HALL PASS, R ( 1 hr & 38 min )

where:  UA EMERY BAY STADIUM 10 in Emeryville, CA
when:  Saturday, February 26th, 2010
show:  8:00 p.m.
costs:  $10.75 Ticket + $6.00 small Popcorn w/ Butter + $0.00 small Zero Sprite ( free on my Regal Rewards Card ) + $5.00 Carquinez Bridge Toll = $ 21.75
auditorium:  4
seat:  7th row, 12th column

synopsis/overview:  Two guys get a one-week break from each of their marriages to do whatever they want to do.  So, they go out to try and hook-up with women in the hope of getting laid--'easier said than done.



noteworthy scenes:  1.) Family album; 2.) Checking out a girl's butt; 3.) Line of vision; 4.) Stupid move; 5.) Worst-case scenario; 6.) Bedtime story; 7.) Pretend sleep; 8.) Neighborhood park; 9.) "Mental photographs for my 'spank bank'"; 10.) Card game; 11.) Switched monitors; 12.) Sleep apnea mask; 13.) Hall pass; 14.) Friend's driveway; 15.) Security camera; 16.) "Embarrassed for Fred ( Jason Sudeikis )"; 17.) Week-off from marriage; 18.) "You're not living your dream"; 19.) Cops; 20.) "I got a hall pass"; 21.) Applebee's; 22.) A game of golf; 23.) Street intersection; 24.) Ball park; 25.) "At least, take a couple of swings"; 26.) Fake chow; 27.) Johnny's Hideaway; 28.) Motel bed; 29.) Coffee shop; 30.) Hamster wheel; 31.) Massage parlor; 32.) Health club jacuzzi; 33.) Night club; 34.) Tides Motel; 35.) Bathtub; 36.) Aunt Meg ( Kristin Carey ); 37.) Coakley's ( Richard Jenkins ) house party; 38.) "Hugh Hefner and his girlfriends"; 39.) Mistaken identity; 40.) "My sister, Jenny"; 41.) "Mutiny on my hands"; 42.) "More tongue"; 43.) "Baseball coach"; 44.) "You're not Rick"; 45.) Mother; 46.) "It was never for him"; 47.) Hospital; 48.) "You were my first"; 49.) "That was intended for Rick"; 50.) Deal; 51.) Bonus scene at the start of the Ending Credits; 52.) Bonus scene at the end of the Ending Credits; and 53.) A dedication.

audience reaction:  The audience enjoyed this.

recommendation:  I liked this movie, too.  Go see this if you're a Farrelly Brothers fan.

spoiler alert!  They had to have signed some papers in order to use the golf cart; in other words, they could be easily tracked down and get themselves in trouble with the law.  Even a blind person can tell whether or not he/she is getting  real oral sex.  The partition between the two businesses is just a room divider; it would be easy enough to hear a person talking on the other side of it.  The first of two nude scenes, an in-your-face kind,  is definitely not intended for you horndogs out there!  Anyone suffering from explosive diarrhea can tell when one just happened.  What, does "Johnny quick-stud" not know anything about "cougar" women?  Grace ( Christina Applegate ) is hot enough to be a "cougar", in my opinion.  I can't believe that Rick ( Owen Wilson ) would turn-down Leigh ( Nicky Whelan ), who's hotter than his own wife, Maggie ( Jenna Fischer ), even for just a "one night stand".  The shooter fired from an angle that should only have made the bullets deflect from the van's body panel, instead of punching holes into it.  This movie is actually about the promiscuous wives!

fyi:  Supposedly, I have a co-worker who has to take a quick shower after each  time that he uses the toilet at home to do a "number two".  I said, supposedly.

It's true.  Beautiful girls usually have plain or ugly girls hanging around them.  The plain/ugly girls are just doing what they have  to do to catch some "rejects" or "leftovers" in the Mating Game.  It's just simple animal biology is what it is.

word of advice:  The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence.

tidbits:  I visited my friend, Hector, and his family earlier in the day.  They have a two-and-a-half-months-old male tabby kitten, Tiger, that they had found abandoned on a street on a rainy day over a month ago.  They felt sorry for it and took it home with them.  They named the kitten, Tiger; and it's aptly named.

I just discovered that Tiger has a favorite spot on the couch that it considers its own personal space.  When I sat there to watch TV, he came over and proceeded to make a scratching post out of my right forearm.  When I pushed him off, he clawed deeply into the back of my left hand.

They also have a female pitbull puppy that they named, Two-Face.  Two-Face is practically three times bigger than Tiger.  But when they played with each other last week, Tiger made Two-Face cry--imagine that, a  tiny kitten making a pitbull cry.

Tiger is one roughhousing little kitten.  Once he's full-grown, he's gonna own the neighborhood.  I have a strong feeling about it.

DRIVE ANGRY 3-D, R ( 1 hr & 44 min )

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Friday, February 25th, 2011
show:  12:15 p.m.  ( Extra Dollar Off  First Show Matinee )
costs:  $9.75 Ticket + $5.50 small Popcorn w/ Butter + $4.50 medium Diet/Zero ( w/ Barq's & Cherry flavors ) Coke = $19.75
auditorium:  14, with a 3-D screen
seat:  7th row, 7th column

synopsis/overview:  Hell can't keep a bad man down

A criminal, Milton ( Nicolas Cage ),  escapes from Hell to save his only grandchild from a satanic cult  hellbent on sacrificing the baby girl to unleash hell on Earth. 


