEA'S BIG HAPPY FAMILY, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 45 min )

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Tuesday, April 26th, 2011
show:  4:55 p.m.
costs:  $7.50 Ticket + $5.00 Snack Pack + $12.77 dinner @ Empire Buffet ( + $2.23 Tip ) = $27.50
auditorium:  7
seat:  7th row, 7th column

synopsis/overview:  Mother Shirley ( Loretta Devine ) receives a bad prognosis from her primary care physician.  And she plans on telling the rest of her family about it over dinner.  But her children cannot stand to be in the presence of  each other.  So, it is up to Aunt Madea ( Tyler Perry ) to round-up everybody to the dinner table.


noteworthy scenes:  1.)  Hospital room; 2.) Praise the Lord; 3.) "I want to see all my children"; 4.) "I don't eat pork; I eat ham"; 5.) Colonoscopy; 6.) Fast-food restaurant; 7.) "I'm not the nanny"; 8.) "One little drop"; 9.) "Punk-ass"; 10.) "Demon seed"; 11.) "I get more love in prison"; 12.) "Baby mama"; 13.) "Shut the hell up"; 14.) "I want them all together so I can tell them"; 15.) "1-(800) Choke-That-Ho"; 16.) "You're a cancer"; 17.) Stretchmarks; 18.) Prognosis; 19.) Marriage counselor; 20.) "You look like one"; 21.) Anniversary; 22.) J.A.B.; 23.) Cops; 24.) "A mother knows"; 25.) "You did the best you could"; 26.) "You've been redeemed"; 27.) "Just stay strong"; 28.) Auto shop; 29.) Lanco Imports; 30.) "Pull your pants up"; 31.) "Two front teeth"; 32.) "Baby momma from Hell"; 33.) "Let it happen"; 34.) "Traffic jam of  Life"; 35.) "You gotta stop  being mean to me"; 36.) "You already got one that you left at the doorstep"; 37.) Maury Povich Show; 38.) "Who's my daddy"; 39.) Hospital; 40.) Church service; 41.) "Old whip your ass"; 42.) "I want to hold you"; 43.) DNA results; and 44.)  Out-takes during the Ending Credits.

audience reaction:  The audience enjoyed this Family Dram-Com movie.

recommendation:  I enjoyed it, too.  Go see it.
 
spoiler alert!  If I were the owner of that fast-food joint, I'd fire that girl for talking on her cellphone on company time.  And the way she chewed gum, she should be thankful that she was not doing it in Singapore or they'd tan her hide a bloody-colored red!  Didn't anybody with a cellphone camera get some pictures of the drive-through crash-through?  That repulsively  whiny ex-girlfriend bitch  probably orgasms in the same vocal sort of  way: Byron ( Shad "Bow Wow" Moss ), nyaaah ....  By ... ron, nyaaaah ....  Nyaaaaaaah--Byron!  ( I honestly think that I could never get a girl like that pregnant--my sperm cells would be too afraid to cum  out.  L.O.L. )  Did her doctor even put her on chemotherapy?  Why was she still fat if  she had cancer since people with cancer experience massive weight loss?  Sharing bad news like that at the dinner table will just serve to ruin everyone's appetite!  So, there really was even no reason at all for her to go to all that trouble of  cooking a big meal.  And she was tired all the time--she should just have picked-up the 'phone and ordered home-delivered "Take-out".  Hello ...?  Why didn't she just have a Pot-Luck meal, instead?  The illusion was spoiled for me when an extra in the warehouse scene lifted a stack of boxes with his hands placed near the top end of the bottom box; and when Byron kicked it and the stack flew the way empty boxes do when kicked!

fyi:  I'm turned-off  by any one  who cannot keep his/her mouth closed while he/she  chews  gum.  It is so disgusting!

One time, back when my family lived in G.S.I.S. Heights Subdivision in Matina, Davao City, Mindanao, Philippines, my older cousin, the tall and handsome 'Nong Eddie, came to visit.  As we gathered at the dining table for lunch, 'Nong Eddie felt  a general sense of  malaise.   He told  my dad about how he felt.  And my dad gave 'Nong Eddie his medical diagnosis ( Mind you, my dad was not a doctor; he was a lawyer! ):  "I believe you have Leprosy."  'Nong Eddie froze on the spot, his spoon midway between his plate and his mouth, as the thought of falling victim to such a disfiguring disease set-off  his "Vanity" alarm!  He simply could not eat after that.  He went back to his room and stayed there for a while then came out and begged my dad to take him to the hospital because of  his "Leprosy."  Of course, he had no Leprosy. But the memory of  that day will forever  be etched in my mind.  Why?  Because I was a fat kid back then and I got to have an extra helping of  food at lunch!

I knew this Iranian Muslim girl once who ate Ham Sandwiches.

word of advice:  All prayers are answered.  But the answer isn't always, "Yes."

Spanking your child is not illegal.  But it is illegal to injure your child.  ( Go ahead, give the brats what they deserve.  Ha, ha, ha. )

tidbits:  I found out earlier today, Tuesday, that it is "National Pretzel Day."  I didn't know that there was even such a day.

After the movie, as I sat at my table at  Empire Buffet, I overheard the conversation between the two men seated behind me.  One of them was a car salesman who had a hard time meeting his sales quota.  He said to the other  man that he will need  to sell three cars just to break-even.  This information will come in handy, I'm sure, the next time that I shop for another car!  All I will need to  do is find a salesman who is so desperate to reach  his minimum quota.

Special Announcement:  I would like to take this time to say, Thank You and Welcome, to my readers in these two countries:

Italy and United Arab Emirates

Thank you, once again.  Please keep reading my weekly updates.  And don't forget to tell your friends, and everyone else who you know, about my movie blogsite. 

THE CONSPIRATOR, PG-13 ( 2 hr & 3 min )

where:  UA EMERY BAY STADIUM 10 in Emeryville, CA
when:  Sunday, April 24th, 2011
show:  9:45 p.m.
costs:  $10.75 Ticket + $5.75 Zap Pack + $5.00 Carquinez Bridge Toll = $21.50
auditorium:  6
seat:  7th row, 10th column

synopsis/overview:  Shortly after President Lincoln's assassination at Ford's Theatre in Washington, D.C., suspects are rounded-up, including Mary Surratt ( Robin Wright ), the owner of a local boarding house where the conspirators met as well as the mother of  John Surratt ( Johnny Simmons ), one of  the suspects, who manages to escape from the manhunt.  Mary is used primarily as bait to try to get John out of hiding.  A young lawyer and Union Army war hero, Frederick Aiken ( James McAvoy ), is given the unenviable task of  being the defense lawyer for Mary in a "Kangaroo Court" hell-bent on revenge!
 

noteworthy scenes: 1.) "You take him first"; 2.) "Hep, hep.  Hurrah"; 3.) "It's good to be back"; 4.) Lincoln's assassination"; 5.) "One man did not orchestrate this all on his own"; 6.) Manhunt; 7.) Barn; 8.) Suspects; 9.) "She's entitled to a defense"; 10.) Adjournment; 11.) Inquisition; 12.) "Obey your oath as an attorney"; 13.) "There's never  been a case like this before"; 14.) "I didn't ask about their allegiances"; 15.) Perfect place; 16.) "I'm trying to understand why you're here"; 17.) Secret meeting; 18.) "They all look guilty"; 19.) "If you can prove that she's guilty, you can take yourself off the case"; 20.) "You know your Proverbs"; 21.) Conspiracy to kidnap; 22.) Sic Semper Tyrannis ( "Thus Always to Tyrants", State Motto of  Virginia ); 23.) "The man she denies knowing"; 24.) "Failed to show proof beyond reasonable doubt"; 25.) Travesty; 26.) "Stop treating her like a savage"; 27.) "You're trying to save you"; 28.) Wild rumors; 29.) "Either outcome, you cannot prevail"; 30.) "Right-smart in liquor"; 31.) Defense witness; 32.) Rescinded; 33.) "Predetermined her fate"; 34.) Daughter's testimony; 35.) Infatuation; 36.) "Allegiance to God"; 37.) Three acts; 38.) Majority decision; 39.) "Let us change them"; 40.) News; 41.) Three options; 42.) Writ of Habeas Corpus"; 43.) "It's not justice you're after, it's revenge"; 44.) "There should only be three"; 45.) Suspended; 46.) "In times of war, the law falls silent"; 47.) "You were more of a son to her than I ever was"; 48.) Summaries; and 49.) Photographs shown during the Ending Credits.

audience reaction:  There were about ten of us in the auditorium.  Although it was quiet in there, I did hear some people react upon hearing of  President Andrew Johnson's crucial decision.  I reacted the same way to this travesty of  justice.

recommendation:  I liked this Historical Period Piece.  This movie is an invaluable supplemental aid to the study of  US History.  I highly recommend this movie to those of  you who are interested in US History.

spoiler alert!  Why did the accused men sit around in their jail cells with a hood over their heads?  It simply didn't make sense.  Mary Surratt, in her jail cell, swore on the Bible using her left hand--the proper way is with the right hand!  She should have known better than to use her left hand since she was well-versed in the Bible.

fyi:  It wasn't until after this movie came out on a limited release last week that I first learned of  Mary Surratt and the conspirators.  I always thought that  John Wilkes Booth acted alone.  At least, that is how I remembered it from my  US History class in high school.

