NEW YEAR'S EVE, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 57 )

Quickie Review:  On New Year's Eve, people gather at Time's Square in New York City to ring in the New Year of New Beginnings as lost loves, dashed hopes and broken promises get their second chances on the most eagerly anticipated night of the year.

The audience was entertained by this Chick Flick.

I liked it enough, although it tended to be corny at times.  Go see this if you like Chick Flicks because this is definitely one such movie.

Here are the things that I found wrong in this movie:  Ingrid ( Michelle Pfeiffer ) rode the scooter side-saddle in her first scooter scene; she rode it astride in her second scooter scene; and she was back to side-saddle style in her third scooter scene.  Why ...?  Police officer Brendan's ( Chris "Ludacris" Bridges ) kids didn't look excited enough at the prospect of spending New Year's Eve with him!  If I win a contest fair and square, there ain't no way that I'm handing my win over to the other guy.  Sam's ( Josh Duhamel ) "mystery woman" was a major puke-inducing let-down ( if you ask me )!

*******************************

Watching this movie made me realize that one of my co-workers bears a resemblance to Katherine Heigl.

I waited until December 30th to watch this movie at it's last evening show, the 10:30 p.m. one, because I wanted it to be New Year's Eve day when I stepped out of the theatre.  I originally had it in mind to watch this tonight, December 31st,  at 10:30 p.m.; but I changed my mind because I have to go to work early tomorrow, a Sunday, January 1st; and I wanted to blog about this movie on the last day of 2011.

"Happy New Year To All Of You Out There!!!"
( Although celebrating the New Year in the dead of Winter instead of in the Spring doesn't make sense to me at all--it's all a Roman Catholic "thing", you see .... Whatever ....  Anyway ... have fun and be safe out there! )

WAR HORSE, PG-13 ( 2 hr & 26 min )

A LOVE STORY BETWEEN A BOY AND HIS HORSE

Quickie Review:  The advent of World War One forcefully separates a British farm boy from his horse.  Through the course of the war, the horse changes "ownership" until Fate reunites the two of them near the war's end.

The audience liked this movie.  And it got a "Hands Clapper" ending.

I liked this movie, too, especially the Wire Cutters scene.  Go see this movie if you're into Inspirational Dramas.  But it was an emotionally Sad & Sweet experience for me.  Many of the characters that I rooted for met their untimely deaths--such is the reality of war:  "The war takes everything from everyone."

Here are the things that I found wrong in this movie:  Mind you, these have less to do with the script writer or the director, but they  have a lot to do with antiquated/ineffective battle plans and strategies that were hard-headedly used for centuries!  The Cavalry Charge, with sabers drawn, was practically invented thousands of years ago and is of no use in today's battlefields.  In fact, it became ineffective shortly after Rifles and Cannons were invented.  And even more so when Explosives ( i.e. Dynamite and Grenades ) and Machine Guns came into use.  Do you remember Tom Cruise's THE LAST SAMURAI ( 2003 )?  

If I were the British officer in charged of that surprise attack on the Germans, I would have employed the primary use of the Infantry in concealment, with well-placed Snipers for support; and I would have used the Cavalry--with pistols drawn, not sabers--to flank the enemy.  It looked to me like those German machine gunners didn't use their machine guns in a sweeping motion.  The Cavalry officers just went past  the machine gunners when they could have struck them with their sabers or had their horses trample them to death.

WE BOUGHT A ZOO, PG ( 2 hr & 4 min )

Quickie Review:  After the death of his wife, Benjamin Mee ( Matt Damon ), a journalist, quits his job and relocates his little family out of town and onto  an 18-acre farm property that includes a recently-closed zoo.  A small zoo staff, run by Kelly Foster ( Scarlett Johansson ), cares for the menagerie.  Knowing full well that if the zoo is not opened many of its animals will be euthanized, Ben puts in his time and money into renovating the zoo and opening it to the public once again.

The audience liked this movie, especially the little brats.  But it didn't get a "Hands Clapper" ending.

I liked this movie, too.  It's a good Family Movie, if you don't mind the foul language.

Here are the things that  I found wrong about this movie.  Although this movie is based on a true story about the Mee family in England, the setting ( as well as the zoo's name ) was changed.  Why, is it because the main characters in this movie couldn't learn the British accent well enough before production began?  Well, if that was the problem, couldn't they just have hired British actors, instead?  I mean, come on ....  And the real zoo, Dartmoor Wildlife Park, was only closed for about 15 months, not years.  All that time spent on renovation and bringing the whole place up to code and nobody bothered to repaint the signs at each enclosure.  Whoever installed the doorknobs on the Big Cat enclosures sure didn't have the foresight or common sense to have repair work accessible only on the outside!  Duh ....

**************************

I read an article years ago that says all Big Cats kept in captivity die of Kidney Failure.  Imagine that.  These felines are carnivores, and have been so for tens of millions of years.  Yet, they die of Kidney Failure.

As an aside, native Eskimos mostly subsist on a High-Fat, High Protein diet and they, too, succumb early to Kidney Failure before they can live long enough to get their Arteries clogged with Cholesterol!

Well, so much for the High-Fat, High Protein Diet!

THE DARKEST HOUR 3-D, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 29 min )

Quickie Review:  Two American entrepreneurial friends are in Moscow on a business trip.  While there, they hook-up with a couple of female American tourists at a night club just as the whole world is being invaded by power-hungry near-invisible aliens who have no qualms about disintegrating any living thing that comes in their way.  Somehow surviving the initial attack, the group emerge from hiding days later to find and join with other survivors to fight the deadly alien threat.

The audience somewhat liked it.

It was just okay to me.

Here are the things that I found wrong in this movie:  If everybody felt like it was the end of the world and I came upon the guy who stole my business idea, I'd kill him right there and then!  After all, who'll be there to arrest me and put me in jail?  That dead guy's body that they wrapped in Saran Wrap should have been bloated after two days' time!  The guys emerged out of hiding without any facial hair at all even though they had no access to razor blades and shaving cream! The plane that crashed through the wall of that shopping center still had its nose in perfect shape.  Obviously, the aliens cannot see through glass; BUT their human targets don't have sharply-delineated energy fields--they glow.  So ... if a human hides behind a glass shield, the human's energy field will still radiate a glow in much the same way that a light bulb will glow and give away its location even if it is hidden behind a solid, opaque object!  Before that alien disintegrated the dog, it was far enough away to have been able to see the area underneath the patrol car and would have--should have--noticed the two guys's energy fields!  I guess these aliens don't have the presence of mind to turn their heads and look at what's behind them!  And speaking of the patrol car and the human energy field, the four of them could just have hopped into a car and driven away with the glass windows rolled-up and not be seen by any of the aliens!  How long did that electrician take to turn his apartment into a "Faraday Cage" since he obviously had to go around town to scrounge for parts and supplies?  The aliens' energy fields can make lights turn on, can make windshield wipers turn on and can make a drained car battery charge-up BUT it cannot charge the battery pack of the Microwave Projector Rifle???  Why did the girl swim to shore when the submarine that they went looking for was RIGHT THERE???  Why did all of their cellphones give-off ring tones  even though they couldn't tell whether the 'phones were off or on since they were all without charge and had no reception at all, to begin with?  And who would be calling all of their cellphones at that ungodly time???  AND ... instead of coming down to the ground to harvest energy, the aliens could just have stayed in the clouds since lightnings are generated in the clouds over 8 1/2 million times PER DAY!!!  Ha, ha, ha.

P.S.  I hope that that poor  little ol' kitty got out of there okay ....

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO ( 2011 ), R ( 2 hr & 38 min )

Quickie Review:  A disgraced journalist and a computer hacker team-up to uncover the 40-year mystery of a missing girl born into a very wealthy family.

The audience liked this movie.

I liked this movie, too, because my prayer to the god of Hollywood Movies was answered:  This girl is better looking and has firmer breasts than the original girl in the Swedish version.  There is a god after all--Yup!

