where: UA EMERY BAY STADIUM 10 in Emeryville, CA
when: Wednesday, April 13th, 2011
show: 7:50 p.m.
costs: $10.75 Ticket + $5.75 Zap Pack + $5.00 Carquinez Bridge Toll = $21.50
auditorium: 6
seat: 5th row, 12th column
synopsis/overview: Thadeous ( Danny McBride ), a prince who lives in the shadow of his great older brother, Fabious ( James Franco ), finally has a chance to prove himself a worthy prince when their father, the king ( Charles Dance ), gives him an ultimatum: Help his brother retrieve his new bride, Belladonna ( Zooey Deschanel ), from Leezar ( Justin Theroux ), an evil wizard , or get disowned. Thadeous reluctantly agrees to help his brother embark on his quest to rescue Belladonna and to put an end to the evil wizard once and for all. Along the way, they fight off knights in tainted armor and mythical creatures, aided by a mysterious female warrior, Isabel ( Natalie Portman ), who has her own personal agenda.
noteworthy scenes: 1.) The Golden Order of Knights; 2.) Gallows; 3.) Cyclops; 4.) New haircut; 5.) Faces; 6.) "I don't want to be gay with you two"; 7.) The Best Man; 8.) Envious knight; 9.) Wedding Crashers; 10.) "It's finally time for you to become a man"; 11.) Deception; 12.) "These are the harsh realities of the outside world"; 13.) The wise wizard's place; 14.) Traitor; 15.) Escape; 16.) "That's a baby that I'm gonna have sex with someday"; 17.) "I don't like that idea"; 18.) Tracking their quarry; 19.) The ribbon; 20.) Naked trap; 21.) The arena; 22.) Isabel, the avenger; 23.) The bathing beauty; 24.) Campfire talk; 25.) "Not a chance"; 26.) Pixie dust; 27.) "The chosen one controls the dragon"; 28.) "If your vagina is anything like my hand, there won't be a problem"; 29.) The Compass; 30.) Horse Piss Inn; 31.) "Sleight of hand"; 32.) Captive; 33.) "This woman is mad"; 34.) "What lead you here will lead you there"; 35.) The Minotaur's labyrinth; 36.) True Hero; 37.) Souvenir; 38.) Quest; 39.) Dungeon; 40.) "Right out of the gate"; 41.) "Too late. The 'Fuckining' has begun"; 42.) "Why is she making these noises"; 43.) "I loved you as a man loves another man"; 44.) "Don't suck that. That's dead"; 45.) "If you want to f--k her, you must f--k me first"; 46.) The Unicorn Blade; 47.) "Say, 'Hello'"; 48.) "I would be remiss if I said I did it alone"; 49.) "Ah, I know what you're doing"; 50.) Mini quest; 51.) "What a coincidence ...."; 52.) Chastity belt; and 53.) "Let's kill that bitch!"
favorite scenes: I liked the arena spectator ( ahem! ) scene.
I liked the "Why is she making these noises?" scene.
I liked the "Don't suck that. That's dead!" scene.
And I liked the "Say, 'Hello,'" scene.
miscasts: Natalie Portman should have been Belladonna and Zooey Deschanel should have been Isabel.
audience reaction: The audience enjoyed this raunchy send-up of 80s "Sword and Sorcery" movies.
recommendation: It's funny enough if you don't mind the vulgarity, the nudity and the marijuana smoking scenes. Otherwise, skip this movie.
spoiler alert! The "F" word, sexual references and innuendos abound ( if you are well-versed in the use of these three things, you can pretty much know when the opportunity to use one of them comes up ) in this Fantasy/Adventure/Comedy. For its time-frame, Simon, the mechanical bird with artificial intelligence, is technologically very well-advanced. So much so that we, in our present time and age, don't even have such a mechanical bird, yet. If they could come up with a technological marvel such as Simon, that very same technology could be easily adapted/applied to other areas of their "medieval" life. Fabious had enough time to decapitate Leezar. That "wise wizard" is a sodomizing child molester! Marteetee's ( John Fricker ) giant monster is just a "hand" with snakes for fingers that for some unexplainable reason cannot grab, flick at or slap its victim when it had plenty of chances to do so. How was Simon, the mechanical bird, captured? Fabious was flagellated many times but only suffered a few cuts on his upper back. Fabious immediately got out of the harness which held him in suspension! Was Fabious even bound to the harness in the first place? Do they really have to go on a quest just to get the key for the chastity belt? I'm pretty sure that there was at least one person in the kingdom who could pick locks! And how long had she worn that chastity belt that was wedged up her butt? I mean, how did she have her bowel movement with that thing in the way for Lord-knows-how-long? And how did she take care of her menstrual period with that thing in the way? After they do the "nasty deed" as soon as the chastity belt comes off, he's gonna be needing some serious Tetanus shots! Ha, ha, ha.