After the fall of  Jerusalem in 70 A.D., General Titus reported to Rome by giving this statement:  "Jerusalem is lost."   Or, to put it in Latin: "Hierosylma  Est  Perdita."  To which, the Romans  exclaimed a jubilant, "Hurrah!"  This anti-Semitic victorious exclamation  eventually got  shortened to, "H.E.P. ( acronym ), h.e.p.  Hurrah!"

Here follows a Conspiracy Theory that is relevant to our present time:

Before the Original Thirteen Colonies gained their Independence from the British Empire, they were under a martial law called, Admiralty Law ( or Maritime Law ).  Mind you, this was before trains and airplanes were invented, and before the Westward Expansion.  Back then, most--if not all--trade and commerce were centered around shipping.  Hence, the use of  Admiralty Law.

When the colonies gained their independence, the Founding Fathers drafted the Constitution, i.e. "Law of  the Land", as opposed to "Law of  the Sea" where Admiralty Law had jurisdiction.  And as I've said in the previous paragraph, Admiralty Law, a.k.a. Maritime Law, is a form of  martial law.  Some of  the Founding Fathers were lawyers, Admiralty Lawyers, in fact!  And with their  background in such law, they knowingly drafted a Constitution that would  be superseded by Martial Law ( read: Admiralty Law ) in times of  national crisis and/or  war.

During the Civil War, President Lincoln imposed Martial Law ( read: Admiralty Law ).  And he never got the chance to rescind the law after the war  because he was "conveniently" assassinated!  And no future US President ever, never ever,  rescinded this law.  Or, to put it in another way, we are still in a state of Martial Law!  So, whenever you hear a "War On ..." drugs, poverty, hunger, crime, terrorists, etc., you hear an order passed under Martial Law.  Why do you think the United States was involved in a war for every year of the last Century ( history  books will show you this! )?

The state of  Martial Law ( read: Admiralty Law ) was what caused President Andrew Johnson to suspend the Writ of Habeas Corpus.  This suspension was a  very telling evidence of  the Admiralty Law's unlawful jurisdiction on land!

If you go to any court of law anywhere in the United States and see displayed in the courtroom a State flag and/or a US flag with gold fringe all around its edges and adorned with a golden tassel, that court of law is under the jurisdiction of  Admiralty Law.  Nope, they didn't adorn such flags simply to make them all look pretty.  And such a flag does not represent the United States or its Constitution!  If you want a fair trial, you will have to take your case all the way to the Supreme Court which may, at its own fickle discretion, decide to uphold the Constitution  in your behalf  if you solemnly swear to behave nicely.

This brings up the case of the prisoners ( "detainees" ) held in  the detention camp in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.  People argue that the prisoners ( "detainees" ) are innocent men held against their will.  But, get this, they were transported there over a very large expanse of water where Admiralty Law has jurisdiction!  Don't you just love the "legality" of this tactic?   So, like it or not, they're Toast--pretty much!  Unless they each can get their respective cases  heard in the Supreme Court and they each solemnly swear to behave nicely.  Otherwise, they will just languish, forgotten, in prison ( "detention camp" ) for the remainder of their lives.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

According to http://www.doctorzebra.com/prez/g16.htm, although Abraham Lincoln was marfanoid, he didn't suffer from Marfan's Disease.  He had cancer, Multiple Endocrine Neoplasia, Type 2B.  And he was in the terminal stage of  cancer when he was assassinated.  He also suffered from Syphilis.

Abraham Lincoln was almost 6'4" tall mostly because of  his longer-than-normal legs.  I guess you could call him, "Daddy Long Legs." 

Abraham Lincoln preferred to read while lying down on the floor.

Mary Todd Lincoln was a  bitch ( ! ) who hen-pecked, battered and threatened the life of  gentle and long-suffering Abe.

Abraham Lincoln was a dear friend to the Jews.  Among his closest Jewish friends were Louis Salzenstein, Abraham Jonas and Julius Hammerslough.  ( Levitt Letter, May 2010 issue )

Abraham Lincoln was a Cat Person; and he had four cats in the White House. ( www.theoatmeal.com:  Seventeen Things Worth Knowing About Your Cat )

John Wilkes Booth had two brothers, Junius Brutus ( Jr. ) and Edwin.  All three of  them were stage actors,  Edwin being the best  among them as well as  being the best stage actor in America during his time.  ( www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2010/11/john-wilkes-booths-brother-saved-abraham-lincolns-sons-life-shortly-before-lincoln-was-assassinated )

Edwin was a staunch supporter of  Abraham Lincoln, which put him at great odds with this brother, John.  Edwin also saved the life of  Abraham Lincoln's son, Robert, shortly  before the assassination.

Had Robert attended the play in which his father was assassinated, he might have changed its outcome as he would have  been seated closest to the door.  Robert was a witness to the assassination  of  President Garfield and  was present at the assassination of  President McKinley.  Because of  these fateful events, Robert Todd Lincoln refused subsequent invitations to Presidential functions "... because there is a certain fatality about  presidential functions when I am present."

word of  advice:  No one should be imprisoned without just cause.  ( The gist of  Writ of Habeas Corpus.)

Under Law of  the Land, i.e. Constitutional Law, a  person is innocent until proven guilty and has a right to a trial by jury.

Under Admiralty Law, a.k.a. Maritime Law, i.e. Martial Law, a person is guilty  until proven innocent and has no right  to a trial by jury.


tidbits:  When I  stepped out of my place today, Easter Sunday, I noticed some jelly  beans strewn on the hallway.  But there was no way that I was gonna pick them up, especially after seeing the movie, HOP.

After work, as I drove on 780 West, I saw a flare shoot up in the air in the Old Glen Cove area at  4:49 p.m.  I don't know why some stupid-ass idiot would do such a thing in a residential area where it could cause a fire and lots of property damage and even death!

The "Check Engine" light came on in my Hyundai Accent for a third time, yesterday, a Saturday, after it was supposedly fixed.  When I took it to the shop on Thursday, the mechanic who did a computer diagnostic test on it told me  that the code that came up showed that  my car's Master Air Flow Sensor was faulty.  He cleaned it, hoping that it would fix the problem.  Apparently, it didn't!

I decided to go visit my friend, Hector, and his family in Oakland, CA, hoping that the 60-plus mile round-trip would  in some way de-activate the "Check Engine" light or burn it out so I wouldn't have to look at  it again--ever!  But the damn light stayed on.  Aargh ....

So, Tiger, the kitten, was out there on Hector's front porch to greet me.  And he recently killed another mouse.  That brings his total kill to six.  Nope, he doesn't eat them.  He just delights in torturing them before killing them.  And Tiger is not intimidated by the adult stray cats roaming around his neighborhood; he stares them down.   I mean, after all, he gave a pit-bull a bloody nose at three months of  age.  He's four-and-a-half months old now.  And he's already a confirmed killer.  I commented to Hector and his sons that Tiger might be sporting tattoos the next time that I see him!  What a kitten he's turning out to be.

Early in the evening, after I cooked some dinner for everyone, Hector, his wife and I watched a taped TV program called, "Where Do We Go When We Die?"  One of the featured segments was about the child painter, Akiane Kramarik, who claims that she met God while in an out-of-body experience.  And God taught her how to paint.  AND SHE IS QUITE THE GIFTED ARTIST!  Her paintings are posted on the Internet for the world to behold. Check them out.