Here are what I didn't like about this movie:  The first time that we see Lisbeth Salander ( Rooney Mara ) is when she gets off her bike and takes off her motorcycle helmet to reveal a perfectly-shaped Mohawk--Hah!  And what is a Swedish movie without Swedish Meatballs?  It borders on sacrilege, that is what it is!  Although this remake is very much the same as the original Swedish version which was shown in May and June of last year ( re-read my blog on it ), some scenes were replaced while others were altered.  But I don't want to mention said scenes in particular since doing so might just spoil it for some of you out there.  Go see the movie ....

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE--GHOST PROTOCOL, PG-13 ( 2 hr & 13 min )

Quickie Review:  The MI Team gets blamed for a "terrorist attack" on the Kremlin.  They go undercover to try and clear their reputation.  And, at the same time, bring the guilty party to justice.

The audience liked this movie.  But it didn't get a "Hands Clapper" ending.

I liked this movie, too.  And I believe that this is better than any of the other three Mission: Impossible movies.

Here are the things that I found wrong in this movie:  For that "invisible wall" camouflage to work properly, its sides would have to be set flushed against the floor, ceiling and walls; but doing so would give off a scarping and/or rubbing noise as the "invisible wall" is moved, thereby spoiling the effect!  When they were underwater, they could have used the air from the tires for breathing.  If the in-eye camera can take pictures which are perfect copies that are scrambled, why was the Launch Code reader unable to detect the discrepancy? Wow, it was just "amazing" how those two vehicles could go travelling around town at high speeds IN A SAND STORM  and not have their air intake ducts get clogged-up with sand!

ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: CHIPWRECKED, G ( 1 hr & 27 min )

Quickie Review:  Alvin and the Chipmunks and the Chipettes, along with their human, are on a cruise ship on their way to the International Music Awards.  But fun-loving Alvin manages to get them all overboard and washed-up on a seemingly deserted remote island.

The audience seemed to like this movie.

I was mildly entertained by it.  I would have enjoyed it more if Alvin wasn't such a little brat, no doubt about it.  But I liked how one character in this movie earned himself some moral redemption; after all, when you think about it, a movie is just a fancy "morality play."

Here are the things that I found wrong in this movie:  Even though Alvin and the Chipmunks are world famous singers, nobody seemed to care about them as they were embarking on the ship.  No mango fruit grows on a bough.  Am I right to assume that the woman wore the same outfit for years, yet it didn't wear out or fade at all?  In this day and age, no active volcano ( no matter how remote its location ) will not get the attention of scientists all over the world.  That volcanic island would have been monitored day and night in the air, at sea and on land by said scientists.

SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS, PG - 13 ( 2 hr & 9 min )

Quickie Review:  Sherlock Holmes ( Robert Downey, Jr. ) finally meets his match in the evil-minded genius, Professor Moriarty ( Jared Harris ), who is Hell-bent on starting a world war so that he can sell to both sides of the conflict.

The audience liked this movie, but it didn't get a "Hands Clapper" ending.

I liked this movie, too.  It's definitely better than the first one.  And Jared Harris played his bad-guy role so convincingly that he might be up for an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actor.

Here are the things that I found wrong in this movie:  Formaldehyde is a very dangerous neuro-toxin--it can "pickle" the brain, something Holmes would not want to happen to his brain ( one might rightfully assume ).  The horses should have been spooked by the horseless carriage puttering around town.  When Holmes disarmed the Cossack assassin, the bad guy just kept his right arm extended instead of reflexively pulling it back!  Mary Watson ( Kelly Reilly ) pretended to be morally shocked at the sight of the naked man but ... she read the telegram facing him and with her eyes strategically looking down in that direction!  Those two men sitting around didn't notice it when the iron grate was flung wide open.  Sure, he was a marksman but bear in mind that he was just wounded, he was full of Adrenaline, he had been running all that time, and his heart was pumping hard and fast--there was no way that he could have calmed his body down very quickly to make that long-distance kill-shot without first propping his rifle on the ground or on a rock or a tree stump/fallen branch. When they were at Mycroft Holmes' ( Stephen Fry ) place, the Gypsy guy was not in the room with them when he should have been since he was part of Sherlock's group.  No surgeon in the late 1800s used Cortisone for plastic surgery; so, the facial scar should not have been so smooth.  The would-be assassin was disguised as a foreign diplomat--here's my logical deduction:  The would-be assassin might look the part and might also act the part but he was foreign-born and would be expected to speak the diplomat's language with a foreign accent ( "Elementary, my dear Watson.  Elementary ...." )

Note:  'Sorry for this quickie review.  I'm caught-up in the Holiday Rush writing financial proposals to 341 businesses; and I'm still prospecting for more!  And I will be kept busy with my business leads 'til the end of January, 2012.

THE SITTER, R ( 1 hr & 40 min )

Quickie Review:  A former college kid decides to do his mom a big favor by taking on a baby-sitting job for one of their neighbors.  With no baby-sitting experience whatsoever, he finds himself with a handful of little brats on a wild and crazy night out on the town.

This movie was just mildly entertaining.  It drew just a few laughs from me and from the rest of the audience.

What did the filmmakers think of when they went ahead and made this movie, that putting little kids in age-inappropriate characterizations would make for one cute and "laugh-out-loud" funny movie?  Well, they sure missed the mark on this one!

Here are the things that I found wrong about this movie:  His girlfriend sure didn't know how to fake an orgasm--it was so unconvincing!  He lived near the neighbors that he babysat for.  Neighbors who were obviously friends with his mom and had more than just passing/casual interactions with her.  So, the comment that he made and the subsequent hug that he gave the woman after she opened the front door for him--even if it was just meant to be a sleazy scene--didn't make sense at all!  If they wanted the little "firebug" to stop blowing things up with M-80 firecrackers, all they had to do was cut-out his allowance so that he wouldn't have the money to purchase such fireworks.  And, wait a minute, M-80s and Cherry Bombs were banned from manufacture in this country back in 1966 under the Child Protection Act!  Where did he go to, then, to buy such illegal fireworks?  His face got covered in cocaine and he didn't inhale any of it, not even accidentally?  He had the GPS with him; he could have called the cops to have them help him retrieve the minivan.  How did that beautiful black girl know where to find him?  Or do all the black people in this movie only have one place to hang-out at, a pool-hall?  The M-80 that exploded near the driver's crotch should have done more damage to his manhood!  When the minivan hit something, its airbags didn't get activated.  How did the little girl know what number to call to summon aid?  And how did the rescue party get there quickly?  The damage to the vehicle will most likely get him in "hot water" with the law and with its owner.  And I don't think the bad guy will let him off that easily.  A comment in a Bonus Scene character update was in poor taste, and unnecessarily so!

ARTHUR CHRISTMAS 3-D, PG ( 1 hr & 40 min )

Quickie Review:  Santa now runs a very "tight ship", all high-tech and super-efficient.  But a minor glitch in the system leaves a Nice child without a Christmas present---Gasp!  As Christmas Eve slowly begins to fade into Christmas Day, panic ensues at Santa's Command Center under the  North Pole until Santa's youngest son, Arthur ( with the help of Grandsanta ), steps-up to save the day.

I liked it, although there were chaotic and complicated scenes involving Multinational Defense Forces all on Red Alert!  The little brats might get alarmed and confused by said scenes.  But the scene wherein the little girl opened-up her Christmas present was an especially touching scene.  Also, the scene in which she saw a glimpse of Santa was a very sweet one.

Unfortunately, I went to see this movie at 8:35 p.m. last night in Fairfield, CA. The last show for the evening, and on a school day, too, for that matter!  So, I found myself all by my lonesome inside the auditorium.  Therefore, I had no way of gauging what the audience reaction to this movie could have been.

Here's what I found wrong about this movie:  The animation quality in this movie is not quite up-to-par with the animation quality of other recent computer animation movies.  But I am not going to pettifog over such trivialities since this is just  a kids' movie.

I really wanted to see this movie at a matinee show today, Thursday, when little brats would most likely be in attendance.  But I have so many things on my To-Do ( Holiday Rush ) List for Today that I cannot possibly squeeze this into my schedule.

