where: CENTURY 14 VALLEJO in Vallejo, CA
when: Monday, July 13th, 2009
show: 11:10 am ( first show extra dollar discount matinee )
costs: $6.00 ticket + $4.25 medium Diet/Zero ( with a little Cherry flavor ) Coke + $5.00 small Popcorn = $15.25
auditorium: 14
seat: 5th row, 7th column
Denis Cooverman ( Paul Rust, who looks like Adrien Brody and Judd Hirsch had a kid ), the class valedictorian, uses his graduation speech as his last & final chance to proclaim his secret crush on the school hottie , Beth Cooper ( Hayden Panettiere ). But instead of dismissing the bean-pole nerdy kid with a beak that would even make Toucan Sam take notice, Beth ( along with her hangers-on girlfriends ) decides to have fun with the unsuspecting Denis. Under-age drinking, trespassing, reckless driving, reckless endangerment, attempted homicide with a deadly weapon, destruction of property, hit and run, fights, and intimate moments ensue in this demographically-specific sophomoric effort aimed at high school juniors and seniors with nothing else better to do to while the time away during their summer vacation.
miscast: Judd Hirsch ( as Alex Reiger of TV's TAXI fame [ 1978 - 1983 ] ) should have been selected to play the role of Denis' father, owing to the facial resemblance. Why Hollywood casting agents don't consult with me first about possible candidates for roles is beyond me. Judd ( if he ain't dead yet ) is 74-years old this year--Whoops! my bad .... Now, I see why Hollywood doesn't consult with me first! But if they ever do a re-make of TAXI, Paul Rust is the perfect shoe-in for the "Alex" role--and I would be perfect ( ahem! ) for the role of "Latka Gravis" since I can do a passable Elvis Presley impersonation ( not to mention that I was once an alien, just like Latka ). Hollywood, are you reading this blog? If not, start doing so. Hellooo ...?
noteworthy scenes: 1.) Pep talk in the library by his friend, Rich ( Jack Carpenter ); 2.) The "No Regrets" speech at the graduation; 3.) Rich's meant-to-be-The-Ice-Breaker small talk; 4.) The bedroom fight; 5.) Toyota Yaris to the rescue; 6.) Denis's parents making-out in the Volvo station wagon; 7.) Stopping at the liquor store; 8.) Valli's ( Marie Avgeropoulos ) party; 9.) The bully, Greg's ( Josh Emerson ), offer at a reconciliation; 10.) The fight; 11.) Back at the high school; 12.) The lake-side cabin; and 13.) The "Goodbye" and the promise.
audience reaction: Hard to say since it was only I and an old man in the audience at that time.
recommendation: This is one of those movies that got away, meaning: It should have gone straight to DVD, instead. This is definitely a rental. The producers were banking extremely on Hayden's sex appeal's marketability. Unfortunately, this movie is the wrong vehicle for such an ambitious scheme. This is definitely not at par--nor even close in comparison--with the much better FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF ( 1986 ).
spoiler alert! Hayden Panettiere is beautiful but ... did you notice that her eyes are not level with each other? Her right eye is higher-up than her left eye. It's as if as she was being born, she started coming out facing right and was about to come straight out but the doctor pulled her head up at an angle! She must have been delivered by the same doctor who delivered Brittany Murphy and Shannen Doherty into this world (except Shannen was facing left as she was coming out ).
fyi: Beth drives a car like she learned how to drive in Manila, Philippines. I had this uncle once who, upon coming here, decided to get his driver's license as soon as possible. So he went to the local DMV for his examination. With the examiner as his passenger, he drove ( Manila Driver style ) through the streets of San Francisco. The examiner ordered him to pull over. As soon as he did so, the examiner got out and ran away! True story.
There's this highway that connects Solano County with Marin County, Highway 37. For years, this highway was infamously called "Blood Alley" because, before a center divider was installed, many people died here in head-on collisions especially during heavy fogs. A former co-worker's brother was also killed here when his car stalled and he stepped out to drunkenly try to hail down a big rig. I used to commute on this highway back in 2000 & 2001. Late at night, just for fun, I would drive down this stretch when no other cars are around with my headlights turned off! Whenever I would do it in a fog, I would pray, Please let there be nothing in my way--no deer, no human, nothing! And it was especially beautiful and tranquil driving in such a way on a Full Moon. But as much as I had hoped that a ghost would hitch a ride, no such thing ever occurred. Too bad.
And wait 'til I tell you about those times when I drove, at dawn, on the freeway with my eyes closed just to stay awake! Hey, it worked for me; otherwise, I wouldn't be blogging about it right now!
word of advice: To those of you who are still at that "impressionable age," don't imitate the reckless behaviors in the movie. And don't drive like the way I drove late at night and at dawn.
And if you just want to have that "adult beer drinking experience," a non-alcoholic beer should easily and safely do the job. But what do I know since I don't drink.
tidbits: I thought I was the one who came up with a very creative use for a cell-phone set on "vibrate." The musical director for this movie, Patrick Houlihan, should have consulted with me about the choice of music for its musical soundtrack. I would have suggested that they use the 1979 song by Anita Ward, Ring My Bell--they wouldn't have to reword anything except for the title: change "Bell" to "Belle." When will Hollywood begin to know better and start to seriously consider my services ( I come cheap--Asian Sweat Shop Labor--for now )?
With that rudder of a nose of his, Paul Rust could quite possibly use it to stir a speedboat with.
