THE DICTATOR, R ( 1 hr & 23 min )

where:  EDWARDS FAIRFIELD STADIUM 16 & I-MAX in Fairfield, CA
when:  Wednesday, May 16th, 2012
show:  9:45 p.m.
costs:  $11.00 Ticket + $5.75 Zap Pack w/ Diet Coke = $16.75
auditorium:  6
seat:  4th row, 4th seat


synopsis/overview:  A sexist/racist oppressive dictator, Admiral General Aladeen ( Sacha Baron Cohen ), will do anything to keep democracy away from his country.


noteworthy scenes:  1.) Kim Jong Il; 2.) Childbirth; 3.) Race; 4.) "Aladeen"; 5.) "Two months away from enriching Uranium ..."; 6.) Kissing the armpits; 7.) "Huge robot dildo"; 8.) Cartoons; 9.) Death-bed promise; 10.) Body double; 11.) Wall of Polaroid photos; 12.) Video games; 13.) "Built by Blacks and owned by Chinese"; 14.) "I hate Arabs"; 15.) Renovated penthouse suite; 16.) Torture devices; 17.) Escape; 18.) "Average American shopper"; 19.) "It was you, you snake"; 20.) News commentators; 21.) Urine; 22.) "China is a democracy, too"; 23.) "Thirty percent finder's fee"; 24.) "These are breasts? I thought you were a boy"; 25.) "The dark races are less choosy"; 26.) "Monkeys on roller skates"; 27.) Political refugees; 28.) "Hairy Potter"; 29.) "Being Aladeen has its perks"; 30.) Kiss; 31.) Milk; 32.) "How much do you charge for assassinations"; 33.) Old, familiar faces; 34.) "Made-up name"; 35.) "Zero people"; 36.) "Lesbian Hobbit"; 37.) Security pass; 38.) Job duties; 39.) Osama Bin Laden; 40.) "Your Filipino is the same as your Chinese"; 41.) Helicopter tour; 42.) Falling in love; 43.) Rape center; 44.) News; 45.) "Gift"; 46.) "Wait. What sorcery is this"; 47.) Fired; 48.) Work changes; 49.) "It's not amazing, it's just a little less shit"; 50.) Funeral home; 51.) "Menudo incident"; 52.) Plan B; 53.) "Ebony/Ivory"; 54.) "Splish/splash"; 55.) "What the f-ck did you call me"; 56.) Rival grocer's shut-down; 57.) Pregnant woman in labor; 58.) "Where's the trash can"; 59.) "Look! it's me"; 60.) The bridge; 61.) Edward Norton; 62.) "She doesn't speak English"; 63.) "I built it"; 64.) Vita Coco Water; 65.) Goat; 66.) "I thought his name was Dennis"; 67.) Harvey Keitel; 68.) "Amazing turn of events"; 69.) The One Percent; 70.) Assassination attempt; 71.) Wedding; and 72.) Outtakes during the Ending Credits.

favorite scenes:  I liked the Helicopter scene.

I liked the Pregnant Woman In Labor scene.

I liked the She Doesn't Speak English scene.

And I liked the Outtake scenes during the Ending Credits.

who:  Garry Shandling is in the uncredited role of the Health Inspector.

audience reaction:  The audience liked this. But it didn't get a "Hands Clapper" ending.

recommendation:  I liked the movie, too. Go see it if you like funny movies and if you're a fan of Sacha Baron Cohen.

spoiler alert!  If his beard was removed in such a way, it would imply that his facial skin was peeled-off, too. Why didn't he just start growing back his beard ( instead of , obviously, shaving his face everyday )? Why was he allowed to smoke at work? Why didn't the taxi driver do something about it? Why wasn't he fired? The Aladeen statue didn't have rebars in it to secure it to its base. Being that he was a sexist prick and had the libido of a horny goat, why were his Virgin Guards still virgins after all that time?

fyi:  Funny as it sounds, looks and feels--and smells--the armpits are actually part of the human body's Erogenous Zones.

Did you notice what happened when Aladeen hit the hotel's window glass with his body? Yes, it didn't break because, as I've said at least twice before, window glass used on tall buildings are of a different and stronger grade than the kind of window glass used on houses.

As much as I like Anna Faris as a comedy actress, I would have loved to have seen Isla Fisher ( Sacha's wife ) play the role of Zoey, instead.

word of advice:  Don't be a hypocrite.

tidbits:  In a repeat of last week, I had to drop-off my car at Wheel Works again. And I had to rent a car, again. But I rented a car from Hertz, this time around. The car I got for my work commute was a Toyota Yaris.

During my lunch break, I got a message from Dave, the service adviser at Wheel Works. He said that my car died-out on me upon exiting the freeway because of the faulty Master Air Flow Sensor reading. The car's computer's CPU over-compensated for the Fuel/Air mixture, as a result. That was why it shut down the engine.

But why would an idiotic Automotive Engineer program a car's computer to shut-down its engine while the car is still travelling at high speed, I don't know. Oh, wait! I just answered my question: Automotive Engineers can be irresponsibly idiotic, too.

I could have had an accident, especially with the Power Steering and the Power Brakes not working properly because of the engine shut-down! Wait ... did I just say that right? I could have gotten into an accident, sued Hyundai, and become financially well-off for the rest of my life! Damn!!!

Anyway, if any of you guys out there drives a Hyundai and the engine shuts-down on you while you're driving at freeway speeds and you get into an accident as a direct result, let me know. Maybe we can start a Class Action Lawsuit against Hyundai for programming their cars' engines in an unsafe manner.

