THE HANGOVER PART II, R ( 1 hr & 42 min )

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Friday, May 27th, 2011
show:  10:30 p.m.
costs:  $10.25 Ticket + $5.50 small Popcorn w/ Butter + $3.50 20 fl. oz. Essential VitaminWater = $19.25
auditorium:  8
seat:  2nd row, 5th column


synopsis/overview:   Considering what happened at a friend's Las Vegas bachelor party, Stu ( Ed Helms ) thinks that having his own bachelor party held in Thailand will bode well for him and his friends. But, factoring-in Alan ( Zach Galifianakis ) might just yield an equation with unexpected results.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) "It happened again";  2.) "This is  the bachelor party"; 3.) "You were  supposed to delete these"; 4.) Chattering teeth toy; 5.) Doogie Howser; 6.) Toasts; 7.) "Albino polar bear"; 8.) "Your hair is gone"; 9.) Tattoo; 10.) Finger; 11.) Mr. Chow ( Ken Jeong ); 12.) Text from Chow; 13.) Police station; 14.) "We cannot analyze everything"; 15.) Charade; 16.) Tattoo parlor; 17.) 'Phone camera; 18.) Mini bus; 19.) "What is this, a P. F. Chang's"; 20.) "No talk"; 21.) "Garden of  Meditation"; 22.) Strip club; 23.) Bad guys; 24.) "This wasn't part of  the plan"; 25.) Message on tummy; 26.) Insurance; 27.) "It's not your business"; 28.) "'Ever see a monkey go to jail"; 29.) Car chase; 30.) "I wish monkeys could skype"; 31.) "Blah, blah, blah.  Who cares"; 32.) "Bologna 1"; 33.) Bait; 34.) Clues; 35.) Speedboat; 36.) Semen; 37.) "Switch sides"; 38.) "Asiatic people"; 39.) Wedding song; and 40.) Photographs during the Ending Credits.


audience reaction:  The audience really liked this movie.  Someone seated behind me gave it a "Hands Clapper" ending.


recommendation:  I liked it.  If  you liked part I, you might like part II even better.

spoiler alert!  The nudity in this movie is not to everyone's taste!   This movie is just a raunchier rehash of  part I.  Here is a "bullet list" of  the similarities between parts I and II:

• Friends at a bachelor party
• Bachelor party held in a "sin city"
• Unwelcome and unwanted immature, irresponsible man-child
• Drugs and alcohol
• Dentist joke
• No recollection of  the previous night's shenanigans
• Bathroom with an animal in it
• Korean male's exposed genitalia
• Korean male unexpectedly jumping out of  confinement 
• Mobsters 
• Missing friend
• Missing body part
• "Babysitting"  an infant ( part I );  "babysitting"  a minor ( part II )
• Police department
• Stu standing-up for himself
• Wedding
• Mike Tyson
• Embarrassing and incriminating photographs
• Female nudity ( altered in part II )
• "Sex" with an animal ( altered in part II )

As for the rest of  the spoilers, here they are ....


Shouldn't the Nitrous Oxide face mask be kept sterile before use?  Even if  you took a doctor's prescription pad, the pharmacist would still have to call-in the prescription just to double-check with your doctor--forget the doctor, bribe the front desk employee who takes calls from pharmacies!  Okay, they had a severed finger and a pre-med student ... so, why didn't they go to a hospital, instead?  Would you really keep a ring on a finger like that, especially considering the situation?  The power outage was temporary ( notice the electric fan was "on" after he went missing ), so he shouldn't have been left stuck in that elevator all that time.  How'd Mr. Chow's manhood shrink in size during the intervening time between parts I and II?  Maybe, Mr. Chow's "shrinkage" will be the subject of,  The Hangover Part III ( or should the title be, Hung-Under?  L.O.L. ). Even though the bullet just grazed his biceps, he would still have temporary limited use of  his left arm.  Those cops sure are dumb.  Why didn't the burned-down nightclub's employees attack them?  How could the helicopter, on stake-out,   hover nearby without being heard?  Having unprotected sex in Bangkok , which is a city with one of  the highest rates of  AIDS infection in the world--I wouldn't want to marry that  guy if  I were her without first insisting on an AIDS/STD test!  This movie screams, "ANIMAL ABUSE!" in big, bold capital letters.

fyi:  I had a Chinese co-worker named, David ( who looks somewhat like  Ken Jeong ), at my other job.  He worked as a newspaper reporter back in Hong Kong.  As a news reporter, he traveled to many places in Asia.  And, of course, he had been to Bangkok, Thailand.  One time, he brought pictures of  his Bangkok trip to show to me and the rest of  the crew.  He had many pictures of  him posing with a bevy of  Thai beauties--'only thing was ... they were all pre-op transsexuals!  I ogled and drooled for nothing!

Ken Jeong is actually an American MD.  He was discovered while doing stand-up comedy when he was working on his residency at a  hospital in New Orleans.

YouTube  has videos of  monkeys sexually doing what this movie's monkey was simulatingly doing. Go check-out the videos by clicking on the YouTube icon that you'll find on the left side of  my blogsite.

word of  advice:  Alcohol and Drugs don't mix.

Think twice before getting a mail-order bride from Thailand!


tidbits:  I planned on seeing this movie at the Edwards Fairfield  Stadium 16 & I-Max in Fairfield, CA, after I got off  from work.  When I arrived at the theatre in Fairfield, I noticed a long line at the door.  I asked the box office clerk for a ticket to the 10:10 p.m. show.  She told me that it was sold-out.  Can you believe that?  This movie came out yesterday, a Thursday, and, yet, these idiots decided to show-up in droves today, instead!  The clerk offered to sell me a ticket for the 11:15 p.m. show.  But I didn't want to stand in line for that long.

So, I left and headed straight to the Century 14 Vallejo for the 10:30 p.m. show.  I didn't like having to sit too close and way off  to the side but, at least, I didn't have to wait in line.

I saw Carl, a former co-worker of  mine, along with his son,  in the main lobby by the condiments counter. They were there to see the movie, JUMPING THE BROOM.  We exchanged pleasantries and caught-up on the latest goings-on at work.


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KUNG FU PANDA 2 3-D, PG ( 1 hr & 35 min )

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Thursday, May 26th, 2011
show:  6:15 p.m.
costs:  $13.25 Ticket + $6.49 # 13 Angus Bacon &  Cheese Burger meal @ McDonald's Restaurant ( w/ Dr. Pepper-flavored Diet Coke ) before the movie + $1.00  1.20 oz. Jack Link's All-American Beef & Cheese ( bought @ the Dollar Tree Store & smuggled-in ) + $3.50 20 oz. Focus VitaminWater + $12.77 dinner @ Empire Chinese Buffet after the movie ( + $2.13 Tip ) = $39.14
auditorium:  14, with the 3-D screen
seat:  5th row, 7th column


synopsis/overview:  After learning Kung Fu, Po finds out that there is an enemy who wants to conquer China by using a new and deadly secret weapon to destroy Kung Fu.  Po gathers his fellow Kung Fu master friends to help him put a stop to the evil plans of their new enemy, Lord Shen.  But Po must first learn of his past to gather the inner strength and the inner peace that he needs to rise up to the challenge.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) Prediction; 2.) Inner peace; 3.) "My fists hunger for justice"; 4.) "I think I saw ....  I gotta go"; 5.) "Stinky tofu"; 6.) "Crazy vision";  7.) The "No Radishes Story"; 8.) "Parting gift"; 9.) New weapon; 10.) "Action figures"; 11.) Dream; 12.) "I don't think Hard Style is your thing; 13.) "Nothing has changed"; 14.) "Kinda plushy and cuddly"; 15.) "Stealth mode"; 16.) Street dragon; 17.) Jail; 18.) "Kung Fu is dead"; 19.) Rickshaw race; 20.) Surrender; 21.) "You're afraid for a reason"; 22.) "My old enemy ...."; 23.) The "beast"; 24.) "You do not know"; 25.) Decoy; 26.) "You were there"; 27.) "The only way out is up"; 28.) "Happiness must be taken"; 29.) "Tell me what happened that night"; 30.)   Tuning fork; 31.) Cannon fire; 32.) "Like you could make me drink that"; 33.) "Nightmare or memory"; 34.) "Stop fighting"; 35.) "Let it flow"; 36.) "It is the rest of  your story, who you choose to be"; 37.) Blockade; 38.) Volleys; 39.) "Skadoosh"; 40.) "How'd you find inner peace"; 41.) Fireworks; 42.) "I know who I am";  and 43.) Sanctuary.

favorite scene:  I liked the scene when Po issued a challenge to Lord Shen, who couldn't hear well the words spoken.


audience reaction:  The auditorium was not as packed as I thought that it would be.  I guess my target audience watched the 2-D version of  this movie, instead.  But the 3-D audience enjoyed this movie, although no one gave it a "Hands Clapper" ending.


recommendation:  I liked this second sequel in a rumored six-part series.  Go take your brats to see this movie.


spoiler alert!  It sure took Po long enough to figure-out the obvious.  If  Lord Shen was hell-bent on getting rid of  Kung Fu, why did he use Kung Fu to fight Po and the other Kung Fu masters?  Lord Shen should have just flapped his wings and waddled around like a crazy duck in front of  the Kung Fu masters, if he hated Kung Fu so much. The tuning fork ( ? ) which got stuck in a wooden beam left crack holes  instead of  split holes.  Why didn't the bad guys finish them off  with arrows as they floated helplessly when the ships passed them by?  All of those successive cannonball volleys that Po manipulated would have really heated-up the palms of  his hands.  The sanctuary scene at the end didn't make sense since, supposedly, the villagers were killed according to an earlier story.


fyi:  Black Gunpowder ( by weight ) is made out of  75% Potassium Nitrate, 15% Charcoal and 10% Sulfur, ground separately to a flour consistency and mixed with just enough urine into a "doughy" texture.  Let it dry ... and the rest is up to you--proceed at your own risk!  ( Outhouses, pig-pens  and bat-caves were the preferred sources of  Potassium Nitrate in the old days. )

I tried stinky tofu once.  Yuck!  It is truly an acquired taste--but why one would want to acquire such a taste is beyond me!

