Quickie Review: Knocked-up In A "Cold-Cock" ( heels over head/swept off her feet ) Supernatural Love Affair!
I don't see the appeal in this movie! It was just so-so. Basically, it is a "30 minute" movie all fluffed-up to stretch for two hours long. Let's see what it has: Wedding, honeymoon, pregnancy, complications, vision, the end. Stretching it to two hours long just so they could milk its adoring fans for more money come Part II just made me feel like I was cheated out of my hard-earned money and a good night's sleep, as well, since I went and saw this at its 12:04 a.m. show. Okay, so it showed a quick shot of Bella's left nipple ( Tip: Don't blink in the Honeymoon scene )--but this is beside the point!
But the girls in the auditorium were of another opinion. They liked this movie, especially some scenes with Jacob in it. This movie didn't get a "Hands Clapper" ending; but the cute blonde girl seated to my left screamed at the end and, also, when Taylor Lautner's name showed-up on the Cast list. ( Lord, why did you have me end-up looking like Esai Morales, instead? Woe is me, woe is me .... )
Here are the things that I found wrong about this movie: When Jacob transformed into a wolf, his clothes broke into tiny square pieces. Come on! Clothes don't break, they rip apart. I thought that the CGI artists would have known this simple fact by now. There was no wedding march song. The priest started the wedding too quickly. And the priest didn't say the if-anyone-is-opposed-to-this-union-speak-now-or-forever-hold-your-peace line. When they made love for the first time right after they went skinny dipping, Edward's skin was pretty much the same color as Bella's; and nary a fleck of glitter on it, too ( Fire the person in the make-up department )! If the life expectancy of an average American female is 78 years and the life expectancy of a male vampire ( who was once a human ) is w-a-a-a-y beyond that, it goes to reason that their halfbreed fetus would have a longer than nine-month gestation period--'not the other way around! Breastfeeding is out of the question, Bella, 'cause you won't want to have that kind of baby teething on your tits. Stock-up on Infant Formula and Baby Bottles, a.s.a.p! To Hell with "imprinting"; if I were Jacob, I'd just pee on it to "mark" it as my personal property! L.O.L. So, the wolf pack got the Cullens' residence surrounded so that none of the vampires could go out and hunt for game. Didn't anybody tell the Cullens that, if they need fresh animal blood, all they have to do is call the local Pilipino grocery store and have some pig's blood delivered to their door? Or they could even just call some local rancher and have them send over some animal blood, with the excuse being that they want to try out a Pilipino recipe for blood stew, Dinuguan! Hmm, yummylicious.
This blood stew, by the way, is the secret to Manny Pacquiao's in-the-ring stamina! Ha, ha, ha.
Finally, the movie director found a good use for the blank expression on Kristen Stewart's face--and about time, too!
I liked the Energy Sheets commercial before the movie, i.e. "I take a sheet in the pool", etc.
And I liked the Bonus Scene which showed a trio of vampires who were sticklers for proper grammar, spelling and the proper use of punctuation marks. I'd love to see them go after cellphone texters, especially on the freeway and in movie theatres!
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