noteworthy scenes:  1.) "Tell him I'm coming to get her back"; 2.) Diner; 3.) Roadside assistance; 4.) Fat f-ck; 5.) Cheating boyfriend; 6.) Air conditioner; 7.) The satanic cult; 8.) Bull-by-the-balls honky-tonk bar; 9.) "Why does everyone keep hurting me"; 10.) FBI; 11.) Motel encounters; 12.) Handsome devil; 13.) Cult posse; 14.) "Promotion, payraise"; 15.) Baby girl; 16.) The gun; 17.) "Standing on evidence"; 18.) Shocked  witness; 19.) Satanic magic; 20.) Church; 21.) Femur bone; 22.) "How come he ain't dead"; 23.) The chase; 24.) Rescue; 25.) "It's still in there, the bullet; I can feel it"; 26.) Interrogation; 27.) Tow truck; 28.) "Bad husband but good father"; 29.) Emotional torment; 30.) "Partial to the Chevelle"; 31.) Roadblock; 32.) "Serving two masters"; 33.) "Holster and thank you"; 34.) Shoot-out; 35.) Forever; 36.) "Well, this is all gone to shit"; 37.) "Not of this Earth";  and 38.) Skull beer.

audience reaction:  The audience--all men--seemed to like this road-rage road trip movie, especially its  three nude scenes.

recommendation:  This is senseless fun for those who are into American muscle-cars, shoot-outs, and ( of course ) girls.  If I just described you, then go see it.

spoiler alert!  What kind of a name is Milton for a criminal?  But, then again, if  my parents christened me with such a wimpy  name, I'd turn violent too and beat the crap out of anybody who'd be stupid enough to make fun of my name!  They have cars--American cars--in Hell!  What are they trying to say, "Don't buy American" if you want to go to Heaven?  Thank God that all four of my cars are Asian cars!  Thank you, Lord.  Why didn't anybody voice an objection when the fat  pervert  took pictures with his cellphone?  Too much blood was splattered on the wall when the throat was slit.  I don't think that there is an axe sharp enough to cut hair like that.  You can't send someone flying out a window by shooting him with a bullet from a handgun!  The cultists should have suspected something was wrong when the shooting victim didn't produce a sufficient amount of blood.  He didn't even have to shoot at the oncoming SUV since there was a big enough pit in the path of the vehicle--he could just have stood there with a big smile on his face ( that's what I would have done ).  That cult leader sure as heck was one lousy gunslinger who couldn't even hit the driver or the passenger from just a few feet away!  I don't think that it was a good idea that  Milton went around killing all of those evil-minded people because they'd  all be waiting for him  to get back down to Hell ( Oh, boy ... what a welcoming party that would be ).  That coin was just halfway embedded between the man's eyebrows and never even touched the brain since the coin's point of entry was slightly below the cleft between the left and right hemispheres of the brain.  In other words, the man was not struck dead by the coin ( Well, he could die of an infection later on--but not at the moment ), he probably was just knocked-out by the impact.  Why doesn't Hollywood consult with Cine-Man and put his knowledge of  human anatomy and physiology to good use?  Damn, I feel like all  of  those science courses that I took in college were all for nothing!

fyi:  Where I work, we have to check for ID and/or ask for date of birth when anyone comes through our line to buy an alcoholic drink.  It doesn't matter how old the customer is.  Six months ago, I had a little old lady--who probably was 80 years of age already--come to my line with a bottle of wine.   I asked her for her date of birth ( I looked and sounded stupid asking it, but my employer didn't hire me to use my common sense ).  She said that it was February 29th, 1932.  My register wouldn't accept the input.  Then, it dawned on me:  She is a Leap Year Child, meaning ... she is still underage!  I should have called the cops on her.  She probably had a gang of  underage octogenarians outside in the parking lot waiting for her to buy them some booze so they can party and let it all hang out--and way low!  Ha, ha, ha.

word of advice:  Don't bite-off more than you can chew.  ( You have to see this movie to know what I'm talking about. )

tidbits:  Since it was a bright and sunny--and damn cold--day, I went  to  Pepboys to buy an air filter and spark plugs ( total = $14.90 ) for my Hyundai Accent.  I had to put-up with a "Mr. Know-it-all" clerk who told me that I would have to check the gap on the spark plugs because it could have been narrowed during shipping and handling.  It didn't make sense to me at all, considering how spark plugs are packaged in the first place.  I asked him what the recommended gap is.   He said that it is set at o.o44, according to his parts computer.  I asked him if  that measurement is in metric; he said that it is.  So, I pulled out my gap gauge and used the metric side to test a spark plug's gap.  I had a hard time widening the gap.  He took the gauge from me and flipped it over.  I told him that that side is the standard ( inch ) side.  He said that it's the side to use and that I widened the gap too much.  Well, duh, he told me that the measurement was in metric in the first place!  Anyway, when I got to my car, I checked the gap on all four spark plugs--and they were factory preset to the recommended gap already.  What a waste of time.

I installed the new air filter first.  Then, as I took out each of the old spark plugs, I measured the gap on  every single one of them.  Three of the old spark plugs were at 0.044, but the last one that I checked was at 0.046.  And, no, I kept all the new spark plugs that I put in at the recommended gap of 0.044.  It took me about half an hour to do all of this messy stuff.

Then, I walked back in the store to use the men's room to scrub my hands clean.  And I was going to buy a fuel system cleaner but I changed my mind since the only gas that I use in my cars, Chevron, has Techron in it that keeps the fuel system clean.

While I was inside the store, some bird--or birds--dive-bombed my car!

And speaking of Chevron, I went to the Marine World Parkway Chevron to buy a Contra Costa newspaper, another Budai statuette ( in red, this time ) and some gas.  But, first thing first:  I used the courtesy squeegee at pump number 10 to scrub-off the bird poop from my car.  My car was dive-bombed in eight places:  One on the passenger side door, three on the passenger side window, two on the front part of the roof and two on the windshield.  Arrgh!  One of  these days I'm gonna catch me some birds and poop on them to give them a heapin' helping of their own medicine, I swear.  Anyway, it turned out that the newspaper was missing the movie section, so I didn't buy it.  I bought the statuette for $1.08 and I bought $3.92 of gas.

