where: EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 & I-MAX in Fairfied, CA
when: Thursday, August 15th, 2013
show: 11:00 p.m. Advanced Screening
costs: $11.50 Ticket + $7.00 medium Popcorn + $0.00 small 32.0 oz Pink Lemonade ( Free Reward on my Regal Elite Movie Watcher Card ) = $18.50
auditorium: 7
seat: 3rd row ( counting from the front ), 9th column ( counting from the left )
synopsis/overview: In high school, Dave ( Aaron Taylor-Johnson ) a.k.a. Kick-Ass, and Mindy ( Chloe Grace Moretz ) a.k.a. Hit Girl, start training together and start a crime-fighting team. But Mindy/Hit Girl is busted by her adult guardian, Detective Williams ( Morris Chestnut ), and forced to give-up her alter ego and go into abrupt retirement. Dave joins-up with a masked and costumed crime-fighting gang called Justice Force, headed by reformed mob enforcer Col. Stars and Stripes ( Jim Carrey ). For a while, the streets become safe again. But Chris ( Christopher Mintz-Plasse ), the former Red Mist/now Mother-F*cker, wants to exact revenge on Kick-Ass for the death of his mobster father. And he wants to do it in a big way: By assembling his own masked and costumed gang of bad guys to take on Kick-Ass and his crew in an all-out street war.
noteworthy scenes: 1.) Bulletproof vest; 2.) Boredom; 3.) "Jesus, dad. Get out"; 4.) Training regimen; 5.) "I wish you were dead"; 6.) Last resort; 7.) Insane; 8.) "You're fifteen"; 9.) "Nice pair of guns"; 10.) Anal beads; 11.) "I'm the whitest pimp, ever"; 12.) Alley fight; 13.) 'Phone call; 14.) "You got my soup"; 15.) Jealous girlfriend; 16.) "My destiny"; 17.) Two against one; 18.) Old man; 19.) Swear jar; 20.) "Welcome to Justice Forever"; 21.) Union J; 22.) New superhero; 23.) "Watch me end your life"; 24.) MMA sparring session; 25.) Dance tryouts; 26.) "Ultimate clique"; 27.) "Maybe, a little of both"; 28.) Born-again; 29.) Message; 30.) Archetypes; 31.) Frog eye; 32.) Date ditch; 33.) "Beat them at their own game"; 34.) Sick Stick; 35.) "Drugs would have been better"; 36.) "Let me show you what real evil looks like"; 37.) Col. Stars and Stripes vs. Mother Russia ( Olga Kurkulina ); 38.) Lawnmower; 39.) "I guess evil dick feels limp"; 40.) Hospital; 41.) Arrest; 42.) "Lifetime access to V.I.P. area"; 43.) Picture; 44.) Van; 45.) "He gave me a gift"; 47.) "My daddy was prepared for anything"; 48.) The Brawl; 49.) Adrenaline; 50.) First kiss; 51.) Real heroes; and 52.) Bonus Scene after the Ending Credits.
favorite scenes: I liked the Alley Fight scene.
I liked the Sick Stick scene.
I liked the Lawnmower scene.
I liked the Mother-F*cker/Night Bitch ( Linda Booth ) Encounter scene.
I liked the Van On The Freeway scene.
I liked the Hit Girl vs. Mother Russia Fight scene.
audience reaction: The audience liked it. But I don't think I heard somebody give it a "Hands Clapper" ending.
recommendation: I liked this movie. If you like part one, you'll like this one.
spoiler alert! A handgun that shoots a bullet that is powerful enough to send its human target falling backward is also powerful enough to kick the shooting arm backward. The taxi driver could easily have heard the conversation between Dave and Mindy. Dave should have fought a dirty fight against the gang of thugs in the alley; because, when you are surrounded by bad guys, time is a luxury that you simply cannot afford in such a situation--use "Quick-Kill" moves ( some techniques that he should have already learned to apply by then )! When Kick-Ass was jumped by two bad guys, he should have whacked them in the shins with his sticks! Red Mist sounds like some kind of soft drink. When the superheroes went out on patrol as a group, any bag guy could have just mowed them down with automatic rifle in a drive-by shooting! Col. Stars and Stripes didn't follow his own advice when he punched Mother Russia in the face. Why didn't the cops shoot at Mother Russia's lower extremities which were unprotected? I don't think that a propane tank that explodes inside a car can lift a car several feet up in the air! To keep a gas-powered lawn mower from turning off, you have to keep the throttle open--Mother Russia didn't keep the throttle open. How'd she get on the roof of the van without getting detected. How was she able to know where to shoot at the bad guys inside the van? Hit Girl could have easily freed herself when Mother Russia lifted her overhead to throw her down; and Hit Girl would have landed on her feet--preferably behind Mother Russia--to deliver a counter-strike.