Before the movie, I went to the restroom to empty my bladder and to wash my eyeglasses with soap and water.  Some asshole used a faucet and left it on!  Why do irresponsible, inconsiderate lowlifes do such a thing?  It doesn't make sense at all.  After all, I know they don't leave their faucets running at home.   It is no wonder that I avoid socializing whenever possible because I cannot trust people to do the right thing around others and in the eyes of God.

WATER FOR ELEPHANTS, PG-13 ( 2 hr & 00 min )

where:  EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 & I-MAX in Fairfield, CA
when:  Friday, April 22nd, 2011
show:  10:20 p.m.
costs:  $11.00 Ticket + $1.00 medium upgrade on a Free Small Popcorn ( movie watcher reward card freebie ) + $4.75 small Diet/Zero Coke = $16.75
auditorium:  13
seat:  4th row, 8th column

synopsis/overview:  During the Great Depression, a veterinary student, Jacob Jankowski ( Robert Pattinson ), loses everything.  To get away from it all, he hitches a ride on a train, a train that happens to be that of a traveling circus.  His veterinary background gains him a job looking after the circus menagerie.  He soon finds himself falling  in love with a married woman, Marlena ( Reese Witherspoon ).  And  her husband, the brutally abusive ringmaster, August ( Christoph Waltz ), will stop at nothing to put an end to the illicit affair.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) Rings; 2.) The story; 3.) Car accident; 4.) "Your father was an irresponsible man"; 5.) "He ain't no bum"; 6.) Banzini Brothers Circus; 7.) "What smell"; 8.) Signal; 9.) Strip-tease; 10.) The Big-Top; 11.) "Don't ever mention Ringling Brothers"; 12.) Veterinary Sciences; 13.) Laminitis; 14.) Rex, the lion; 15.) "As long as we can walk, we play"; 16.) "Nobody stops or dies until August says so"; 17.) "You break my law, you have to pay the penalty"; 18.) Canceled shows; 19.) Rosie, the Elephant; 20.) Shakespeare's Histories; 21.) "'Can't have my Ivy League vet smelling like one of his patients"; 22.) "The world's run on tricks"; 23.) "Don't Tell Them What Happened ..."; 24.) "I'd like you all to make him feel at home"; 25.) Applause; 26.) Bull-hook; 27.) Rosie's wounds; 28.) Lemonade; 29.) Abusive act; 30.) Runaway; 31.) "Stay down!  I mean it"; 32.) "We need to get a lot of  whiskey; 33.) "I have debts to pay"; 34.) Command words; 35.) Raid; 36.) Kiss; 37.) "Something's wrong with Camel ( Jim Norton )"; 38.) "Everything is an illusion"; 39.) "Traditional  Banzini baptism"; 40.) "I've always known the kind of  woman  you really are"; 41.) Fight; 42.) "You've got to get out of  this train right now"; 43.) Hotel; 44.) Knife; 45.) Rocks; 46.) Stampede; 47.) "That was the life"; 48.) "Work is the best thing for age"; and 49.) "I'm coming home."

audience reaction:  The audience liked this Romantic Drama.

recommendation:  I liked it.  It was quite a refreshing change from the plethora of  Rom-Com "chick flicks" which  have gratingly assailed my senses with their overly-promiscuous, implausible plot scenarios these last few years.  Go see it.  But be forewarned: It might be a tear-jerker for those of you who love horses and elephants.

spoiler alert!  This is not a faithful adaptation of  the book; it's a Hollywood interpretation of it.  A lion will usually turn its head to the side and  bare its fangs at you first to try and intimidate you.  Then, it will look you straight in the eyes as it, once again, bares its fangs at you to warn you should you try and press your luck.  So, Jacob, a veterinarian,  should have known what kind of  lion he was dealing with right away.  What idiot would want to buy a circus animal without asking first of the seller what kind of  tricks it can do and what kind of  commands it obeys?  After all, it is  a circus animal, and circus animals usually are trained to do tricks.  Duh ....  Why was a lioness just sitting  around in the Big-Top  instead of  mauling someone like the other big cats were doing?  Bad acting on the lioness' part.  They should have fired her--better yet, "red-lighted" her.  Ha, ha, ha--snort!

fyi:  Apparently, all circus elephants, whether male or female, are called, "Bulls."  And someone who "carries water for elephants" is someone who doesn't  know much about circus life.

It was shocking for me to see that a  "bull-hook"  with a sharp, pointy end was used on the elephant.  That thing looked more like a Fireplace Poker than anything else.  A  "training tool" like that is just an instrument of  provocation to an elephant.

According to an April 10th, 2010 article in http://news.change.org/stories/animal-advocacy-group-says-circus-death-was-no-accident,  circus elephants caused 14 deaths and at least 140 injuries in the last 20 years because they were provoked into doing so by their abusive handlers.

I went to a circus only once.  When we lived in Oakland, CA, ( or was it San Leandro, CA ) many years ago, my mom took me and my siblings to see a Ringling Brothers Circus show at the Oakland Coliseum.  At the start of the show in the Big-Top, when the curtains were parted and the performers made their grand entrance, the entire place was permeated by the unmistakable smell of  animal  manure that wafted in as soon as the curtains were parted.  That was it for me!  'Been there, done that!  I don't ever want to see a circus show anymore.

word of advice:  An elephant never forgets.

tidbits:  When Jacob was walking on the road  at nighttime, I was half-expecting werewolf  Jacob to jump out of the woods and pounce on him.  "Edward, you stole my girl and, now, you steal my name, too?  Time for you to die, you bastard!"

After work, I shopped for the things that I will need for tomorrow's stir-fry because I promised some of my co-workers that I will whip-up a batch of  food using, as a main ingredient,  broccoli stems that people would otherwise throw away.  You see, a broccoli stem may look tough on the outside but it cooks-up quite tender on the inside.  All you have to do is slice-off  the tough outer layer in such a way that you end-up with a rectangular piece.  Then, slice the rectangular piece into thin slices so that it ends up looking like green pieces of  sliced bamboo shoots.  Then, you use it in a stir-fry with the Sliced Bamboo Shoots.  The other ingredients that I bought were a can of  Baby Corn, Extra-Firm Tofu, Snow Peas, Green Onions, Yellow Onion, Ginger ( to grate ), Garlic ( to mince ), Carrots, Sliced Mushrooms, Eggs ( to scramble, just need two  ) and Boneless & Skinless Chicken.  For the Stir-Fry Sauce, I will use  a 14 oz. can of  Chicken Broth, 4 Tablespoons Sweet Cooking Rice Wine, 3 Tablespoons Cornstarch, 2 Tablespoons Oyster Sauce, 2 Tablespoons White Soy Sauce ( milder and better tasting than the dark variety), 1 1/2 Tablespoons Brown Sugar and some sprinkling of  MSG ( Vetsin ) and Black Pepper.  And I will pour some  Sesame Seed Oil over the whole thing once it is cooked to give it added flavor and aroma.  And let's call this recipe, Cine-Man's Chicken-Broccoli Stem Stir-Fry because I don't see this at any of  the Chinese Buffets that I go to.

And for tonight's dinner, I bought a Safeway Signature Cafe Turkey Pot Roast, the 5-Dollar Friday Special for this week.  When I got home, though, I found out that the cashier double-charged me for the pot roast because she was distracted when she suggested that when the weather gets warmer I should come in wearing a Tank-Top!  Good Lord!  I haven't worn a Tank-Top in ages ever since I became a regular customer at  All-You-Can-Eat Buffets about thirteen  years ago!  I guess she was trying to tell me that I need to lose weight.  And maybe I should since "Speedo" season is coming up.  ( Just so you know, "Speedo" season is to guys what "Bikini" season is to gals, i.e. Summer-long skimpy beach attire season. )  I wonder what the Mutaween  will do if  they see me parading around--unshaven, of all things--in my Speedo Swimming Trunks.

Then, I made a quick detour to shop at the 99-Cents Only Store on Springs Road in Vallejo, CA, for some paper plates and some plastic forks &  spoons.