The most that I ever weighed in my life was when I was at 215 pounds.  It may not seem a lot to you, but I had a hard time walking up a long flight of  stairs at that weight.  It was just too heavy for my 5'6" frame.

I'm sure that you've all noticed by now that I have Google Adsense advertisements on my blogsite.  I spent the better part of  Sunday evening and Monday morning installing this and other  widgets.  I thought that to get ads posted on my site, all I had to do was sign-up for it.  I didn't know that there were other things that I needed to do first.  The Google techies are probably saying to each other, "Well, it's about time that he figured-out how to put ads on his blogsite!"  "Yeah, and it only took him like, what, one year and eleven months ...?"  "What a clueless idiot!"  And now that I have ads, I hope to receive revenues from them so that I can claim my movie-watching expenses on my tax return.  So, my dear readers, aren't you all even just a teeny, tiny bit curious about the ads on my site?  ( You are under my hypnotic spell.  Yield to temptation, yield ....  Bwa, ha, ha, ha, ha--snort!  )

I'll be installing a "contribute to a worthy cause"--my cause,  widget in the next few days.  And if  you are, or someone you know is,  a patron of  the Arts, sponsor me, please.  Or, better yet, hook me up with somebody influential in Hollywood so that I can help them churn-out logically better movies.

I also included my top-10 Popular Posts.  If you scroll down far enough, you'll see it.  But I'm surprised that none of  my blogs on 2012, BOOK OF ELI, LEGION, WHEN IN ROME, SPLICE, PIRANHA, TRANSFORMERS, HARRY POTTER, TWILIGHT, G.I. JOE, COP OUT, and a few others, ever made  the cut!  And I'm flummoxed by it.


word of  advice:  Focus clearly on your objective.


tidbits:  I wanted to watch this movie's Wednesday midnight show here in Vallejo, CA, but I overslept.  I was in Oakland, CA, all day Wednesday hoping to get a hold of  that bitch-neighbor of my friend, Hector, who did a hit-and-run on my Geo Metro.  But she didn't show-up.  Hector said that she was there everyday since the hit-and-run.   BUT SHE JUST DIDN'T SHOW-UP ON THE DAY THAT I PLANNED TO CONFRONT HER ABOUT IT--the dent on her black SUV and the dent on my white Geo Metro are an exact pair, according to Hector and his son, Ernesto.  And I would love for her to call the cops on me because I want her to explain to the cops why she committed a hit-and-run crime since only uninsured drivers would do such a thing.  Because I honestly believed that she doesn't have auto insurance.  She can call the cops on me so I can demand of her proof of auto insurance, and so that the cops can match the dents and the paints.  I'll try to catch that bitch again next week!  Anyway, I got home just before 9:00 p.m. and decided to take a little nap.  When I woke up, it was already after 5:00 a.m. the following day, Thursday.  No thanks to that low-life bitch!

I didn't get my money's worth at the Chinese buffet because I was still full when I went there for dinner.


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Thank you, once again.  Please keep reading my weekly updates.  And don't forget to tell your friends, and everyone else who you know, about my movie blogsite. 

WIDGETS INSTALLATION

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES, 3-D ( 2 hr & 21 min )

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Friday, May 20th, 2011
show:  12:01 a.m.
costs:  $13.75 Ticket + $5.50 small Popcorn w/ Butter + $4.50 medium Diet/Zero ( w/ Barq's & Cherry flavors ) Coke = $23.75
auditorium:  8, with the 3-D screen
seat:  5th row, 8th column

2nd time

where:  EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 & I-MAX in Fairfield, CA
when:   Monday, May 23rd, 2011
show:  12:50 p.m.
costs:  $17.50 Ticket + $6.00 small Popcorn + $1.00 3.1 oz. Peanut Butter Cookie Dough Bites ( bought at 99-Cent Only Store and smuggled-in ) + $0.00 small Diet Coke ( Free on Regal Crown Club rewards card ) = $24.50
auditorium:  12, with the I-Max screen
seat:  5th row, 6th seat
 

synopsis/overview:  Captain Jack Sparrow ( Johnny Depp ) sets his compass on a new quest: The search for the fabled Fountain of  Youth.
 

noteworthy scenes:  1.) The fishermen; 2.) Trial; 3.) Short trip; 4.) "There should be a captain in there somewhere"; 5.) The privateer, Hector Barbossa ( Geoffrey Rush ); 6.) "Does this face look like it has been to the Fountain of  Youth"; 7.) Sword fight; 8.) "I mistook it  for a brothel"; 9.) Trap-door; 10.) The map; 11.) Queen Anne's Revenge"; 12.) Zombiefied; 13.) Angelica ( Penelope Cruz ), the daughter; 14.) Prophecy; 15.) "The fountain be the prize"; 16.) Mutiny; 17.) Blackbeard ( Ian McShane ); 18.) "I can name fingers and point names"; 19.) "Pray he be delivered from evil"; 20.) Voodoo doll; 21.) "Are we not King's men"; 22.) The profane ritual; 23.) "You lied to me by telling me the truth"; 24.) Mermaid hunting; 25.) "I'm in love"; 26.) The glass coffin; 27.) The jump; 28.) Hobby; 29.) "You will walk"; 30.) "You pushed me down out of  the way"; 31.) Rocks; 32.) "You stole my map"; 33.) "We need but one tear"; 34.) "There's a girl, female, of  the opposite sex"; 35.) "You don't have termites, do you"; 36.) "Your sword smells funny"; 37.) "Tears of  joy"; 38.) "I want one of  those"; 39.) "I survived"; 40.) "Can we have a drink"; 41.) Water droplet; 42.) Stalactite; 43.) "Aqua de Vida"; 44.) Secret cavern; 45.) "One-legged man"; 46.) Fight; 47.) "Only God can grant Eternal Life"; 48.) "Venomous advantage"; 49.) "Do not waste my tear"; 50.) "I can't save you both"; 51.) "Forgive me"; 52.) "I hate you"; 53.) "I've actually never been that drunk"; 54.) "I gotta go"; 55.) Feast your eyes"; 56.) "I know a man with a goat"; 57.) "It's the pirate's life for me"; and 58.) Bonus Scene after the Ending Credits.

audience reaction:  The audience enjoyed this.  Some people in the audience gave it a "Hands Clapper" ending.

2nd audience reaction:  The audience this time around was not  as lively and/or as responsive as the midnight show audience.  But they still liked this movie.

recommendation:  I liked it.  Go see this movie.

spoiler alert!  So that old cast-away man just happened to be underwater all that time.  Sure ....  And how come none of  the fish in the net flopped around?  If you're gonna bribe a judge, a lawyer or a juror, in front of  everyone while the court is in session is not the place to do it!  How did news of  the find travel to England so fast when the distance between Spain and England is almost 800 miles?  When that sliced, cream-filled puffed pastry got stuck up on the chandelier, half  of  it should have fallen down.  How did the charcoal catch on  fire really fast?  And where can I buy such charcoal for my  barbecue party?  When they escaped through the trap-door, why didn't the soldiers shoot at them?   The trident mark carved onto Jack Sparrow's chest didn't bleed.  What happened to all of  the mermen?   Maybe the mermen were attending mass at the Church of  the Latter Day Sands.  ( I know it's a stupid pun.  But that's what makes a pun fun. )  You call those, "Mermaids"?  They were more like vampires with scales and fins!  I guess mermaids don't like to eat zombies--they prefer "fresh meat".   Ha, ha, ha.   As their shipmates were being eaten alive by the mermaids and their ship being sunk, the men onshore just went about their business like nothing serious was happening to their fellow crew--bad directing and bad acting!  Wouldn't it have been better, for transport, to have the glass coffin set in a cart?  If  you remember well the first installment in this franchise, there is a "Wet T-Shirt" scene in it.  But this fourth installment doesn't have such a scene--bummer!  Those pirates had been out at sea for a considerably long time away from the company of  "accommodating" women; so, don't tell me that not one of  them volunteered to stay behind and "guard" the sexually-compromised mermaid whose hands were tied above her head and who was wearing nothing but an unbuttoned wet shirt--bad directing.  Yup!  Hey, who took-off the mermaid's shirt?  I'm just asking because I didn't see it happen--no one did!  I want the director, Gore Verbinski, back at the helm for part 5!  ( "Remove, please ...."  Remember this line? )  There was no way for him to have climbed up on top of  the coconut tree because the fronds would have kept his rope-bound body from doing so.  He would have to free himself  of  his bondage, first, before he could start climbing to the top of  the tree; but it wasn't shown how he got out of  bondage.  The cut on Angelica's palm wasn't bloody enough.  That skeletal arm somehow held itself  steady at a "right angle" to the swirling mass of  water--B.S.!  And the water didn't even splash away from the skeletal arm--it was just deflected.  And a skeletal arm should not be able to  move since it has no muscles to move itself  with!  Why didn't  Angelica run to the rowboat alongside Jack?  What was to keep her from doing so?   Juan Ponce de Leon was hit by a poisoned arrow in a battle with the natives of  Florida.  De Leon  was taken back to Cuba where he died of  his wound in July of  1521.

fyi:  If you think  hard  about it, you'll  come  to the conclusion that the "fountain of  youth" is nothing more than just  a  splashy  euphemism for a young virile male's ability to copiously  orgasm.  In other words, it was perceived to be a cure for impotence.