fyi: Only a few sharks can breathe without having to swim around. The shark in the tank is the type that has to move around in order to breathe.
I don't know about you, but I found the 6'2"Amazonian Mother Russia ( Olga Kurkulina ) strangely sexy---Don't tell my Yogi about it!!! Or I'll never be allowed to undergo my 2nd- and 3rd-Stage Kriya Yoga initiations. Ha, ha, ha.
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| Olga Kurkulina, a.k.a. Mother Russia. I found this on the Internet. |
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| Ahh ... this is more like it! Just imagine the guy as having a "Fred Flintstone" face and you get the picture. I found this on the Internet. |
word of advice: Leave the crime-fighting to the professionals.
tidbits: After I got off work, I went to the Springs Road 99-Cent Only Store, here in Vallejo, CA, to buy some stuff before going to the Selecta Pilipino Buffet Restaurant next door for lunch.
As I walked back to my car at around 11:39 a.m., a short ( 5'4" ) black man who spoke with an African ( ? ) accent came up to me to asked me for directions. He said that he was lost, that he wasn't asking for money, that he had money--lots of it. He showed me two rolled-up/rubber-banded bundles of ( supposedly real ) money in a $100.oo denomination. Each rolled-up bundle was supposedly $100,000.oo worth! ( Red Flag! A new bundle--Federal Reserve strap--of $10,000.oo is less than 1/2-inch thick. All new bundles, no matter what denomination, issued by the Federal Reserve are all of the same thickness: < 1/2-inch thick. Therefore, if $100,000.oo worth of $100.oo bills were rolled-up tightly, it would be at least 10 inches in diameter--not 3 inches in diameter like the two bundles that he showed me! ) "Nigerian Prince Scam" came to mind when he showed me his money!
( Note: A Pilipino was scammed out of his $20,000.oo here in Vallejo, CA, just a few years ago--probably by these very same scam artists who seem to think that all Pilipinos are easy prey. This particular "Nigerian Prince Scam" was reported in the local newspaper, Vallejo Times-Herald. )
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| This is the exact spot, under the shade of a tree, in the 99-Cent Only Store's parking lot where a scam artist and his partner tried to scam me out of my money just a little over 24 hours ago. That is my blue Hyundai Accent that you see pictured. |
He said that he got the money at a Wells Fargo Bank branch in San Francisco. He walked by a church and gave money to some panhandlers--according to him. A taxi driver saw him and told him that it wasn't safe to show money around like that. He told the taxi driver that he must donate money to poor people of different colors ( i.e. Minorities ) and to churches that are open to people of different colors. The taxi driver told him that he would take him someplace where there are churches that welcome people of different colors. And that was how he supposedly ended-up in Vallejo where the taxi driver dropped him off after charging him $500.oo. The taxi driver pulled-up to the bus stop in front of the 99-Cent Only Store and told him to wait for a big white bus that will take him to the church that the taxi driver wrote down on a piece of paper.
The man waited but no white bus arrived. He walked across the street ( according to him ) to the Royal Jelly Donut Shop to ask the proprietor about the bus. The donut shop owner told him that there was no such bus.
He crossed back to the 99-Cent Only Store side of the street and asked people for directions. But people just waived him off and some even called him a "Nigger" ( according to him ). He said that he just needed to know how to get to the church so he could donate money. He said that he was willing to pay me generously for my assistance. I told him that I didn't want any of his money.