They only had two concessions checkers at the theatre.  I hated that.  The theatre actually has three concessions counters.  But they just kept one open even though Friday is usually the day when most new movies come out.  So, I stood in the long line very impatiently  because I had the feeling  that I'd miss   the previews and probably the first few minutes of  the featured attraction, too.  As it turned out, I still had  time to settle down and catch one-and-a-half's worth of  previews before the show.

After the movie, I noticed an elderly black couple still in the auditorium with me.  The gentleman asked me if  I liked the movie.  I said, Yes, I liked it.  It was a good movie.  And  I  bid them both, Goodnight.

It was about 12:30 a.m. when I arrived home.  And I was planning on starting my  blog on the movie then.  But since I had to wake up early in the morning to make the stir-fry ( which takes a very long  time to prepare and a very short time to cook ) and since I usually lose track of  time whenever  I'm blogging, I just decided to have a midnight dinner with the Turkey Pot Roast that I  bought, then to  call it a night.

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WIN-WIN, R ( 1 hr & 46 min )

where:  CINE-ARTS @ PLEASANT HILL in Pleasant Hill, CA
when:   Wednesday, April 20th, 2011
show:  9:55 p.m.
costs:  $10.25 Ticket + $4.00 small Coke Zero + $2.60 bulk Chocolate Candy + $1.59 Blueberry Muffin + $5.00 Benicia Bridge Toll = $23.44
auditorium:  2
seat:  5th row, Right Section, 2nd column

synopsis/overview:  A financially-strapped lawyer, Mike Flaherty ( Paul Giamatti ), wanting to make ends meet, finagles a shady business deal which unexpectedly comes with a side benefit:  A wrestling phenom, Kyle ( Alex Shaffer ), who can be of great benefit to the struggling local high school wrestling team that he coaches.
 

noteworthy scenes:  1.) Running; 2.) "Six grand"; 3.) Cat; 4.) State; 5.) "He's loaded"; 6.) "Take my picture"; 7.) "I'm gonna warm you up"; 8.) Stress; 9.) "Slow month"; 10.) Guardian; 11.) The grandson, Kyle; 12.) "Early stages of  dementia"; 13.) "You shouldn't be smoking"; 14.) "I'm not taking chances with Eminem down there"; 15.) New Providence Police Department; 16.) "She could have called, right"; 17.) "I want to go to Ohio and beat the crap out of  her"; 18.) Convict; 19.) "Holy sh-t"; 20.) Coach's office; 21.) "I don't think we can teach him anything"; 22.) '"Kid's got man-strength"; 23.) Assistant coach; 24.) Incoming call; 25.) "Is he gonna do that every morning"; 26.) "Can you give me a slap"; 27.) "Whatever the f-ck it takes"; 28.) "She's the boss here"; 29.) "If you can read this, you're pinned"; 30.) "Why did daddy slap Kyle"; 31.) Jon Bon Jovi; 32.) "I feel the force"; 33.) "Holy sh-t, it's Darth Vader"; 34.) Mother; 35.) Unsportsmanlike conduct; 36.) "I want that commission"; 37.) "We were right there, Mike.  Now, we have nothing"; 38.) Court transcript; 39.) "Folks, keep an eye on each other"; 40.) "Super spooky"; 41.) "You're just like her"; 42.) "Did you say this to the judge"; 43.) "I'm just the ref"; 44.) "Did your mom just crank-call you"; 45.) "I'm glad you're honest now"; 46.) Dining table; 47.) "Just notice who isn't here"; 48.) "Is your deal still available"; and 49.) Barkeep.

audience reaction:  N/A.  There was only one other person in the auditorium with me.  And I didn't hear a peep from him.

recommendation:  I really enjoyed this movie.  Go see it.

spoiler alert!  Mike's wrestling team practiced like it was their first  day of  training every day.  Those wrestling shoes given to Kyle were brand-spankin' new.  You don't wrestle in matches wearing a pair of  brand new shoes because they are very tight and uncomfortable if not properly broken-in first ( I should know ).  In other words, those uncomfortable shoes would be too distracting to concentrate on the match at hand.  Why would you get down on your knees to use a toilet plunger?  You're not getting enough leverage and force when you do it that way, and you could end-up getting all wet from the splash.  Couldn't he afford to buy a plumber's snake for the clogged-up toilet?  That portable TV looked too old to be able to receive digital broadcasts which are  what TV stations are transmitting now.

fyi:  I remember my first practice wrestling match.  The practice room was very warm and smelled of sweat.  After the match, I was so revulsed by the sweaty smell that I ran out the door, leaned over the banister and vomited.   I won that match, by the way.

But a year before the above-mentioned practice match, when I was a junior in high school, I stopped-in to check-out the wrestling team.  One of my classmates was on the team, and he asked me if I would like to give it a try.  So, there I was in my street clothes without any idea of what I was about to get myself into.  ( I remember the pants that I wore that time: brown polyester. )  At "Go!" he quickly dove for my legs; I got out of  it somehow, only to be flipped in the air.  And as I was in mid-air, I farted!  Whoopsie!  But the team was kind enough to not make fun of  my uncontained "expression."  In my defense, though, I didn't smell a thing!  I was too embarrassed to smell it, I guess.

There was a reason why I joined the wrestling team in my senior year.  But that story  is not in any way related to the context of  this movie's subject so it will have to wait for another time.

The "If  you can read this, you're pinned" sign was already around back  when I wrestled in high school--and it has  probably been around longer than wrestlers care to remember.  I really think that they should ban the use of the sign because it only serves as a distraction to get a wrestler unfairly pinned.  Another thing that they should ban, and which was not shown in this movie, are the lucky charms or dolls that a rival team would put at the edge of the mat to get an opponent distracted!

Kyle's mom, Cindy ( Melanie Lynskey ), is hot.

word of advice:  Show professionalism and act responsibly in your business affairs.

Nobody loses in a "Win-Win" situation.

tidbits:  So, I swung by the Benicia, CA, Chevron gas station, again, to get gas and to get some freebies.  But they had a new clerk.  I ended-up paying $1.59 for a Blueberry Muffin.  I'd better get the work schedule of  the other clerk if I want to keep getting free food and free snacks!

I told the theatre concessions clerk, Nicole, about my movie blogsite.  And I gave her one of my cards.  I hope that she doesn't tell her manager to keep an eye-out for me because I smuggle food in whenever possible.

At 1:22 a.m. of  the following day, Thursday, I put-up my avatar for my blogsite: A mustachioed Fred Flintstone.  Why Fred Flintstone, you ask?  Because back when we were young, my eldest sister ( Yeah, the one in Michigan ) used to tease me about  my supposed resemblance to Fred Flintstone.  Ha, ha, ha.  Very funny--not!

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SOUL SURFER, PG ( 1 hr & 45 min )

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Monday, April 18th, 2011
show:  10:00 p.m.
costs:  $9.75 Ticket + $4.50 20 fl. oz. Essential Orange VitaminWater + $0.00 Pierre 2 mini Spicy Breaded Chicken Sandwiches + $0.00 Banana-Walnut Muffin = $14.25
auditorium:  3
seat:  3rd row, 7th column

synopsis/overview:   In this "based on a true story" movie, teen surfing champion, Bethany Hamilton ( AnnaSophia Robb ), loses her arm in a shark attack.  But instead of  wallowing in self-pity, she goes back to the world that means so much to her: Surfing.  And against all odds, through sheer dogged determination, she becomes a worldwide inspirational role-model.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) Little mermaids; 2.) Competition; 3.) Eye-patch; 4.) Jeremiah 29:11; 5.) Night surfing; 6.) "I love home school"; 7.) Attack; 8.) "Tom, it's Bethany"; 9.) Hypovolemic Shock; 10.) "I guess I ruined your surf shirt, huh";11.) "She's a living miracle"; 12.) "When can I surf again"; 13.) Hospital cafeteria; 14.) "It wasn't a dream.  It was real"; 15.) "I though you were gonna die out there"; 16.) "Can we try a shower first"; 17.) Surf board signs; 18.) News reporters; 19.) "Nice driving, Double O Seven"; 20.) "Where's my Spam"; 21.) "That arm can't come soon enough"; 22.) "It's gonna look better once the stitches are out"; 23.) "Sarah, how could this be God's plan for me"; 24.) "That's a perfect fit, bro"; 25.) Photo shoot; 26.) "Perfect time"; 27.) Thanksgiving; 28.) Prosthesis; 29.) Barbie Doll; 30.) "People like normal, Mom"; 31.) Venus De Milo; 32.) "I don't need easy.  I just need possible"; 33.) Hawaiian Island Regionals; 34.) Interference call; 35.) Fans; 36.) "She will never be the same"; 37.) "Listen for what comes next"; 38.) Phuket, Thailand; 39.) "The Lord works in mysterious ways is an understatement"; 40.) Fan mail; 41.) "I think I want to compete"; 42.) Genius; 43.) Training; 44.) Sixth sense; 45.) "I want to thank you for never going easy on me"; 46.) Paddle battle; 47.) "She feels something"; 48.) "It counted, totally  counted"; 49.) Trophies; 50.) "The chance to embrace more people than I could ever do with two arms"; 51.) Faith; and 52.) Bonus Scenes of  the real Bethany Hamilton with family and friends, and Photos during the Ending Credits.

