21 JUMP STREET, R ( 1 hr & 50 min )

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Saturday, March 17th, 2012
show:  5:00 p.m.
costs:  $9.75 Ticket + $4.00 20 oz Fanta Strawberry Soda = $13.75
auditorium:  8
seat:  5th row, 7th column


synopsis/overview:  A new drug makes the rounds at a high school.  And it's up to the police department's "You're some Justin Bieber 'n' Miley Cyrus-lookin' Mother-F-ckers!" special crimes unit to put a stop to it.

noteworthy scenes:  1.) "I don't know how to put this nicely"; 2.) F; 3.) Trash can; 4.) "You want to be friends"; 5.) Police Academy graduates; 6.) Frisbee; 7.) Cop bicycles; 8.) First arrest; 9.) Miranda Rights; 10.) "I'd prefer not to"; 11.) Aroma of Christ Church; 12.) Rules; 13.) Korean Jesus;  14.) Baby pictures; 15.) Shaving; 16.) "Three keys to coolness"; 17.) Kick-ass car; 18.) School parking lot; 19.) Drama class; 20.) Chemistry class; 21.) Narcs; 22.) Fingers; 23.) Tripping; 24.) Report; 25.) Chem class study group; 26.) Mom on the party line; 27.) Rumors; 28.) Party preparations; 29.) "Really gross three-way"; 30.) "When did I get stabbed"; 31.) Angry mom; 32.) Shoe store; 33.) "We can hear how the other half lives"; 34.) "Put it there, man"; 35.) Pinata; 36.) Driver's Ed car; 37.) Car chase; 38.) "That one exploded"; 39.) "You're way in too deep"; 40.) Show; 41.) "It rhymes with grape"; 42.) "It's time we get our jobs back"; 43.) Chore time; 44.) Doves; 45.) Senior Prom; 46.) Supplier; 47.) Friendship bracelet; 48.) Stand-off; 49.) Cameo; 50.) "The only approval I ever needed"; 51.) Vomit; 52.) Limousine chase; 53.) "What's this, Tequila" 54.) "You got this"; 55.) "I shot him in the d-ck"; 56.) The appendage; 57.) "I'll come back later"; and 58.) The new assignment.


favorite scene:  I liked the Detached Appendage scene.


audience reaction:  The audience really liked this Buddy-Cop Action Comedy Movie. But it didn't get a "Hands Clapper" ending.

recommendation:  I liked this movie, too.  Go see it if you're into Action Comedy Movies.

spoiler alert!  Even a civilian would know that shooting-off a gun like that within city limits is both illegal and dangerous. Why did their boss asked, "Did you say that you have the right to be an attorney?" When, clearly, that was not what Jenko ( Channing Tatum ) said.  Isn't buying drugs and alcohol for minors considered illegal? As in, you could go to jail for it. You'd think the cops would know! You wouldn't be able to move your arm around like that if you suffered from such a knife wound. If I were that lady who got pushed down, you'd hear more than just one word from me! When the DEA agents made themselves known, why didn't the cops use that opportunity to pick-up their guns?

fyi:  The "Korean Jesus" nailed down a point: They make images of Jesus ( and Buddha ) resemble the indigenous worshipers of a particular place to make Him more "approachable" to such people. For centuries, people assumed that Jesus Christ was blond and blue-eyed simply because that was how He was depicted in Europe to make Him more "approachable" to them.

Truth be known though, the historical Jesus Christ had olive skin, dark hair and dark eyes because He was born into an Asiatic tribe in Asia and preached in Asia about an Asian God.  In other words, He was a ...

Sacred Asian Man

A Holy Man led a life of Danger.

To every one He met, He was a Preacher.

Each Miracle that he'd make, another chance he'd take.

Odds were he wouldn't live to see the morrow.

Sacred Asian Man, Sacred Asian Man.

They'd given Him a "number" and censored-out His name.

Aware that the old Temple which he found

was just a place where gathered evil men.

"Oh, be careful what you say. Or you'll give yourself away.

Odds are you'll just live a life of sorrow."

Sacred Asian Man, Sacred Asian Man.

They'd given Him a "number" and censored-out His name.

Sacred Asian Man, Sacred Asian Man.

They'd given Him a "number" and censored-out His name.

Preaching to His Apostles one day,

and then laying in a tomb Friday to Sunday.