Then, I went to Selecta Filipino Buffet to eat lunch and to buy $7.00 worth of  lottery tickets.  Total money spent at this place was $15.46.

UNKNOWN, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 49 min )

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Wednesday, February 23rd, 2011
show:  7:55 p.m.
costs:  $9.75 Ticket + $4.50 20 fl. oz. Glaceau Vitaminwater XXX + $1.00 2.4 oz. Peanut Butter Moon Pie ( bought at the nearby CVS Drugstore and smuggled-in ) = $15.25
auditorium:  13
seat:  5th row, 7th column

synopsis/overview:  Dr. Martin Harris, PhD ( Liam Neeson ),   awakens from a coma in a strange land, and without any identification on his person.  No one believes him when he claims to be who he is, including his wife, Elizabeth ( January Jones ).  But with the help of  Gina ( Diane Kruger ), a young woman on the run, he sets out to discover who he really is.
 

noteworthy scenes:  1.) The briefcase; 2.) Crash; 3.) Hospital; 4.) Bio-Tech Summit at Hotel Adlon Kempinski in Berlin; 5.) Security office; 6.) Subway; 7.) Taxicab company; 8.) Restaurant; 9.) University lab; 10.) EEG lab; 11.) Ex-East German Secret Police, Ernst Jurgen ( Bruno Ganz ); 12.) "Random accident"; 13.) Gina's apartment; 14.)  Assassination attempt caught on tape; 15.) Bad guys; 16.) Car chase; 17.) Night club; 18.) Secret code; 19.) Art museum; 20.)  Photo; 21.) 'Phone call; 22.) Dr. Cole ( Frank Langella ); 23.) Section 15; 24.) Lost and Found; 25.) Abduction; 26.) Parking garage; 27.) Canadian; 28.) "Three months ago"; 29.) Computer hacking; 30.) Hotel security footage; 31.) Corn; 32.) "I didn't forget everything"; 33.) News report; and 34.) New identity.

audience reaction:  This movie kept the interest of  its viewers.

recommendation:  I liked this Psycho-Thriller, too.  Go see this movie if  you're into Thrillers.

spoiler alert!  Ah ... why would you put your passport and wallet in a briefcase when you're supposed to have them on you for security reasons?  Why didn't the police check the airport security videos?  I guess that you can ride a subway train in Germany without purchasing a ticket first.  This movie was released nine months too soon.  He hadn't had a shave in at least two days, but his "5 o'clock shadow" was barely visible.   The bad guy should have noticed that there were no shoe prints in the snow.  Okay, so you buy a brand new cell phone and expect it to be fully charged, activated and ready to use?  I don't think so!  Why were the two assassins each photographed together with the same woman at the photo shoot?  Their faces were captured by the hotel security cameras so there is no way that they can hide because "wanted" posters of them will be posted at airports and train stations practically everywhere.

fyi:  Years ago, when my mom returned from her European trip, she mentioned that taxicabs in Germany were all Mercedes Benz cars.  I guess that she was right after all.

Here at the condominium complex where I live, I've taken to sleeping in my living room because I could hear my upstairs and downstairs neighbors doing "unmentionable" things in their bedrooms in the middle of the night!  And I'm a very light sleeper--once I'm awake, I'm awake.  So, just so I could have some peace and quiet, and some sleep, I decided that the best thing for me to do was to start sleeping in my living room.  And that's the way it has been for a few years now.

word of advice:  Always have a back-up plan.

tidbits:  The "check engine" light  of  my Hyundai Accent turned-on two days ago, a Monday.  But my car ran fine without any strange smell, vibration  or sounds.  I used my Geo Metro yesterday.  Today, when I started my Accent, the "check engine" light turned-off.  I drove it to work.  On my way home, the "check engine" light turned-on again.  Hours later, when I decided to go buy some cold medicine and see this movie, I used my Hyundai.  The "check engine" light was on and stayed on until I was done shopping at the drugstore.  After that, the light turned-off.  I suspect that the reason why the "check engine" light came on was because I didn't have the air filter and the spark plugs replaced at the 75K scheduled maintenance--I just had the mechanic to an oil change.  This Friday, I really will have to buy the air filter and spark plugs and install them myself--and I'll throw in some fuel system cleaner while I'm at it ( before the price of gas goes up to over $4.00 a gallon ).  Hopefully, that's all that it needs. 

I AM NUMBER FOUR, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 50 min )

where:  EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 & I-MAX in Fairfield, CA
when:  Friday, February 18th, 2011
show:  11:45 a.m.
costs:  $17.50 Ticket + $6.25 Nachos + $4.75 small Zero Sprite = $28.50
auditorium:  12, with the I-Max screen
seat:  5th row, 8th seat

synopsis/overview:  High school drama of the alien kind

The survivors of a doomed planet, Lorien,  settle here on Earth.  But their evil arch enemies, the Mogadorians,  have come to hunt and kill them all.   And they're the only ones that stand in the way of  total Earth annihilation.