If  you "can't get it up any longer", you probably have arterial blockages.   I guess my arteries are clog-free after all.

Saint Augustine, Florida, is where you'll find the Fountain of  Youth National Archaeological Park.  And, no, its water won't make you young and/or cure you of  your impotence.  ( 'Sorry to disappoint you. )  It was so named because it is widely believed that it was in that area that the conquistador Juan Ponce de Leon, who legend claims went in search of  the Fountain of  Youth,  discovered Florida.
 
Do these  mermaids smell like tuna?  I.y.k.w.i.m. ( if you know what I mean )--wink, wink.

I was gonna ask,  How come these mermaids don't have breasts?  But, then, I remembered that  I've never seen breasts on whales, either, even though they're mammals!  I hate it sometimes when I know that I'm right about something.


I honestly thought that Syrena was played by Ellen Page because the preview for this movie showed the girl ( Astrid Berges-Frisbey ) with a very striking resemblance to her.

word of  advice:  If you swear-off  food, you'll get hungry.  Likewise, if  you swear-off sex, you'll get horny--and there's  Your  Impotence Cure!  I just saved you a trip to the doctor's office.  What do you think ...?

tidbits:  Because of  the length of  this movie, I just decided to see it here in Vallejo instead of  in Fairfield ( where I usually go for midnight shows ).

A man  went  to his doctor for his annual physical examination.  When he returned home, his wife was surprised to see him wearing a very nice and very expensive suit, as well as a fancy pair of  shoes.  The wife asked,  "Why are you dressed in such a way?"  And he said, "Because the doctor said that I'm a very impotent  man."

2nd tidbits:  I took my white Geo Metro to Broadway Auto Body Shop first thing this morning to get an estimate for the repair work.  It will be $250.oo out of  my own pocket to pay for some bitch's driving incompetence  and  irresponsibility!  I'll go to Oakland, CA, on Wednesday to see if  I can get her to admit responsibility.  Otherwise, something bad might  happen to  the  bitch's  black SUV--and there will be nobody around to witness it  happen!  Just like nobody saw the hit-and-run done to my car.

Special Announcement:  I would like to take this time to say, Thank You and Welcome, to my readers in the following countries:

Antigua and Barbuda, Estonia and Iraq

Thank you, once again.  Please keep on reading my weekly updates.  And don't forget to tell your friends, and everyone else who you know, about my movie blogsite.
 

GO FOR IT, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 27 min )

 
where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in  Vallejo, CA
when:  Wednesday, May 18th, 2011
show:  11:40 a.m. ( Extra Dollar Off First Show Matinee )
costs:  $6.50 Ticket + $6.81 Chipotle Burger Combo Meal before the show @ Wendy's Restaurant across the street from the theatre = $13.31
auditorium:  3
seat:  3rd row, 7th column

synopsis/overview:  A girl, Carmen ( Aimee Garcia ), is torn between her passion for dancing and what her Mexican-American family expects of  her.
 

noteworthy scenes:  1.) Hip-hop dance show; 2.) "What are your aspirations"; 3.) "Viva Mexico"; 4.) Classroom dance; 5.) The grocery store; 6.) Classroom fight; 7.) Dancing practice in the park; 8.) Dinner argument;  9.) Messed-up routine; 10.) Lockland School of  Dance enrollment application; 11.) Grocery shopping; 12.) Night-time picnic; 13.) Dinner with the white folks; 14.) Suspension letter; 15.) "Fight for your right to party"; 16.) The bruised arm; 17.) Coffee shop; 18.) The oriental competitors; 19.) The kiss to the cheek; 20.) "You're acting like a total idiot"; 21.) "Baby, wake up"; 22.) "You know what's not easy?  This"; 23.) "Running is a hard habit to break"; 24.) "You'll have to move on for her"; 25.) New girlfriend; 26.) "I want us to be kids again"; 27.) "I hurt people, too"; 28.) E-mail; 29.) "Second chances don't discriminate"; 30.) Cemetery; 31.) The gift; and 32.) The audition.

favorite scene:  I liked the Chinese costume dance scene.

audience reaction:  N/A.  There was only one other person in the auditorium with me.  And I didn't hear a reaction from said person.

recommendation:  This is so-so.  Hip-hop movies was a "big thing" a few years back.  The only difference between then and now is that in this movie only girls are allowed to do all the bouncy, jiggly and leg-spreading moves--yeah, about time, too!  Ha, ha, ha.  Anyway, if  you like to see girls doing aggressive and  sexually provocative dance moves, then this movie is for you.  Enough said.

spoiler alert!  Gina's ( Gina Rodriguez ) exposed big belly and "whale-tailing" thong really spoiled it for me!  That Gina was so rude to her customer at the check-out line--it must be a family-owned store--perhaps the reason why she didn't get fired.  Why didn't  Carmen's dad stop the dinner argument and the  fight later on?  Maybe, the "dad" forgot his lines or something.  That wasn't a Mexican vegetable, that was a Starfruit!  We Americans will eat anything, too:  they're called "Hot-dogs" and "Head-cheese".  Why did Carmen's dad wear overalls just to sweep the porch steps with a broom?  I guess they  skipped the "awkward introduction" part on the Hispanic side of  the equation--Hey! that's discrimination.  Ha, ha, ha--not funny.  The gravestone's year-of-death was 2008; does this mean that the movie was shelved during the last two years or so?

fyi:  Whenever my friend, Hector, would get a call on the 'phone from any one of  his Puerto Rican relatives or in-laws and they start speaking in Spanish  ( should that be Puerto Ricanish? ), and I just happen to be there, I would yell out, Viva Mexico! y viva la raza tambien ,  just to piss them off--'works every time.  Heh, heh, heh.

The scene in which she is doing her dance moves in the park on a cold, rainy day while wearing a yellow tank-top that accentuates her nipples is called a "Fripple" Shot.  (  "Fripple" is short  for "Frozen Nipples".)  No wonder the teacher couldn't help but sit himself  down right next to her--for a better look! ( That "dirty old fart". )   Some of  you might argue that the scene is a "Wet T-Shirt" Shot.  But, begging to differ, the shirt wasn't really that wet; and it was a cold day.  Therefore ... it was definitely a "Fripple Shot".   Ahh ... the things you learn from just reading my movie blogs.  I do my sincere best to help increase the world's literacy rate, what else can I say ....

word of  advice:  "If you believe, you can achieve."

tidbits:  I looked at three townhouses today which are offered on a "short sale" basis.  The houses were foreclosed on.  They're all beautiful houses in a gated community.  If  I could, I'd buy all three of them.

The only downside to them is that I'd have to pay a monthly HOA dues.  And the dues can go up every year, just like at my condo.  And when you pay on an HOA dues, you're simply paying someone to tell you what you can do and what you cannot do on your own property!   And you cannot claim HOA dues on your tax return.  It's kind of  a rip-off, if  you ask me.

I liked the second house, especially because its two-car garage has an interesting feature: a hide-away nook.  And it has ceiling fans, although ... the microwave, refrigerator, gas range and dishwasher had all been removed.

The mortgage lender was not available.  So, I decided to wait by having a meal first and then seeing this movie.  Still, he was not available.  I'll call him tomorrow and see if  he can work me up a good offer.

On Monday, the 16th, I visited my friend, Hector, in Oakland, CA.  I parked my white Geo Metro at the curb across the street from his house.  Later on, sometime around 6:00 p.m., as I was standing on the porch talking long-distance to my sister in Grand Rapids, Michigan,  I noticed something odd on my car's quarter panel above the left tire.  As I looked at it more intently, I realized that it was a big dent!  My car was the victim of  a hit-and-run driver.  The right rear tire was shoved up against the curb, but not the right front tire.  Meaning, my car was hit by a vehicle backing out of  my friend's Chinese ( ? ) next door neighbors' driveway.  The dent was smudged with black paint and it was at such a height that only a truck or an SUV could have caused it.  And the next door neighbors have a daughter ( ? ) who drives a black SUV.  I suspected that it was her.

Yesterday, Tuesday, the 17th, I reported the hit-and-run incident to my insurance company, CSAA.  And I told the Claims Department about my suspicion regarding the female living next door to Hector's place.

Today, while I was having lunch at  Wendy's Restaurant, I called Hector on my cellphone.  Hector and his son, Ernesto, were outside looking at the woman's SUV and, sure enough, it has a big dent in its left rear corner with white paint smudge on it!  Hector and his son took pictures of  the incriminating proof.  The next time that I go to Oakland, CA, I will confront that bitch  about the incident.  If  she denies it, the cops and the insurance company can always do a color match on the paints.  Hit-and-run collision is a crime that will ruin her driving record if  she decides to be uncooperative with me.   So, she'd better 'fess-up 'cause the only way that she can get on my good side over this incident, if she denies involvement,  is if  she is single, available, young, innocent, beautiful, hot and sexy--which I doubt very much!  In which case, I shall make sure that she is prostituted--opps, prosecuted--to the fullest extent of  the law.