"Judas, you'll let the wrong man die, kissed Him with persuasive lips.

The odds are He won't live to see tomorrow."

Sacred Asian Man, Sacred Asian Man.

They'd given Him a "number" and censored-out His name.

Sacred Asian Man.

( sing the above to, Secret Agent Man )

word of advice:  Don't give-in to peer pressure.

tidbits:  I left my condo at around 9:00 a.m. today to get $10.00 worth of gas at the nearby Chevron Gas Station on Redwood and Couch streets.  Then, I went to a local thrift store to drop-off some donations. And I went to the bakery outlet nearby to buy a jar of creamy peanut butter, which they didn't have in stock at all.  So, I just went to the grocery store to buy some cake-baking ingredients.

Today, March 17th,  is St. Patrick's Day. "Erin Go Bragh!" ( Ireland Forever! ) I made my special chocolate cake--you could O. D. on chocolate just by eating it--for a close relative today, since it, too, is his birthday. And he wouldn't settle for just some Corned Beef and Cabbage, instead. And who can give him a hard time about it?  After all, he ain't even an Irish.

I baked the special chocolate cake at around 11:30 a.m. today, after having shopped for its ingredients--I spent 20 buck$, exactly 20 buck$--at the Admiral Callaghan Lane Safeway.  I let it cool on a rack before I frosted it.  Then, I called my close relative on his cellphone at a little after 2:00 p.m. to let him know that the cake was done and that I was ready to take it to his place. But he was in Santa Rosa, CA, attending the birthday party of our three-year old niece. So, I asked him when he would be back home so that I could just go over and drop-off his birthday cake.  He said that he'd be leaving for home after 9:00 p.m.

As I pulled out of my carport, it started to rain hail stones.  And a few blocks from my place, on Tuolumne  Street, between Del Mar Avenue and Sereno Drive, cop cars began converging in front of the elementary school at around 3:45 p.m. in all that rain. There were six cop cars on that section of the street. I can't wait to read tomorrow's paper to find out what it was all about.

I went to Selecta Pilipino Buffet on Springs Road on a hunch that they might have some Corned Beef and Cabbage because it's St. Patrick's Day. I was right: They did have some--emphasis on SOME! As in, three small slices of corned beef , two yellow potatoes and two tiny slivers of cabbage left in a serving tray.

After I finished eating lunch, I asked the proprietor if he had read the reviews about his buffet restaurant on-line. He wasn't even aware of it. So, I asked to borrow his laptop so that I could look it up for him.  I typed-in, "Selecta Pilipino Buffet in Vallejo, CA."  And, there it was on www.yelp.com. The reviews were mostly 4- and 5-star reviews. So, I was pretty sure that he was pleased about it.

And it was getting close to 5 o'clock. So, I told the proprietor that I had to leave because I have to be somewhere by 5:00 p.m. I made it to the theatre with about ten minutes to spare.

Oh! about the Special Chocolate Cake ....

After the movie, I went back home to start this blog. And I called my relative at around 9:25 p.m. to find out if he was already home. He was still on the road when he answered my call. I told him that I'll be at his place around 10 o'clock or so.

I got to my relative's place at 10:25 p.m. And I left for home at 11:10 p.m. after he served me some Pilipino Spaghetti ( sweet-flavored version ), Ginata-an ( Pilipino dessert soup made out of Rice with Jack-Fruit and Corn in Coconut Milk ), Durian Cake and a glass of Iced Tea with Lemonade; and after his family and I watched a girls' gymnastics Pacific Rim Competition in which the USA won.

*

CASA DE MI PADRE, R ( 1 hr & 24 min )

Quickie Review:  Armando Alvarez ( Will Ferrell ) has lived and worked on his father's ranch in Mexico all of his life.  A ranch that is undergoing some financial problems.  When Armando's brother, Raul ( Diego Luna ), returns to the ranch a very rich man and engaged to be married to a very beautiful girl, Sonia ( Genesis Rodriguez ), it seems that everything will work-out just fine.  But Raul's financial wealth is not so legit.  And Raul's presence only puts him and his family at odds with the most powerful drug lord in the area, Onza ( Gael Garcia Bernal ).

Some people in the audience liked it. It didn't get a "Hands Clapper" ending, though.