noteworthy scenes: 1.) Jungle; 2.) Beach; 3.) Scars; 4.) Lizard; 5.) Positive I.D.; 6.) Puppy; 7.) Number Six ( Teresa Palmer ); 8.) New school; 9.) "What's with the UFO thing"; 10.) Invisible; 11.) Arson sight; 12.) Legacies; 13.) Testing new-found powers; 14.) Turkeys; 15.) Dinner; 16.) Dog; 17.) Prank; 18.) Locker room talk; 19.) Steel mill; 20.) At the fair; 21.) The woods; 22.) The front porch light; 23.) Light posts; 24.) "What are you"; 25.) Sheriff; 26.) Internet video; 27.) "You were saved for a bigger purpose"; 28.) Party; 29.) Bad guys; 30.) Terrorists; 31.) Darkroom; 32.) "I have your dog"; 33.) Four + Six; 34.) "I need to power-up"; 35.) Football field; 36.) "I played a lot of X-Box"; and 37.) "Stuff goes missing from Evidence all the time."

audience reaction:  It got a lukewarm reaction from the audience.

recommendation:  It was a good enough Action Movie.  But it's not worth enough to see it in I-Max because it is not a 3-D movie.  Go see it in 2-D, instead.

spoiler alert!  Don't tell me that on the planet, Lorien, the adult Lorienians' legacies "ain't worth spit"!  How else to explain how the planet was easily conquered by the Mogadorians.  How did the guardians get to be guardians when they are such lame-ass fighters that  not one of them could  even kill a Mogadorian?  Why did the other teens just leave him behind at the beach?  One of them could have at least called 9-1-1.  Number Six  rode a Ducati sport-bike for over a thousand miles across at least four state lines without wearing a helmet--and no cop pulled her over?  Yeah, right ....  The pictures of John ( Alex Pettyfer ) that  Sarah ( Dianna Agron ) posted on her website just disappeared and  she didn't  mention the fact in any way, shape or form to John or to anyone.  In the fight in the wooded area, at least one of the assailants should have died of blunt-force trauma.  Why would the Conspiracy/UFO buffs want to sell-out the rest of  Humanity to the evil Mogadorians?  How did the Mogadorians learn to drive our vehicles?  After all, they can't just walk into any Driver's Ed Course/Training class looking the way they do without arousing any kind of suspicion.  Are Earthlings immune to the aliens' microbial pathogens and vice versa ( it's not touched on )?  From just watching a Florida YouTube ( ? ) video, how were the interested parties able to track down John  and Henri ( Timothy Olyphant ) in their new hiding place in Ohio?  When John's shirt got snagged on a nail, there was no way at all for a torn piece of fabric to be left hanging on the nail the way that it did because the nail would just have rip the shirt's fabric, at the most.  Okay, so they were  inside a photography darkroom, and he let her see the bright lights?  Are "Legacies" a Lorien teen's version of an Earthling teen's "Raging Hormones"?

"What! the whole school got blown to smithereens?  Yeah!  No school, no school, no school ...."  Ha, ha, ha.

fyi:  When my siblings and I arrived in this country, my brother and I were sent to school even though there were only three months left in the school year.  ( My sisters, who  are older, got to have a nice, long school vacation. )  So, there I was in 9th Grade ( my brother was in 5th Grade ).   I was assigned a book locker for the first time in my whole life ( In the Philippines, pupils and students have  to carry their books to and from school every school day ).  The student aid in the Principal's office gave me the combination number and told me that my book locker was somewhere down the hallway.  I found the locker, and I worked the combination lock.  But, no matter how many times I tried, I couldn't open my book locker.  I went back to the student aid a few times just to make sure that I got the right combination numbers and the right direction for opening my locker.  But, still, my locker wouldn't open.  Finally, the student aid came with me to my locker where  she  proceeded to lift  the handle before pulling on it to open  the  locker.  Boy! was I embarrassed. 

I had this Hungarian-American co-worker named, Zoltan, back when I worked as a dental lab technician.  One of  his "turn-ons"  was seeing an overly-arched back--where the tushy is way out there--on a hot and sexy girl.  He would have loved seeing Number Six's arched back in the climactic battle on the football field when she had to generate a force field to keep herself and Number Four safe from the explosion.

word of advice:  Being at the center of attention is not always a good thing.

tidbits:  I wanted to see the Midnight show but I fell asleep waiting for the time.

On my way to Fairfield, CA, I swung by the Marine World Chevron gas station to buy a newspaper and a little golden Budai ( fat "Buddha" ) holding up a gold ingot ( let's see if this will work well as my "lucky charm" ).

Inside of the auditorium, I saw someone seated front and center in the first row.  A  "front-row Joe".  Also, a theatre employee sat two seats to the left of me who took down notes, too, during the movie.  Damn, I didn't know that I have local competition.

THE EAGLE, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 54 min )

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Monday, February 14th, 2011
show:  7:35 p.m.
costs:  $9.75 Ticket + $4.50 Pretzel Bites + $4.00 small Diet/Zero ( w/ Barq's & Cherry flavors ) Coke = $18.25
auditorium:  12
seat:  3rd row, 5th column

synopsis/overview:  Twenty years after  the disappearance of  the Roman Empire's 9th Legion somewhere in the uncharted territories of North Britain, a young commander, Marcus Flavius Aquila ( Channing Tatum ), and his British slave, Esca ( Jaime Bell ),  sets  out to solve the mystery of the lost legion which was commanded by his own father,  restore honor to his family name and retrieve the legion's unit standard, The Eagle.
  