Sorry ....

DESI BOYZ, NR ( 2 hr & 2 min )

a

where:  UA EMERY BAY STADIUM 10 in Emeryville, CA
when:  Friday, November 25th, 2011
show:  5:10 p.m.
costs:  $0.00 Ticket ( Free Pass ) + $11.50 Nachos Combo + $5.00 Carquinez Bridge Toll + $16.08 dinner @ Golden City Buffet in Vallejo, CA, after the movie ( + $2.00 Tip ) = $34.58
auditorium:  1
seat:  5th row, 7th column


synopsis/overview:  When two friends find themselves without jobs, they become male strippers/escorts out of desperation.  But all that money and attention begin to affect their personal lives in a big way.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) Bonus check; 2.) Shoplifter; 3.) "False alarm"; 4.) Bar; 5.) "Jignesh is dead"; 6.) Interview; 7.) Wedding plans; 8.) Social worker; 9.) Grocery store; 10.) Business card; 11.) Contract; 12.) Ritz Hotel; 13.) Song & Dance montage; 14.) "Three rules"; 15.) "Thank you for last night"; 16.) Father's Day; 17.) Party celebration; 18.) Baby oil; 19.) YouTube; 20.) "Clean up you act"; 21.) Slap; 22.) Dorm room; 23.) Camper trailer; 24.) Former classmate; 25.) E-mail; 26.) Employee of the month; 27.) Shooting gallery; 28.) Private lessons in Economics; 29.) "We Indians are always late"; 30.) Report card; 31.) Threat; 32.) "I wanted to sell this today.  And I met you"; 33.) Child custody hearing; and 34.) Bonus Scenes during the Ending Credits.

audience reaction:  The audience enjoyed this comedy.

recommendation:  It is a good enough light entertainment for fans of Bollywood Song & Dance to go see.

spoiler alert!  Don't they have a Motorcycle Helmet Law in place in the UK?  He wasn't noticed and/or heard when he jumped from the second floor all the way down to the marble tiled first floor?  A proposition to have all three heterosexual males in the tight confines of a shower stall?  What, is this some kind of a questionable foreign culture idiosyncrasy?   Why didn't the potential employer just stepped out of his office when all that racket was going on so that the people outside would know what was really going on inside?  Whoever it was that they hired to do the English subtitles didn't do a good job of it; things got lost in the translation, e.g.  "Brother from a hotter mother" and a few other instances of such that I failed to write a note on.  She took the pull tab off of that beer can and set the can down on the table where it fell on its side yet its contents didn't spill out.

fyi:  Either one of the leading ladies in this movie is better-looking than Frieda Pinto, for those of you who are into exotic "spice girl" Indian beauties and would care to know.

word of advice:  Money can't buy you love.

tidbits:  So, I got a pager for the very first time and couldn't wait to use it.  Heh, heh, heh.

But, first, I had to go to the concessions counter to get a Nachos Combo.  And ... again ... the slow wait.  A lady  in front of me wanted a big tub of popcorn to go with her drinks.  Then, she changed her mind.  She wanted just three hot dogs to go with her drinks.  And she changed her mind.  She wanted just the big tub of popcorn.  But, wait, she changed her mind yet again!  Now, she wanted the three hot dogs.  Then, she wanted the big tub of popcorn on top of it, too.  But, she changed her mind and just kept the big tub of popcorn and the drinks after she saw what the total purchase price ( over 30 bucks ) would have been had she gone and bought the hot dogs, too!  And this was the same woman who complained that the line at the concessions counter was long and slow and that her movie already started at 5:00 p.m.

Finally, it was my turn at the concessions counter.  The employee asked me for my movie watcher card.  Opps, that was when I realized that I should have asked for the pager after a trip to the concessions counter to maximize my movie watcher reward points!


I walked into Auditorium One with my pager at the ready:  Push button One for issues with Picture Quality; push button Two for issues with Sound Quality; push button Three for Movie Piracy; and push button Four for other issues, i.e. Cellphone Talkers or Texters.  And my left thumb was trained on button Four!  But, alas! I was with a nicer crowd this time around.

At least, I now know what I need to do to insure that I, and the rest of the audience, have a good movie-watching experience.

On the drive home, I deliberated on whether I should have a burger and fries for dinner or a Chinese buffet meal, instead.  And since with a buffet meal I could always have some fruits and veggies on my plate, I decided to have a Chinese buffet meal to cap-off my evening.  And my choice tonight was the Golden City Buffet in Vallejo, CA, near the border with American Canyon.

Just about two hundred yards or so from the Marine World Parkway on-ramp from Highway I-80, a car in the middle lane signaled to merge with my lane ( right lane ) to get onto the on-ramp where I, too, was headed.  A pick-up truck behind this car was getting closer and closer--and dangerously so--to the signaling car.  I slowed down my car in anticipation of an accident.  And, just at the last second, the pick-up truck driver slammed on his brakes and turned his truck to the left to avoid hitting the car.  He missed hitting the car's rear bumper by just a few inches!  The pick-up truck's front tires smoked and the truck almost hit the center divider as its driver swerved to the left lane to avoid a collision.  That a--hole truck driver probably was texting or talking on his cellphone to be so f--king inattentive in the first place!  What a jerk!  This incident happened at 8:36 p.m.

After I was assigned my seat at the Golden City Buffet, I went to the men's room to wash my hands first.  When I dropped my used towel into the trash can, I noticed a used hypodermic needle inside of it.  The kind that diabetics use.  Didn't that diabetic know better than to dispose of his hypodermic needle so indiscriminately? And what is a diabetic doing at a buffet restaurant where there are too many simple carbohydrate and sugary items on the menu?  That guy must have some kind of  a death wish!

The buffet dishes, soups and sides were not much of a choice to begin with.  I don't know how long they'd been sitting there getting overcooked and dehydrated! And I got charged $16.08 ( not including tip )!  What a rip-off.

I will make it a point not to come here after 7 o'clock in the evening from now on because they don't cook-up anything after 8 o'clock, it seems!  Since their food is fresher around noontime, shouldn't they charge less for dinner, and not the other way around?

THE MUPPETS, PG ( 1 hr & 35 min )

where:  UA EMERY BAY STADIUM 10 in Emeryville, CA
when:  Friday, November 25th, 2011
show:  2:45 p.m.
costs:  $9.00 Ticket + $5.75 Zap Pack = $14.75
auditorium:  8
seat:  4th row, 12th column


synopsis/overview:  The muppets disband and go their separate ways when their show falls out of popularity.  But they get back together when a big fan of the muppets learns of an evil oil magnate's plan for the Muppets Studio.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) "We could be twins"; 2.) Muppet Show; 3.) Dream; 4.) Ten Year Anniversary; 5.) Classroom; 6.) Muppet Studio tour; 7.) Evil plan; 8.) "Stop the car"; 9.) Electric fence; 10.) Bus; 11.) "This is really gonna be a short movie"; 12.) The Moopets tribute band; 13.) "They terrify me.  Let's go"; 14.) "Have a seat"; 15.) "I can't believe we had that in the budget"; 16.) Fight; 17.) Montage; 18.) "Travel by map"; 19.) Muppet man; 20.) "I cannot be replaced"; 21.) Opportunity; 22.) "We built this city"; 23.) "I'm here for them"; 24.) "Me Party"; 25.) Richman rap; 26.) Thesaurus; 27.) Kidnap; 28.) Note; 29.) "Man or muppet"; 30.) "Briefly inconveniencing"; 31.) Telethon; 32.) Candle light dinner; 33.) Teenage mutant ninja turtle; 34.) Sabotage; 35.) "I love it when you talk shop"; 36.) "Evil English accent"; 37.) Naked; 38.) Miss Piggy's dressing room; 39.) One last act; 40.) "We were close"; 41.) Private property; 42.) Red carpet; 43.) Song and dance; and 44.) Bonus Scenes during the Ending Credits.