Tomorrow, the 19th, I will have to take my Geo Metro to WheelWorks and have them check the alignment on the right rear tire.

BRIDESMAIDS, R ( 2 hr & 5 min )

where:  EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 & I-MAX
when:  Sunday, May 15th, 2011
show:  10:10 p.m.
costs:  $11.00 Ticket + $6.00 small Popcorn + $4.75 small Diet Coke = $21.75
auditorium:  10
seat:  3rd row, 3rd seat

synopsis/overview:  Envy and jealousy rule the day as best friend Annie ( Kristen Wiig ), the maid of  honor,  helps the bride, Lillian ( Maya Rudolph ),  prepare for the  upcoming wedding.
 

noteworthy scenes:  1.) Different positions; 2.) The day after; 3.) Security gate; 4.) Fitness class at the park; 5.) At the deli; 6.) Closed for business; 7.) The "Eternal Face"; 8.) Tattoo; 9.) Engagement ring; 10.) Mom's house; 11.) Engagement party; 12.) The speeches; 13.) "Favor to me"; 14.) Pulled-over; 15.) Muffin; 16.) Tennis game; 17.) The talk with the roommates; 18.) Churra Chi Brazilian Restaurant; 19.) The bridal shop; 20.) "It happened ..."; 21.) "George Glass"; 22.) The liquor store; 23.) Radar gun; 24.) Airplane; 25.) Bus; 26.) At the pub; 27.) "Different kind of  fun"; 28.) Package; 29.) Arguing with a customer; 30.) Bridal shower; 31.) "You're no longer my # 3"; 32.) Megan's ( Melissa McCarthy ) story; 33.) The auto shop; 34.) The carrot cake; 35.) "This is the first time I've seen you look ugly"; 36.) Trying to get the cop's attention; 37.) Apartment; 38.) "Everything's gonna change"; 39.) The wedding dress; 40.) The wedding; 41.) "Loaded gun"; 42.) "Your ride's here"; 43.) "... ( W ) arrant for your arrest"; and 44.) Two Bonus Scenes during the Ending Credits.

favorite scenes: The bridal shop scene.

The airplane scene.

And every scene with a Close-Up shot of  Helen's ( Rose Byrne )   face!  ( Even the crying scene )


audience reaction:  The audience liked this movie a lot.  Although, surprisingly, nobody gave it a "Hands Clapper" ending.

recommendation:  I liked this movie, too.  This is the funniest Chick Flick that I've ever seen so far.  Go see this movie.

spoiler alert!   Actresses with small to medium size firm breasts should be made to go topless in sex scenes.  It is only the ones with big, stretch-marked saggy breasts who should be forced to wear a bra in sex scenes because such breasts tend to flop around and uncoordinatedly swing every which way--neither sexually-arousing nor a pretty sight to behold!  ( Not my cup of  bra--I mean, tea. )  Come on now, calling a group of  women "bitches" and getting away with it, really ...?  The cop ( Chris O'Dowd ) failed to see that her car also had a blown head gasket, what with all that white smoke coming out of  the tailpipe.  And the weather was not cold enough to produce that white smoke.  With a hot and sexy step-mom like that, I wouldn't be disrespecting her if  I were the older son who was at that  point in his life called, "the raging hormones years"--I'd have a spy-cam always at the ready ( i.y.k.w.i.m. = if you know what I mean--wink, wink.  Heh, heh, heh.  ), if  I were him!  The cop made her sit in the front seat when they chased a "lead foot".  The cop drank an alcoholic drink while still on duty.  Why didn't the butterfly asphyxiate?  Those bake pans look suspiciously new.  If  Lillian wanted to be left alone in her apartment, why was her door kept unlock? 

fyi:  The Sobriety Test in Steve Martin's movie, THE MAN WITH TWO BRAINS ( 1983 ), was a lot funnier.

I think the tradition of  having the bride's parents pay for the wedding should have an exemption clause in the case where said parents are not able to financially do so.  Why can't both sets of  parents just chip-in on it, instead?

Jill Clayburgh, who played Annie's mom,  died six months ago on November 5th.  This movie was her last one.  I was surprised to find out that there was no dedication made in her honor in the Ending Credits of  this movie.  I don't know whether it was a bad oversight or if  it was just too late to add it on.  But, either way, its absence was very conspicuous.

Years ago, I had a  1978 Honda Civic CVCC Hondamatic that had a blown head gasket ( Hondas have a notorious reputation for having  head gasket problems ).  One day, as I started-up my Honda, white smoke blew out of  its tailpipe just as this white woman was walking across the back of  my car on her way to her car in the parking lot.  She was obviously "steamed" ( hah! perfect word ) by it.  She followed me out of  the parking lot in her mini van.  Days later, I got a letter from the DMV's California Air Resources Board telling me that I was reported for driving a polluting car.  That bitch!

word of  advice:  When you go to work, leave your personal problems at  home.

tidbits:  I wanted to get the Nachos w/ Cheese to go along with my drink purchase.  But they were out of it.  So, I had to settle  for a popcorn.

Two employees were putting-up the Transformers movie promotional display in the main hallway.

And speaking of  movie promotional displays, the ones for THOR and KUNG-FU PANDA were vandalized.  Why do idiot kids do that?  Does it make them feel better, in some way, when they vandalize other people's property?  What kind of  idiot parents raised them in the first place?  I say, if  you cannot be counted on to raise your children properly and instill in them a good set of  moral values and social obligations, you got no business having children in the first place. 

PRIEST 3-D, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 27 min )

where:  movie2k.to via stream2k on my laptop
when:  Thursday, May 12th, 2011
show:  9:25 p.m.
costs:  $0.00 stream
auditorium:  My living room
seat:  My swivel chair

2nd time

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Friday, May 13th, 2011
show:  6:00 p.m.
costs:  $11.00 Ticket + $13.74 dinner @ Empire Chinese Buffet ( + $2.26 Tip ) + $1.29 6" x 4" memo book for note-taking ( bought at the Sonoma Blvd. CVS Drugstore here in Vallejo ) = $28.29
auditorium:  14, with the 3-D screen
seat:  5th row, 7th column
 
synopsis/overview:  A priest ( Paul Bettany ) disobeys the Church so he can search for a loved one  who was recently abducted by  vampires.
 

noteworthy scenes:  1.) The Sola Mira Hive; 2.) Trap; 3.) Walled city; 4.) The priests; 5.) Disbanded; 6.) Barren farmland; 7.) Raid; 8.) Confessional; 9.) Bad news; 10.) "How good is that faith when it's a lie"; 11.) "Questioning the authority of  the clergy is absolutely forbidden"; 12.) "That's something I'm absolutely counting on"; 13.) "Don't do anything foolish"; 14.) "Looting is not such a good idea, mister"; 15.) Medicine show; 16.) The promise; 17.) "We don't.  They're for you"; 18.) "You have been called to serve once more"; 19.) Shoe prints; 20.) The "familiars" at Nightshade; 21.) "Save your bullets"; 22.) "Their turn now"; 23.) "I'm teaching you how to kill vampires"; 24.) "There's your compensation"; 25.) "If she's infected, I'll kill her"; 26.) The hive; 27.) The hive guardian; 28.) "They bred a new army"; 29.) "Are priests allowed to have relations"; 30.) "Where did you say the others went"; 31.) Train station; 32.) "Follow in my footsteps or follow in his"; 33.) "Too many mouths to feed"; 34.) Crucified; 35.) "If you're not committing sin, you're not having fun"; 36.) "If she becomes a familiar, she's no longer flesh and blood"; 37.) Daughter; 38.) "Hello, my friend"; 39.) The Queen of  the Hive; 40.) Fight with the biker gang; 41.) "You would have been a good priest"; 42.) "He never told you"; 43.) Collision; 44.) Proof; 45.) "No, it's just beginning"; and 46.) Summoning the rest for  the hunt.

audience reaction:  N/A.  I watched this all by my lonesome.