He showed me the church's address: African Christian Church, Peagreen Street. I told him that the street name doesn't sound familiar. I got a Vallejo map from my car to look-up the address that he gave me. I was right, there was no such street name here in Vallejo. I asked to look at the address again. ( Red Flag! The name of the reverend written on that piece of paper is Rev. Jesse Jackson---I almost laughed. I don't even think that Jesse Jackson set foot in Vallejo at all or if he's even heard of the City of Vallejo in the first place. And a note scribbled between the church's address and Jesse Jackson's name was a price quote for room and board [ at the church ...? ]. )
As I was looking for the address on my map, the African marveled at my ability to read maps ( Red Flag! Flattery. ) He asked me if I worked for the government because I know how to read a map. He told me that he doesn't know how to read at all ( Red Flag! Feigned innocence. ). He told me that some lady on crutches gave him the street corner address of Broadway and Tennessee Streets because that is near where the church that he wants to go to is located. He asked me how far away it was in kilometers. I guesstimated the distance to be approximately 3 kilometers. He asked me if I could walk with him, that he'd pay me for my assistance. I told him that I would need to have a telephone directory to be able to help him find the church, itself. I asked him to follow me to Selecta Pilipino Buffet Restaurant where we could use their directory. I just wanted him to go inside the restaurant so that the security cameras could capture his image on video.
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| This is Selecta Pilipino Buffet Restaurant where I took the African would-be scam artist yesterday on the pretext that I needed to look-up in a telephone directory the address that he showed me. Actually, I just wanted the restaurant's camera to catch images of him. |
I asked the proprietress for a telephone directory. And I sat down at a table with the African. I looked in the directory and on my map for any church that would be closest to the corner of Broadway and Tennessee Streets. I couldn't find any.
He then showed me a letter from his "lawyer" based in San Francisco, CA. The one page letter that he showed me ( Red Flag! ) didn't have a company letterhead. All it had at the top was a list of "lawyers'" names, addresses and 'phone numbers 4 across and 3 deep. The "lawyers" addresses and 'phone numbers were from different States. His "lawyer's" name was listed in the upper left corner and it was ( Red Flag! ) misspelled! He asked me to read the letter out loud to him because he couldn't read. The gist of the letter was this: The African, Jamal Hison ( pronounced Hassan ), is a Muslim from Johannesburg, South Africa ( I guess Nigeria got so notoriously identified with the Nigerian Prince Scam that scammers are now operating from South Africa! ). His uncle, an illiterate Zulu Warrior just like his own father, somehow ( Red Flag! ) learned how to read in English, immigrated to America, became a ( Red Flag! ) doctor who, when he died, left a Liberty Mutual Life Insurance valued at 1.2 million dollars and whose other assets totaled-up to 2.6 million dollars. Jamal said that he stood to inherit 2.0 million dollars if he anonymously donated 1.8 million dollars to churches first within a certain time-frame. I asked him why he would donate to Christian Churches since he was a Muslim. Jamal said that there is only one God. ( Note: I read the Koran years ago. And there is a passage in it which says that a devout Muslim should do his best to avoid the infidels [ i.e. Christians and Jews ] because they are the most vile people on Earth and cannot be trusted. ) He said that he stood to lose his inheritance if he couldn't give away 1.8 million dollars to churches and to people who help him. And to speed-up the anonymous donation process, the will's condition stipulated that he could anonymously donate money in increments of $1,000.oo, and that he could hire 2 trustworthy persons to help him donate all of that money. As I read the letter to him bit by bit, I couldn't help but notice that ( Red Flag! ) he could point out exactly where I should pick-up from where I left off each and every time!
I took out my cellphone. Jamal marveled at the cheap "pay-as-you-go" flip-phone TracFone which I held in my hand.
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| This is exactly the kind I have, an LG440G No-Contract TracFone. |
He asked me if all people in America have cellphones. Yeah, I said, pretty much. I told Jamal that I would like to speak with his lawyer on the 'phone, and that I would like to see his letter once again so that I could dial his "lawyer's" number myself. He told me that his "lawyer" was busy working on a case, a ( Red Flag! ) murder case---Estate Lawyers don't handle murder cases unless his "lawyer" had my murder in mind! He said that ( Red Flag! ) he would call his "lawyer" himself. He took out his ( Red Flag! ) I-Phone which he was quite adept at using--I mean, he was illiterate, after all. I spoke with his "lawyer" who asked me where his client was, and told me to take his client, Jamal, to the address that he needed to go to and, once he's done donating money, to have Jamal call him so that Mr. "Lawyer" could send a limousine to come fetch his client in about 40 to 50 minutes ( Red Flag! San Francisco is approximately 50 miles from Vallejo via freeway but afternoon traffic would increase the travel time by at least 20 more minutes ).