audience reaction:  At the most, there were about 10 people in the audience.  And I didn't hear a reaction from any one of them.

recommendation:   Go see this movie if  you're into inspirational/motivational types  of movies.

spoiler alert!  This movie is one of  those "Christian-themed" movies.  And the Hamiltons are a devout Christian family in real life.  But they toned down the "Christian message" of this movie so as not to offend the rest of the world.  So, in their  intent to present a movie that is as politically-correct as possible, the makers of  this movie produced a "feel-good" film that  only "treads in safe water" without the intense drama and conflict that would otherwise be present in a "tempestuous sea" of  human emotions had they chosen a more bolder and, hence, realistic approach to their subject at hand.  I don't like the Youth Ministry group leader, Sarah Hill ( Carrie Underwood ), who used a Passive-Aggressive subtle form of  Coercion to make Bethany feel remorseful about not volunteering for a Youth Mission.  Doing volunteer work for humanitarian reasons is good and noble but only if it is being done through one's  own Free Will!   If you do volunteer work because others coerce you into doing it, whether passively or aggressively, then such work is not acceptable to God because it does not come from the goodness of  your heart, even if  such work is done in His Name--a simple analogy to this is the type of sacrificial  offering required by God, an offering that must be the best and foremost of its kind and free of  any blemishes and/or abnormalities whatsoever.   In other words, it has to be pure;  likewise, good deeds done in God's Name must be emotionally pure.  I don't think that we really want to find out what Spam is actually made out of!  I cannot add anything else here except that surfers take a chance when they go to coral reefs just for the "surf breaks"  because that is a shark's feeding ground in the first place.

fyi:  Bethany's real-life dog, Ginger, passed away before the production of this movie commenced.  The dog in the movie is, Hana.  Hana is the dog of  Bethany's brother, Noah.

I didn't go see this movie right away last week because I have a deep-seated, irrational fear of  sharks.  This phobia goes all the way back to that point in my life that I talked about in my blog for MARS NEEDS MOMS.  This phobia of  mine was so overwhelming that I waited about 15 years before I got the nerve to see the movie, JAWS.  In fact, at one time when I was much younger, I would not even dare put either of my leg in a bucket of  muddy water because there might be a shark in it waiting to bite my leg off!  But my phobia has tapered off somewhat so that now I can go swimming  in dark water so long as it's not more than six feet deep.  Any deeper than six feet and it had better be a swimming pool.  And, no, I will refuse to swim alone in a swimming pool because there might be a shark in it!  No thanks to some old movie where they showed  a shark  swimming in a man-made pool of some sort and eating its helpless victim alive!  Nope, that ain't ever gonna  be me.

So, what's your phobia?

word of advice:  God works in mysterious ways. 

tidbits:  Before the movie, I swung by the Benicia, CA, Chevron gas station to buy gas and some lottery tickets.  And I was gonna buy  a Banana-Walnut Muffin and the Spicy Breaded Chicken Sandwiches to smuggle into the theatre.  But the clerk gave them to me for free because any food they have left unsold past a certain time in the evening gets thrown away.  Now I know what to do before I go catch the last show at the Vallejo theatre: Get some Free Food and some Free Snack first!   

The cashier at the theatre box office told me that the last show for two movies were canceled because they were converting the screens to digital.  And I told the concessions cashier that I'm world-famous now because of my blogsite.


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SCREAM 4, R ( 1 hr & 43 min )

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Friday, April 15th, 2011
show:  6:25 p.m.
costs:  $10.25 Ticket + $8.11 # 3 meal ( upsized to a medium ) @ Wendy's Restaurant on Plaza Drive = $18.36
auditorium:  2
seat:  4th row, 8ht column

synopsis/overview:   Sidney Prescott ( Neve Campbell ) returns home to Woodsboro on the last stop of  her book's promotional  tour.  Unfortunately, her presence draws out Ghostface who goes on a killing spree once again, taunting the guilt-ridden and hapless Sidney into a climactic do-or-die confrontation.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) Facebook stalker; 2.) "Did that surprise you"; 3.) "Not an app"; 4.) "Wherever she went, people died"; 5.) "One generation's tragedy is another one's joke"; 6.) "Re-invent myself"; 7.) "That's betrayal"; 8.) "It's my rental"; 9.) News; 10.) "I wrote the book on this"; 11.) "Your Lemon Squares taste like ass"; 12.) "Nobody ever asked me about my scars"; 13.) "No match for a ninja"; 14.) Former classmates; 15.) "I never said I was in your closet"; 16.) "She said you were the Angel of  Death"; 17.) The high school cinema club geeks; 18.) "I love you"; 19.) "You're fired"; 20.) Parking garage; 21.) "It's all under control.  Huh, Sheriff"; 22.) "To survive a horror movie, you pretty much have to be gay"; 23.) Stab-athon; 24.) Cameras; 25.) Webcam; 26.) Perimeter check; 27.) "F--k Bruce Willis"; 28.) Channel 6; 29.) Hospital; 30.) Text message; 31.) "Time to make a move"; 32.) "Did I just interrupt something here"; 33.) "I'm gay.  If it helps"; 34.) Horror movie trivia; 35.) The killers; 36.) "I'm not the girl you cheat on"; 37.) "You'll slip.  They always do"; 38.) "It's about becoming you"; 39.) Staged alibi; 40.) "She's in ICU"; 41.) "How did she know I was, too"; 42.) "Consider this an alternate ending"; 43.) "Clear"; and 44.) News reporters.

audience reaction:  The audience was entertained by it.

recommendation:  It only has one good scary scene.  This is more of a Comedy than it is a Slasher/Horror Movie.  It's passable entertainment.  By "passable" I mean that you can either go see it or wait for it to come out as a rental.

spoiler alert!  When was the last time that you saw a house in the good ol' USA with a front door that has no peephole viewer in it?  You would think that the whole town of  Woodsboro, especially the survivors and the relatives of the victims,  would be up-in-arms over the tasteless anniversary celebration and shameless exploitative commercialization of  The Tragedy.  You cannot deliberately take a photograph of, or film,  someone ( except for news reporting )  without that person's  expressed and/or  written consent--don't the people who made this movie know that?  If  I lived in the town of Woodsboro and I knew that a serial killer armed with nothing more than a knife was running loose, I'd arm myself with a knife, a machete, a mace, a teargas  gun, a stun gun, a 45-caliber handgun, a shotgun, a pair of brass knuckles,  and at least a couple of  pitbulls---Oh, and let's not forget the good ol' aluminum baseball bat!   When Ghostface's knife got stuck in the front door, the victim should have ripped-off  his mask ( a masked assailant will always feel vulnerable once unmasked ) and gouged  his  eye ( -s ) out, and tackled the son-of-a-bitch to the floor!  A civilian, whether a stranger or a spouse,  who interferes in an on-going criminal investigation by the police is guilty of  the charge, Obstruction of  Justice!  Why would you go into  the house, knowing that a serial killer is in it and there are a couple of  cops parked on the street?  Why did the doctor wait until they were stepping out of  the x-ray room before telling her that she had no broken bones?  For a sheriff, Dewey ( David Arquette ) sure can't  hit   his target.  The last thing you want to be, with a serial killer running loose, is to be drunk!  With the door made out of  glass, sure  they could  feel "safe"  in the house.  There have got to be some knives ( plural ) in that kitchen!  The killer's staged alibi was funny for the audience to watch.  Those defibrillator paddles applied to either side of  her head made for a very extreme  form of  ECT ( Electroconvulsive Therapy ).  Usually, a patient receiving ECT is given an anesthetic and a muscle relaxant first.  Otherwise, said patient will be in pain, become unconscious  and suffer  whole-body seizures.  And, nope, the patient won't wake up for at least five to ten minutes.  But in the scene  with the defibrillator paddles, the patient WOULD BE DEAD, more than likely!  But we won't know for sure until we can get one of  you to volunteer for the "defibrillator paddle" experiment.   Ha, ha, ha.  Okay, the whole wide world knows that Emma Roberts is the niece of  Julia Roberts, but did they have to name her character, Jill Roberts?  Come on!

fyi:  Watching all those spilled guts gave me a craving for sausages!  I've got to put that at the top of my shopping list for tomorrow.  I don't know why I got such a craving, but I suspect that "subliminal advertising" has something to do with it.