2nd audience reaction:  I didn't hear anything in the way of  a reaction or a comment from anyone in the audience.

recommendation:  It's a good enough action movie for those of  you who are into martial arts and vampire films.

spoiler alert!  If the vampires have been around as long as humans have been, you would think that the vampires would have easily eradicated the human race back in a prehistoric time way before us humans even invented rudimentary weapons.  Why didn't the priests  employ bright lights as weapons?  If the vampires were without eyes, then it would have been logical for them to have big ears since Echo-Location is the evolutionary adaptation used among creatures with compromised eyesight in order to hunt for prey.  With their fighting skills, the priests could have easily made a good living as bodyguards.  Why did the priests' motorcycles come equipped with a jet turbine even though they only ran on solar power and battery power?  The bullet casing should not have been cut in half since it was  too light an object to slice-through in mid-air.  And if  a bullet could get itself sliced-through in such a way, the friction generated would have ignited the gunpowder.  If priests don't use bullets, where did he get all of  those bullets from?  The chicken that a "familiar"  was chopping-up looked really  fake.  Why couldn't they have just bought  already-dead chickens at some poultry farm to use as props for this one particular scene?  "Excrete," was the wrong word for him to say.  He should have said, "excrement," or,  "excreta."  The vampires used their excrement ( excreta ) to build their hives ...?  That's a lot of  excrement ( excreta )!  In which case, the consumption/excretion ratio was way out of  whack!  Quick question:   How do you hunt down these vampires?  Answer:  Just follow your nose ....  Stepping stones in mid-air--Yeah, right ....  When  Sheriff  Hicks ( Cam Gigandet ) asked the priestess ( Maggie Q ) if  priests are allowed to have ( sexual ) relations, she answered that priests take a vow of  celibacy just as the angle of the light showed both of  her nipples poking at the stretchy fabric of  her tight-fitting outfit--'Gotta love her!  ( Do I have a quick eye for such a detail or what!  Ha, ha, ha. )    A record-playing gramophone in the post-apocalyptic future ...?  I've never even seen a gramophone in real life in our day and age!  What, they got no MP3s, iPods  and CDs in the future, only Vinyls?  That strike to the chest should have killed the priest right away.  They already knew what to do, based on an earlier discussion,  once they caught-up with the train; so, why did he have to once again tell the priestess to go and blow-up the track?  And speaking of  tracks, why was there only one set of  tracks when two sets ( for travel in both directions ) would have made better sense?  The flying kick that she did on that motorcycle-riding "familiar" would have not worked well in real life.  Why?  Because the combined weight of  the bike and rider would have exceeded 500 pounds and she probably weighed approximately 120 pounds.  And if you factor-in the bike rider's velocity and inertia, she probably would have gotten  herself spun around in the air from her kick and would have subsequently lost her balance, too.  When she used her chain whip on the "familiar" who was soaring through the air, she should have gotten herself  tugged before she could yank down on the whip ( 'same thing for when she used her whip to flip a bike--the Physics was all wrong  ).  And the whip would not have cut the "familiar" into many pieces since it only had one bladed tip which only wrapped around the "familiar's" midsection.  The train could not have been traveling fast; otherwise, they would not have been able to stand up and fight on top of  it, and Black Hat's ( Karl Urban ) hat would have been blown-off  by the wind.  The sheriff  had the chance to shoot at the "familiar" who was guarding Lucy ( Lily Collins ).  In the Long Shot just before the train/motorcycle collision, we see the train and the motorcycle approximately 50 yards apart ( it was actually about 35 to 40 yards distance between the two ).  We don't know exactly how fast the train was going; so, let's assign it a speed of  30 mph.  We know that the motorcycle was going 191 mph.  And it took the priestess approximately two seconds to get from a sitting position to a standing position on her motorcycle.  Well, then, here's the math:

1 mile = 5,280 feet ;  50 yards = 150 feet

Train   ( 30.00  miles/hour;  0.50 [ half-mile ] mile/minute; 0.01 [ rounded-off ] or 1/100th of  a mile/second  ) =  44 feet/second speed to the point of  impact

Motorcycle  ( 191 miles/hour; 3.18 miles/minute; 0.05 or 1/20th of  a mile/second ) = 264 feet/second speed to the point of  impact

The combined speed per second  for both the train and the motorcycle would serve to  further shorten the distance and time to impact:   264 feet/second - 44 feet/second  = 220 feet (  73.33 yards ) per second

But it took the priestess two seconds just to get from a sitting position to a standing position on her motorcycle.  So,  220 feet ( 73.33 yards ) per second x 2 seconds = 440 feet ( 146.66 yards ) of  distance needed

The priestess needed to have 146.66 yards ( 440 feet  ) of  distance just to get from a sitting position to a standing position before even factoring in the time that she needed  to jump out of  harm's  way!  And the Long Shot of  that scene only showed her--in a still sitting  position--at about 50 yards ( 150 feet ) away from the train--not enough room, not enough time!  And she couldn't have jumped off  at a right angle from her motorcycle because she was traveling at the same speed as it was, i.e. 191 mph!  She probably needed at least 300 yards ( 900 feet  ) just to barely clear the train.  Then, she would have rolled around--for quite a distance--like a human tumbleweed!  And, yes, she'd be dead!  Ain't no way she'd be walking away from that alive with nary a scratch or broken bone and/or a dislocated joint.

And ... as sexy as her body was, it was not aerodynamically designed to be optimally streamlined  in  countering  the effects of  wind resistance.  In other words, even before she could completely stand-up while traveling at 191 mph, the wind resistance would have pushed her off  the motorcycle!

Why was the decapitated vampire head not burned by the Sun or the explosion? And, last but not least, why were the vampires bare-skinned?  Couldn't they even grow body hair?  I mean, there are guys out there walking around  with hair all over their chest and back!  And if the vampires had been around for a long time and lived in the same areas  where the humans lived--and humans grew body hair for warmth--why couldn't they grow hair?  And speaking of  why they couldn't grow hair ...  how come all the male "familiars" were bald-headed?  Did the "familiars" infect the humans and altered their DNA so that the male humans ended-up with the male-pattern baldness gene?  If so, damn those "familiars"!  Damn them all to Hell!

fyi:  I'm a direct descendant of  a Jewish-Christian Priest on my mother's side.

word of advice:  Any  religion that deals in absolutes is a cult!

tidbits:  The internet version of  this movie that I watched on movie2k.to is blurry.  I figured that it was because this was illegally ( ? ) copied from an on-screen  3-D version.  So, I had the idea to use my Real-D 3-D glasses while watching the movie on my laptop.  It did me no good, though, because the movie  was still blurry.  But I kept the 3-D glasses on, anyway, because of  the computer screen's glare.

I had to swing by the CVS Drugstore to buy a mini notebook because I forgot to bring one along with me.  That doesn't  bode well for me as a movie reviewer.  I should keep extra ones in my car's glove compartment.

I was at checkstand 1 when I bought the mini notebook.  A customer who was at checkstand 2 immediately started making loud animal noises ( crow, chicken and cat, to be more specific ) upon exiting the store.  The checkstand 1 cashier said to me, "Don't worry.  He does that all the time."  Then, the man started doing a pseudo-operatic voice as he was unlocking his bicycle.  That was so weird ....

Special announcement:  I would like to say, Thank You and Welcome, to my readers in these countries:

Dominican Republic, Nepal and New Zealand


Thank you, once again.  Please keep on reading my weekly updates.  And don't forget to tell your friends, and everyone else who you know, about my movie blogsite.

 

SOMETHING BORROWED, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 53 min )

where:  UA  EMERY  BAY  STADIUM  10  in  Emeryville,  CA
when:  Wednesday,  May  11th,  2011
show:  7:50 p.m.
costs:  $10.75 Ticket + $5.00 Carquinez Bridge Toll = $15.75
auditorium:  6
seat:  5th row, 12 column

synopsis/overview:   A life-long close friendship between two women, Rachel and Darcy ( Ginnifer Goodwin and  Kate Hudson ), is tested when spur-of-the-moment sexual flings override their better sense of  judgment.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) The surprise; 2.) Soul-mates; 3.) "You're not old, you're just a lawyer"; 4.) "You need a hug, buddy"; 5.) Crush; 6.) "I'm thinking more like 'one stop'"; 7.) 'Phone calls; 8.) Torts; 9.) Mascara; 10.) DBCD; 11.) Truth or dare; 12.) You're 30, you can't afford to be picky"; 13.) Hamptons; 14.) "Little gremlin"; 15.) Shark/chipmunk; 16.) "'Really digging the ambiance of  this house"; 17.) "I'm gay"; 18.) "I wasn't that drunk"; 19.) "There are no 'third wheels'"; 20.) "How come you never told me in law school"; 21.) Kiss; 22.) 'Phone message; 23.) Legalize Gay; 24.) Dirty dancing; 25.) "It's hard to see you with her"; 26.) "I'm impressed, actually"; 27.) Wedding vows; 28.) "I just didn't think that someone like you could like someone like me"; 29.) The parents; 30.) "I meant it"; 31.) "When did you become one of  the women"; 32.) "I associate you now with failure"; 33.) House-hunting; 34.) The living room dance; 35.) "You wouldn't want anyone to hurt me, right"; 36.) Second thoughts"; 37.) "I don't get how you let her win all the time"; 38.) "Sharing secrets now"; 39.) "I'm the only asshole here who gives a shit about you"; 40.) "No, he guessed"; 41.) "Just decide"; 42.) "I just wanted to make sure you're okay"; 43.) "I shouldn't have left"; 44.) 'Phone call; 45.) "I want to be someone's first choice"; 46.) "I cant hear the 'Daddy-hits-me-but-I-love-him' anymore"; 47.) The news; 48.) "Extremely powerful connection"; 49.) "It's crazy how things work out sometimes, huh"; 50.) "I hate you"; 51.) "I bought him that shirt"; and 52.) Bonus Scene during the Ending Credits.

favorite scene:  I liked the dancing-in-the-apartment scene.

audience reaction:  The women in the audience liked this.

recommendation:  This is definitely a Chick Flick film for fans of  such a genre!