An SUV parked next to my rental car as I did my Zhunti Mantra while I waited for my lunch period to end. The driver was an Italian Men's Suits salesman who had five jackets left and was trying to unload them so that he won't have to pay taxes on them on his flight back to Italy. He wanted to sell me all five jackets for the price of one. I politely declined. How would he know what my size is, after all? Which, by the way, is 42-S.

And what the heck was he doing in Benicia, CA, when he was selling suits and jackets at the Cow Palace in San Francisco, CA, the night before? There are other towns and cities that he could have been in within a 50 to 60 mile radius of the Cow Palace. But, he chose Benicia, instead! Where's the logic in that?

Besides, I've got lots of jackets. In fact, at one time, I had 32 different jackets. I got rid of about a dozen of them already. So, I still have plenty on-hand and don't want any more jackets.

The following day, Thursday, May 17th, I started my day off early because I wanted to do some things before I had to return the rental car, just to get my money's worth on it.

I gassed-up at this Texaco Gas Station just off of Lake Herman Road in Benicia, CA, after I swung by StarSports.

On my way to picking-up my paycheck and right after gassing-up at Texaco, I decided to add $3.00 worth of gas to the $12.00 worth of gas that I just put in the tank a few minutes before. But the Valero Gas Station on 2nd Street in Benicia, CA, had all its pumps taken. I just went and picked-up my paycheck.

Then, I went to the Benicia branch of Chase Bank to deposit some money into my checking account. But I forgot to bring my driver's license ID card with me. They weren't gonna do just a partial deposit on my paycheck because I didn't have a current ID with me. I showed them my expired ID, but they wouldn't take it. ( Because I hadn't expired, yet? ) My Chase credit card wouldn't do because they only accept a Chase debit card! Luckily for me, though, the teller who usually does my transactions, Bruce, was there. He vouched for me.

This is my rental car, a Toyota Yaris, parked outside of the StarSports shop.

I went back to StarSports because they were still closed when I went there about an hour earlier. They open at 10:00 a.m. on weekdays, according to their door sign.

I wanted StarSports to custom-embroider my two Border Patrol caps. But they couldn't do want I needed done. I'll just try another place. Or, maybe, I won't--I'll save on time, money and gas that way.

I returned the Yaris after I put in $3.00 more of gas in the tank at the Valero Gas Station on Fairgrounds Drive and another $3.00, for good measure, at the J & R Market across the street from Kaiser Permanente Hospital on Sereno Drive here in Vallejo, CA.  And after I swung by my condo to get my driver's license ID card. All in all, I put in $18.00 worth of gas, just a-little-over-enough to get the fuel gauge back to where it was before I drove the car for the first time yesterday.

I drove the rental car for approximately 85 miles. And I paid $47.49, in cash, for the rental, itself.

Then, I was dropped-off at Wheel Works on Sonoma  Boulevard here in Vallejo, CA, to pick-up my car.

I took this picture from the driver's side seat before I drove off.

I only paid for the replacement OEM part, not for the installation nor for the computer diagnostics. The OEM Master Air Flow Sensor costed me $266.98. I paid for it in cash, too.

Then, I drove my Hyundai Accent to the Chevron Gas Station on Fairgrounds Drive here in Vallejo, CA. I put in $10.00 worth of gas. And I put it through the gas station's car wash for $4.00.

I took this picture as I was pumping gas at pump # 9, I think. In the background is the Medusa, a roller-coaster ride at Six Flags Discovery Kingdom/Marine World here in Vallejo, CA. The first and last time that I was on this ride was in June of 2001. I wanted to court this Brazilian girl, Patricia A., back then. And I took her and her friend, Renata ( also a Brazilian ), to this amusement park. Nothing happened of it. They both went back to Brazil--I guess because I wasn't an American citizen yet. Ha, ha, ha.

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I took this picture after my Hyundai Accent, in the foreground, exited the car wash.  You can  still see the amusement park in the background.

Then, I went to Selecta Pilipino Buffet on Springs Road, here in Vallejo, CA, to have a light lunch. And to play the lottery. I won $3.00 on a previous play, which I used to pay for part of my lunch and for the lottery tickets. I paid $16.74 - $3.00 = $13.74.

After having my lunch, I walked next door to the 99 Cent Only Store to buy three XXX-Large Tee Shirts for Hector's son, Isma, the "Baby Huey". And I also bought a 16.9 oz Aaron Brands Apple-flavored Pediatric Electrolyte Solution ( for my electrolyte replacement needs ), an 11.0 oz Flavor Charm Coffee Creamer, and a 32.0 oz Orange-flavored Powerade ( also, for my electrolyte replacement needs ). The total came up to $6.15.

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A man out looking to have sex with a prostitute one night was approached by an older street hooker in a seedy part of town.

"I don't want you since you have a loose vagina," said the man.

"What makes you think my pussy is loose?" asked the hooker.

"'Cause you're old!"

"Why don't you stick your hand in my pussy and find out for yourself!" dared the hooker.

The man stuck his hand in the prostitute's vagina. It went in easily all the way past his wrist. "Ha! I was right," said the man.

"Now stick your other hand in there!" ordered the hooker.

The man did as he was told. His other hand went in easily, too, all the way past his other wrist.

"Now, clap your hands if you can!" said the hooker.

"I can't--it's too tight!" the man exclaimed.

"And you dared say that I have a loose pussy!"  ;-)


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