I really don't know what the makers of this movie were aiming for. Whether or not it is meant as a farce or as an insult to the Mexican Movie Industry is anyone's guess. But I didn't like this movie that much. It will probably appeal only to those of you with an unrefined taste in comedy. Wait for it to come out as a rental.

I liked the scene where Sonia tried to get up on a horse. And I liked the scene where Raul turned-off the radio when Armando stepped into the room.

There is a Bonus Scene during the Ending Credits and afterwards.

Here are the things that I found wrong in this movie: The dead man dragged behind the truck was so obviously a dummy. The horses that Armando and Sonia rode in the Close Shot were fake. I don't know why they used a mannequin butler, a mannequin wedding guest and a mannequin sex partner. A road scene leading to the bar and another scene leading to an encounter with the police and DEA agents were both one and the same, with an RV going in the opposite direction. What's with that wedding guest who just sat there smoking a cigarette? There was a Bad Edit sometime after the scene where the police officer and the DEA agent talked on the 'phone. This movie has many cheap props and SFX. Some of the scenes were actually done on a stage with obvious backdrops. How and why did the dead man end-up in the fountain ...?

*

SILENT HOUSE, R ( 1 hr & 28 min )

Quickie Review:  A girl, her father and her uncle go to their boarded-up lake house to fix it up before they sell it. With no electricity and with no cellphone reception, they are cut-off from the outside world in the confines of their darkened house as ominous events crescendo to a climactic end.

There were two couples in the auditorium with me.  The couple seated in the fifth row got up and left halfway through the movie.  I guess that they didn't like this movie at all. The couple seated in the back row was silent throughout the movie.

By the way, I was seated in the 7th row, 6th column, of auditorium 13, for the 4:45 p.m. show at the Century 14 Vallejo in Vallejo, CA, today, Wednesday, March 14th, 2012.

I didn't like this movie.  It wasn't scary at all. It's not a Horror movie in its true sense. The Bathroom scene is what gives the clue away. And the "silence" in the house refers to an altogether "something-else-entirely". Although the principal character in this movie acted well, I'd still wait for it to come out as a rental, if I were you.

Here are the things that I found wrong about this movie:  This movie is "shot in one take" ( Yeah, right .... There were scenes that would disprove this claim. ). Therefore, I couldn't do a noteworthy scenes on it--noteworthy shots or moments, perhaps ...? And I couldn't do a spoiler alert! because early on in the movie you'd kind of guess where it would lead to--add to it the Bathroom scene and there'd be your answer, right there and then; and I couldn't mention any more spoilers because doing so would just have me ruin the ending for those of you who would still want to go see this movie on the Big Screen!

*

A THOUSAND WORDS, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 31 min )

Silence is Golden. Duct Tape is Silver.

Quickie Review:  A book agent, Jack McCall ( Eddie Murphy ), will say anything to close a deal.  But he messes with the wrong guy when he talks a Spiritual Guru into signing on the dotted line. Because a Bodhi Tree magically appears in his backyard and teaches him a very important lesson about the consequence of using words for granted.

The audience was really entertained by this "Feel Good" Comedy movie.

I liked this movie, too.  It is a good Date Movie for couples to go see.


*

JOHN CARTER in I-MAX 3-D, PG-13 ( 2 hr & 12 min )

where:  EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 & I-MAX in Fairfield, CA
when:  Friday, March 9th, 2012
show:  12:01 a.m.
costs:  $17.50 Ticket + $4.75 Zero Sprite = $22.25
auditorium:  12
seat:  5th row, 6th column


2nd time

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Saturday, March 10, 2012
show:  11:45 a.m. ( Extra Dollar Off First Show Matinee )
costs:  $10.00 Ticket + $4.75 junior Popcorn + $4.00 small 16 oz Diet/Zero ( w/ Barq's Root Beer & Cherry flavors ) Coke = $18.75
auditorium:  2
seat:  4th row, 8ht column

synopsis/overview:  A Civil War veteran, John Carter ( Taylor Kitsch ), finds himself transported to Mars ( Barsoom ). Where he encounters a green, "double decker" torsoed race, the Tharks. And later comes across humanoids who are at war with each other. As the fate of Barsoom hangs in the balance, John Carter must decide whether or not to lend a helping hand.

