where: EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 in Fairfield, CA
when: Friday, August 7th, 2009
show: 10:20 am
costs: $7.50 Ticket + $4.50 small Diet/Zero Coke + $0.79 Milton's Garlic & Herb Crackers ( smuggled-in ) = $12.79
auditorium: 16
seat: 3rd row, 8ht column
synopsis: A new nano technology based super weapon falls into the wrong hands. And it is up to G.I. JOE ( Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity ) to retrieve it and save the world from the nefarious COBRA organization.
who? Brendan Fraser appears in an uncredited cameo role as a fight instructor.
noteworthy scenes: 1.) Capture and torture of McClullen ( David Murray ) in 1641 France; 2.) The nano weapon demonstration; 3.) The convoy ambush; 4.) The Pit; 5.) The double deal; 6.) The wedding proposal; 7.) The training; 8.) The surprise attack; 9.) Snake Eyes' "Grasshopper" origin; 10.) The Baron ( Gregory Fitoussi ) and Baroness ( Sienna Miller ) de Cobray; 11.) Dubble Bubble chewing gum; 13.) Particle Accelerator laboratory; 14.) The chase; 15.) Nice shoes; 16.) Eiffel Tower; 17.) Secret Arctic underwater base; 18.) Dr. Mindbender's ( Kevin J. O'Connor ) makeshift lab; 19.) Duke Hauser ( Channing Tatum ) in the nano implantation lab; 20.) The President's ( Jonathan Pryce ) secret bunker; 21.) Missile chase; 22.) Death duel between Snake Eyes ( Ray Park ) and Storm Shadow ( Lee Byung-hun ); 23. ) Destro ( Christopher Eccleston ); 24.) Submarine chase; 25. ) Cornered and surrounded; and 26.) The Oval Office.
audience reaction: A man seated behind me said to his two companions that he liked the movie.
recommendation: This is just a typical action movie. If you were one of those little boys who shamelessly played with the dolls, go see this movie. ( I only watched the TV cartoon show; I didn't play with the dolls. )
spoiler alert! A red-hot mask put on someone becomes, essentially, that person's death mask! The Human Body's normal temperature is 98.6 F ( 37.0 C ). A fatal heat stroke happens at around 106.0 F ( 41.1 C ). The red-hot iron mask had a temperature range between 930.0 F ( 500.0 C ) and 1,450.0 F ( 790.0 C )--do the math! Let's say the red-hot temperature didn't kill McCullen right away: All that heat wouldn't have dissipated immediately, it would have taken many minutes for the mask to cool off sufficiently, so his Cerebral Cortex would have gotten cooked, killing him in that way; and, all that heat would have effectively cauterized both the Carotid Arteries and the Jugular Veins, cutting-off the Blood Supply to his Brain. His Nose, Ears and Lips would've been burned off, and his Eyes would've burst, and all his Hair would've gone up in smoke--not a pretty sight--you know, a "crispy bacon head"! Snake Eyes' pre-monastic life was not touched on, I guess because his vow of silence prevented him from telling the screen-writer about it! With the deadly and extremely jealous Storm Shadow always stalking Ana, the Baroness , how was her wedding consummated--how about the other "tender moments?" The accelerator suits are senseless contraptions! The Human Anatomy and Physiology can not adapt to such extreme conditions sans the benefit of gradual Evolution ( we're not like the Humming Birds that are adapted to rapid muscular contractions ). Just about the only thing that accelerated movements would have done was speed-up the body's Catabolism and kill the person artificially accelerated because the Metabolic processess would not have been addressed. Yet, again, body temperature would come into play, as well as Heart, Nervous System, Respiration, Lactic Acid build-up, etc., all acting as limiting factors. When Ripcord ( Marlon Wayans ) jumped through the train windows, they shattered--Bull! Public transportation vehicles have plastic windows for safety reasons. But let's suppose that the windows were made of glass, then they should have been of the safety kind like the ones found in automobiles, instead, you see jagged-edge pieces flying in slow motion. And his point of exit should not have been directly across from his point of entry. When Storm Shadow launched the rocket-propelled nanobot warhead, he did so in an enclosed area so that the high-temperature rocket exhaust, which is fatal up to 60 feet, would have burned his backside! The window glass that is used in high-rise buildings are of a different grade to address potential problems with environmental and structural stresses unique to such buildings, meaning that such a glass is much harder to punch through. So, if the warhead was of the "impact" type, it would have probably exploded in that room. If it was of the "time delay" type, it would not have reached its target because A. ) The impact with the window would have shortened its flight