spoiler alert!  In an early scene, a female character asked a male character, "Why won't you marry me?"  And the male character answered,  "Because I love you too much."  But in a much later scene, said male character would have jumped at the chance to marry the still-pining female character had she posed the same question to him once more.  I know that New Yorkers have a "tradition" of  sleeping on the roof in the hot summer months.  But ... they had their rooftop bed ( ? ) surrounded by lights as they  "humped" themselves to sleep, seeming  oblivious to the fact that they had neighbors with telescopes and camcorders at the ready to witness such a sexual spectacle!  Such a "sexcapade" could have landed them on the Internet for "posterity" and, once rumors spread, would have  possibly landed them in trouble, too,  with an understandably angry and much chagrined  Darcy.  Why couldn't Dex ( Colin Egglesfield ) hear Darcy when she was just two or three feet away from the 'phone?  So, Rachel lets Darcy win all of  the time--what kind of  an attitude is that for a lawyer?  I hope that Rachel is never appointed as my defense lawyer in court, should such a need arise--heaven forbid!  And Dex is too indecisive a character to be a lawyer, also!  ( Hah! only in the movies .... )  "I want to be someone's first choice" implies that  a relationship borne of  such a choice will just be  transitory, at best!  She should have said, "I want to be someone's one-and-only choice."  Dang!  I can't believe that I'm actually advising a lawyer!  When Rachel met Darcy for the last time at the street corner, Darcy had just come around from the side where Dex was shown sitting on a park bench.  So ... did Darcy and Dex have an encounter before the "frenemies" met?

fyi:  My condominium complex has walls that are "paper thin".  Sometime ago, shortly after I had moved-in,  I was awakened early in the morning hours by the sound of  my downstairs neighbors having sex.  She was moaning--then giggling!  Moaning, then giggling.  This went on and on ....  That   probably was some crazy, serious-business "french tickler" that he was using on her!  It was as if  I was a blind person "watching" a porno movie.  Of course, I couldn't sleep after that!  ( You know ... )  Since they awakened me, the least that they could have done for me was to invite me down for a three-way--how inconsiderate of  them!  Some people, I swear!

word of  advice:  Go for it!

tidbits:  I went to Hector's place in Oakland to have one of  his sons, Ismael,  show me how to enable pop-ups on my blogsite.  I'm guessing that this is the reason why I don't have ads posted on my blogsite yet.

Hector got a silver 1991 Honda Accord with a "salvage title".  He's gonna have a mechanic check it out on Friday before he can have it smogged and registered.  Then, we'll take it for a spin.

Hector's other son, Ernesto, finally introduced me to Two-Face's mom, Mercedes.  I was surprised at the friendliness of the mother pit-bull.  Mercedes is such a friendly pit-bull that she puts in question the bad reputation that the media and the general public have of  such a breed.  And Ismael also had a pit-bull, Guero, who was also very friendly.

I never had the Creole dish, Dirty Rice, before.  So, I made Dirty Rice from a package for everyone at dinner time.  I told them that after I make the Dirty Rice, I was gonna wash it in soap and water before serving it to everybody so it wouldn't be dirty anymore!  Yeah, I know that it was a stupid joke, but I had to tell it.  Everybody liked the Dirty Rice, even Tiger, the kitten.

I wanted to buy some snack and a drink at the theatre's concessions counter.  But there was such a long line, and I had just eaten dinner.  So, I just decided to skip it.

The auditorium crowd was mostly female.  Yes, this movie is definitely a Chick Flick.  I'm sure I stuck-out like a sore thumb!  Lord, the things that I do for my readers ....

On the way home, I swung by a store at the Hilltop Mall in Richmond, CA, to buy some toilet paper, and a new leather belt because a canvas  belt that I used for my casual pants simply couldn't hold it  up properly.  I know that it's in vogue nowadays to wear pants practically down to the knees and expose the boxer shorts.  But, it's a very stupidly-retarded "fashion" statement--and the thinking man Cine-Man is not that kind of  a guy.

If  Hollywood can get some rap artists to wear suspenders, that might get the boxer-shorts-exposing retards to do likewise.  And that will be the end of  this fashion abomination!  God, help us ....

Special announcement:  I would like to take this time to say, Thank You and Welcome, to my readers in these countries:

Greece and Kuwait

Thank you, once again.  Please keep on reading my weekly updates.  And don't forget to tell your friends, and everyone else who you know, about my movie blogsite.

JUMPING THE BROOM, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 48 min )

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Monday, May 9th, 2011
show:  9:00 p.m.
costs:  $9.75 Ticket + $6.49 # 12 meal ( w/ a small drink of  Minute Made Lite Lemonade, Hi-C Orange Lava Burst and Minute Made Strawberry Passion--another one of  Cine-Man's special  blends  ) @ MacDonald's Restaurant in the Target Shopping Center before the movie = $16.24
auditorium:  13
seat:  5th row, 7th column

synopsis/overview:  High society's "modern trend"  and a middle class's "old tradition" clash when two families from entirely different backgrounds come together for a weekend wedding at Martha's Vineyard.  And before you know it, old secrets and unfounded fears arise to spoil the planned nuptials.

miscasts:   Based on the facial resemblance, the mother should have played the part of  the aunt and vice versa.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) Promise; 2.) Accident; 3.) Proposal; 4.) "'Haven't met them yet"; 5.) Post office; 6.) "You have to tell her or I will"; 7.) The vow of  celibacy; 8.) The talk with the minister; 9.) Ferry; 10.) Mocha/Milk Chocolate; 11.) "I'm a hugger"; 12.) "Last minute"; 13.) "Stop touching me"; 14.) Bidets; 15.) "Say, 'Pictures"'; 16.) Chicken; 17.) "We need to talk"; 18.) Hermaphrodite; 19.) Oysters; 20.) The prayer; 21.) "Cultural necessity"; 22.) "Sexual Healing"; 23.) Fight; 24.) "Leave the cleave"; 25.) "Money didn't change me, it changed you"; 26.) "What exactly is broke"; 27.) "Cougar"; 28.) Bachelor party; 29.) Kitchen; 30.) "Pinky swear"; 31.) Mother/daughter talk; 32.) Pomegranate; 33.) Touch football; 34.) Pediatrician; 35.) "You don't even know who your parents are"; 36.) "There's no more 'private' here"; 37.) "Look at what you've done"; 38.) "Pray that Jason ( Laz Alonso ) gets that girl back"; 39.) "Not caring for you everyday was my greatest failure"; 40.) "It's our mess"; 41.) The "I'm sorry" card; 42.) Wedding; 43.) Kiss; 44.) "Not all secrets are bad"; and 45.) Dance.

audience reaction:  The half-a-dozen or so people in the audience were somewhat entertained by this movie.

recommendation:  If  you're into formulaic wedding movies given a new spin, consider seeing this movie.

spoiler alert!  How did Sabrina ( Paula Patton ) get from owning an Audi to downsizing--literally--to a Mini Cooper?  As they walked on the sidewalk by the park, after the concert, a couple ( conscious of  what was happening, i.e. a film shoot ) deliberately stayed in the background so that they wouldn't "walk into the frame".  Chewing gum, using a cellphone and "closing shop" at the start of  a transaction to engage in personal talk ... very unprofessional--fire the bitch!  But, wait! she's a postal clerk on the verge of  "going postal" ( what with her "Anger Management Class" situation ).  Firing her might be a bad idea:  She might fire back--with a gun--like how some postal employees were known for;  hence, the term, "Going Postal."  In all the years that I've gone up to a post office counter, I've never seen a post office clerk's name tag with a "Mrs." ( or "Mr." ) designation on it.  The Sweet Potato Pie came out of  the oven with its fluted edge perfectly baked; but the only way for  that to happen was if  she used a Pie Crust Edge Shield, which she obviously didn't.  And the pie was so perfectly made that the pie filling didn't even touch the pie's fluted edge.  But ... in a later scene at the Watson's residence, the pie that they ate had the fluted edge coated with pie filling.  Wasn't the older woman a married woman, too?  So they could speak French--big deal!  For all we know, they could just  be  transplants from Louisiana!  The musicians didn't accompany her when she sang, "Sexual Healing."  Which begs the question, did she sing Karaoke-style?  Pediatrician ...?  Come on, that "pediatrician" bit was quite a stretch just to squeeze-out a few laughs.  Loretta Devine's last movie, MADEA'S BIG HAPPY FAMILY,  has  the same subplot, but different gender.  I know that they were all family, but did they have to stand around during that personal argument?   Talk about being too damn nosy.  I would have walked away from that personal argument because it would have been the polite thing to do.  But, I guess, rich or poor, neither family knew how to exhibit such a polite consideration for others.  Somebody's got to pay that taxi driver  since  he ain't goin' nowhere without gettin' paid first!  'Cause gas ain't cheap, you know.  A mean-tempered mother ( about to go "postal" ) and an obnoxious, self-serving cousin--hell, no!  ain't no way I'm marrying into that kind of  a family.

fyi:  Honestly, I only went to see this because of  Paula Patton and Meagan Good--a good enough reason by any man's standards.  Yeah ....

This movie should have been released just before Valentine's Day.

Should I ever get married, my wedding song would most likely be, "Sad To Belong To Someone Else."  Ha, ha, ha. ( Did I already mention this in an earlier blog? )

word of advice:  "... A man leaves his father and  mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."  ( New International Version.  Old Testament of  the Bible, Genesis 2:24 )

There's no excuse for intentional rudeness!

tidbits:  Earlier in the day, I watched a made-for-TV movie on movie2k.to, ALMIGHTY THOR.  It is so lame.  It doesn't even hold a candle to the Big Screen version, THOR.

