where: LANDMARK'S SHATTUCK CINEMAS in Berkeley, CA
when: Monday, July 20th, 2009
show: 9:50 pm
costs: $10.00 Ticket + $5.75 medium Popcorn + $4.00 small Diet Coke + $4.00 Bridge Toll = $23.75
auditorium: 4
seat: 4th row, 6th column
Saya ( Gianna Yun ) is a half-vampire/half-human 400-year old virgin--perpetually youthful-looking-- assassin on a secret mission for the "Council" to rid the world of vampires and demons, using a samurai sword which she inherited from her human father, a sword that is both a blessing and a curse to her. Her passionate lust for blood ( i.e. her quest for revenge ) becomes an issue of concern for the "Council" as her "slice-and-dice" supernatural forays gather momentum and she slowly turns into an unstoppable force in Japan during the Vietnam War era.
noteworthy scenes: 1.) The school gym at Yokota USAF Base in Japan; 2.) Alice McKee ( Allison Miller ) at the night club; 3.) The street fight against vampires and demons; 4.) Chasing a demon back to base; 5.) The hotel hallway; 6.) Old man Kato Takatora ( Yasuaki Kurata ) doing some SERIOUS vampire ninja butt-kicking--a Mr. Miyagi of THE KARATE KID, he ain't; 7.) The truck fight; and 8.) One-on-one with Onigen ( Koyuki ), her arch-enemy.
audience reaction: There were only a handful in the audience so it was hard to gauge their reaction.
recommendation: This is strictly for die-hard "Chop-Socky" and "Slice-and-Dice" fans who drool all over beautiful and exotic Oriental "death-dealing" sexy "knock-outs."
spoiler alert! Too much unrealistically CGI-rendered VISCOUS blood that would make even a vampire wanna gag and puke! The dialogue was, at times, laughable. The acting by some cast members was mediocre at best, or maybe it was the director's fault. What happened when the truck fell down a ravine was just way unbelievable. And how an "American" interrogator mispronounced the word, "ravine," is unforgivable ( where do they get these actors? Is this guy related to Tara Reid? [ See 2005's ALONE IN THE DARK to know what I mean ] ).
These vampires don't drink blood "on tap." They like drinking it from a bottle. WTF?!
Last but certainly not least, Saya wears shorts under her skirt. Darn it! Girl, make up your mind. Either wear a skirt or wear a pair of shorts--you can't wear both ( horndogs strongly disapprove of it, take my word ).
fyi: The last time that I was at this cineplex was in Autumn of last year for a showing of JCVD, a spoof on Jean Claude Van Damme by Jean Claude Van Damme, himself. Surprisingly, it probably is the best "Muscles from Brussels" movie ever made--and it's not even an Action movie! Go figure ....
Back then, they were in the process of remodeling each auditorium: They were putting in new seats. Tonight, I finally see the result of all that work--and I love it! The seats are very nice, classy and comfortable. I had better put this cineplex on my checklist for "limited-run" films from now on if only for the fancy auditorium seats. Check out this place for yourself if you have not been here recently, or have never been here before. Because I'm talking good quality faux leather upholstered seats on hardwood frame here. Sweet .... But, if you chew gum, this place is not for you! So, start showing some class. And as for you, Berkeley students, don't even think about writing or carving your name or initials on an armrest, show the rest of the world that you are such good F.U.C.Ks ( Famously Upstanding College Kids )!
And the owners of this place just applied for a Zoning Adjustment so that they can serve Food and Alcohol in two of the auditoriums. We're talking Food, Wine and Movie all rolled into one. Nice .... So long as they don't let alcoholics patronize the place, I'm okay with it.
Did you know that in China and Japan at one time, the European-Americans where considered "White Demons" because of their "round" eyes? Look at their artwork and see that their demons are depicted with big, round eyes. I bring up this trivia because a scene in the movie has "Americans" turn into demons. The nerve of such Oculophobes--Hey! I think that I just invented a word. And you saw it here first. Thank you, thank you, thank you ....
Don't forget to mark your calendar, folks. The last Sunday of September of each year is when they have a parade in Berkeley starting at around 11:00 a.m. on University Avenue and turning right on Shattuck Avenue for a short distance before ending at a local park. It's always a wacky parade and, weather permitting, they have nudists parading down the street, too! The cops don't seem to mind this public nudity, even with kids present to witness the whole spectacle. Au naturel is a natural thing to do in Berkeley, I guess. Get your zoom lens-equipped cameras ready! See you ( literally perhaps ) at the parade. I think that I'll call-in sick that day--don't tell my boss! Shhh ....
word of advice: If you want a beautiful, hot and sexy girlfriend, find yourself one who can do some serious butt-kicking so you won't have to defend her honor 'cause she can do it all herself!
Just bear in mind that when such a girl says, "No!" she means it, but when you say, "no ..." she wants "Yes!"
tidbits: When I went up to the concession stand, I asked for the prices since none was listed. The girl told me that it is on the counter before me. The patrons order using a "menu," a concessions menu, but a menu nonetheless! Half-laughing, I told her that I felt like I was at a restaurant. Unfortunately, for all the "fancy-shmancy" stuff, the popcorn still turned out somewhat stale. I'd better smuggle-in some snack next time.
When I stepped out onto the sidewalk on my way to my car just parked around the corner, I happened by an homeless man sleeping in a doorway. I don't think that I've ever seen that before in downtown Berkeley late at night.
Would you believe that the Japanese have a big fetish for cute girls in schoolgirl uniforms? I've said it before and I'll say it again for the record: The Japanese and the Germans are two of the most kinkiest peoples on Earth; it makes me feel almost sorry for them that they lost the war!
