where: SHATTUCK CINEMAS in Berkeley, CA
when: Saturday, Christmas Day, 2010
show: 5:30 p.m.
costs: $8.00 Ticket + $5.00 Nachos + $4.25 small Sprite Zero + $3.50 Bart Round Trip + $5.00 Carquinez Bridge Toll + $13.74 dinner @ Empire Chinese Buffet ( + $2.26 Tip ) + $6.60 Chevron gas = $48.35
auditorium: 6
seat: 4th row, Right section, 1st column
synopsis/overview: Grumpy Old Men--Butt-naked!
Naughty kids start disappearing around Christmas time after some geologists unearth a long-kept dark secret.
noteworthy scenes: 1.) Sawdust; 2.) New safety instructions; 3.) Burial mound; 4.) Santa book; 5.) Wolf pit; 6.) Advent calendar; 7.) Footprints in the snow; 8.) Slaughterhouse; 9.) Reindeer; 10.) 430 carcasses; 11.) Hole; 12.) Protective gear; 13.) Crying dad; 14.) "F-ck your safety instructions"; 15.) Bear trap; 16.) Breakfast; 17.) Body; 18.) Potatoes; 19.) Interpreter; 20.) Gingerbread; 21.) English; 22.) Missing friends; 23.) Hair dryer; 24.) Santa's little helper; 25.) Nest; 26.) Dynamite; 27.) Cookie snacks; 28.) Helicopter; 29.) Lure; 30.) "Looks like we've been naughty"; 31.) A pair of souvenirs; 32.) "Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy, Bloody New Year"; 33.) "Out of a job"; 34.) The 198 Santas; 35.) "16,800,000 plus VAT ( Value Added Tax )"; 36.) Job Training; and 37.) Live cargo.
favorite scene: The re-training program.
audience reaction: The audience enjoyed this irreverent, subversive and wickedly-funny Christmas movie! Unfortunately, it didn't get a "Hands Clapper" ending.
recommendation: I enjoyed this movie, too. Go see it with your spoiled brats.
spoiler alert! If the humans could pile-on a bunch of rocks to make a burial mound, why couldn't the elves unpile the whole thing? Why did they kill all of those reindeer without eating them? What happened to all the dug-up dirt? Why couldn't they tell the facial difference between their captured man and the passport photo? Why did the stranger say a cuss word when he, of all people, knew what the consequence would be? Why were some of the elves circumcised ( I mean, seriously )?
fyi: What a perfect movie to cap this Holiday with!
Someday, when I get married and have children of my own--heck! they'd better be my own--I'll make sure that my little brats will see this movie when they are still at a young, impressionable age! Bwa, ha, ha, ha, ha.
The movie shorts that this movie is based on, RARE EXPORTS, INC. and RARE EXPORTS: THE OFFICIAL SAFETY INSTRUCTIONS, are available for viewing on YouTube.
word of advice: "He knows if you've been bad or good. So, be good for goodness' sake."
tidbits: Since I had plenty of time between GULLIVER'S TRAVELS and this movie, I decided to park my cute white Geo Metro in the El Cerrito Del Norte Bart Station's parking garage, space # 443.
On my way to the theatre, I came upon a group of homeless teens huddled together at a building's main entrance. Or, maybe, they're a bunch of runaways, more than likely.
At the entrance to the theatre, a black lady kept singing, "We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year."
After the movie was finished, a Finnish gentleman in the audience wished us all a Merry Christmas in Finnish, "Hauskaa joulua and a Happy New Year." He scared the heck out of me--I thought that he was one of the elves!
Another male patron conversed with the aforementioned Finnish gentleman. Then, this patron made the comment, "I don't want to run into that Santa."
Even though I was quite low on gas, I decided not to get Chevron gas at the halfway point: Pinole Valley Shopping Center. That crazy Chinese-looking guy might be there--and I don't want him freaking me out again. I was gonna get my Chevron gas at the station on Redwood Road here in Vallejo. But they closed early. So, I decided to get gas at the Chevron station across from Marine World after having dinner first.
At the Empire Chinese buffet, the owner's daughter was happy to see me as she greeted me with a "Merry Christmas." Yup, she's still looking as beautiful as ever.
When I went to the restaurant's men's room to wash my hands, I almost slipped and fell because somebody had just mopped the floor using too much cleaning solution. I might as well have been walking on ice with smooth-soled shoes on! It was that slippery. There was a young boy in the men's room with me and he had a hard time standing on his feet as he washed his hands.