audience reaction:  The nostalgic audience liked this enough to give it a "Hands Clapper" ending.

recommendation:  I think that it's funny enough and good enough for a family movie.

spoiler alert!  Why was that important contract just left there out in the open and just gathering dust?  Did Gonzo just commit a terrorist act and possibly kill some innocent workers?  They would need to raise more than 10 million dollars, what with expenses and all!

fyi:  If I remember right, I think that the original Muppets' TV stage was designed so that guests had to stand on a raised platform while they performed with the muppets whose puppeteers stood hidden on the sunken floor at either side of the live performers.  And ... the muppets were invented at a time when it was fashionable for sexy females to wear mini and micro mini skirts!  Can you see an obvious connection--and not by mere coincidence, mind you--between the two? Because I surely can!  Heh, heh, heh ....  So, whenever a muppet had to pause or do a freeze-frame in the presence of a beautiful and sexy female guest star, you now know why.  Ha, ha, ha---Snort!  But, I hope that the puppeteers were, at least, smart enough to check their guests for flatulence beforehand.

word of advice:  A good friend is one who stands by your side through thick and thin.

tidbits:  I thought that I arrived at the theatre with plenty of time to catch the 2:00 p.m. show.  But, I forgot to factor-in the Black Friday crowd!  There was a long line of movie patrons and just one box office clerk for the better part of my 20 minute wait in line.  And, again, I waited for another 15 minutes at the concessions counter.

Here's a useful tip for you:  Don't get in line at the concessions counter if the people ahead of you have little brats in tow who don't bother to make-up their little minds over what they want their adults to buy for them while they still have all that time as they stand waiting in line!  Aargh ....

My movie-watching experience was ruined by some bitch seated four seats to my right.  She kept texting on her cellphone all throughout the movie AND she had the audacity to have either one of her little brats take turns text-messaging, too!  What a lousy role model the c-nt was!  Talk about Parenting Fail.  She was lucky that she didn't sit directly in front of me or I would have doused her with my softdrink.  What a f--king bitch!

When I went to buy a ticket for the DESI BOYZ movie, I complained to the manager about the cellphone texter.  He told me that I should have reported it; but I was in the middle of the row and I didn't want to miss any scenes since I blog about movies.  I asked him why they don't have a cellphone blocker.  He said that cellphone blockers are illegal in this country.  Who came up with this stupid law, THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF IRRESPONSIBLE, RUDE AND INCONSIDERATE CELLPHONE TALKERS AND TEXTERS?!?!?!  Anyway, the manager apologized for my inconvenience and gave me a free pass to the DESI BOYZ movie ( Hey, I think that this incident just gave  me a good  idea .... ).  And I asked him for a pager, just in case there will be Irresponsible, Rude and Inconsiderate cellphone talkers and/or texters in the DESI BOYZ auditorium with me.

*******************************

Now, for some adult humor ....

Q:  Why did Miss Piggy add Honey to her Vinegar & Water Douche?

A:  Because she found out that Kermit, the Frog, loves to eat Sweet & Sour Pork!

HUGO 3-D, PG ( 2 hr & 6 min )

where:  EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 & I-MAX in Fairfield, CA
when:  Thursday, November 24th, 2011
show:  4:35 p.m.
costs:  $12.00 Ticket + $5.75 Blue Raspberry Icee + $14.20 Thanksgiving Dinner @ Tin-Tin Chinese Buffet ( + $2.25 Tip ) =  $34.20
auditorium:  8
seat:  4th row, 5th column


synopsis/overview:  A clockmaker's ( Jude Law ) orphaned son, Hugo ( Asa Butterfield ),  lives in the walls of a train station in 1930s Paris to tend to its clocks.  In his possession is a broken automaton, his last cherished connection to his late father, that he is determined to fix.  With the help of a toy merchant's ( Ben Kingsley ) goddaughter ( Chloe Grace Moretz ), he starts to solve the mystery of the automaton piece-by-piece.


noteworthy scenes:  1.)  Thief; 2.) Train; 3.) "A reprobate"; 4.) "All a trick"; 5.) Steadfast; 6.) Deal; 7.) Trespassing; 8.) Movie; 9.) "Simple-minded"; 10.) Key; 11.) Message; 12.) "I need to know what this means"; 13.) Drawings; 14.) "Your best smile"; 15.) Film Academy Library; 16.) "Passion of mine"; 17.) "Enchanted castle"; 18.) Wrench; 19.) "If you lose your purpose, it's like you're broken"; 20.) "Here for some reason"; 21.) Dead body; 22.) Visitor; 23.) "You tried to forget the past for so long and it brought you nothing but unhappiness";  24.) "Magic tricks and illusions"; 25.) "Tastes change"; 26.) "Happy endings happen only in the movies"; 27.) Dogs; 28.) Train track; 29.) "You should understand"; 30.) "Eighty films"; 31.) "The kindest magic trick that ever I've seen"; and 32.)  Diary.


audience reaction:  I didn't hear much of  a reaction from the audience.

recommendation:  But I liked this movie.  And I would recommend it as a must-see family movie.

spoiler alert!  If somebody damaged my musical instrument like that, I'd be in a fit of rage!  All that pushing and shoving at the train station and not a word of complaint or objection from any one in the crowd.  The train station police officer ( Sasha Baron Cohen ) said that the person was dead for a number of months before his body was discovered.  Nope, not likely.  The body would have already been badly, if not completely, decomposed and/or scavenged by then.

fyi:  Whoever did the movie projection for this auditorium didn't do a good job of it!  The projection light was too dim.  A 3-D movie doesn't show well if the movie projector light is set on dim!  I hope that the theatre manager reads this blog and butt-spanks the idiot responsible for this oversight or negligence!

Or is the theatre staff simply skimping on quality just to save money on their electric bills?

How did I know that the projection light was too dim?  A scene for the TIN TIN movie preview where a ship was sailing in a sea of sand was not properly lit--I've seen this movie preview enough times to know how that particular scene is supposed to look like!

Today is Thanksgiving Day.  A holiday that I think the Native Americans are not too keen on observing--and who can blame them!

An American Wild Turkey can grow to a length of about four feet long, measured from tip of beak to tip of tail.

You could say that I'm in this portrait.  Yup, I'm outside the window looking in!  Hey, folks. Save me some left-over turkey and fixings, won't you please?  Ha, ha, ha.

Happy Thanksgiving Day!

word of advice:  Talent is a terrible thing to waste.

tidbits:  There was a Thanksgiving potluck at work today.  They asked me yesterday if I would like to cook something for the potluck.  I told them that I couldn't because I had to work 'til midnight and come back the next day at 10:00 a.m.  But I told them that I'd be sure to bring my big appetite with me, instead.

And I wanted to go to the Selecta Pilipino Buffet here in Vallejo, CA, on Springs Road right after work for some Thanksgiving turkey dinner.  But I ate too much at the potluck.  So, I just went home to sit around and digest my meal before heading on to Fairfield, CA, to watch this movie.

After the movie, I went to HomeTown Buffet in Fairfield to have a Thanksgiving dinner.  But I arrived there too late because their doors were already locked.  I guess they sensed that I was coming over then went ahead to bolt their doors shut before I could get there!

Next, I swung by China Moon Buffet to see if they were open for business.  Nope, all the lights were off.  I think that they turned-off their lights and hid under the tables after they saw me coming over from HomeTown Buffet.

I was left with one other choice of buffets in the local area, the Tin-Tin Buffet in Vacaville, CA.  I ate there the last two Thanksgiving holidays.  So, I assumed that they would be open for business tonight.  I was right!  They were open.  And, thankfully, this time around, the Chinese cooks at this buffet finally understood the concept of a Thanksgiving Dinner--because they didn't, the last two times that I was there for Thanksgiving--it was nice to know that they took my suggestions to heart last year.


And this is what my Fortune Cookie fortune says:  "You will have a long and wealthy life"--But not if  I keep eating at Chinese Buffets all of the time.  Ha, ha, ha---Snort!