noteworthy scenes:  1.) The boy is a bad omen; 2.) Supplies; 3.) Call to arms; 4.) Night-time raid; 5.) Captured men; 6.) Battle; 7.) Uncle ( Donald Sutherland ); 8.) Good news and bad news; 9.) Gladiatorial combat; 10.) "My father's dagger is my bond"; 11.) Surgery; 12.) News about the Eagle; 13.) "He gave me his word"; 14.) Hadrian's Wall; 15.)  Campfire talk; 16.) Thousands of  glens; 17.) "Next time, don't hesitate"; 18.) Chin strap scar; 19.) Killing ground; 20.) "You weren't here, you don't know what it was like"; 21.) The painted people; 22.) "My slave"; 23.)  Flirts; 24.) Initiation ceremony; 25.) The Eagle; 26.) "Have you seen them run"; 27.) "You're wounded.  Why didn't you say"; 28.) Rat; 29.) Horse; 30.) River; 31.) Remnant; 32.) "Give the order, sir"; 33.) The son; 34.) The fight; 35.)  Funeral  pyre; 36.) "For my father"; and 37.) "He knows more about honor and freedom than you ever will."

audience reaction:  The audience liked it.

recommendation:  It was okay.  Go see this if you're into Action/Adventure films.

spoiler alert!  What ... a Roman fortification without bows and arrows--wtf?  Why weren't the Romans wearing greaves ( shin armor )?  Why did the  Romans run away from the chariots when they had all those spears  handy?  They could have speared the horses and stopped them in their tracks that way.  Why didn't the surgeon give Marcus a leather strap to bite on?  While they were wading in the river, at one point, Marcus said, "Christ, I can't!"  ( It sure sounded like this was what he said.  'Funny thing is Christianity didn't get adopted by Rome  as its State Religion until  170 + years after the time period for this movie had transpired. Ha, ha, ha. )  How were they able to chase speedily after Marcus with a boy in tow?  Why didn't the dogs get in on the fight?

fyi:  I think that last year's THE CENTURION is a better, more gritty and brutal depiction of  the 9th Legion.  Unfortunately, it was on a limited run.  Luckily for me, someone uploaded it to movie2k.com and I was then able to watch it.

Also, there was a 2007 movie starring Colin Firth and Aishwarya Rai ( with plenty of bows and arrows ) about the 9th Legion ( ? ), THE LAST LEGION.  This movie somehow purports to show the origin of the King Arthur legend.

I appreciated learning of Hadrian's Wall.

word of advice:  Be an honorable person.

tidbits:  I don't think I was nominated at all!  I'll give it one last shot next year.  If nothing comes of it, I'll move on to something else because this movie-blog hobby of mine is taking-up too much of my time.  The shortest time that I've ever spent on a blog was 30 minutes.  But, on average, a blog can take me anywhere from four to six hours to do.  And some of them had even used-up 10 to 12 hours of my precious time because of the amount of research that I had to do for a particular piece.  So, if I don't get nominated at all next year then--that's it--my blogs will become subsequently infrequent because I have actually much better things to do with my precious time.

JUST GO WITH IT, PG-13 ( 1 hr & 50 min )

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Friday, February 11th, 2011
show:  9:15 p.m.
costs:  $10.25 Ticket + $4.50 junior Popcorn w/ Butter + $4.00 small Diet/Zero ( w/ Barq's & Cherry flavors ) Coke + $1.00 3.1 oz Cookies 'N Cream Bites ( bought at Dollar Tree Store & smuggled-in ) = $19.75
auditorium:  1
seat:  4th row, 6th column

synopsis/overview:   Danny ( Adam Sandler ), a doctor,  finds out that pretending to be a hen-pecked husband is the perfect scheme to pick up girls.  But his scheme is about to unravel in the eyes of  his latest conquest, Palmer ( Brooklyn Decker ).  Quickly, he piles on the lies to keep her from knowing the truth.  And only when they go to Hawaii does he begin to see the real truth.
 

noteworthy scenes: 1.)  Bride and bridesmaids; 2.) "Power of the wedding ring"; 3.) New nose; 4.) "It's my precious"; 5.) "Syrup dispenser at I-Hop"; 6.) Eyebrow; 7.)   "Magnifying glass and tweezer"; 8.) Botox; 9.) "Don't think about it"; 10.) "No buns" Bobby; 11.) "A circle"; 12.) Dolphins; 13.) Devlin; 14.) Shopping; 15.) Neglect; 16.) The meeting; 17.) Kids; 18.)  Pizza Hut; 19.) Breast implant patient; 20.) Fun at McFunnigan's; 21.) The airport; 22.) Beach; 23.) Sheep; 24.) The real Devlin ( Nicole Kidman ); 25.) "I was looking at the canyon"; 26.) At the waterfall; 27.) "Alone at last"; 28.) Board game; 29.) Golf; 30.) Swimming pool; 31.) Private room; 32.) Dinner dates; 33.) "Sheep-PR"; 34.) "I love ..."; 35.) Hula competition; 36.) The babysitter; 37.) The toilet bowl; 38.) "We're familiar"; 39.) Confessions; and 40.) Wedding dance.

favorite scenes:   The eyebrow and the burst implant scenes.

The botox guy scene.

 The yellow bikini at the beach scene.

The pink ( orange? ) bikini at the waterfall scene.

The sheep scene.

The hula competition scene.

The toilet bowl scene.

audience reaction:  The audience enjoyed it.  A few even gave it a "Hands Clapper" ending.

recommendation:  I enjoyed it, too.  Go see it if you're an Adam Sandler fan.

spoiler alert!  Saline implants are kept in sealed, sterile/sanitary packages.  Although just about any medical doctor can perform plastic surgery, Eddie ( Nick Swardson ), would have gone to a urologist in real life--especially for something so important!  Was it really necessary for them to anesthetize both nipples?  And shouldn't they have been wearing surgical masks?  Eddie had no problem seeing everybody  earlier, even with his "Coca-Cola glass bottle bottom"  eyeglasses on.  Any famous person, especially a modern technology inventor, can be easily googled.  Why didn't it occur to either one of them to google the guy?

fyi:  Despite their seemingly innocuous, playful nature, male dolphins have been known  to kill humans without provocation during their mating season.

word of advice:  "Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive."  Sir Walter Scott

tidbits:  After the movie, I went to the Admiral Callahan Lane Safeway to see if they have any $5.00 Friday Special Roasted Turkey Breasts left.  They had four.  I picked the biggest breast to take home with me.  Did I just commit a Freudian Slip ...?

attention:  Please check your  e-mail to see if  you received a notice to vote from the weblog awards.  If you received such an e-mail, please take the time to vote for me.  Thank you.

