where: AMC BAY STREET 16 in Emeryville, CA
when: Saturday, April 30th, 2011
show: 9:45 p.m.
costs: $11.00 Ticket + $0.00 large Popcorn + $0.00 large Zero Coke + $1.50 Validated Parking Garage Fee + $5.00 Carquinez Bridge Toll = $17.50
auditorium: 16
seat: 3rd row, 5th column
synopsis/overview: A private investigator, Dylan Dog ( Brandon Routh ), who retired from his "specialty", solving crimes involving the undead, gets out of retirement to investigate the killing of a friend and another human by one of the undead. What he uncovers is a crime centered around a stolen artifact that can create a war among the vampires, werewolves and zombies that prowl around on the streets of New Orleans.
noteworthy scenes: 1.) "You take credit cards"; 2.) "Yearning, learning and earning"; 3.) First impression; 4.) Vampire club; 5.) "Big beast, big fangs"; 6.) "Time to get back to work"; 7.) The trees; 8.) A girl; 9.) Cysnos Meat Packing Plant; 10.) "Little pig"; 11.) Pay dirt; 12.) War; 13.) An artifact; 14.) Flare; 15.) Pact; 16.) Morgue; 17.) Body shop; 18.) "Religious nut job"; 19.) Cemetery; 20.) "New beauty regimen"; 21.) Maggots; 22.) "Ghouls"; 23.) "King of the world"; 24.) "What the hell are you"; 25.) "I look like a dead hooker"; 26.) "You shot me"; 27.) "Sleeping beast"; 28.) "They took something precious from both of us"; 29.) "What's a # 9"; 30.) Old friend;31.) Heart of Belial; 32.) Dead, But Living Large support group; 33.) "Boning"; 34.) "Dum-dums"; 35.) Bigger guns; 36.) "I told you I'll be back"; 37.) "There's the heart"; 38.) "I guess we'll never know"; 39.) "Please, don't interrupt the eulogy"; 40.) "Predictable to a fault"; 41.) Crypt; 42.) "She's not the one I'm worried about"; 43.) "Your death is my life legacy"; 44.) "Zombie power, bitch"; 45.) "It's dying time"; 46.) "Is there something in my eye"; and 47.) "If I had another one right now, I'd hug you."
audience reaction: The audience was somewhat entertained by this. One of two guys seated behind me said to his friend at the start of the Ending Credits, "Let's get out of here. This movie is terrible."
recommendation: This movie is not scary and is just mildly amusing. Wait for this to come out as a Rental.
spoiler alert! That old Volkswagen doesn't sound like one at all. Instead, it sounds like an old jalopy from the early 20s. If the undead refer to the humans as "Breathers" then it only means that all of the undead are "Non-breathers." If they don't breathe, then they cannot talk since air coming-up from the lungs and through the vocal cords and manipulated by the mouth, tongue and lips is how we are able to talk. Why would a zombie faint? Why can Marcus ( Sam Huntington ), an undead, smell himself? Fresh blood is needed for broken/severed limbs to heal which ... by the way, the undead don't have anymore of. Therefore, the spare body parts really wouldn't graft at all. Someone has it in for Volkswagen Beetles since the only cars that got damaged were an old Beetle and a new Beetle. Would you really want to have a zombie with festering facial sores cook and/or serve you your burger and fries? The love-making scene came across as unnaturally forced. Why were the female vampires able to sleep through all that noisy encounter and not even get burned? Why didn't it get completely dark in the crypt after he extinguished his cigarette lighter? Why was he even carrying a cigarette lighter for since I don't think I even saw him light one up? When the gold-capped tooth grew into a fang, it was still gold-capped--yeah, right .... The vampires, werewolves and zombies were stronger than humans and could hit humans pretty hard, but Dylan only suffered from a bruised rib even though he was thrown around, and even fell down from a considerable height twice. I say, let the vampires, werewolves and zombies fight each other; then, we finish-off whatever undead creatures are left!