Special Announcement:  I would like to take this time to say, Thank You and Welcome, to my readers in ...

Laos

Thank you, once again.  Please keep on reading my weekly updates.  And don't forget to tell all of your friends, and everyone else who you know, about my movie review blogsite.

HAPPY FEET, TWO 3-D, PG ( 1 hr & 40 min )

Quickie Review:  Mumble is now a father to a son who looks up to a surrogate father-figure, a penguin who can fly.  But when their colony becomes helplessly trapped, Eric sees for himself what his own father is really capable of doing to save their own kind.

I liked the Tweety Bird and Sylvester, the Cat, short film.

I liked the scenes with the Krills.

And there was a "nod" to Porky Pig at the end of the Ending Credits.

The visuals in this movie, as a whole,  was really stunning  ( and I'm still trying to figure out whether or not those men and women on the boat were all real live actors or just CGIs, or CGI-enhanced live actors ).  But, although the audience liked it, it didn't get a "Hands Clapper" ending.

Mumble is all grown-up this time around.  Unfortunately, so is this movie's target audience.  My short conversation with a theatre employee after the movie sums it all up.

Theatre employee:  "How was the movie?"

Cine-Man:  Ehh ...  I think it missed its target audience.  The adults got it ( i.e. The message ).  But it was lost to the little kids.

Theatre employee:  "It's not too 'Kid Friendly.'"

Cine-Man:  Yeah, it's not "Kid Friendly."

Here is what I didn't like about the movie:  ( And it is something that I wanted to avoid mentioning at first  but finally felt that I would be remiss if I did not mention it since this movie's intended audience are children at an impressionable age. ) The other  "message" in this movie is the not-too-subtle insinuation that in a world of  brown-eyed  beings, only a blue-eyed one can truly make a difference.   Even Will Smith, himself,  showed the world that he was just a sell-out to this "Blue-Eyed" propaganda in his 2004 movie, I, ROBOT.  Hollywood has got to stop feeding us all this B.S.!

Special Announcement:  I would like to take this time to say, Thank You and Welcome, to my readers in ...

Myanmar ( Burma )

Thank you, once again.  Please keep on reading my weekly updates.  And don't forget to tell all of your friends, and everyone else who you know, about my movie review blogsite.

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN, PART I, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 57 min )

Quickie Review:  Knocked-up In A "Cold-Cock" ( heels over head/swept off her feet ) Supernatural Love Affair!


I don't see the appeal in this movie!  It was just so-so.  Basically, it is a "30 minute" movie all fluffed-up to stretch for two hours long.  Let's see what it has: Wedding, honeymoon, pregnancy, complications, vision, the end.  Stretching it to two hours long just so they could milk its adoring fans for more money come Part II just made me feel like I was cheated out of my hard-earned money and a good night's sleep, as well, since I went and saw this at its 12:04 a.m. show.  Okay, so it showed a quick shot of Bella's left nipple ( Tip: Don't blink in the Honeymoon scene )--but this is beside the point!

But the girls in the auditorium were of another opinion.  They liked this movie, especially some scenes with Jacob in it.  This movie didn't get a "Hands Clapper" ending; but the cute blonde girl seated to my left screamed at the end and, also, when Taylor Lautner's name showed-up on the Cast list.  ( Lord, why did you have me end-up looking like Esai Morales, instead?  Woe is me, woe is me .... )

Here are the things that I found wrong about this movie:  When Jacob transformed into a wolf, his clothes broke into tiny square pieces.  Come on!  Clothes don't break, they rip apart.  I thought that the CGI artists would have known this simple fact by now.  There was no wedding march song.  The priest started the wedding too quickly.  And the priest didn't say the if-anyone-is-opposed-to-this-union-speak-now-or-forever-hold-your-peace line.  When they made love for the first time right after they went skinny dipping, Edward's skin was pretty much the same color as Bella's; and nary a fleck of glitter on it, too ( Fire the person in the make-up department )!  If the life expectancy of an average American female is 78 years and the life expectancy of a male vampire ( who was once a human ) is w-a-a-a-y beyond that, it goes to reason that their halfbreed fetus would have a longer than nine-month gestation period--'not the other way around!  Breastfeeding is out of the question, Bella, 'cause you won't want to have that kind of  baby teething on your tits.  Stock-up on Infant Formula and Baby Bottles, a.s.a.p!  To Hell with "imprinting"; if I were Jacob, I'd just pee on it to "mark" it as my personal property!  L.O.L.  So, the wolf pack got the Cullens' residence surrounded so that none of the vampires could go out and hunt for game.  Didn't anybody tell the Cullens that, if they need fresh animal blood, all they have to do is call the local Pilipino grocery store and have some pig's blood delivered to their door?  Or they could even just call some local rancher and have them send over some animal blood, with the excuse being that they want to try out a Pilipino recipe for blood stew, Dinuguan!  Hmm, yummylicious.

This blood stew, by the way, is  the secret to Manny Pacquiao's in-the-ring stamina!  Ha, ha, ha.

Finally, the movie director found a good use for the blank expression on  Kristen Stewart's face--and about time, too!

I liked the Energy Sheets commercial before the movie, i.e. "I take a sheet in the pool", etc.

And I liked the Bonus Scene which showed  a trio of vampires who were sticklers for proper grammar, spelling and the proper use of punctuation marks.  I'd love to see them go after cellphone texters, especially on the freeway and in movie theatres!

ROCKSTAR, ? RATING ( 2 hr & 40 min )

Quickie Review:  Janardan ( Ranbir Kapoor ) is an aspiring Indian rock musician. But nobody takes him seriously because of his pedestrian musical efforts.  Until he learns that all great artists suffered heartaches before they made names for themselves.  So, he goes and woos the most popular and most beautiful heart-breaker on campus, Heer ( Nargis Fakhri ),  simply to get his heart broken.  He soon becomes a famous rock star, as Jordan, but not without complications.

I liked the songs in this Tragic Musical Rom-Com movie.  But the basis for the principal characters'  friendship and their resultant  love affair were both tenuously-contrived, in my own opinion.

The audience, though,  seemed to enjoy it.  Some even gave it a "Hands Clapper" ending.  And one patron even whistled at the end.

P.S.  The Massage scene is probably the funniest scene in this movie.

J. EDGAR, R ( 2 hr & 17 min )

Quickie Review:  All Work And No Play Makes J. A "Doll" Boy

As head of the FBI for the better part of the last century since its inception, J. Edgar Hoover ( Leonardo DiCaprio ), serving under eight Presidents,  becomes the most powerful man in the United States that most Americans do not know about.  Suspicious of Anarchists and Communists, he almost single-handedly shapes the bureau into a modern and scientifically and technologically advanced federal department tasked with investigating criminal and "un-American" ways by whatever means necessary,  lawful or otherwise.

I liked this movie a lot.  It was very fascinating to see how the FBI got its start and its development.

The other people in the audience--and there were a lot who turned up to see this first-show matinee--liked the movie, as well.  In fact, when I went to the men's room after the show to empty my bladder, I overheard a conversation among three older gentlemen, with the gist of it being that they, too, liked the movie.

Most of the people in the audience were senior citizens, people who lived through the J. Edgar Hoover years.  So, what does that make me?  Oh, I know.  A very good observer--Hah!

Watching this movie left me with a puzzle, though:  How did Charles Lindbergh become a Nazi-sympathizer after what happened to his first-born son?

Special Announcement:  I would like to take this time to say, Thank You and Welcome, to my readers in ...

Aruba

Thank you, once again.  Please keep on reading my weekly updates.  And don't forget to tell all of your friends, and everyone else who you know, about my movie review blogsite.