SANCTUM, R ( 1 hr & 43 min )

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Friday, February 4th, 2011
show:  2:15 p.m.
costs:  $11.00 Ticket + $5.00 large Cherry Icee = $16.00
auditorium:  8, with the 3-D screen
seat:  5th row, 10th column

synopsis/overview:  Cave explorers are trapped when a storm turns into a cyclone and their only way out is blocked.   With the water rising, they must find a way out of the watery maze or die trying.

noteworthy scenes:  1.) Esa-ala Caves; 2.) "Her heart's not in the dive"; 3.) "Likes to play by his own rules"; 4.) "Looks like a cathedral"; 5.) Tragedy; 6.) "The coms [ communication links ] are down"; 7.) Cyclone; 8.) Kill; 9.) Crash course; 10.) Hypothermia; 11.) "There are no rescues down here"; 12.) Coughed blood; 13.) Tourist shots; 14.) "The best climber we have"; 15.) Hair; 16.) Left behind; 17.) "You remind me of me"; 18.) Bat shit; 19.) Poetry; 20.) Indiglo watch; 21.) "I can see you"; 22.) Amphibious tank; 23.) Meeting-up again; 24.) Fight; 25.) "I don't want this to take too long"; and 26.) The way out.

audience reaction:  Mild, at least.

recommendation:  I liked the movie as I'm fascinated by subterranean water systems, and the story is good enough.  But I would think twice, if I were you, before plunking down  my  hard-earned money for the I-Max 3-D version.  This movie should play well-enough even in the 2-D version.

spoiler alert!  This movie is inspired by a true event in which none got killed.

They knew a storm was coming.  Still, they didn't pack-up and leave.  Why couldn't he just have reattached the hose to the rebreather?  The vertical wall had obvious footholds.  Why didn't she just pull herself up instead of using her knife?    How was the Indiglo watch able to light-up the area behind them?  You would think that those rocks would be slippery ( hence, hard to climb ) from millions of years' worth of moisture.  Those cuts and bruises would get easily infected by bat guano.  Why didn't they  check to see if the battle tank still had live ammunition in it which they could  use to shoot at  the sinkhole's dome-shaped ceiling  to widen the hole, to lessen the dome's arch  and for it to pile-up dirt and stone along its wall for them to climb up on?  Why didn't he just let the other guy burn instead of pushing him into  the water?  I can't believe that the cyclone only created one piece of  debris:  a tiny piece of a palm frond.  The water became clear too soon--Hell, no! not after a cyclone.

fyi:  Back when my family lived in Matina, Davao City, Mindanao, Philippines, I had the experience of walking across the Davao Bridge, after school, on many occasions.  And on some of these occasions, it was on a day or even two days after a heavy rain.  The Davao River water would still be brown even then.  What I'm getting at is that the underwater river should have been brown, not clear, all that time!

On February 26, 1993, in the parking garage beneath the World Trade Center,  a bomb went off at 17 minutes past noon.  As people were evacuating down the darkened staircase, a man at the head of the group had the idea of using his Indiglo watch to guide the others into safely navigating the staircase.  Later on, Timex ( the owner of Indiglo ) came up with a TV ad in which New York City was suddenly without power until the Statue of Liberty used her Indiglo watch to sweep light across the city.  It was kind of a tasteless ad--even before 9/11--if you ask me.

word of advice:   Always listen to the voice of experience.

Don't go unprepared on a strange, new adventure.

tidbits:  I had an oil change for my Geo Metro first thing this morning.  I was the first customer at the Jiffy Lube shop.  I went to the MacDonald's Restaurant next door for a quick breakfast while waiting for the oil change.  It was all finished halfway through my meal.

I went to the Chevron gas station on Redwood Road after the oil change to get $3.19 worth of  gas and to buy  a Contra-Costa Newspaper ( $0.81 ) and $7.00 worth of  lottery tickets.

I went home to write-out a couple of bill payments.  I switched cars and took my Hyundai Accent to the Marine World Parkway Chevron gas station for $10.50 worth of  gas.  Then, I went to the Chase Bank at the Target Shopping Center  to make a deposit in  my checking account.  It was already too late to see the first show matinee.  So, I went to the Dollar Tree Store to buy some stuff.  Then, I went to the post office to drop-off my bill payments.  And I went to Selecta Filipino Buffet for lunch.

They have a new dish featured on their buffet menu at Selecta.  They now have Pansit Palabok.  In all the years that I've eaten  there, I had  never come across this particular dish until now.  I never got around to asking my mother to show me how to make one.  I'm gonna have to make this on my own someday soon.  I also bought five Meyer Lemons for $1.00.

After the movie, I went to the nearby CVS Drugstore to buy a gallon of water and to see if they sell the kind of top-up card that I need for my pay-as-you-go cellphone.  They don't sell it.

So I went to Best Buy to get topped-up for just $10.00.  The checker was kind of rude to me.  I should have told him,  Dude, I actually make more money than you do; so,  kiss my hairy ass!  L.O.L.

attention:  It's that time.  So, please, vote for me.  Thank you.
 