noteworthy scenes:  1.) Predator city; 2.) Sandstorm; 3.) The chosen; 4.) "Sad tidings"; 5.) "Always looking for something"; 6.) "Thing opens only from the inside"; 7.) Last will and testament; 8.) Private journal; 9.) Arrest; 10.) Chase; 11.) The cave; 12.) Low gravity; 13.) "What the hell"; 14.) Introduction; 15.) Jump; 16.) "Leave nothing for the white apes"; 17.) "The 9th ray"; 18.) "It is your will"; 19.) Infiltrator; 20.) "It is called, 'Virginia'"; 21.) Hatchlings' nursery; 22.) "I understood you"; 23.) Fliers; 24.) Rescue; 25.) "I surrender. You may take me captive"; 26.) Hero; 27.) "Our ships sail the seas"; 28.) "You said, 'Planet'"; 29.) Mars; 30.) "That brought me here"; 31.) Tharks' temple; 32.) "Shake it"; 33.) "She's your daughter, isn't she"; 34.) "He betrayed us"; 35.) Watering hole; 36.) "I like this plan better"; 37.) "This is real"; 38.) "I'm already there"; 39.) "Duty to your father"; 40.) "Your feet"; 41.) Medallion; 42.) "Ninth Ray Isolates; 43.) Diagram; 44.) Copy; 45.) One man army; 46.) Rescue; 47.) Conscience; 48.) "Take me hostage"; 49.) "Hello, ladies"; 50.) Deciphered; 51.) "Yes, I am alone"; 52.) "We have plenty of time to talk"; 53.) Eliminated; 54.) "What is your cause"; 55.) Manage the death of a planet; 56.) Flight; 57.) A sign; 58.) "Your spirit annoys me"; 59.) Arena; 60.) Challenge; 61.) "They're at the wedding"; 62.) Fight; 63.) "It is good to fly"; 64.) Salute; 65.) "I'll explain later"; 66.) Proposal; 67.) Tricked; 68.) Search; 69.) Followed; 70.) Explanation; 71.) "I am the key"; 72.) NED; 73.) "I was just bait"; 74.) Reunited; and 75.) Dedication to Steve Jobs during the Ending Credits.

favorite scenes:  I liked the first two "Virginia" scenes. ( Then, it got "old" after that. )

I liked the one wherein John Carter was badly outnumbered but he held his ground anyway against a "double-decker" torsoed Thark army.

I liked the scene where they raided the wrong city and John Carter/Virginia got slapped upside the head for the mistake.

I liked the Tear-Eyed Thark scene, too.

audience reaction:  The audience liked it but didn't give it a "Hands Clapper" ending.

2nd audience reaction:  This "more wide-awake" crowd was more appreciative of the movie and one or two persons in the audience gave it a "Hands Clapper" ending.

recommendation:  I liked it.  Go see this if you're into Action/Adventure movies.

spoiler alert!  He had a good head start on his pursuers as he escaped from jail. Yet, somehow, the Union soldiers gained ground on him. That matchstick was sure slow to burn up. Mars's gravity is just over one-third compared to that of Earth's. Therefore, John Carter of Virginia ( ha, ha, ha ) should only have been able to jump a little over three times higher than how high he could jump on Earth. I still will not believe that you can cut a thick chain with a sword! That Sola ( Samantha Morton ) either had a kinky fetish involving the use of a branding iron or she was just too dumb to learn from her mistakes! Since the Martian humanoids had blue blood, Deja Thoris ( Lynn Collins ) should have believed in John Carter right away as soon as she noticed that he had red blood! In the Tharks's temple, John Carter put his right armpit close to Deja Thoris's face yet, somehow, she didn't notice the armpit smell of someone who just worked-up a great sweat in the heat of battle! The "humans" on Mars have nostrils but the "double-decker" torsoed creatures, the Tharks, don't; so, how do such creatures breathe? And since the Tharks don't have nostrils, their voices shouldn't sound "normal" at all. The Tharks's voices should sound like the way you'd sound like if you pinched your nostrils shut then talked. The Tharks's three-toed feet were anatomically incorrect. Their feet were structured in such a way that the Big Toe was in the middle. For ambulation to take place properly, the toes on either side of the Big Toe should have been set farther away from the center for stability. The two "moons" of Mars were always shown in approximately the same orientation to each other, with the small one to the left of the big one.  But ... the bigger "moon", Phobos, actually orbits around Mars more than three times per Martian day while the smaller "moon", Deimos ( which is farther away from the surface of Mars), takes about 30 hours to orbit around the Red Planet. Therefore, the two "moons" should not have been shown repeatedly in the same approximate orientation in the Martian sky! Duh ....  By the way, a Martian day is almost exactly the same length as an Earth day. About those big, fiery explosions ... not happenin' in real life!  Ditto for the other flames shown. Why? Because there is practically no oxygen in the Martian atmosphere for such explosions/flames to occur. Which begs another question: How was John Carter able to breathe the predominantly Carbon Dioxide "air" on Mars? That piece of rock was probably three times--or more--John Carter's body weight; so, he shouldn't have been able to swing it around like that. After a Martian sandstorm, dust particles would stay in atmospheric suspension for a considerably longer time owing to the fact that Mars's gravitational field is not strong enough to have the dust settle sooner. Why were all the Martians scantily-clad even though Mars is much colder than Earth? Why were there no guards posted at the wedding? In the wedding fight scene, Deja's evil double had her sword at her neck with the sharp edge pointed away but, in the next shot, the sharp edge of the sword was pressed against her neck. What's the point in being "Eternal" if you can get shot to death? What happened to the body of the Thern who was killed in the cave? If your objective is the total annihilation of your enemy, why would you offer the losing side a "marriage truce"? The Heliumites and the Tharks won the war. But for what? It was a dying planet after all. Why was their own Goddess Hell-bent on their own destruction? Why didn't the Therns just wait for John Carter to fall asleep so that they could attack him?  I mean, I'm pretty sure that John Carter had many occasions to fall asleep during his relentless search for the medallion!