Jamal reminded me that the letter stipulated that he could enlist the help of 2 trustworthy people to help spread his money around. He asked me if I would help him do so. I asked to see the two $100,000.oo rolled-up bundles. He ( Red Flag! ) didn't want to show me either one--even though he was flashing them around outside in broad daylight just a few minutes ago! Instead, he pulled-out three $100.oo bills from his left front jeans pocket. I checked them; they were real.
He said that he was pressed for time because he had to return to San Francisco later on today after being in the country for only two days. He said that he would have to return to South Africa tomorrow whether or not he was successful in anonymously donating all of the money ear-marked for such. He said that whatever money was left over, he would have to burn because he couldn't take it with him. He said that white people in South Africa would beat him up and would take his money if he walked into a bank with a lot of money. I told him that Apartheid was no longer practiced in South Africa. He said that I was wrong. That white people kill black people all the time in South Africa. I said that it is the black people who kill the Boers in South Africa. Jamal said that the blacks are just fighting back ( Red Flag! This is not what I read on the Internet and in the trusted quarterly newsletter which I receive on a regular basis ).
And Jamal said that he had to see his "lawyer" before leaving for South Africa because ( Red Flag! ) his "lawyer" was holding his visa for him---I don't believe that anybody could lawfully hold anybody else's visa for him/her!!! He wanted to know if I would be so kind as to help him because he would pay me good money for it. I told him that I didn't want any of his money but that I will drive him to where he wanted to go.
As we were walking toward my car, three white guys walked by and one of them asked me if I had a nickel. I told him, No. Jamal asked me, perplexed and somewhat angry, why I didn't give the man some money even though he trusted me to help him donate his money; and he proceeded to reach into his right front pocket to get some money. I told him not to do that because people just ask for handouts and use that money for cigarettes or for liquor or for drugs ( of course, I don't know what kind of cheap drug you could buy for just a nickel ).
As we got closer to my car, he reminded me that he could enlist the help of two trustworthy men who would not fight like cats and dogs over his money. He ( Red Flag! ) pointed to a nicely-dressed 5'10" skinny old black man ( his "confidence man" a.k.a. his "lawyer" in all probability ) for me to ask him if he would be willing to help us donate his money.
Jamal asked the man, "Will the white people take your money and beat you with a stick if you go into a bank because you're a nigger?" Once again, I told him not to use that word around strangers. "But he's a nigger like I'm a nigger."
"Whoa, now. Don't use that word around here," said the elderly black man.
"You're a nigger. I'm a nigger. He ( me ) is not a nigger," Jamal pointed out. Maybe if he ( me ) goes to the bank the white people will not beat him up and chase him with a stick."
"They don't do that here," said the old black man.
I told the old black man that we were looking for a particular church.
Jamal showed him the church's address. The old black man said that there was no street by that name here in Vallejo, that he should know because he's lived in Vallejo for 40-something years. Then, he saw the reverend's name. The old black man smiled and said that Rev. Jesse Jackson was in Chicago. Jamal told him that a woman gave him the Broadway and Tennessee Streets address to go to because there was a church nearby. The old black man said that the church Jamal was referring to was the Revival Center Ministries ( RCM ). Then, I remembered---It used to be a bargain 2-screen movie theatre! Jamal said that he would pay him money if he would help us get there. The old black man said that he didn't want to be paid because he had his own money; and he proceeded to take a small wad of money from his dress pants' front left pocket ( and there was a hundred dollar bill or two in it ) to show to us.
We introduced ourselves to each other. The old black man's name was Frank. I asked Frank to show me his driver's license as proof of his name. He took his driver's license out of his wallet as I showed him mine. When I reached to get his license for a better look, Frank ( Red Flag! ) reflexively pulled his hand back.