While I was eating my burger at MacDonald's, one of  the employees, a white kid, was talking to his co-worker, an Hispanic older lady.  He said that tall people die early because their  hearts have to work harder against gravity.  And he said that  Asians live longer  because they're shorter.

I wanted to cut-in and say that the reason why Asians live longer is because they seldom eat artery-clogging fast-foods like burgers and fries, which, by the way, I was eating at that moment.  But, I would have looked foolish.  So, I just kept to myself.  And that burger was delicious!  Yummy, yummy for my tummy!  'Not to worry, folks.  I always take a Lecithin capsule after eating a high-fat, high cholesterol meal to keep my blood vessels smooth and clog-free.


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Croatia and Namibia


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THOR 3-D, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 54 min )

where:  MOVIE2K.TO via STREAM2K on my laptop
when:  Tuesday, May 3rd, 2011
show:  10:30 a.m.
costs:  $0.00 stream
auditorium:  My living room
seat:  My swivel chair

2nd time


where:  EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 & I-MAX in Fairfield, CA
when:  Friday, May 6th, 2011
show:  12:01 a.m.
costs:  $17.50 Ticket + $0.00 small Popcorn (  Free on Movie Watcher Rewards Card ) + $4.75 small Zero Sprite + $1.00 3.1 oz Fudge Brownie Cookie Dough Bites ( bought at the Dollar Tree Store and smuggled-in ) =  $23.25
auditorium:   12, with the I-Max screen
seat:  3rd row, 6th column

synopsis/overview:  On the day that Thor ( Chris Hemsworth )  is to be crowned the successor to his father's throne, some of the Asgardians' enemies, the Frost Giants, violate the treaty by breaking into the palace to try to steal their confiscated power source.   Thor  launches an attack on the Frost Giants, bringing both worlds of  the Nine Realms on the brink of  yet another war.  When his father, Odin ( Anthony Hopkins ), learns of  the retaliation, he strips Thor of  his powers and banishes him to Earth.  Without his superhuman powers, Thor is but a mere   mortal man at a crucial time when the traitor back on his home planet of  Asgard is plotting  his untimely demise.



noteworthy scenes:  1.) "I think that was legally your fault"; 2.) Frost Giants vs. Asgardians; 3.) "Beacon of  hope"; 4.) "A wise king never seeks out war.  But ... he must always be ready for it"; 5.) Intruders; 6.) "This was supposed to be my day of  triumph"; 7.) Retaliatory strike; 8.) "You're an old man and a fool"; 9.) Cast-out; 10.) CPR; 11.) Tazer; 11.) "You're no match for the mighty---"; 12.) Crater; 13.) Wormhole; 14.) "I just lost my  most important piece of  evidence"; 15.) "I'm so sorry.  I swear, I'm not doing this on purpose"; 16.)  The immovable hammer; 17.) "For a crazy homeless person, he's pretty good"; 18.)  "I told him"; 19.) "Master of magic"; 20.) "Innocent child"; 21.) The diner; 22.) The middle of  the road; 23.)  The appropriated records"; 24.) "You can bring your urgent matter to me ... your king"; 25.) The pet store; 26.) "You think me strange"; 27.) "There's always a purpose to everything your father does"; 28.) Crash site; 29.) Breach; 30.) "You're big.  I've fought bigger"; 31.)Failed attempt; 32.) Book; 33.) Bad news; 34.) "He's got a visitor"; 35.) Bar; 36.) "So, you're the one who showed us the way"; 37.) "You're sworn to obey me now"; 38.) Drunk; 39.) Campfire talk; 40.) "Don't mistake my appetite for apathy"; 41.) "I'm bound by honor to my king"; 42.) "Destroy everything"; 43.) "Zena, Jackie Chan and Robin Hood"; 44.) "And I need no longer to obey you"; 45.) "Is that one of  Stark's"; 46.) Street fight; 47.) "Don't worry my friends, I have a plan"; 48.) "It's over"; 49.) "Worthy"; 50.)  "So, this is how you normally look"; 51.) The alliance condition; 52.)  "Welcome to Asgard"; 53.) "We need you now"; 54.)  King's chamber; 55.) "To prove to father that I'm a worthy son"; 56.) "If you destroy the bridge, you'll never see her again"; 57.)  "I could have done it, father"; 58.) "It's gone"; 59.) "There will never be a wiser king than you,  or a better father"; 60.) "There is always hope"; 61.) "She searches for you"; and 62.) Bonus Scene after the Ending Credits.

favorite scenes:  I liked the smashing-the-cup-on-the-floor scene.

I liked the pet store scene.

I liked the "Is that another one of  Stark's?" scene.

audience reaction:  N/A.  I was by my lonesome ....

2nd audience reaction:  The audience--there were about a hundred of them, myself  included--liked this movie.  But only one gave it a "Hands Clapper" ending.  I guess the rest of  us were just too sleepy to care.

recommendation:  I liked this movie.  Go see it if  you're a fan of  Marvel Comic Book superheroes.

spoiler alert!  Okay, I'm admittedly confused right off  the bat!  If  Valhalla is Odin's Great Warrior Hall in Asgard where mortal human warriors go to after getting killed in combat,  where did  those Asgardian warriors go to after they were killed in combat  fighting against  their enemies, the Frost Giants?  Why didn't Odin use the hammer against the "Frosties"?  The best weapons to use against the Frost Giants would be anything that was red-hot--white-hot would even be better;  think about it ....  Once again, there were no bows and arrows used against the enemy; not even the only one that was shown!  I wanted to tell the combatants, Hey, dudes, it's like, you know, the 21st century now.  So, you guys better, uhmm,  get on with the times and,  like, seriously upgrade your stockpiles of weapons and stuff.  'Just sayin', bros ....  Why did it seem that there was not  a god/goddess in Asgard with the ability to perceive imminent danger?  Wasn't there anybody in Asgard with the supernatural ability to perform miracle healings so that their king wouldn't have to go around wearing a stupid eye-patch?  Why were there no cars passing through as they stood in the middle of  the street?  Those Feds sure could clean-out a laboratory rather  quickly--and in business attire, no less!  They have another line-of-work waiting for them when they  quit being Feds: Furniture and appliance movers--and they can call themselves the "Ex-Fed" since Fed-Ex is already taken!    It is implied at the outset that the Norse gods and goddesses have made trips to Earth.  Therefore, Thor  should have known exactly what cats, dogs and birds are.  "There's always a purpose to everything your father does"--yeah, including getting old and becoming gravely ill.  Ha, ha, ha.  Ahh ... wait a minute ... why do the Norse gods and goddesses get old, sick and die?  The two "Boiler Makers" were served-up by the bartender too quickly!  There are wild boars,  pheasants and cattle  in Asgard?  Is Asgard where such  yummy-licious  creatures go to after they get eaten  down here on Earth?  And what happens next after they get themselves eaten  in Asgard?  As yummy-licious as they are, I don't think that I'd want to subsist on a Wild Boar, Pheasant and Cattle diet for all of  eternity.  The four warriors walked 50 miles from their landing site all the way to the little town's research lab ...?  The explosion at  the gas station was not big enough.  As they were running away, a shop window exploded,  sending pieces of  safety glass--not  pieces of  sharp and jagged glass shards--at  them.  He was still in human form when he was on the receiving end of that metallic back-hand.  A back-hand powerful enough to send a human being flying across a considerable distance would also be strong enough to seriously damage said human's face, skull and brains  ( In other words, he would be dead  right-quick! ).  And that back-hand was delivered to his head, not to his body.  Therefore, the back-hand wouldn't have sent him flying far but would just have sent him falling to the ground rather quickly!  Thor flew fast to get to the teleportation  site in the desert.  So, how did Thor's warrior friends, who had to ride in a vehicle, get to the site at almost the same time as he did?  Why couldn't Thor, who could fly fast with the aid of his hammer, catch up to Loki who was just on  horseback?   When Thor flew over  the bridge then switched to walking mode it was done irrespective of  a  Law of  Physics that governs Velocity, Mass and  Inertia.  In other words, Thor's  rapid deceleration from flying to walking was too fast to be believable--had that been me, I would have tripped all over myself and tumbled around a bunch of  times; and  Loki ( Tom Hiddleston ) would have died laughing!  Loki's horny helmet sure took a long time to come  ( pun not intended ) off.  When Loki was lying down on the bridge and  Thor tried to strike him with the hammer, he blocked the strike with his halberd ( polearm ..? spear ..? ) even though a later shot showed that he couldn't even push the hammer off  his chest!  If  the hammer was too heavy for him to lift or move, then it was strong enough to crush his chest.  With both of  his sons' lives in great danger, did Odin really have enough time to put-on his armor, style his hair and comb his beard  before dashing off  to rescue them?  If I were Odin, I would have gone to try and save my sons wearing nothing but my pajamas.  Heck, sometimes I even go to sleep naked; so, if I were Odin, I might have even gone to try and save my sons' lives while still completely butt-naked!   ( Who's your daddy ...?  L.O.L. ) Since Thor is strong enough to wield the hammer, then he's many times stronger than the combined strength of  a multi-planetary  army  of  strong men--'probably even stronger than Superman, himself ( 'Sorry, DC  Comics ).  Thor's hammer, Mjolnir, was "forged in the heart of  a dying star."   Therefore, said hammer would be so super dense ( denser and heavier than the Earth's and the Moon's cores put together  )  that it would have its own gravitational field which  would wreak havoc on the Earth's and the Moon's gravitational fields as well as their individual orbits and spins!  And when that super-dense hammer impacted the Earth, it should have caused earthquakes, tsunamis and volcanic eruptions all around the world.    Thor really didn't have to do anything at all with that hammer  since its gravitational field, alone,  would sufficiently attract  everything  to it--even a particle of  light would be theoretically attracted to it.  That hammer would be like a portable Black Hole!   ( Damn!  I can be too smart for my own good at times.  Woe is me. Woe is me .... )  I take it that Thor fell to Earth on a Thursday?   'Just makes sense that he would fall to Earth on that day, a Thor's day.  Are the Norse gods/goddesses  supposed to be immortal or are they just a race of  human-like beings with super-powers and with a very long life expectancy like the Anunnakis?