JACK AND JILL, PG ( 1 hr & 31 min )

where:  EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 & I-MAX in Fairfield, CA
when:  Friday, November 11th, 2011
show:  1:50 p.m.
costs:  $8.00 Ticket + $1.00 bag of Mixed Nuts ( bought at a Dollar Tree Store and smuggled-in ) + $4.75 small Diet Coke = $13.75
auditorium:  5
seat:  3rd row, 14th column


synopsis/overview:  An ad executive, Jack ( Adam Sandler ),  dreads the coming of Thanksgiving when he'll be forced, once again, to spend some family time with his annoying twin sister, Jill.  But when he finds out that Al Pacino, an advertising prospect,  has a crush on his sister, Jack stops at nothing to extend Jill's  stay long enough for Al to sign on the dotted line.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) Twins interview; 2.) Ad shoot; 3.) Dunkaccino; 4.) Airport terminal; 5.) Bird; 6.) Homeless man; 7.) Sweat shadow; 8.) Dinner table; 9.) Calculator; 10.) To-do list; 11.) Swimming pool; 12.) Movie theatre; 13.) Computer dating profile; 14.) Identical, fraternal, nocturnal; 15.) "Throwing her to the wolves"; 16.) "What are you gonna wear, daddy, in Hell"; 17.) The dinner date; 18.) "Busted, disgusted, never to be trusted"; 19.) "I want to choke on my own vomit"; 20.) Celebrity cam; 21.) "He just wants to play Twister with your sister"; 22.) 6:32 a.m.; 23.) Birthday party; 24.) Panic button; 25.) Stick ball; 26.) "It flew in my bread"; 27.) Picnic; 28.) Deal; 29.) "It's not you, it's the chimichanga"; 30.) "Chocolate squirties"; 31.) Windows; 32.) "God told me your feet were on my desk"; 33.) The stage play; 34.) "I can smell Horny across the ocean"; 35.) Double Dutch; 36.)  Men's room; 37.) Tickle; 38.) Weight room; 39.) Knock-out punch; 40.) Displace melons; 41.) Heartfelt talk; 42.) The Impossible Dream song; 43.) "Deathbed love"; 44.) Night club; 45.) Don Quixote; 46.) "I'm kidding"; 47.) TV ad; and 48.) Bonus scenes during and after the Ending Credits.

favorite scenes:  I liked the Bird In The SUV On The Way Home From The Airport scene.

I liked the Identical, Fraternal, Nocturnal scene.

I liked the Picnic scene.

I liked the Double Dutch scene.

I liked the Men's Room scene.

I liked the Knock-out Punch scene.

I liked the Don Quixote scene.

audience reaction:  The audience was entertained by this.  But nobody gave it a "Hands Clapper" ending.

recommendation:  It was funny enough.  And I was the only one in the audience who got the "He's going back home" joke in reference to the homeless man--Yes!  This movie is stupid and funny which, I guess, is what endears Adam Sandler to his legions of fans out there.  Go see this if you're into stupid and funny movies.

spoiler alert!  This is a stupid and funny movie.  How was the boy able to tape the salt shaker so quickly to his forehead when the last time that we saw him he was still busy taping a drumstick to his chest?  And how does he tape things to his back without anybody's help?  I don't know about you, but I think that Jill should have fallen for you-know-who, instead.

fyi: Back in my Humanities class in college, the professor showed us the 1972 movie, MAN OF LA MANCHA.  It was the first and only time that I saw the movie.  The scene with The Impossible Dream song really moved me!  I was just glad that the lights in the classroom were turned-off or my classmates would have seen me with tears rolling down my eyes!

Here's a neat use for scotch tape:  Put scotch tape on your frown lines, crow's feet and smile lines before going to bed at night.  Remove them in the morning and behold a younger-looking you in the mirror.  I've got more beauty tips, but this is all for now!

People may think that Al Pacino's crush on Jill is too inconceivable to be believable.  But when I was younger ( emphasis on younger ), I had a crush on big-nosed, plain-looking famous Jewish women.  I'm talking about Barbra Streisand, Bette Midler and Sandra Bernhard.  And as if that wasn't enough, I actually had sexual fantasies about them!!!   I know that I've got Jewish blood on my mother's side of the family but couldn't my Jewish DNA and Jewish Testosterone have come up with much better Lust choices for me to drool on?  ( It didn't help matters much for me especially after Sandra Bernhard did a Playboy Magazine photo shoot, after a photo of  Better Midler circulated with her showing her tushy to her fans and  after news broke-out that Barbra Streisand was rumored to have been in a porn movie! )  But, now, whenever  I think about these childhood crushes of mine, I shudder ( should that be, Shrivel? ) at the thought of doing the "nasty deed" with them!

word of advice:  You're the only one in the world who knows who your true love is.

tidbits:  After watching the IMMORTALS, I still had plenty of time in my hands before this movie started.  So, I went down to the lower level of the mall to go to Best Buy and buy a top-up card for my cellphone.  But I almost missed the opening scene of this movie because there was a delay at the check-out line.

A mom and her son stayed 'til after the Ending Credits.  And, as they started to walk out of the auditorium, the kid said, "I thought it was gonna splat and go all over the screen."  ( In reference to the last Bonus Scene. )  What a Stupid Kid remark!

And there was a dad who told his son to save the large tub of popcorn because he wanted to get more popcorn at the concessions counter before they leave the theatre.  Well, for the price that he paid for the popcorn, I guess he was entitled to act like a Cheapskate Dad.

When I got back to Vallejo, I went to the Selecta Pilipino Buffet for a late lunch.

Then, I walked next door to the  99 Cent Only Store to buy a three-litre size Orange Soda.  Some guy was outside the store with his pirated DVDs for sale, all lined-out neatly on the ground--I don't know, but I think that I should have called the cops on him.  Hey, maybe I'll do that next time.


Special Announcement:   I would like to take this time to say, Thank You and Welcome, to my readers in ...


Armenia


Thank you, once again.  Please keep on reading my weekly updates.  And don't forget to tell all of your friends, and everyone else who you know, about my movie review blogsite.

IMMORTALS 3-D, R ( 1 hr & 50 min )

There are eight movie posters to choose from.  I like this the best.

where:  EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 & I-MAX in Fairfield, CA
when:  Friday, November 11th, 2011
show:  11:05 a.m.
costs:  $12.00 Ticket + $0.00 small Popcorn ( free on movie watcher reward card ) + $4.75 small Cherry Coke = $16.75
auditorium:  4
seat:  4th row, 4th seat


synopsis/overview:  An evil king, Hyperion ( Mickey Rourke ), is in search of the long-lost bow of  Epirus which he'll need to free the titans to help him conquer the world.  But an oracle, Phaedra ( Frieda Pinto ), convinces a stonemason, Theseus ( Henry Cavill ), that he is the only one who can stop the power-mad king.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) The dream; 2.) The bow of Epirus; 3.) Quarrel; 4.) Disguise; 5.) Defector; 6.) Ball crusher; 7.) "Witness Hell"; 8.) Vision; 9.) Escape; 10.) "You can see the Future but you don't have the power to change it"; 11.) Tsunami; 12.) "She believed"; 13.) Burial chamber; 14.) Brazen Bull; 15.) Gods; 16.) "They're dying"; 17.) Bastard; 18.) Envoy; 19.) "The gods chose well"; 20.) "Stand your ground"; 21.) Titans; and 22.) War in heaven.

favorite scenes:  I liked Athena's ( Isabel Lucas ) first ( ahem ) scene.