THE MECHANIC, R ( 1 hr & 32 min )

where:  MOVIE2K.COM  on my laptop
when:  Tuesday, February 1st, 2011
show:  11:15 p.m.
costs:  $0.00  Free Download
auditorium:  My living room
seat:  My swivel chair

2nd time:

where:  CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when:  Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011
show:  5:20 p.m.
costs:  $7.50 Ticket + $4.50 Pretzel Bites + $4.00 small Diet/Zero ( w/ Barq's & Cherry flavors ) Coke + $8.98 Mountain Mike's Pizza Restaurant's Wednesday Night All-You-Can-Eat Pizza & Salad Buffet Dinner after the movie = $24.98
auditorium:  12
seat:   4th row, 8th column 

synopsis/overview:  The best hit-man, Arthur Bishop ( Jason Statham ),  is fooled into killing the wrong target.  Now, he is out for revenge with the help of  an unlikely apprentice/accomplice.
 

noteworthy scenes:  1.) Swimming pool; 2.) New target; 3.) Parking garage; 4.) Cemetery; 5.) "What kind of person shoots someone in a wheelchair, anyway?"; 6.) Would-be car-napper; 7.) "You owe me now"; 8.) Animal shelter; 9.) Three-week assignment; 10.) Target shooting; 11.) Judgment calls; 12.) New roommate; 13.) Watch and learn; 14.) "A job"; 15.) Chihuahua and boys; 16.) Flunitrazepam [ Roofie ]; 17.) Change of plan; 18.) "Is it work or pleasure"; 19.) "I'm gonna call him, Arthur"; 20.) Luggage claim area; 21.) "File is a priority"; 22.) The new messiah; 23.) Adrenaline and epinephrine; 24.) "I'm hungry"; 25.) "Ketamine counteracts adrenaline"; 26.) Shoot-out; 27.) Rappel; 28.) Familiar face; 29.) "They played you so easily"; 30.) Hit-men; 31.) "I'm coming for you"; 32.) "I'm not a lefty"; 33.) Gun; 34.) Conversation in the truck; 35.) "You're gonna miss a good dinner"; 36.) "How much was Harry's ( Donald Sutherland ) life worth"; 37.)  Flushed-out; 38.) Bus; 39.) Garbage truck; 40.) Overkill; 41.) Hints; 42.) Gas pump; 43.) Note; and 44.) Surveillance tape.

audience reaction:  N/A

2nd audience reaction:  The audience seemed entertained by this, even the 6-year old momma's boy that some dumb-ass woman took with her to see this R-rated show.  I congratulate the woman for allowing her son to expand his vocabulary with the term, "Auto-erotic Asphyxiation," as mentioned and pornographically suggested in one scene in this movie--kid, don't do this at home!   L.O.L.

recommendation:  It was a good enough Action Movie.  Go see this on the big screen if you're a Jason Statham fan.

spoiler alert!  The bodyguards on watch should have noticed that something was amiss when their boss went swimming awkwardly and without turning his head to either side to come up for breath.  The overhead shot doesn't show the swimmer with his wrists held at all.  Why were there no sentries posted to guard/watch the perimeter of the villa?  During the target shooting, an ejected cartridge had a crimped opening, shown exiting in slow-motion ( Why would they use blanks for target shooting?  Ha, ha, ha.  This is a rhetorical question, by the way. ).  Why was  this particular shot shown in slow-motion for?  I want the Scene Editor's job!  Why didn't the hanged man's tongue stick out?  I see fingerprints all over the damn place!  What's so professional  about  leaving your prints at the scene of a crime?  The big guy could have easily gouged  the little guy's eyes out in the kill-or-be-killed fight.  Why was he the only one in the luggage claim area?   Why  did the hotel room have two-way mirrors?  It should be easy enough to tell whether or not the garbage disposal is grinding-up your hand.  Only $2.69 for a gallon of regular gas--when in heck was this friggin' movie made!?!?!?  He couldn't hear the gasoline splashing on the ground or smell its fumes ...?  Why didn't he see the note on the passenger seat right away?

fyi:  Even if a prop weapon is loaded with blank cartridges, it should not be aimed directly at someone because its blank's paper or plastic wadding can still cause serious injury, even death.  A promising young Hollywood actor was killed in this way:  Jon-Erik Hexum ( in 1984, at 26 years of age ).  And Bruce Lee's son, Brandon ( in 1993, at 28 years of age ), was killed by an unintentionally  squib-loaded prop gun.

word of advice:  "Revenge can kill you."  Arthur Bishop, the Mechanic

The best weapon is the element of surprise.

tidbits:  I had to see this movie again on the big screen to gauge the  Audience Reaction and because the movie2k.com version is short by seven minutes.  All that was missing was the Ending Credits--talk about a waste of my time and money!

attention:  It's that time.  So,  please, vote for me.  Thank you.

IP MAN: LEGEND OF THE GRANDMASTER, R ( 1 hr & 47 min )

where:  SHATTUCK CINEMAS in Berkeley, CA
when:  Sunday, January 30th, 2011
show:  7:10 p.m. 
costs:  $10.00 Ticket + $0.00 large Popcorn w/ Butter  ( free on my Landmark's Movie Watcher Rewards Card for February ) + $4.75 medium Sprite Zero + $0.00 Pierre 2 Mini Cheeseburgers ( given to me free at the Benicia Chevron gas station ) + $7.00 Chevron gas + $5.00 Carquinez Bridge Toll = $26.75
auditorium:  4
seat:  3rd row, 4th column, middle section