All of  those trivia questions just lessened the audience's "fear factor."  A good scary movie must vicariously engage its audience in the victims' plight.  And a good scary movie does that by not giving its audience and its victims time to think!  Otherwise, they get too distracted by their thought processes to be afraid of the predator/bogeyman.

One of  my co-workers was so dissatisfied by  this movie that she demanded and got her money back!

In Australia, defibrillators are called, "Packer Whackers"!

word of advice:  If you fear for your safety at home,  pack some serious heat and get  at least a couple of  dogs!  I don't mean the kind of  dog that is so tiny that the bad guy can just kick it out of his way.

The Cardinal Rule of  film-making is:  "Show.  Don't tell."  Or, to put it in another way, "Action speaks louder than words."  And in the case of this movie, they should have left all of  the trivia nonsense out of it.  

tidbits:   After the movie, I went to Hancock  Fabrics to buy some Velcro  fasteners to lengthen the elastic straps of  my new shin protectors.  Then, I went to the Dollar Tree Store a few doors down to buy some ice cream and a pack of Luigi's Lemon flavored  Italian Ice.

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RIO, G ( 1 hr & 36 min )

where:  MOVIE2K.TO via Stream2K
when:  Friday, April 15th, 2011
show:  9:50 a.m.
costs:  $0.00 stream
auditorium:  My living room
seat:  My swivel chair

2nd time:

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Friday, April 15th, 2011
show:  3:15 p.m.
costs:  $11.00 Ticket + $4.50 Pretzel Bites + $4.00 small Diet/Zero ( w/ Barq's & Cherry flavors ) Coke = $19.50
auditorium:  8, with the 3-D screen
seat:  6th row, 9th column
 
synopsis/overview:   Blu, a  blue macaw,  is captured as a hatchling by some smugglers.  By chance, he is found and rescued by a little girl named Linda.  They  grow to  become best of friends.  When Linda learns that Blu's species is a very endangered one, she agrees to take Blu to a conservation center in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil,  to have him mate with another blue macaw named Jewel.  Smugglers capture the pair.  But the birds escape and begin their dangerous journey back to freedom.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) Avian paradise; 2.) Smugglers; 3.) Rescue; 4.) Best friends; 5.) Mimics; 6.) Blue Macaw Bookstore; 7.) Tulio, the ornithologist; 8.) "I didn't get that at all"; 9.) "Perhaps, he's too domesticated"; 10.) Flight books; 11.) "She's my dentist"; 12.) The failed attempt at mating; 13.) The infiltrator; 14.) "I wouldn't expect a pet to understand"; 15.) Dinner date; 16.) The cop and the witness; 17.) The bad guys' hideout; 18.) Fernando, the street orphan; 19.) "Scissors cuts rock"; 20.) Nigel's song &  dance; 21.) "Just open the door"; 22.) "See, I'm bilingual, too"; 23.) Black-out; 24.) "Leaf!  'Told you"; 25.) "Who's dragging whose butt now"; 26.) "I know where your birds are"; 27.) "I'm putting him in charge"; 28.) "Nice try, Brainiac"; 29.) The Toucan family; 30.) Pickpockets; 31.) "You think too much"; 32.) Hang gliding; 33.) "You did not feel it in here"; 34.) "I traded it for your Jeep"; 35.) Spies; 36.) "I like you.   Nothing you say makes sense"; 37.) Fight; 38.) "Cheese &  Sprinkles"; 39.) "It's just like riding a snowmobile"; 40.) "Never send a monkey to do a bird's job"; 41.) Set the mood"; 42.) "I have beautiful eyes"; 43.) Luis's garage; 44.)"Medical condition"; 45.) "It's finally over"; 46.) "I know just how you feel"; 47.) "You're like Romeo &  Juliet"; 48.) "Everybody loves the parade"; 49.) The float; 50.) "I look ridiculous, don't I"; 51.) The parade; 52.) "You've gotta shake your tushy"; 53.) Captured; 54.) Airport runway; 55.) Freedom; 56.) "'Not cool, man"; 57.) "I'm not gonna let you go";  58.) "That's my big, brave boy"; and 59.) Bonus Scene and Photos during the Ending Credits.

favorite scenes:  I liked the avian paradise scene.

I liked the "sunburned-faces-after-they-handed-out-flyers" ( i.e. leaflets ) scene.

I liked the Carnival Parade scene.
 
audience reaction:  N/A.  I watched this all by my lonesome ....

2nd audience reaction:  The audience liked this.

recommendation:  I liked it.  Go see this with your little brats.

spoiler alert!  Why couldn't Blu say human words to Linda?  Chocolate is toxic to macaws.  What's a mating ritual for one bird species is not a mating ritual for  another bird species.  In other words, no other kind of bird can teach Blu  about his own species' specific mating ritual that he never got to learn in the first place.  Or, to put it in another way, since there is no mating ritual to turn-on Jewel, Blu's  species is doomed!  Or they could just try artificial insemination since Tulio seems to have what it takes to give it a shot.  ( Yeah, I'd love to see that .... )  If  Blu and Jewel are the only ones  left of their kind, wouldn't their future descendants  eventually become in-bred?  Blu was hit in the noggin with a coconut and he lived through it.  Why do all the fat guys in this movie look the same?  Those monkeys could have easily ganged-up on Nigel, the Cockatoo.  That in-the-air collision was not sufficient enough to knock-out the plane's engine.  Why do the native birds of  Rio De Janeiro--and just about every native one, for that matter--speak English without a Brazilian accent?

fyi:  I googled Moose Lake, Minnesota.  Downtown Moose Lake reminded  me of  Linda's hometown.  I  could just imagine Linda's bookstore somewhere up or down the main street in downtown Moose Lake.

I have a female co-worker, Racquel,  who's Brazilian.  And she speaks English with a Brazilian accent.  'Quite a lovely accent, too, I might add.

One time, about nine years ago, there was a power failure here at my condominium  complex.  A kid,  on his way out, ran down the  hallway as he alerted the residents by yelling a few times, "Black-out!"  I couldn't see anybody in the hallway because it was completely dark.  So, I looked out of my living room window.  And there on the lawn were my neighbors, just the black ones, though.  My white, brown and yellow neighbors were nowhere to be seen.  I thought that that was amusing.

Linda is  muy linda in a carnival costume!

I wanted to call the number on Tulio's business card but it's a long distance number, so I didn't.  For anyone who's curious about it, here's the 'phone number:  ( 55 ) 21  5342-11004, ext. 6345, Conservation Center of Rio De Janeiro.

And I didn't bother to write down the "coconut" pick-up truck's license plate number because I didn't want to go through all that added time and expense just to verify its authenticity.

word of advice:  Don't let greed cloud your judgment.

tidbits:  Fortune cookie makers better not be using my words of  advice without my permission!

I was gonna watch this late last night but I fell asleep.

2nd tidbits:  I had to see this in 3-D.  And I also had to see it again because the internet version doesn't show the Ending Credits.  Plus, I needed to gauge the audience reaction.