I liked the Ball Crusher scene.  ( Man, I "felt" your pain; so did the rest in the audience with me. )

I liked Theseus and Phaedra's Alone Time Together scene.  ( Hey, she's from India and I'm a Yogi.  What else do you want me to say, huh? )

audience reaction:  The audience reacted mainly to the Ball Crusher scene.  Other than that, the audience was mute for the better part of the movie.

recommendation:  I liked the fight scenes, especially since they incorporated some wrestling moves.  And we know that  wrestling was pretty much invented by the Ancient Greeks.  If you're into Action movies, go see this for its fight scenes.

spoiler alert!  Wow, that oil slick sure washed off easily with just  plain ol' water.  Ah, shouldn't the body that Theseus was carrying be stiff due to Rigor Mortis?  The bowstring was not strung tightly enough because it had too much vibration in it after Theseus twanged it.  When the executioner lifted Theseus up by the hair with his left hand, he could have used the club in his right hand to crush Theseus' ribs with.  Theseus released the arrows one after the other but they all found their marks simultaneously.  You can't kill someone simply by gouging his eyes out!  You would think that that wall would have been built with contingency measures ( i.e. rocks, arrows, boiling oil, etc. ) factored in in case it was breached.  There were just a few Titans kept in prison but, upon their released, they seemed to have multiplied like a bunch of horny rabbits!  And where did all those other gods and titans come from anyway?  From what the Ancient Greek Poet, Hesiod, wrote about Mount Tartarus, where the titans are kept in prison, only the immortals can get to it because its distance from the gods' heavenly abode is twice  that to Earth's if measured from the time that an anvil falls from heaven and lands on earth nine days later ( in other words, 18 days of Free-Fall time distance )!  I don't even want to do the math on this because it would be pointless of me to do so.  Suffice it to say that it is farther than the two days' journey that the oracle, Phaedra,  claimed it to be--even on horseback.  The 3-D effect in this movie is not used to its full advantage; in other words, save your money and see this in 2-D, instead.

fyi:  The Brazen Bull was invented in the 6th Century BC, not in the 13th Century BC as the time setting for this movie suggests.

word of advice:  The gods don't help those who don't help themselves.

tidbits:  I took my Geo Metro to Quality Tune-Up Shop for an oil change, first thing in the morning.  And I had breakfast at the MacDonald's Restaurant next door to it while I waited for the service to get done.  Then, I was gonna go to BofA to get a cashier's check to pay-off a credit card debt.  But I completely forgot that today was Veterans' Day, i.e. banks were closed and there was no mail service because it's a Federal Holiday.  ( This put an inconvenient wrinkle on my "To-Do List" for today. )

I just parked my car in the shopping center parking lot in front of the local Chinese buffet restaurant while I read today's paper and checked out the movie listings, as well as the movie reviews.

Then, it was off to Fairfield for me, the place where I decided to go see this movie and the Adam Sandler one, too.

I was busy scribbling notes on my notepad in the dark while I was watching this movie and didn't realize  soon enough that my pen had already ran out of ink.  I lost about two  pages' worth of notes!  I had a spare pen with me--three, actually--but it was already too late.  Sorry ....


Special Announcement:  I would like to take this time to say, Thank You and Welcome, to my readers in ...


Bangladesh


Thank you, once again.  Please keep on reading my weekly updates.  And don't forget to tell all of your friends, and everyone else who you know, about my movie review blogsite.

SARAH'S KEY, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 51 min )

The time shown is one hour ahead.  I forgot to set the time back one hour on my camera to adjust for the end of Daylight Saving Time.

where:  AMC BAY STREET 16 in Emeryville, CA
when:  Monday, November 7th, 2011
show:  7:40 p.m.
costs:  $11.50 Ticket + $5.00 medium Root Beer + $14.30 dinner @ Empire Chinese Buffet in San Pablo, CA ( + $2.00 Tip ) + $5.00 Carquinez Bridge Toll = $37.80
auditorium:  11
seat:  4th row, 7th column

synopsis/overview:  Vel' d'Hiv Devoid  of  Humanity

A pregnant  American expatriate journalist in Paris, France, learns that her home once belonged to a Jewish family that was rounded-up to be sent to a death camp.  As she starts her research for an article on said family, she discovers a terrible secret.  A secret that sets her on a journey of discovery and closure.

noteworthy scenes:  1.) Round-up; 2.) Magazine article proposal; 3.) "It was the French"; 4.) Velodrome; 5.) "Nobody in the world can choose when I die"; 6.) "Frankly, I expected more enthusiasm"; 7.) Separation; 8.) Computer data search; 9.) Escape; 10.) "I just can't believe they didn't know anything"; 11.) Diphtheria; 12.) Train; 13.) Closet; 14.) Personal papers; 15.) Letters; 16.) "How do you know what you would have done"; 17.) Goodbye letter; 18.) Brooklyn search; 19.) Affair; 20.) "Do you recognize her"; 21.) "I deeply desire to have this baby"; 22.) Father/son talk; 23.) "Not an accident"; 24.) "My whole life was a lie"; 25.) Diaries; and 26.) "When a story's told, it's not forgotten."

audience reaction:  There was only one other person in the auditorium with me.  And he was seated way in the back where I could not hear any reaction from him.

recommendation:  I liked this movie, a heart-breaking and depressing journey that finds bittersweet closure at the end.  I was moved to tears at times--let me rephrase that:  My eyes welled with clear liquid.   If you go see this movie, bring a box of Kleenex facial tissues with you or get some extra napkins at the concessions counter.

spoiler alert!  The key shown in the movie poster up above Was Not Sarah's Key.  Her key was short and stubby.  I can't believe that the posted guard at the watchtower didn't notice the escapees in the bright of day.  Why didn't the dog bark at the strangers?  Did they really have to use the "I found the secret door with you" song?  Why didn't she use her computer's White Pages or even ancestry.com to find the person that she was after?  She was probably the prettiest girl in that dance hall yet nobody wanted to dance with her--yeah, right ....

fyi:  Vel' d'Hiv is short for Velodrome d'Hiver, an indoor racetrack for bicycle races, in Paris, France.  It was there that  thousands of  innocent Jews were rounded-up prior to their shipment to death camps on July 16 and 17 in 1942.  Although this movie is a work of fiction, how the velodrome was depicted was true-to-historical-fact.

Although the French Police actively took part in the round-up of the Jews, after the war, their punishment amounted to nothing more than just a "slap on the wrist"!  And it took the French government over 50 years before they admitted to their complicity with the Nazis in this most heinous crime against humanity.

word of advice:  "Do unto others what you would have others do unto you."  ( Jesus Christ's Golden Rule in The New Testament of The Bible, Matthew 7:12 )

tidbits:  I decided to go to the 99 Chinese Buffet, first, at the Hilltop Mall in Richmond, CA, on my way to the theatre, to have dinner first.  But the buffet went out of business ( I guess the 99 Chinese walked-off the job. L.O.L. )  So, I ended-up going to the Empire Chinese Buffet in San Pablo, CA, instead.

Although the food was good, I could only stomach two plates' full.  That's one down from my usual three.  If this keeps up, I'm gonna have to stop eating at Chinese  buffets because I won't be getting my money's worth anymore.


Special Announcement:  I would like to take this time to say, Thank You and Welcome, to my readers in ...

Mongolia



Thank you, once again.  Please keep on reading my weekly updates.  And don't forget to tell all of your friends, and everyone else who you know, about my movie review blogsite.

TOWER HEIST, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 45 min )

Quickie Review:  A Wall Street financial manager is placed under house arrest at his upscale condominium complex after  he is charged with stealing billions of  dollars from his clients, among them are the condominium staffers whose pensions were entrusted to him.  The staffers suspect that he has money hidden in his condo and hire a petty crook to help them get their money back or risk letting him walk away after committing the perfect crime.

I liked it.  And the audience liked it, too.  It's a funny movie.  And it is relevant to our "Occupy Wall Street" time.

Here are the things that I found wrong about this movie:  You don't ever leave your wallet with a stranger.  Don't they have security cameras in those shopping mall stores?  Didn't the maid eat that slice of chocolate cake that she, herself, sprinkled with "sleeping powder"?  There were thousands gathered to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade yet not one of them noticed the bright red object  dangling high up above  them even though watching such a parade would necessitate that people look up in the air!  The body, frame and mechanicals of the car were all strictly "one-off" custom-made parts.  And the specific tool-and-die equipments alone that would be  needed for  the custom "one-off" auto parts job would cost millions of dollars, and many man-hours, to make--definitely not a cost-effective project; and such an extravagant  project would not remain secret for a long time because of the costs ( read: Paper Trail ) involved.  Those packages sent to all of those individuals were heavy.  Who paid to have them all sent?  And how will they convert them to cash, especially since the FBI is looking for each one as evidence of the crime?  They would all be charged guilty of being accessories to the crime, of  tampering with evidence and of obstructing justice--a Federal offense, in this case!