Jamal showed him the two bundles of "money" he had in his fanny pack. Frank told him not to show his money around because he could get killed over it. Frank said that he would help us because it was a "Christian" thing to do. Frank added that he wasn't always a Christian but became a "born-again" Christian ( Red Flag! People who say that they're "born-again" Christians don't know what the term EXACTLY entails, according to Jesus Christ, Himself ).
So began the "Confidence Scam" otherwise known as the "Pigeon Drop":
Jamal said that he would pay us good money if we could earn his trust. He said to Frank, "You, I will give you 20% of the $100,000.oo. Him ( me ), I will give 30% of the other $100,000.oo."
Frank asked, "You're giving me just 20% because I am black?"
Jamal answered, "I'm giving him ( me ) 30% because he is my ( Red Flag! Flattery ) number one friend. And my people always treat their number one friend best."
"How much money you have in the bank," asked Jamal of Frank.
"I have $10,000.oo in my savings account and over $60,000.oo in my safe deposit box, along with some jewelry and my trust deed."
"Why only $10,000.oo in your savings account," asked Jamal.
"I put most of my money in my safe deposit box because that is where you keep money that you don't want the government to know about."
"If the government finds out, will the white man take it away from you and beat you with a stick?"
Frank said, "They cannot take that money from you because they don't know about it."
"I want you to take money from your safe deposit box and give it to me to prove to me that I can trust you," said Jamal. "And so that I know the white people will not take your money and beat you with a stick. You go alone. We will wait for you here."
We sat in my car, with Jamal on the right side of the rear seat as I sat in my driver's seat, as Frank walked to the nearby Bank of America ( BofA ) to take money from his account.
As Frank started to walk toward BofA, Jamal told me to call him back. I called Frank back.
Jamal asked Frank if he was sure that he was safe and would not have any trouble with the white man in the bank. Frank assured him that he was safe to enter the bank and take money out of his own account.
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| This is the side of The UPS Store building across the parking lot behind my parked blue Hyundai Accent. |
Of course, from where I sat, I ( Red Flag! ) couldn't see Frank walking toward the bank because The UPS STORE building was conveniently blocking the view.
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| This is the back side of the Bank of America ( BofA ) building, across the parking lot from The UPS Store building, where the would-be scam artists tried to get me to withdraw the full amount of money I have in my savings account. |
As we sat in my car waiting for Frank, Jamal told me that his "lawyer" said that there is a "magic card" that anyone can use to take money from banks. He asked me if that was true. I told him that I wasn't clear on what he meant. He said that the "magic card" is a ( Red Flag! He was leading me on ) deb... card. Oh, you mean a debit card, I said. Well, yeah, you can take money from banks with a debit card because it is your own money that you have in your debit card account. But I don't have a debit card. I only have credit cards ( Note: Credit Cards are safer to have in your possession ). He asked me if I could take money out of my credit card. I told him that I use my credit card to buy some things, that--in my own experience--I have never taken money out of my credit card.
Frank came back with a BofA money envelope which was 1/3rd-inch thick with ( supposedly ) $100.oo bills. Frank sat in the front passenger seat. I couldn't help but notice a skin growth on the left side of Frank's neck: It was about 1/2 inch long by 1 inch in circumference.
Jamal asked Frank about the "magic card" that his "lawyer" told him about. Frank said that it was possible to take money out of a credit account as a cash advance. Of course it was, but I reiterated that I had never taken money out of my credit card at all.
Jamal asked for Frank's money envelope so that he could put it together with his $100,000.oo rolled-up bundle in a black "prayer cloth" that he got from his Zulu mother. Then, Jamal said that we should put our hands together as he prayed a silent Muslim ( or Zulu? ) prayer of blessing. Frank put out his left hand, Jamal put out his right hand and I put my right hand over theirs. Jamal pressed down his right hand 4 times as he recited his silent prayer of blessing.
Then, Jamal asked Frank to step out of the car so that we could drive around the block to test Frank's trust in us. Jamal wanted to be sure that Frank would not cry like a little girl when we drove off with his money. As we drove around the block, with the prayer cloth full of money wedged between my legs ( as my sign of disrespect for the scam ), I asked Jamal why he couldn't just put the money in the bank ( Of course he couldn't because anything that's $10,000.oo or more that's deposited into any account would have to be reported to the FBI. And he couldn't make a deposit because he didn't have any form of ID on his person ) and give checks to charity. He said that the money had to be donated anonymously and that he was out of time and would just have to trust me and Frank to donate the money for him. Because if he took the money back to South Africa, people would kill him for it--not just the whites but the blacks, too. He said that, in his village, black bad guys would even go so far as to stomp on a baby's head and kill it in order to take money from helpless victims. So he couldn't even bury the money in the ground because if people suspected that he had money, he and his three wives and children would be at peril. We drove around the block and came back to see Frank waiting patiently for us near where I parked my car.