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YOUR HIGHNESS, R ( 1 hr & 42 min )

where:   UA EMERY BAY STADIUM 10 in Emeryville, CA
when:  Wednesday, April 13th, 2011
show:  7:50 p.m.
costs:  $10.75 Ticket + $5.75 Zap Pack + $5.00 Carquinez Bridge Toll = $21.50
auditorium:  6
seat:  5th row, 12th column

synopsis/overview:  Thadeous ( Danny McBride ), a prince who lives in the shadow of his great older brother, Fabious ( James Franco ), finally has a chance to prove himself a worthy prince when their father, the king ( Charles Dance ), gives him an ultimatum:  Help his brother retrieve his new bride, Belladonna ( Zooey Deschanel ), from Leezar ( Justin Theroux ), an evil wizard , or get disowned.  Thadeous reluctantly agrees to help his brother embark on his quest to rescue Belladonna and to put an end to the evil wizard once and for all.  Along the way, they  fight off knights in tainted armor and mythical creatures, aided by a mysterious female warrior, Isabel ( Natalie Portman ), who has her own personal agenda.

noteworthy scenes:  1.) The Golden Order of Knights; 2.) Gallows; 3.) Cyclops; 4.) New haircut; 5.) Faces; 6.) "I don't want to be gay with you two"; 7.) The Best Man; 8.) Envious knight; 9.) Wedding Crashers; 10.) "It's finally time for you to become a man"; 11.) Deception; 12.) "These are the harsh realities of  the outside world"; 13.)  The wise wizard's place; 14.)  Traitor; 15.) Escape; 16.) "That's a baby that I'm gonna have sex with someday"; 17.) "I don't like that idea"; 18.) Tracking their quarry; 19.) The ribbon; 20.) Naked trap; 21.) The arena; 22.) Isabel, the avenger; 23.) The bathing beauty; 24.) Campfire talk; 25.) "Not a chance"; 26.) Pixie dust; 27.) "The chosen one controls the dragon"; 28.) "If your vagina is anything like my hand, there won't be a problem"; 29.) The Compass; 30.) Horse Piss Inn; 31.) "Sleight of  hand"; 32.) Captive; 33.) "This woman is mad"; 34.) "What lead you here will lead you there"; 35.) The Minotaur's  labyrinth; 36.) True Hero; 37.) Souvenir; 38.) Quest; 39.) Dungeon; 40.) "Right out of the gate"; 41.)  "Too late.  The 'Fuckining' has begun"; 42.) "Why is she making these noises"; 43.) "I loved you as a man loves another man"; 44.) "Don't suck that.  That's dead"; 45.) "If you want to f--k her, you must f--k me first"; 46.) The Unicorn Blade; 47.) "Say, 'Hello'"; 48.) "I would be remiss  if  I said I did it alone"; 49.)  "Ah, I know what you're doing"; 50.) Mini quest; 51.) "What a coincidence ...."; 52.) Chastity belt; and 53.) "Let's kill that bitch!"

favorite scenes:  I liked the arena spectator ( ahem! ) scene.

I liked the "Why is she making these noises?" scene.

I liked the "Don't suck that.  That's dead!" scene.

And I liked the "Say, 'Hello,'" scene.

miscasts:  Natalie Portman should have been Belladonna and Zooey Deschanel should have been Isabel.

audience reaction:  The audience enjoyed this raunchy  send-up of 80s "Sword and Sorcery" movies.
 
recommendation:  It's funny enough if you don't mind  the vulgarity,  the nudity and the marijuana smoking scenes.  Otherwise, skip this movie.

spoiler alert!  The "F" word, sexual references and  innuendos abound ( if you are well-versed in the use of these three things, you can pretty much know when the opportunity to use one of them comes up ) in this Fantasy/Adventure/Comedy.   For its time-frame, Simon, the mechanical bird with artificial intelligence,  is technologically very well-advanced.  So much so that we, in our present time and age, don't even have such a mechanical bird, yet.  If  they could come up with  a technological marvel such as Simon, that very same  technology could be easily adapted/applied  to other areas of their "medieval" life.  Fabious had enough time to decapitate Leezar.  That "wise wizard" is a  sodomizing child molester!  Marteetee's ( John Fricker ) giant monster is just a "hand" with snakes for fingers that for some unexplainable reason cannot grab, flick at or slap its victim when it had plenty  of  chances to do so.  How was Simon, the mechanical bird, captured?  Fabious was flagellated many times but only suffered a few cuts on his upper back.  Fabious immediately got out of  the harness which held him in suspension!  Was Fabious  even bound to the harness  in the first place? Do they really have to go on a quest just to get the key for the chastity belt?  I'm pretty sure that there was at least one person in the kingdom who could pick locks!  And how long had she worn that chastity belt that was wedged up her butt?  I mean, how did she have her bowel movement with that thing in the way for Lord-knows-how-long?  And how did she take care of  her menstrual period with that thing in the way?  After they do the "nasty deed" as soon as the chastity belt comes off, he's gonna be needing some serious Tetanus shots!  Ha, ha, ha.

fyi:  That dwarf  queen is kinda hot--hot enough to qualify as a "spinner", perhaps.

The tradition of  the first-born son as sole heir to the throne started thousands of  years ago in the belief that such a son inherits all of  the father's "vital powers" or "strengths" at conception. This tradition is mentioned a number of  times in the Bible's Old Testament.

word of advice:  Music soothes the savage beast.

tidbits:  First thing in the morning today at 8:00 a.m., Wednesday, I took my Geo Metro to Wheelworks to have all four tires replaced.  Because I haven't used my Geo Metro since the blow-out incident last week, it had gathered quite an amount of  pollen all over its body.  Luckily for me, it rained hard about two hours later so that all that pollen was washed right off.  Good, the rain saved me from hosing down my car.

After I dropped-off my Geo Metro at the curb in my residential complex--I didn' put it in the overflow parking area because I was going to use it later on--I took my Hyundai Accent to Wheelworks because the "Check Engine" light came on again yesterday.  And I need to get my Hyundai Accent smog-tested tomorrow  before I can  get a new license tag for it.  It turned out that one of the sensors that they replaced was in the "open" position when it should have been in the "closed" position.  So, that was that on that.

I got in my Metro and drove to the 99 Cent Only Store on Springs Road here in Vallejo so I could buy a pair of shin protectors.  Ever since I started working for the company that I'm still presently with, I have had the bad luck of  getting my shins banged  against something many, many times than I care to remember.  I showed the latest bloody shin-scrape to  a couple of  co-workers yesterday.  One of  them, Edward, remarked that it made me look like a kick-boxer--yeah, a kick-boxer who wears soccer shin protectors.  Ha, ha, ha.  Anyway, my calf muscles are too big for the elastic straps.  I will need to go to a fabric store to buy something to add length to each strap.

Then, it was off to Oakland, CA, for me in my Geo Metro, to visit Hector and his family.  The new tires made a lot of road noise and felt rough along the way, I guess because they haven't "rounded-out" and "settled" yet.

Hector's four-months old kitten, Tiger, was on the front porch step.  He recognized me right away as I parked at the curb. Hector's son, Ismael, told me that Tiger is a killer, having killed five mice already.  I told him that next time I come for a visit, I might see a mug-shot of Tiger in the local paper, with a caption that will read:  Wanted, Tiger, Serial Killer of Mice!  And since Tiger is old enough to be fitted with a flea collar, I put one on him.  He didn't like it.  And Tiger was so upset  about having to wear a flea collar that he refused to have me cradle him in my arms for the next three hours or so!

After the movie, two girls who were in the same auditorium with me were out there in the parking lot  practicing with juggling sticks.  That was the first time that I saw such a juggling act in real life.

On the drive back home, my Geo Metro rode quietly and very smoothly ( relatively speaking, that is ).

Two good friends, Jim and Bob, went camping.  As they slept in their sleeping bags for the night, a rattlesnake crawled into Jim's  sleeping bag.  In the morning, as they were getting up, the rattlesnake bit Jim on the tip of  his penis.  In excruciating pain, he told Bob to call Poison Control and tell them what had just happened.  The lady at the emergency help desk of  the Poison Control office told Bob  that the venom will have to be sucked out right away.  "What did they say?" asked Jim.  And Bob answered, "You will die!"