If only Disney hired my services as Cine-Man, Technical/Science Consultant, this movie would make more sense and would be more appealing to all the Smart People out there!

fyi:  For those of you who don't know it yet, the Edgar Rice Burroughs character in this movie is a fictional representation of the Edgar Rice Burroughs who was more well-known for his stories on Tarzan of the Apes.

Let's see if I got this straight:

Earth = Blue planet; red-blooded creatures--check!
Mars = Red planet; blue-blooded creatures--check!

So, when John Carter and the Princess have kids, they'll all have purple blood ...?

Is this Purple Prince one of their kids?

word of advice:  Take up a worthy cause.

tidbits:  When the midnight show started ... IT WAS THE WRONG MOVIE!  What came on was an I-Max 3-D version of  DOCTOR SEUSS'S THE LORAX.  Some people in the audience went and notified the theatre staff; I was about to, also.  The JOHN CARTER movie finally started at 12:24 a.m.

This creature can only be none other than The Pitbull Frog-dog.

As a few of us sat through the Ending Credits, somebody rudely turned-off the movie projector at 2:30 a.m. because the janitor was scheduled to start vacuuming the auditorium at that time.

2nd tidbits:  I bought a pair of old-style 3-D glasses a few days ago at the Target Shopping Center's Dollar Tree Store here in Vallejo, CA.  It's the kind with a blue lens and a red lens.  I thought I'd try it for this John Carter 3-D movie.  It didn't work at all.  I guess that there are four kinds--at least--of 3-D technology glasses that are exclusively proprietary and are not interchangeable with each other because they are not compatible in their Optics utilization.

I have a spare modem.  Actually, it was the original modem sent to me by my ISP. The one which I had been using all this time and which I accidentally "fried" was the modem that Hector's son, Isma, gave to me when I had trouble connecting to the Internet with my original modem.  I called my ISP tonight because I wanted them to send me a replacement.  But, on a hunch, I decided to try my original modem.  I connected it to my computer then I called my ISP for technical help.  I was put on hold for about 15 minutes but it was on their dime, so I didn't mind waiting. The tech support guy, I forget his name ( it's in Hindu ), was very patient with me and walked me through the steps to have my modem connect me to the Internet.  My original modem worked just fine!  It's 11:40 p.m. as of this moment--O Lord, it's gonna be Daylight Savings Time in a couple of hours, so I'll be losing one hour's worth of sleep! Maybe, I should go to bed now .... Nah!

F-ck sleep--Yeah!  I'll just show-up for work an hour late. LOL

Anyway ....

I'm just glad that I can get on the Internet once again without having to resort to using Wi-Fi.  I don't want to have to go to a MacDonald's Restaurant every day just to blog about movies because I might end-up like the SUPER SIZE ME ( 2004 ) documentary filmmaker, Morgan Spurlock!

*