time, B. ) The impact would have affected its intended trajectory and probably would've burned some of the people in that room and C.) RPG-launched warheads are only moderately accurate to within one hundred yards--and the Eiffel Tower was way further than that distance. If you noticed, the hole in the window ( before it shattered ) was just big enough to accommodate the warhead, but an RPG-launched warhead has stabilizer fins that immediately extend soon after it exits the launcher tube, so that hole would have ripped away the fins and rendered the flight erratic and useless. Nanobots are microscopic and cannot be designed to withstand a terminal velocity impact from a 950 fps velocity ( 290 mps ) rate of travel--my guess is the future engineers who made the nanobot bomb skipped class on the day that the Physics professor was explaining to the class important things about Velocity. And nanobots with a super voracious craving for metal is pure science fiction! I thought the G.I. JOEs notified the authorities about the Eiffel Tower to have it evacuated--I'm quite sure that I heard one of the characters ( Scarlet, I think ) say something to that effect. Yet, you see a bunch of tourists mingling about at the sight without anyone looking alarmed at their impending doom before the warhead struck. When they got to the Arctic hide-out, the Baroness walked about casually with her cleavage exposed--Hah! Somebody once said that in the Arctic, or Antarctic, if you want to get warm, you step into the freezer ( a figure of speech of course, but it gets the point across ). In the fight between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow, neither samurai sword got chipped. Again, just like on 911, no fighter jets were scrambled by the US ( or Russia ) to try to intercept the incoming Arctic-launched missile--and one would think that Zartan ( Arnold Vosloo ) would try and do something if only to save his sorry ass since he put himself in a strategically advantageous position. During the submarine chase, Duke said something to Cobra which should have by all means elicited a certain kind of reaction from the Baroness but it didn't ( bad acting, perhaps ).
If I'm not mistaken, they spent about $175,000,000.00 to make this movie. For a tiny fraction of that amount, they could have consulted with me about the scientific aspects of the script and made it into a more plausible movie in the end! Like I already said twice before, I'm willing to work cheap ( Asian sweat shop labor ) for now until I get my reputation established.
fyi: Paris, France, was originally named Par-Isis, in honor of the Egyptian Goddess, Isis. A secret Cult of Isis settled there to escape Roman Catholic persecution. But, interestingly enough, the Marian Movement among Catholics puts more faith and emphasis in Mary than in Jesus Christ ( see Bill Maher's movie, RELIGULOUS [ 2008 ], to know what I mean ), a movement which is just a "romanized" version of the Cult of Isis in the first place! Go figure ....
The east BAY AREA RAPID TRANSIT ( BART ) got most, if not all, of their trains from France. And I used to commute by way of Bart. This is how I came to know that the train windows ( of trains made in France, anyway ) are made of plastic.
The first time that I experienced sub-zero winter temperature was when the North West Airlines plane that my siblings and I flew on to come to this country stopped over in Japan first on the 22nd of February of quite some years back. As I stepped out of the plane, it felt like somebody doused me with ice water! So I can just imagine how much colder it actually is at either Pole.
An RPG warhead is launched in two stages: 1.) In the launch tube and 2.) Immediately after it exits the tube. It is designed in this way so as not to make a "crispy critter" out of the operator.
word of advice: Attention, movie-makers: If you want me to enjoy your movies well enough to give them a good recommendation, all you need to do is SUSPEND MY DISBELIEF!
If you take a vow of silence as part of a personal mission, it is okay--I repeat, okay ( are you listening, Snake Eyes? )-- to start talking again once the mission is satisfactorily ended.
tidbits: It is more grammatically correct to use the name: Globally-Integrated Joint Operations Enterprise ( "global integrated joint operating entity" sounds like a secret marijuana planting, harvesting, dealing, and smuggling ring to me ).
Sylvester Stallone made the movie, DRIVEN ( 2001 ) with a similar stupid scene: A car chase involving two race cars passed by a bus stop and the glass on either side of the enclosed area of the stop shattered to pieces. But we who ride buses know that such stops don't have glass panels at all--I guess Sylvester is too rich to have easily known that!