So, Frank had earned Jamal's trust and was now allowed to put Jamal's rolled-up $100,000.oo into Frank's safe deposit box with the stipulation that 80% of Jamal's money must be donated to charitable causes. Jamal said that Frank could not tell his family about the money but ( Red Flag! ) he could help his family first because family always comes first among Jamal's people.
"Did you count the money?" said Jamal. Frank said that his allergy was acting-up and he didn't have time to count or check the money that he put in his safe deposit box ( Red Flag! False sense of security---He probably hid the "money" in his car parked at the opposite side of The UPS Store ). And just to prove a point, Frank asked me if he could have a paper napkin that I kept handy in my car's sundry section just below the cigarette lighter so that he could wipe his teary eyes with it.
Now, it was my turn to earn Jamal's trust. Jamal asked me to disclose to him and to Frank the amount of money I have in the bank. I had just made deposits into my Benicia, CA, BofA savings account and my Benicia, CA, Chase Bank checking account earlier today. So, after guesstimating the amount of money I have in each account, and telling them that I have X amount in my safe deposit box, I showed them my deposit slips as proof of my word ( Note: It is perfectly safe to show your deposit slip to a stranger because your personal information is safeguarded unless, of course, the stranger holds a gun to your head. But this was not an armed robbery, it was a "confidence scam" ). As it turned out, my guesstimate on my BofA account was a little more than what I actually have in it. Anyway, Jamal wanted me to go to the nearby BofA and take my money out of my savings account and give it to him as a show of trust. I thought about it momentarily then said, "I shouldn't have to take out the full amount since Frank only took out $6,000.oo from his safe deposit box which is just 10% of the full amount." I wanted to put out only 10% of what I have in my BofA savings account because it was the fair and equitable thing to do ( I can be a pain at times, but rightfully so ). After a little bit of back-and-forth haggling, the exasperated Jamal stepped out of my car and told Frank, "I don't trust this man!"
Frank, the "confidence man", tried to sweet-talk me into falling for the scam one last and final time. "Look, Jamal is giving away all of his money. I don't know about you, but he would be better off giving that money to us than to some untrustworthy people out there. See, he's already trying to get somebody else to replace you." I saw Jamal trying to solicit some other black man.
I reminded Frank that he only put-up 10% of his money as a show of trust. And I should only have to put-up only 10% of my money, too.
Frank said, "He's illiterate. He doesn't know anything about percentages ( Red Flag! Jamal offered Frank 20% of $100,000.oo and he offered me 30% of the other $100,000.oo just a short while ago )."
I told Frank, I don't trust him.
"Okay," said Frank. "You're losing out on a lot of money. I'll just help him and keep the ( percentage? ) money to myself." Frank stepped-out of my car.
Then, I drove off. I looked at my watch. It was already around 2:00 p.m. Damn, that's enough time for a movie, I said to myself. I should write a movie script about this! The thought of pigging-out at Selecta Pilipino Buffet was no longer in my mind. I just went home, instead.
I rested for a few hours before I drove to Fairfield to see this movie.
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The next day, Friday, I drove by the Vallejo Police Department to file a report at 11:58 a.m. The walk-in appointments were unavailable for Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. I just used the outside 'phone box to speak with the dispatcher. I told her about the Nigerian Prince Scam that some guys tried to pull on me yesterday. She told me that I should have reported it yesterday--and I should have. But in the time that I wasted the scammers' time as they tried to scam me out of my own money, they were too preoccupied to try and scam some gullible people out there. So, in a way, I did my civic duty to keep the city safe from scammers for at least two hours. Anybody who falls for a scam like this that throws out so many Red Flags! deserves to get scammed, I'm sorry to say---But this is just I, the analytical Cine-Man, talking.
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