The film was somewhat blurry on the left 1/3 side of the screen. Maybe there was something wrong with the digital projection or maybe there was a popcorn butter smudge on the left lens of my eyeglasses. I don't know ....
fyi: Back when my family lived in Matina ( both at the apartment and in G.S.I.S. Heights Subdivision ), Davao City, Mindanao, Philippines, we had about six dogs. One of which was mine; a medium-built ( they were all medium-built, by the way ) male with a colored coat like what you see on a Rottweiler and/or a Doberman. I named him, Panther. But because of the brown spot that he had above each of his eyelids, my eldest sister nicknamed him, Boking ( from the word, "Volks" ), because my sister said that the brown spots reminded her of the turn signal lights above the headlights on the older Volkswagen Beetles.
I missed the first five minutes, approximately, of this movie because I was delayed at the home of my friend, Hector, in Oakland, CA, because his oldest son and his only daughter ( with her husband and their daughter ) stopped by for a visit. We sat around the dining table watching Internet videos and talking about the Bible, the Holocaust, the INGLORIOUS BASTERDS movie, and the Shariah Law introduced/imposed by the fake "christian" ( who cannot fool anybody who knows his/her Bible--for the record, I didn't vote for him because I knew he was a fake all along! ) in the White House. We also watched an Internet video of Mosab Hassan Yousef, the son of one of the founders of Hamas who converted to Christianity. And a Bible-burning video on a former PLO terrorist's webside: www.shoebat.com.
word of advice: You can't judge a book by its cover.
tidbits: Shortly after I arrived at Hector's place, either he or his wife asked me if I saw The Royal Wedding. I said, No. I'm not into that stuff. Hector said that the wedding cost 53 million dollars! He said that that money could have been better spent on the poor and the hungry; which is why he declined the Royal Invitation in protest. Ha, ha, ha.
I said to Hector that when I was at the check-out line at the Pinole Safeway supermarket, I noticed the headline on one of the tabloids which claims that Kate Middleton cannot conceive. And Hector said, "That's crazy. They should have done a fertility test first. Because the Royals are supposed to have children." I told him that it was okay since they can always consider adoption because that is what today's celebrities are doing: Adopting kids from Asia and/or Africa. And since both of my Asian parents are dead--meaning, I'm an Asian orphan--THEY CAN ADOPT ME! Me, me, me. Pick me! If they do, I promise not to be a Royal Pain in the butt! And if it's not gonna be so much trouble for the couple, I would like to have my very own personally hand-picked--ahem--wet nurse! Milk-Mustache, anyone ...?
One of Hector's sons bought him a green bicycle that is a replica of a 1952 coaster bike. It has a built-in headlight and a taillight, both of which operate on battery power. And it even has a horn on its dummy fuel tank. The bike cost $2,000.oo. For that money, his son could have bought him a more practical 150cc scooter. Whatever .... Anyway, when Hector's daughter's husband saw it, he asked, "Who's bike is this? It looks like a 'Pee-Wee Herman' bike." And someone said, "No, it's not. A 'Pee-Wee Herman' bike is red." We all laughed.
Hector's five-year old granddaughter, it turns out, is the object of affection/infatuation between two boys at her school. Ah, a "Puppy-Love Triangle!" Awww .... How cute!
And speaking of puppy ....
Hector's kitten, Tiger, has learned a new trick. When Tiger's friend and playmate, Two-Face, the pitbull puppy, was let in the house, Tiger jumped on her back and rode her around the dining room and the living room as if he was a cowboy ( cowkitten? ) on a bucking bronco! How funny is that?
AMC Theatre has gotten rid of its movie watcher reward card. In its place, it now has a membership card ( a dollar-a-month fee rip-off ). As an enticement, AMC sent me, through the mail, a coupon for a free large popcorn and a free large softdrink. But I'm still deliberating whether I should sign-up or not because I seldom see a movie at this theatre. But, then again, this is The Theatre to go to for any Pixar Studios movie since Pixar is only about a mile away from this place. So, we'll see ....
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