fyi: That dwarf queen is kinda hot--hot enough to qualify as a "spinner", perhaps.
The tradition of the first-born son as sole heir to the throne started thousands of years ago in the belief that such a son inherits all of the father's "vital powers" or "strengths" at conception. This tradition is mentioned a number of times in the Bible's Old Testament.
word of advice: Music soothes the savage beast.
tidbits: First thing in the morning today at 8:00 a.m., Wednesday, I took my Geo Metro to Wheelworks to have all four tires replaced. Because I haven't used my Geo Metro since the blow-out incident last week, it had gathered quite an amount of pollen all over its body. Luckily for me, it rained hard about two hours later so that all that pollen was washed right off. Good, the rain saved me from hosing down my car.
After I dropped-off my Geo Metro at the curb in my residential complex--I didn' put it in the overflow parking area because I was going to use it later on--I took my Hyundai Accent to Wheelworks because the "Check Engine" light came on again yesterday. And I need to get my Hyundai Accent smog-tested tomorrow before I can get a new license tag for it. It turned out that one of the sensors that they replaced was in the "open" position when it should have been in the "closed" position. So, that was that on that.
I got in my Metro and drove to the 99 Cent Only Store on Springs Road here in Vallejo so I could buy a pair of shin protectors. Ever since I started working for the company that I'm still presently with, I have had the bad luck of getting my shins banged against something many, many times than I care to remember. I showed the latest bloody shin-scrape to a couple of co-workers yesterday. One of them, Edward, remarked that it made me look like a kick-boxer--yeah, a kick-boxer who wears soccer shin protectors. Ha, ha, ha. Anyway, my calf muscles are too big for the elastic straps. I will need to go to a fabric store to buy something to add length to each strap.
Then, it was off to Oakland, CA, for me in my Geo Metro, to visit Hector and his family. The new tires made a lot of road noise and felt rough along the way, I guess because they haven't "rounded-out" and "settled" yet.
Hector's four-months old kitten, Tiger, was on the front porch step. He recognized me right away as I parked at the curb. Hector's son, Ismael, told me that Tiger is a killer, having killed five mice already. I told him that next time I come for a visit, I might see a mug-shot of Tiger in the local paper, with a caption that will read: Wanted, Tiger, Serial Killer of Mice! And since Tiger is old enough to be fitted with a flea collar, I put one on him. He didn't like it. And Tiger was so upset about having to wear a flea collar that he refused to have me cradle him in my arms for the next three hours or so!
After the movie, two girls who were in the same auditorium with me were out there in the parking lot practicing with juggling sticks. That was the first time that I saw such a juggling act in real life.
On the drive back home, my Geo Metro rode quietly and very smoothly ( relatively speaking, that is ).
Two good friends, Jim and Bob, went camping. As they slept in their sleeping bags for the night, a rattlesnake crawled into Jim's sleeping bag. In the morning, as they were getting up, the rattlesnake bit Jim on the tip of his penis. In excruciating pain, he told Bob to call Poison Control and tell them what had just happened. The lady at the emergency help desk of the Poison Control office told Bob that the venom will have to be sucked out right away. "What did they say?" asked Jim. And Bob answered, "You will die!"
Special Announcement: I would like to take this time to say, Thank You and Welcome, to my readers in the following countries:
Chile, Georgia, Iran, South Africa and Spain.
Keep on reading my weekly updates--and please don't forget to tell your friends. Thank you, once again.
No comments:
Post a Comment