And speaking of  Loki, why was he short?  Did he suffer from some kind of  congenital disease?  The movie didn't explain it.

And why are the human warriors who get killed in battle kept in Odin's "repository" in Asgard, the Great Warrior Hall of  Valhalla?  Is it because their gaping wounds, severed limbs and decomposing bodies are not a pretty sight to look at so, therefore, they're not allowed to mingle with the Asgard denizens, especially at dances, at other social functions and at banquets?  And they can all just forget about having sexual intercourse!  Hey, that doesn't sound like a warrior's paradise at all, that sounds more like hell.  Ha, ha, ha.

fyi:  The Internet version of  this movie buffered so much that it took me almost five ( ! ) hours to watch it  in its entirety.

At my now-defunct high school, Pacific High School, in San Leandro, CA, our yearbook was called, Valhalla; and our athletes were called, Vikings.

One of  the scriptwriters of  this movie, J. Michael  Straczynski,   wrote a book on how to write scripts, The Complete Book of  Scriptwriting.  I wrote two scripts based on what I learned from his book:  One for a TV sit-com that never got produced because the show was canceled before I could even send them a copy of what I had just written; and a movie script that I personally deemed too long to translate well unto film--I'm keeping this  one "on the back burner" of  my mind until I can go back to it and write it out as a book manuscript.

word of advice:  Temper your temper.

Don't call anyone a fool!   ( Bible's New Testament,  the Gospel of  Matthew 5:22 )

tidbits:  As I searched the Internet for this movie's advanced reviews, I came across this Pun Joke, which I reworded:

The Norse Vikings were a stinky lot!  But their loved ones could easily tell them apart from each other simply by their individual characteristic smell.  One Norse in particular had a very beautiful daughter whom  he loved so dearly.  One day, the Norse Viking had to go on a raid in a far-away land.  While there, he discovered that the natives used something called "bar soap."  Finally, after many years, it was time to go  back home.  When he arrived at his village, his daughter was nowhere to  be found.  The Norse accosted one of  the locals and inquired of  him the whereabouts of  his beloved daughter.  By sheer luck, the local knew just where the now-married daughter was living.  So, he took the Norse to his daughter.  But, alas! the daughter didn't recognize him at all because he didn't stink since he had been using  bar soap all along.  Sadly, the daughter asked him to leave her alone forever.

The moral of  this story is ...:

You can lead a Norse ( 1 ) to the Daughter ( 2 ), but you cannot make the Norse Stink ( 3 )!

( 1 = Horse; 2 = Water; 3 = Drink )

And here's another joke that I found:

Question:  What is an "Asgard"?

Answer:  It is what you need to do when you're in prison!

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Finland and Mauritius

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PROM, PG ( 1 hr & 43 min )

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Monday, May 2nd, 2011
show:  9:45 p.m.
costs:  $9.75 Ticket + $5.00 regular Nachos + $4.00 small Diet/Zero ( w/ Barq's & Cherry flavors ) Coke + $4.76 MacDonald's Double Quarter Pounder w/ Cheese after the movie = $23.51
auditorium:  11
seat:  4th row,  8th column

synopsis/overview:  Some high school teens, mostly girls, look forward to their one special night: The Senior Prom.  And one girl in particular, the student body president, Nova ( Aimee Teegarden ), wants it to be just that way.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) "Has he asked you, yet"; 2.) "Olympics of  high school"; 3.) "That I'm consistent"; 4.) "You need to ask me"; 5.) Starry night; 6.) "There's something I need to ask"; 7.) Prom dates; 8.) Car pool; 9.) "There's nothing but garbage down there"; 10.) Webcam; 11.) Candles; 12.) Fire; 13.) The help; 14.) Helmets; 15.) "She's out there.  Find her"; 16.) "I was never here.  You never saw me"; 17.)  Invitation to a barbecue; 18.) Shop; 19.) Punk; 20.)  Scholarship interview; 21.) Girls' room; 22.) Wrong car; 23.) Chemistry class; 24.) Dude; 25.) Computer class; 26.) The overpass; 27.) Hamster; 28.) "Last night, last dance"; 29.) "Adult supervision"; 30.) The barbecue party; 31.) "You collect these things"; 32.) "We're Kranton"; 33.) "Dude, I'm sealing the deal"; 34.) The fountain; 35.) Reason for tardiness; 36.) Library; 37.) Jeep; 38.) "Maybe, we should check out how starry their night is"; 39.) "Why help me"; 40.) ""Kid's a loser"; 41.) The lie; 42.) "A lot of people are wrong about you"; 43.) "Problem solved"; 44.) "I like it better that way"; 45.) Diner; 46.) Dresses; 47.) "You're the 'One-Hit'"; 48.) The let-down in the library; 49.) Rocks; 50.) The overheard conversation; 51.) Grocery store loading dock; 52.) Change of  plans; 53.) "That's not where I live"; 54.) "I know the feeling"; 55.) "It's enough"; 56.) Fight; 57.) "I had a talk with him"; 58.) "I didn't know how to tell you"; 59.) The basement; 60.) "Hippos forever"; 61.) The prom; 62.) "So romantic"; and 63.) "When it ends, it's really just the beginning."

audience reaction:  N/A.  I was the only one in the auditorium.

recommendation:  This movie is strictly for little girls who have unrealistic Prom Night expectations and/or fantasies.

spoiler alert!  This high school must be in some alternate parallel universe.  I mean, where were the cussing, swearing, gangs, schoolyard fights, graffiti, illicit drugs, underage smoking, underage drinking, dirty dancing, unwanted teen pregnancies, teen moms, etc.?  And I don't think I even saw one bicycle or skateboard anywhere on campus--motorcycle, yes; bicycle, no.  No principal--or teacher, for that matter--can flunk or keep any student from graduating simply based on attendance and/or performance in some extra-curricular activity.  Nowadays, some senior proms are held outside of  the school campus.  They have it at hotels where the teens  can go to their  hotel rooms afterwards  to have sex and Lord-knows-what-else!  Proms  have devolved  into  an excuse for fornication and other licentious acts, and parents apparently condone it.  What's wrong with this country?  Had this movie been shown weeks ago before the actual senior proms  were held  across the country, teens would have probably booed and jeered it off  the theatres!  Did her dad apologize?  Her prom dress made her butt look big and wide! 

fyi:  It seems that I'm not the only one who thinks that Jesse ( Thomas McDonell ) looks like a young Johnny Depp.  A newspaper movie reviewer thinks the same way, too.

When I was at  WheelWorks a couple of  weeks ago for my Hyundai Accent's diagnostics, I watched a TV news segment about prom dresses.  One dress in particular was worth about $2,000.oo or more.  Can you believe that about some stupid dress that will only be worn once!  This whole "prom affair" is too commercialized, and undeservedly so.  You have to either be stupid--or a girl--to fall for something like that!  Us guys are too smart for such nonsense, which is why we go "rental" style.

I didn't go to my senior prom.  I made a lot of enemies in high school.  And I simply didn't want to find myself in a roomful of  people that I didn't get along with.  This was shortly  after the Vietnam War, a time when  the people in this country, especially the white ones, were looking for someone to vent their anger, rage and frustration on.  A someone who did not conform; and I was that  "someone."  A non-conforming "someone" from that part of the world.  And it didn't help that the most beautiful girl in class, a white brunette,  liked me!  I just kept my distance from her.  And she ended-up going to the prom with the varsity football quarterback--huh! typical ....  Anyway, less than two weeks before the prom, a  family friend, Fred, the policeman, struck me a deal:  If I could find someone to go as my prom date,  he'd pay for my rental tux.  And there was this one other girl, a blonde,  who  I liked.  I asked her about a  week before the prom if she would like to go as my date.  But she had to work as a babysitter on prom night.  And just a week's time to go hunting for a prom dress was really no time at all, according to a female classmate of  mine in whom I confided about the matter.  So, that was that!  Besides, I wouldn't have enjoyed the prom, post-Vietnam War,  what with all those predominantly white classmates of  mine all in the same room with me.

word of advice:  Real life begins after high school.

Don't leave candles unattended.

tidbits:  So, they finally got Osama Bin Laden.  They would have gotten him sooner had they heeded my advice on my blog's tidbits for  ALIENS IN THE ATTIC.  See for yourself ....

I gave one of  my Cine-Man calling cards to the concessions clerk, Antonio.  I hope that he doesn't forget to check-out my blogsite.

Special Announcement:  I would like to take this time to say, Thank You and Welcome, to my readers in ...

The Czech Republic

Thank you, once again.  Please keep on reading my weekly updates.  And don't forget to tell your friends, and everyone else who you know, about my movie blogsite.