synopsis/overview:   Wing Chun Grandmaster Ip Man ( Donnie Yen ) wants to start a martial arts school in early 1950s Hong Kong.  And he soon finds out that a corrupt British Colonial  Police Officer, Superintendent Wallace  ( Charles Mayer ),  runs a protection racket, extorting money from local gangs with the help of  Kung Fu boss Hung Chun-nam ( Sammo Hung ).  Hung informs Ip that before he can set-up shop as a martial arts teacher, he must first attend a martial arts ceremony to test his fighting skills.  Ip beats his first two opponents and ends the third fight, with Hung, in a draw.  But refusing to pay protection money, Ip is forced to close his school.  He has another encounter with Hung, finally earning the latter's respect and admiration.  Hung invites Ip to see a Western-style boxing match, where  the featured celebrity boxer is the British Taylor "The Twister" Milos ( Darren Shahlavi ), a racist who  openly hates, insults and attacks some  Chinese martial arts school students who are there to demonstrate their skills.  The asthmatic Hung challenges "The Twister" to a fight and is mortally  beaten.  At a press conference, "The Twister" issues a challenge to any other Chinese martial artist.  Ip Man accepts the challenge.  Ip Man gets knocked down a number of times but, in the end, manages to win the fight.  Ip becomes the hero of  Hong Kong; and his Wing Chun style of  Chinese boxing becomes popular.


noteworthy scenes:   1.) Leaving for Hong Kong; 2.) New martial arts club; 3.) Laundry; 4.) Rent; 5.) The spar; 6.) New pupils; 7.) "Run"; 8.) Crazy man; 9.) Bullies; 10.) The fish market fight; 11.) Protection money; 12.) Jail; 13.) Martial arts ceremony; 14.) Newspaper article; 15.) Street brawl; 16.) Family dinner; 17.) Outdoor park; 18.) Heated argument; 19.) Western boxing versus Chinese boxing; 20.) Funeral; 21.) Police brutality; 22.) Challenge; 23.) Training for the fight; 24.) The fight; 25.) The victor's humble, conciliatory speech; and 26.) Ten-year-old Bruce Lee ( Jiang Dai Yan ).

audience reaction:  The audience enjoyed this movie and some gave it a "Hands Clapper" ending.

recommendation:  It was okay.  The stand-out fight in this movie would have to be the table-top fight, worth seeing for the price of an admission ticket.

spoiler alert!  First of all, this movie is not a "true to real life"  bio-pic.  And I'm not even sure if the fights with the British boxer actually happened in real life or if  the whole thing was just some sort of  symbolic embellishment done for dramatic effect.  Second of all, despite what one other movie critic said, they actually used wire-work in this movie--how else to explain how a fat man like Hung jumped so high and how one stool landed squarely and neatly on top of another.  When Ip's hand-tied student became "attached" to a cleaver-wielding bad guy, the bad guy could have easily and repeatedly  cross-body struck the student in the jugular.  The bad guys could have easily thrown their cleavers at Ip from a near-arm's-reach distance and seriously wounded him.  When Ip teetered at the edge of the round table, all Hung had to do was jump up at the opposite end to make Ip lose his balance and lose the fight.  When the round table broke in half, there was actually not enough height for the two pieces to land the way they landed ( but if they used wires ... ); and the way Ip and Hung each kicked the pieces should have made them move forward in midair instead of backward.  If  I were "The Twister," I would have fought my opponents without the use of  gloves; after all, the Chinese boxers were elbowing him, kneeing him, kicking him and hitting him in the back.  Why didn't the referee stop the fight when "The Twister" was throwing a number of unanswered punches?  Why were the fight rules not clearly established   before each  match?

fyi:  Ip Man was actually a police officer before he moved to Hong Kong.  And he was less of a cigarette smoker than he was an opium addict.

I just loved their cartoonish  portrayal of  white people as "foreign devils."  L.O.L.

I remember watching Kung Fu Theatre on TV ( Channel 36 or 44 or ... ? ) many years ago.  It featured Kung Fu movies from the 70s and early 80s, a great majority of which were stupidly bad.  I just watched  them for laughs.  Its host was a chain-smoking Sifu, smoking as he pleased before the camera!  The Sifu would demonstrate a few moves--with a lit cigarette in his mouth--during intermissions then he would abruptly stop because he would  soon be out of breath, admitting the fact before the camera ( at least, he was honest about it ).  Ha, ha, ha.  What an embarrassment he was!   Kung Fu Master or not, I could have easily beaten that Sifu in a fight because he tired easily.  They fired his sorry ass after just a few weeks.  Good riddance!

word of advice:  Don't stiff  your workers of their much-deserved pay.

tidbits:  When I went to gas-up at the Chevron gas station in Benicia, CA,  before heading off to Berkeley, I asked the clerk how much the mini cheeseburger sandwich was for.  He told me to take one for free because they were about to throw them away.  I couldn't pass up free food so I took one.

I decided not to take a Bart train because there wasn't enough time for it.  Once I got to Shattuck Avenue in Berkeley, I had to drive around a couple blocks to find a parking space.

A fire truck was parked outside the theatre because a movie patron ( who watched THE RITE ) needed some emergency assistance.

I just found out that the Landmark's Movie Watcher Rewards Card can only be used once per month for a discount at the concessions counter.  But the clerk was nice enough to give me February's discount special because, apparently, most movie goers with the rewards card made the wrong assumption as I did.  Oh, well ....  I guess that I'll be avoiding this theatre for the full month of February--thank God it's a short month!

When I exited the theatre, I noticed panhandlers sitting and loitering on the sidewalk at the theatre entrance and to either side of  it where coffee shops, snack shops  and restaurants are.  And some of  these panhandlers were looking at the dining patrons through the glass windows who, I'm sure of it, had a hard time enjoying their coffee and meals.  Boy! talk about laying on a buffet-sized guilt trip on people.  But that's Berkeley for you, I guess.

attention:  It's that time.  So,  please,  vote for me.  Thank you.