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ARTHUR, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 50 min )

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Sunday, April 10th, 2011
show:  10:30 p.m.
costs:  $9.75 Ticket = $9.75
auditorium:  1
seat:  4th row, 6th column

synopsis/overview:   A spoiled, irresponsible and childish only-child, Arthur ( Russell Brand ), gets by in his daily affairs with the help of  his money and nanny, Hobson ( Helen Mirren ).  But when Fate gives him a very rude awakening, he sobers up quick  to decide  which is of more value to him: Love or Money.

noteworthy scenes:  1.) Caped cruise-saders; 2.) Wall Street Bull; 3.) "Ship without anchor"; 4.) Out on bail; 5.) "That's my purse"; 6.) "Lesbian Simon & Garfunkel"; 7.) "You're  missing your Asian you"; 8.) Scandalous news photos; 9.) Cut-off; 10.) Wedding ring; 11.) Auction; 12.) The tour guide, Naomi ( Greta Gerwig ); 13.) Identification; 14.) "I'll bite your other ear off"; 15.) "Gay club"; 16.) The new office; 17.) Dinner with Susan ( Jennifer Garner ); 18.) "An engagement is a promise"; 19.) Pez dinner; 20.) Whisper Wall; 21.) Home-cooked dinner; 22.)  Engagement photos; 23.) Surprise guest; 24.) "Did you kill a mouse or did she surrender it willingly"; 25.) In-house theatre; 26.) "You're now in an area of my expertise"; 27.) Frog & Toad; 28.) "Don't let this undermine what I just said"; 29.) The new hire; 30.)  "In order to do this, I may have to be a bit sober"; 31.) Alcoholics Anonymous meeting; 32.) "Trapped by the money"; 33.) Dance lesson; 34.) Manuscript; 35.) "Little Orphan Annie as a man"; 36.) "He's stronger than you think"; 37.) Bridal shower; 38.) "If there's one thing an old woman can recognize, it's a young man in love"; 39.) Incoming call; 40.) "Wash your winky"; 41.) Hospital; 42.) "I like earning something"; 43.) "Please let me look after you"; 44.) "I didn't want you to feel bad.  I want you to feel bad"; 45.)  "Today's your wedding day"; 46.) At the church; 47.) Christmas present from Hobson; 48.) Second Alcoholics Anonymous meeting; 49.) New York Public Library; and 50.)  "A fleet of  movie cars."

audience reaction:  There were about a dozen in attendance.  And they were somewhat entertained by this movie.

recommendation:  This movie is So-So.  You might want to wait for this to come out as a rental.

spoiler alert!  With the economy as bad as it is, it's very hard for me to vicariously empathize with,  relate to, or show an interest in  a very wealthy character who is an irresponsible, childish, socially inept and perpetually inebriated wastrel.  Arthur remarked that he hasn't  had  coins  in many years yet he was able to produce a penny when asked by a cop.  Wouldn't it have been better for his prospective father-in-law, Burt Johnson ( Nick Nolte ), to simply clasp his hands together for Arthur to put his foot on in order to get up on the horse instead of the "come-from-behind-then-up-the-crotch" maneuver?  And if you couple this peculiarity with the fact that voyeuristic Burt was building an office with a telescope aimed at Arthur's penthouse, you have the makings of  an homoerotic menage a trois!  I'm surprised that the commuters didn't create a riot!  He would have been fired right there and then for drinking on the job.  Whoever ends up marrying him will not only end-up with tons of  money but with lots of  STDs as well because no amount of  washing his "winky" will get him sexually "clean"!  Ha, ha, ha--snort!

fyi:  When I took my white Geo Metro to the local Earl Scheib Auto Paint Shop here in Vallejo, CA, two years ago for a touch-up paint job, the service adviser told me that I just missed seeing the Batmobile--the very same one shown in this movie--by about a month.  He said that a truck drove it to their shop for some paint work.  I really don't know whether or not he was telling me the truth.  After all, whoever it was who made the Batmobile in the first place, I'm sure, was more than capable of  handling its paint job needs.  And Earl Scheib's paint jobs  are mediocre at best and their paints are of  cheap quality!  ( The best that  my  money could buy, unfortunately. )  But I'm just telling you what the guy told me.

I forgot to write down Naomi's 'phone number.  Darn it!

I covet Arthur's bed!  Oh, how I would love to have a bed just like that.  You see, I sleep with a half-inch thick 4" x 6" magnet tucked under my pillow each night.  It helps me to get a restful sleep when I'm not caffeinated.

Did you know that Magnet Therapy is recommended for bone spurs and arthritis?  It works, but only if  you  use  magnets with a very strong Gauss rating.  It even inhibits the growth of warts.  This kind of  therapy works  because Blood has Hemoglobin in it.  The Iron in Hemoglobin forces the Red Blood Cells to get  attracted to the magnet and make them linger in the magnetized area longer so the area gets more nutrients and more repair work done to it--plain and simple.  Oh, before I forget,  only have the North side of  a  Magnet touch your body.  Why?  Because the North side is the side that puts in, not draws out, magnetic energy.

A magnet placed on a wound will make it heal faster, and with less scarring.

And you may want to try Magnetic Qi Gong.  But don't let its simplicity fool you.  It is actually The Best  form of Qi Gong ever developed, in my opinion!  I would know because I've done it.

Pepe Le Pew is one of my favorite cartoon characters.  My # 1 favorite is Daffy Duck.

Helen Mirren's character, Hobson, said, "Spoiler alert!" in  the theatre auditorium  scene.  Is it because  of  the fact that I blogged about her last year and she happened upon it and liked it?  Sheer speculation, perhaps.  But, who knows ....  Hey, maybe she can get me into Hollywood.  ( I'll be grateful.  Ahem! )

I had a co-worker who drank a big bottle of  beer on his break period in the parking lot!  Of course, he got fired.  Duh ....

Was that a PRINCE OF PERSIA ad in the newspaper that Arthur was reading?

Did you know that lifelong  alcoholics suffer  no Hairloss?  Of course, they pickle their Livers and kill their Brain Cells in the process but, hey! they each get to keep a headful  of  hair when they die.  Nice ....

word of advice:  Money cannot  buy you love, but it can buy you lots of  fun stuff.  So, enjoy it while you can.

Don't take things for granted.

tidbits:  After I got out of work and before the movie started, I had close to an hour-and-a-half time to dilly-dally with.  So, I went to the local MacDonald's Restaurant to have a # 2 meal.  And I also bought  a Mickey D promo toy for the upcoming movie, RIO; I got the skateboarding one.  And since I still had enough time, I swung by the Admiral Callahan Lane Safeway in Vallejo, CA, to buy two 2 litre bottles of  Refreshe diet soda, a plain one and a zero kind.

I have five pieces of  fried chicken just sitting in my fridge for over a week now, just waiting to get eaten.  I figure that I have  better get on with it before all the pieces go to waste--it would be a shame to think that at least two chickens out there somewhere sacrificed their lives for nothing!

I planned on eating the chicken pieces with rice and ketchup after I got home from seeing this movie.   But I was completely out of  ketchup--and I forgot to get some ketchup packets at MacDonald's.  So, today turned out to  be a perfect day for me to try out a quick, simple and easy ketchup recipe that I've kept in the back-burner of my mind for at least a year now.   Here are the ingredients:

One 8 oz. can of  Tomato Sauce
1/3  cup of  Vinegar ( distilled white vinegar is preferable )
2 tablespoons of  White Sugar
plus, a sprinkling of  Salt, Onion Powder and Garlic Powder ( these last three are really just optional )

Heat at medium-high in a ceramic, glass or porcelain pan ( metal pans react with the acids in the tomato sauce and the vinegar ).  Heat to a rapid boil while stirring the mixture with a wooden ( preferred--again, because of the acids ) spoon.  Lower the heat and simmer the mixture while continuing on with the stirring.  Cook for about 30 minutes or until the sauce is in the consistency of  Ketchup.  Remove from heat and let cool.  Presto!  There, you have it:  Your  very own home-made Ketchup!  Yippee.  Now go brag about it 'cause you've earned it.  ( I'll teach you how to make mayonnaise next time. )

Ketchup is actually a European interpretation of  a Chinese fish sauce called, Ke-tsiap.  Tried  as hard as they could, the Europeans couldn't get the recipe down right--something got LOST IN TRANSLATION.  So, the Europeans just threw up their hands in resignation and said, "Let's leave well enough alone and do such a major marketing blitz on it that our Ketchup will bomb Ke-tsiap into culinary oblivion!"  And the rest, as they say, is History.  Of course, I could be wrong  about  what really went down in the annals of  History.  But I like my story just fine.  So, let's leave well enough alone.  Shall we ...?

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