A VERY HAROLD & KUMAR 3-D CHRISTMAS, R ( 1 hr & 30 min )

where:  EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 & I-MAX in Fairfield, CA
when:  Friday, November 4th, 2011
show:  1:15 p.m.
costs:  $12.00 Ticket + $5.75 Zap Pack = $17.75
auditorium:  9
seat:  4th row, 7th seat

synopsis/overview:  A package sent to the wrong address starts this irreverent send-up of everything we sentimentally hold dear about Christmas.

noteworthy scenes: 1.) Bad Santa; 2.) "It's gonna be amazing"; 3.) Protesters; 4.) "F--k a baby into me"; 5.) The whole extended family; 6.) Family photo shoot; 7.) The ex-girlfriend; 8.) "Donde esta el banjo" [ Where's the bathroom ]; 9.) The father-in-law's story; 10.) The Christmas Tree; 11.) X-Mas Tree Lot; 12.) New friends; 13.) Daughter in the backseat; 14.) "Acting coach"; 15.) Beer pong; 16.) Mob boss; 17.) Cocaine dust; 18.) Rapists; 19.) I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas; 20.) Closet; 21.) Claymation; 22.) White Castle; 23.) The Plan; 24.) Christmas Extravaganza Show; 25.) Dressing room; 26.) Heaven; 27.) "Misdirection"; 28.) "Long, beautiful history together"; 29.) "Wafflebot"; 30.) Stuck; 31.) "Mints"; 32.) Santa; 33.) "My house"; 34.) Ex-girlfriend's bedroom; 35.) "It's a miracle"; 36.) Christmas Day party; and 37.) Santa up on high.

favorite scene:  I liked the Beer Pong scene.
 
audience reaction:  The audience liked it.

recommendation:  I was somewhat amused by it.  It's a comedy not meant for everyone except for those out there who are of  a  rebellious, selfish, immature  and/or  irresponsible  nature.

spoiler alert!  The poop on the driver's side window changed shape.  That guy had all the time in the world to hose down his van and get rid of the poop smear on the window.  The cops would know how to track down the owner of the overturned vehicle.  It was dark in the ex-girlfriend's room.  So, how did she know right away that the intruder was none other than her ex-boyfriend?  That girlfriend of his was a "drug enabler"--'must be related to some drug dealer.  How did Wafflebot's bullet holes disappear overnight?  And how did Santa's Hat get back on his head?  The mob boss still wanted them dead!  And why was a Hanukkah candle holder ( a.k.a. Menorah ) shown at the end of the Ending Credits?  Is the next installment of  this franchise going to be, A VERY HAROLD & KUMAR 3-D HANUKKAH, guest-starring Adam Sandler?  And what's next after that, a Kwanzaa related movie?

fyi:  I will go on record to state that I don't do drugs.  And I don't have a high regard for people who do.  The director and the writers of this movie overstepped the boundaries of responsibility, decency and propriety.  Isn't anything sacred anymore?

It's sad to see Christmas Trees strewn unceremoniously along the road after The Holidays.  People can be so selfish, inconsiderate, disrespectful and irresponsible.

word of advice:  Trees are living, breathing things.  Save the trees, don't mutilate them!  Be kind and use artificial ones, instead.

tidbits:  Unlike at UA Emery Bay Stadium 10 in Emeryville, CA, Edwards Fairfield Stadium 16 & I-Max ( also part of the same theatre chain, Regal Cinemas ) doesn't provide a tray liner for their Zap Packs.  So, if you put butter on your popcorn, the butter leaks out at the bottom and soaks your pants!  The right inner thigh of my blue jeans was just soaked in popcorn butter ( or should that be  popcorn grease ).  I guess that I should just be thankful that I didn't wear my khaki pants for this movie.  Otherwise, after the show, people would've noticed and thought  that I "busied" myself during the nude scenes!  My right testicle probably smells of popcorn butter right now.  Hmm ... I wonder if popcorn butter is good for wrinkles.  Ha, ha, ha--snort!

After exiting the theatre building, I decided to go back to the main lobby to check the movie time listings.  As I got close to the main entrance, a pigeon perched up on the marquee squirted-out a big piece of poop that landed with a thud just to my left!  I guess that was a sign for me to stay away--a warning shot, if you will!

Special Announcement:  I would like to take this time to say, Thank You and Welcome, to my readers in these countries:

Laos and Peru

Thank you, once again.  Please keep on reading my weekly updates.  And don't forget to tell all of your friends, and everyone else who you know, about my movie review blogsite.

P.S.  I am happy to say that my blogsite is getting hits from Russia once again!  Now, if only Japan will follow suit, I shall be happier.

ALL'S FAIRE IN LOVE, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 44 min )

Quickie Review:  An actress turns her back on the Investment Banking World to work with her cousin at a Renaissance Faire in Michigan.  Where a college football star is sent to by his professor to work-off his non-attendance obligation.  Boy and girl meet and fall in love.  But, as everyone prepares for the competition to decide which group will be the Royals and which one will be the Common Peasants for the next year's Faire, jealousy and opposition may just drive a wedge between them both.

This movie was made approximately two years ago.  And it is not reviewed in the paper ( to the best of my knowledge ).  And, sadly, not that many people know of it because I was the only one in the auditorium--on a weekend, of all things!

Unfortunately, I find this Comedy sophomoric, at best.   And the acting talent ranges from Bland to Overly-Melodramatic.  Perhaps, with a better script, a better cast and a better director, this movie could be a bit  better.  As it stands, this Comedy was meant to be a Summer Movie but was left in the freezer for far too long.  I say this because the acting and the dialogue  coldly-numbed the Comedy Appreciation Center of my Brain.

THE RUM DIARY, R ( 2 hr & 0 min )

Quickie Review:  A writer goes down to Puerto Rico and gets hired by a struggling local newspaper.  Before long, he comes across shady American entrepreneurs working on an illegal property development deal; and they want him to write favorably  on  them and their business deal.

The audience was entertained by this.

But I wasn't.  There was not one likable character in the bunch, not even the girl!  I wouldn't associate with anyone of them in real life.  I dozed off and on throughout the movie.  That's how interested I was in this whole thing.

This Psychological/Period Piece/Comedy movie is basically just for those who are over 18 and who are likely able to identify themselves with any of the unsavory characters in this movie.  Other than that, I wouldn't recommend this movie to any other group, especially those impressionable ones who are simply looking for some vicarious thrills.

If you must see this, wait for it to come out as a Rental.

THE SKIN I LIVE IN, R ( 1 hr & 57 min )

Quickie Review:   Doctor Frankenskin or I Got You Under That Skin or Forced Skin  Take your pick of which one best describes this movie. 

A doctor's wife is burned horribly in a car accident and later kills herself.  The doctor then decides to create a "fireproof" skin.  But he will need a human guinea pig ....

At first, I liked it--please don't let me elaborate ( ahem! )--but, then,  it turned into a weirdly kinky movie even for a horn-dog guy like me ( I wanted to puke. )!  I believe that the audience expressed the same sentiment.

Here are the things that I didn't like about this movie:  The body model was not the same size and shape as the human guinea pig.  Why would an envelope inside a drawer In A Spanish Home--in Spain, I presume--have the English word, Clips, written on it?  At the party, the sleeves on the doctor's suit were too short.  That motorcycle should have been scuffed with paint from the other vehicle, which would have established  the probable fact that it was not a single-vehicle accident.  The victim was chained close to the wall yet no excrement was in sight.  ( I cannot add anything more here or I will just ruin it for those of  you who want to see this movie. ) 
                                                                                                  
**********************

The body model looked like the ones that are made by RealDoll.   ( I'm an aspiring writer so I make it my business to know such things. Ha, ha, ha.  )  Go check-out their website at:  www.realdoll.com.   Have fun reading the testimonials and the f.a.q.    ( Hey, buddy.  Can you spare me $6,000.oo?  Bwa, ha, ha, ha, ha--snort! )